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  • algharib
    replied
    Re: update

    Alhamdulilaah, the break off of my engeagement did not affect me negatively,it even made me to become stronger.

    Leave a comment:


  • Khadija222333
    replied
    Re: update

    Originally posted by neelu View Post
    I just received a reply from him today. He also wrote in the subject box that he wont bother me again so I'm assuming this will be the last I hear from him. I'm going to share this message with you cos' I think it sums up a lot of what's been happening- it might also go some way towards showing why I was so reluctant to let go of him in the first place, but as he admits himself this really is "too little too late":(. So here it is:

    I just read your email............!

    I have to say that i cant disagree with much of what you said. I
    dont know if it matters, but i dont think i did or said enough to
    explain to you what the last year has been like. Whatever excuses i
    offer the bottom line is your right i didnt do anything to move things
    along! I hope you know that its not because of you or how i felt about
    you! I havent even seen my own family for almost a year!!! I have 25
    days of leave left this year and its unlikely that i will get to take
    any of it..... By the way i did book a flight to come over for Eid
    (too little too late).

    My move to Dubai did not turn out as planned and my move back is
    looking even worst. As much as i might want otherwise you are better
    to just move on..... The culture here is so work orientated that even
    Arabs living here with local ties do not find time to sort out Nikah.
    I was warned by a brother about that when i started, but didnt
    understand what he was getting at. Anyway i will stop because its
    starting to sound like im making excuses for myself when i really dont
    have any excuse..... You offered me so much and asked for very little
    in return.

    I wish you all the best. May Allah grant you the goodness in this
    life and the next.
    Oh how sad!

    Leave a comment:


  • neelu
    replied
    Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

    start yer own thread

    Originally posted by Amatullah Adn View Post
    I have no intention of becoming extreme. The West has its excesses but overall women are well treated here. The problem is the number of Islamic quotations that are open for abuse and the number of people who are openly allowed to abuse them without anyone taking them on.

    Leave a comment:


  • Amatullah Adn
    replied
    Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

    Originally posted by Alpha Dude View Post
    Asalamu Alaykum,

    Sister Amatullah, forgive me if I'm wrong...but, it seems, you, in your life experiences, have had to face some form of extreme negative treatment of women, from supposedly pious, 'Islamic', men.

    I'm assuming, after witnessing such treatment, you grew up believing that Islam is all about the subjugation of women. Perhaps, you started looking at the west, the Godless secular society, seeing how women are supposedly liberated, and thought you want to be a part of it.

    Am I right? :D

    I'm guessing it was something like that which would force you to want to change your priorities in life.

    To me, it seems, you lack understanding of Islam. You shouldn't let one extreme (negative attitudes of some muslim men), turn you to the opposite extreme ('Islamic' liberalism). You should at least, try to understand Islam from the correct sources. You don't look at Islam through your own opinions, there are clear sources for us, the Quran and the ahadith. This is what our religion is based on.

    From these sources, it is very clear, you can't date. So, tell me, why do you insist on wanting to? It is haraam. Clearly, tell me you see that?

    It's one thing to think it ok to sin, but it's another telling others to as well.

    I ask you sincerely, to evaluate yourself and try to understand Islam from the perspective it is meant to be understood. Don't let men who abuse Islam ruin the true Islam for you. You owe it to yourself to learn.
    I have no intention of becoming extreme. The West has its excesses but overall women are well treated here. The problem is the number of Islamic quotations that are open for abuse and the number of people who are openly allowed to abuse them without anyone taking them on.

    Leave a comment:


  • MG
    replied
    Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

    awww sis thats so sad :(

    may allah swt grant you sabr and bless you with a pious, righteous husband ameen

    you will get thru this sis inshallah

    Leave a comment:


  • neelu
    replied
    update

    I just received a reply from him today. He also wrote in the subject box that he wont bother me again so I'm assuming this will be the last I hear from him. I'm going to share this message with you cos' I think it sums up a lot of what's been happening- it might also go some way towards showing why I was so reluctant to let go of him in the first place, but as he admits himself this really is "too little too late":(. So here it is:

    I just read your email............!

    I have to say that i cant disagree with much of what you said. I
    dont know if it matters, but i dont think i did or said enough to
    explain to you what the last year has been like. Whatever excuses i
    offer the bottom line is your right i didnt do anything to move things
    along! I hope you know that its not because of you or how i felt about
    you! I havent even seen my own family for almost a year!!! I have 25
    days of leave left this year and its unlikely that i will get to take
    any of it..... By the way i did book a flight to come over for Eid
    (too little too late).

    My move to Dubai did not turn out as planned and my move back is
    looking even worst. As much as i might want otherwise you are better
    to just move on..... The culture here is so work orientated that even
    Arabs living here with local ties do not find time to sort out Nikah.
    I was warned by a brother about that when i started, but didnt
    understand what he was getting at. Anyway i will stop because its
    starting to sound like im making excuses for myself when i really dont
    have any excuse..... You offered me so much and asked for very little
    in return.

    I wish you all the best. May Allah grant you the goodness in this
    life and the next.

    Leave a comment:


  • afrasayab
    replied
    Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

    Originally posted by neelu View Post
    Salam,

    I know for several months I've mentioned on occassion in other threads that I was engaged but just thought I'd let you know fyi I'm not anymore. The brother concerned said he was still interested in me but after we first met in September 2006, he made no effort to meet me or my family for a whole year and I've finally run out of patience. Six months ago I told him that we're still in this 'limbo' situation whereby I'm neither free and single to find another rishta nor am I any closer to getting married to him because he keeps coming up with delays and excuses to avoid seeing me (but at the same time maintaining that he's still interested in me) and I don't want to find that in another six months I'm still in the same position- but that's exactly what happened. I phoned him a few weeks ago saying now a year has passed so tell me once and for all when I'd next see him; would it be within 6 months? or another year? He said he didn't know and I've reached a point now where I can't take any more of this from him so I've told him I'm moving on and no longer want any contact from him. I was very surprised to come across this sort of conduct from a practising convert Muslim who knows that Islam does not condone long engagements.

    Everyone's telling me now he wasn't worth it and I can do way better than that, but where the hell is 'better' and why wont anyone introduce me to him?
    awwwwwwww, Inshallah Allah will do better for you.
    So you mean you are single and looking again ;)
    Trust me you are not alone in this situation.... I can say the same that where is the 'better' chick for me?

    Leave a comment:


  • imanalistic
    replied
    Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

    Originally posted by Kal-El View Post
    And women see this as freedom Now I understand why women are mocked by men :rotfl:
    luckily muslim women are not mocked by men. infact they are respected to a high degree. probably explains why so many non muslim women come to islam!!!
    Last edited by imanalistic; 30-09-07, 09:28 PM.

    Leave a comment:


  • zammy
    replied
    Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

    It's beyond my understanding how any woman can see that as freedom. People are so backwards in their conception of some things...they say Islam oppresses women but the sex industry is the only thing I see oppressing woman.

    Leave a comment:


  • Kal-El
    replied
    Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

    And women see this as freedom Now I understand why women are mocked by men :rotfl:

    Leave a comment:


  • Ibn Khattab
    replied
    Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

    Awesome Post Dhakkiyah Mashallah.

    Leave a comment:


  • imanalistic
    replied
    Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

    Originally posted by dhakiyya View Post
    yeah, tis true. Greer was saying that basically, sex outside of marriage, promiscuity, pornography and very revealing clothes have become socially acceptable. In each case, consider who is benefitting and who is harmed:

    Sex outside of marrige: who has the baby, and has to raise it alone and endure financial hardship because of it? who gets to run away from the responsibility of the child concieved outside of marriage (fine not all men do this, but men have this responsibility) - if women want to get out of the responsibility then there are two options both of which hurt women far far more than men: adoption - the woman has to go through pregnancy and childbirth and then give up the baby. abortion: contrary to popular belief, most women who have abortions are not callous people who just go and get it done without thinking so they can carry on sex outside of marriage - in a disturbingly large number of cases they have been pressured or even forced to go through with it, often lied to about the consequences, or told that the baby is "just tissue" and they're not really killing it. So, who really benefits from freely available abortion: men, so they can force/persuade the women they impregnate to get rid of teh problem so they don't have the financial burden of supporting them. Even with contraceptives: who has to take the pills which disrupt their natural hormones?

    pornography: the vast majority of porn is for men, the majority of porn models are young women, yes many of them are pressured into doing it, believing that it will help them become a top model/actress. The sexual revolution has led to massive increases in the availability of pornography, almost all of it for men, by men, of women.

    dating: dating is a sub category of sex outside of marriage so therefore all the above applies. Also, date rape. How often are men the victims of date rape? They're not. Women are. In addition to persuading women to make themselves freely available for sex for men, in some cases men force women to do this.

    fashion industry: like pornography, it is controlled by men, and it puts women on display for the benefit of men. The men who control the industry also decide which body types they want for their models - their preference for tall skinny women has led to all kinds of eating disorders, which - surprise surprise affect women ten times more often than they effect men. Together with the pharmacuticals industry which breeds paranoia among women in order to sell their products - this has led to a new condition called body dysmorphic disorder, where women who have nothing wrong with them believe they are hideously ugly, as in their mind they exaggerate miniscule or even imagined flaws. Who suffers from this? women.

    And if skimpiness of clothing is something that is supposed to be of equal benefit to men and women, why is it you see men dressing in modest clothes whilst women are showing far more of themselves? Despite being the gender that is by far the more prone to rape and other sexual violence, they are the ones the least covered up. If you want a comparison, the only time you see men as skimpily dressed as women are expected to be in certain situations, e.g. at nightclubs, on the beach, when going out in the evening with friends, or on a date for example - is at a gay nightclub. Even gay men don't dress like that in the highstreet, and they certainly don't dress equally as skimpily for the benefit of women.

    So. Sexual revolution = very bad for women. Its also very bad for children too but thats a whole other story for a whole different post. Suffice it to say, that when on a child protection course for my previous job (teaching EBD kids) - the person running the course said that the skyrocketing levels of child abuse in the UK and the USA are the direct result of the breakdown in family values that has been happening since the sixties. Oh yes, because of the "sexual revolution"
    masha'allah, excellent and very accurate post which discribes everything which is happening because of this so called revolution which is ruining women. i just hope that sisters like Amatullah Adn realise this before its to late.

    Leave a comment:


  • dhak1yya
    replied
    Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

    Originally posted by imanalistic View Post
    i was speaking to a christian and she said the same thing!!!! she said, when men start acting like women and women start acting like men, everything goes wrong and it affects your children too. didn't quite understand the last bit but, you get the picture.
    yeah, tis true. Greer was saying that basically, sex outside of marriage, promiscuity, pornography and very revealing clothes have become socially acceptable. In each case, consider who is benefitting and who is harmed:

    Sex outside of marrige: who has the baby, and has to raise it alone and endure financial hardship because of it? who gets to run away from the responsibility of the child concieved outside of marriage (fine not all men do this, but men have this option to run away easily with no difficulty to them except the child support agency if they can't escape them too) - if women want to get out of the responsibility then there are two options both of which hurt women far far more than men: adoption - the woman has to go through pregnancy and childbirth and then give up the baby. abortion: contrary to popular belief, most women who have abortions are not callous people who just go and get it done without thinking so they can carry on sex outside of marriage - in a disturbingly large number of cases they have been pressured or even forced to go through with it, often lied to about the consequences, or told that the baby is "just tissue" and they're not really killing it. So, who really benefits from freely available abortion: men, so they can force/persuade the women they impregnate to get rid of teh problem so they don't have the financial burden of supporting them. Even with contraceptives: who has to take the pills which disrupt their natural hormones?

    pornography: the vast majority of porn is for men, the majority of porn models are young women, yes many of them are pressured into doing it, believing that it will help them become a top model/actress. The sexual revolution has led to massive increases in the availability of pornography, almost all of it for men, by men, of women.

    dating: dating is a sub category of sex outside of marriage so therefore all the above applies. Also, date rape. How often are men the victims of date rape? They're not. Women are. In addition to persuading women to make themselves freely available for sex for men, in some cases men force women to do this.

    fashion industry: like pornography, it is controlled by men, and it puts women on display for the benefit of men. The men who control the industry also decide which body types they want for their models - their preference for tall skinny women has led to all kinds of eating disorders, which - surprise surprise affect women ten times more often than they effect men. Together with the pharmacuticals industry which breeds paranoia among women in order to sell their products - this has led to a new condition called body dysmorphic disorder, where women who have nothing wrong with them believe they are hideously ugly, as in their mind they exaggerate miniscule or even imagined flaws. Who suffers from this? women.

    And if skimpiness of clothing is something that is supposed to be of equal benefit to men and women, why is it you see men dressing in modest clothes whilst women are showing far more of themselves? Despite being the gender that is by far the more prone to rape and other sexual violence, they are the ones the least covered up. If you want a comparison, the only time you see men as skimpily dressed as women are expected to be in certain situations, e.g. at nightclubs, on the beach, when going out in the evening with friends, or on a date for example - is at a gay nightclub. Even gay men don't dress like that in the highstreet, and they certainly don't dress equally as skimpily for the benefit of women.

    So. Sexual revolution = very bad for women. Its also very bad for children too but thats a whole other story for a whole different post. Suffice it to say, that when on a child protection course for my previous job (teaching EBD kids) - the person running the course said that the skyrocketing levels of child abuse in the UK and the USA are the direct result of the breakdown in family values that has been happening since the sixties. Oh yes, because of the "sexual revolution"
    Last edited by dhak1yya; 30-09-07, 08:41 PM.

    Leave a comment:


  • Kal-El
    replied
    Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

    You don't need to date someone. Alot of people are uncomfortable with marrying someone they don't know the "ins-and outs" about, but automatically assume the only solution to this is to start a physical relationship with them e.g. boyfriend/girlfriend and then marry. This isn't just sensationally un-Islamic but more potently, just plain ignorant and wrong.

    Leave a comment:


  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

    Asalamu Alaykum,

    Sister Amatullah, forgive me if I'm wrong...but, it seems, you, in your life experiences, have had to face some form of extreme negative treatment of women, from supposedly pious, 'Islamic', men.

    I'm assuming, after witnessing such treatment, you grew up believing that Islam is all about the subjugation of women. Perhaps, you started looking at the west, the Godless secular society, seeing how women are supposedly liberated, and thought you want to be a part of it.

    Am I right? :D

    I'm guessing it was something like that which would force you to want to change your priorities in life.

    To me, it seems, you lack understanding of Islam. You shouldn't let one extreme (negative attitudes of some muslim men), turn you to the opposite extreme ('Islamic' liberalism). You should at least, try to understand Islam from the correct sources. You don't look at Islam through your own opinions, there are clear sources for us, the Quran and the ahadith. This is what our religion is based on.

    From these sources, it is very clear, you can't date. So, tell me, why do you insist on wanting to? It is haraam. Clearly, tell me you see that?

    It's one thing to think it ok to sin, but it's another telling others to as well.

    I ask you sincerely, to evaluate yourself and try to understand Islam from the perspective it is meant to be understood. Don't let men who abuse Islam ruin the true Islam for you. You owe it to yourself to learn.

    Leave a comment:

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