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  • #91
    Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

    Originally posted by neelu View Post
    Salam,

    I know for several months I've mentioned on occassion in other threads that I was engaged but just thought I'd let you know fyi I'm not anymore. The brother concerned said he was still interested in me but after we first met in September 2006, he made no effort to meet me or my family for a whole year and I've finally run out of patience. Six months ago I told him that we're still in this 'limbo' situation whereby I'm neither free and single to find another rishta nor am I any closer to getting married to him because he keeps coming up with delays and excuses to avoid seeing me (but at the same time maintaining that he's still interested in me) and I don't want to find that in another six months I'm still in the same position- but that's exactly what happened. I phoned him a few weeks ago saying now a year has passed so tell me once and for all when I'd next see him; would it be within 6 months? or another year? He said he didn't know and I've reached a point now where I can't take any more of this from him so I've told him I'm moving on and no longer want any contact from him. I was very surprised to come across this sort of conduct from a practising convert Muslim who knows that Islam does not condone long engagements.

    Everyone's telling me now he wasn't worth it and I can do way better than that, but where the hell is 'better' and why wont anyone introduce me to him?
    awwwwwwww, Inshallah Allah will do better for you.
    So you mean you are single and looking again ;)
    Trust me you are not alone in this situation.... I can say the same that where is the 'better' chick for me?
    Please pray for my health. Jazak Allah

    I found the enemy and it is me.

    Comment


    • #92
      update

      I just received a reply from him today. He also wrote in the subject box that he wont bother me again so I'm assuming this will be the last I hear from him. I'm going to share this message with you cos' I think it sums up a lot of what's been happening- it might also go some way towards showing why I was so reluctant to let go of him in the first place, but as he admits himself this really is "too little too late":(. So here it is:

      I just read your email............!

      I have to say that i cant disagree with much of what you said. I
      dont know if it matters, but i dont think i did or said enough to
      explain to you what the last year has been like. Whatever excuses i
      offer the bottom line is your right i didnt do anything to move things
      along! I hope you know that its not because of you or how i felt about
      you! I havent even seen my own family for almost a year!!! I have 25
      days of leave left this year and its unlikely that i will get to take
      any of it..... By the way i did book a flight to come over for Eid
      (too little too late).

      My move to Dubai did not turn out as planned and my move back is
      looking even worst. As much as i might want otherwise you are better
      to just move on..... The culture here is so work orientated that even
      Arabs living here with local ties do not find time to sort out Nikah.
      I was warned by a brother about that when i started, but didnt
      understand what he was getting at. Anyway i will stop because its
      starting to sound like im making excuses for myself when i really dont
      have any excuse..... You offered me so much and asked for very little
      in return.

      I wish you all the best. May Allah grant you the goodness in this
      life and the next.
      The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

      Comment


      • #93
        Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

        awww sis thats so sad :(

        may allah swt grant you sabr and bless you with a pious, righteous husband ameen

        you will get thru this sis inshallah
        The Prophet SAW said, "(There are2words which R dear 2 the most gracious (Allah SWT)&very easy4the tongue2say but very heavy in the balance.They are:Subhan Allahi Wa Bihamdihi - Subhan Allahil-Azim

        Comment


        • #94
          Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

          Originally posted by Alpha Dude View Post
          Asalamu Alaykum,

          Sister Amatullah, forgive me if I'm wrong...but, it seems, you, in your life experiences, have had to face some form of extreme negative treatment of women, from supposedly pious, 'Islamic', men.

          I'm assuming, after witnessing such treatment, you grew up believing that Islam is all about the subjugation of women. Perhaps, you started looking at the west, the Godless secular society, seeing how women are supposedly liberated, and thought you want to be a part of it.

          Am I right? :D

          I'm guessing it was something like that which would force you to want to change your priorities in life.

          To me, it seems, you lack understanding of Islam. You shouldn't let one extreme (negative attitudes of some muslim men), turn you to the opposite extreme ('Islamic' liberalism). You should at least, try to understand Islam from the correct sources. You don't look at Islam through your own opinions, there are clear sources for us, the Quran and the ahadith. This is what our religion is based on.

          From these sources, it is very clear, you can't date. So, tell me, why do you insist on wanting to? It is haraam. Clearly, tell me you see that?

          It's one thing to think it ok to sin, but it's another telling others to as well.

          I ask you sincerely, to evaluate yourself and try to understand Islam from the perspective it is meant to be understood. Don't let men who abuse Islam ruin the true Islam for you. You owe it to yourself to learn.
          I have no intention of becoming extreme. The West has its excesses but overall women are well treated here. The problem is the number of Islamic quotations that are open for abuse and the number of people who are openly allowed to abuse them without anyone taking them on.
          User Title Censored By Moderators

          Comment


          • #95
            Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

            start yer own thread

            Originally posted by Amatullah Adn View Post
            I have no intention of becoming extreme. The West has its excesses but overall women are well treated here. The problem is the number of Islamic quotations that are open for abuse and the number of people who are openly allowed to abuse them without anyone taking them on.
            The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

            Comment


            • #96
              Re: update

              Originally posted by neelu View Post
              I just received a reply from him today. He also wrote in the subject box that he wont bother me again so I'm assuming this will be the last I hear from him. I'm going to share this message with you cos' I think it sums up a lot of what's been happening- it might also go some way towards showing why I was so reluctant to let go of him in the first place, but as he admits himself this really is "too little too late":(. So here it is:

              I just read your email............!

              I have to say that i cant disagree with much of what you said. I
              dont know if it matters, but i dont think i did or said enough to
              explain to you what the last year has been like. Whatever excuses i
              offer the bottom line is your right i didnt do anything to move things
              along! I hope you know that its not because of you or how i felt about
              you! I havent even seen my own family for almost a year!!! I have 25
              days of leave left this year and its unlikely that i will get to take
              any of it..... By the way i did book a flight to come over for Eid
              (too little too late).

              My move to Dubai did not turn out as planned and my move back is
              looking even worst. As much as i might want otherwise you are better
              to just move on..... The culture here is so work orientated that even
              Arabs living here with local ties do not find time to sort out Nikah.
              I was warned by a brother about that when i started, but didnt
              understand what he was getting at. Anyway i will stop because its
              starting to sound like im making excuses for myself when i really dont
              have any excuse..... You offered me so much and asked for very little
              in return.

              I wish you all the best. May Allah grant you the goodness in this
              life and the next.
              Oh how sad!

              Comment


              • #97
                Re: update

                Alhamdulilaah, the break off of my engeagement did not affect me negatively,it even made me to become stronger.

                Comment

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