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I'm no longer 'engaged'

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  • #31
    Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

    This isn't sad news, but a moment where we should support her as she feels shes lost something. But you have to wonder Neelu, what exactly you had in the first place to justify any feeling of loss of sadness. A man who keeps you waiting that long and his general treatment of you, from the sound of your tone in the first post, wasn't really interested in you.

    Anyway, I'd like this moment to remind people that not everyone is intended to marry or have a successful/happy marriage. But inshallah sis Neelu will find a compatible man.
    If you read this closely enough you might spot the secret message hidden in it

    Mr President, You Are Wrong

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    • #32
      Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

      Neelu, did you actually ask this brother WHY he's delaying the marriage? Maybe he has a good reason...no?
      Give me a clear vision, that I may know where to stand and what to stand for - because unless I stand for something, I will fall for anything.

      Comment


      • #33
        Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

        Originally posted by Kubs View Post
        Neelu, did you actually ask this brother WHY he's delaying the marriage? Maybe he has a good reason...no?
        he had plenty of time to explain his reasons though.... and didn't....
        [CENTER]
        [/CENTER]
        [CENTER]
        [/CENTER]

        [SIZE=1][COLOR=dimgray]
        [/COLOR][/SIZE]

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        • #34
          Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

          probably over weight - and is having difficulty loosing it

          Comment


          • #35
            Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

            My engagement is also off. Hope it's khayr insha'Allah.

            Comment


            • #36
              Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

              Allah already knows who is written for you so inshaAllah just have sabr

              Comment


              • #37
                Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

                Originally posted by Kubs View Post
                Neelu, did you actually ask this brother WHY he's delaying the marriage? Maybe he has a good reason...no?
                In a word, NO!

                He's been working abroad and told me that the nature of his job doesn't allow him to easily get time off. He's also been adamant for several months that he really can't stand where he's living and working and assured me that he didn't want to stay there for more than a year. He did not go abroad for the money and doesn't have any financial constraints to prevent him from coming back- in fact his workplace entitles him to 25 days annual leave which he's just not taking. He's well educated and qualified in his field so he wouldn't even have much trouble in finding work if he were to return here and he's never expressed any ill feelings towards this country so it makes no sense as to why he wont come back when he hates where he's living at the moment anyway.

                When he went abroad last year, he said in the early days that he wanted to come back to visit the UK every couple of months. He only came to the UK once in January and even then he did not have time to see me. I waited a few months and then asked what happened to his plan to come "every couple of months" at which point he told me he wanted to come in August, then August came and went.

                I phoned him a few weeks ago to ask what's going on and whether he'd be able to come and see me in the next 6 or 12 months cos' I can't carry on another year like this- he said he didn't know and cited problems at work which make it difficult to take time off. On another occassion he also mentioned that he was thinking of going on hajj this year and I'm not one to get annoyed at a person's intention to do hajj but it did make me think; how come he can get time off work for hajj but not to see me? Then I got annoyed and had a go at him, so he apologised and said my reluctance to move abroad had held him back from taking matters further- which was untrue. He said that he felt guilty that I was still single because of the position he put me in and maybe I should spend a few months trying to look for another bro and see how things work out (ie that if I don't find anyone in a few months me and him can pick up where we left off):confused: I was such a muppet I was still trying to give him another chance saying I didn't want that cos' I like him:wacko:@). He then said I was right to highlight the seriousness of this issue because he knows long engagements aren't condoned in Islam and he'll speak to his manager about getting the time off he needs to get a flight out to see me asap. Then he sent a text the next day saying he couldn't get a flight before ramadan. I waited for ramadan and then asked when he's coming but he sent another text saying he can't get a flight during ramadan either and it would have to be afterwards. Sounds like a small delay to wait till after ramadan but you have to understand I've only waited this whole [email protected] year because each time I spoke to him he would give an excuse about a few more weeks here or a few more months there and this was the last straw for me. When he says he'll sort something out for after ramadan I've reached a point now where he's cried wolf (or rather cried "i'll see you at such and such time") so much that I don't believe him anymore and even if he does come now it would be too little too late because the months of delays and excuses have made me turn from someone who excitedly looked forward to seeing him, to someone who cringes at the thought of him.

                If any single sisters out there think I've judged him too harshly and maybe he had good reasons or deserves the benefit of the doubt- you're welcome to him!
                The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

                Comment


                • #38
                  Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

                  Try to push him to come and ask your parents for your hand, I don't think you should let it go.

                  wa salam

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

                    Your being to harsh in judgement. He wants to marry you from what your saying, just isn't in a rush. I think you shouldn't let him go but tell him you really want to get married soon.

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

                      Originally posted by neelu View Post
                      In a word, NO!

                      He's been working abroad and told me that the nature of his job doesn't allow him to easily get time off. He's also been adamant for several months that he really can't stand where he's living and working and assured me that he didn't want to stay there for more than a year. He did not go abroad for the money and doesn't have any financial constraints to prevent him from coming back- in fact his workplace entitles him to 25 days annual leave which he's just not taking. He's well educated and qualified in his field so he wouldn't even have much trouble in finding work if he were to return here and he's never expressed any ill feelings towards this country so it makes no sense as to why he wont come back when he hates where he's living at the moment anyway.

                      When he went abroad last year, he said in the early days that he wanted to come back to visit the UK every couple of months. He only came to the UK once in January and even then he did not have time to see me. I waited a few months and then asked what happened to his plan to come "every couple of months" at which point he told me he wanted to come in August, then August came and went.

                      I phoned him a few weeks ago to ask what's going on and whether he'd be able to come and see me in the next 6 or 12 months cos' I can't carry on another year like this- he said he didn't know and cited problems at work which make it difficult to take time off. On another occassion he also mentioned that he was thinking of going on hajj this year and I'm not one to get annoyed at a person's intention to do hajj but it did make me think; how come he can get time off work for hajj but not to see me? Then I got annoyed and had a go at him, so he apologised and said my reluctance to move abroad had held him back from taking matters further- which was untrue. He said that he felt guilty that I was still single because of the position he put me in and maybe I should spend a few months trying to look for another bro and see how things work out (ie that if I don't find anyone in a few months me and him can pick up where we left off):confused: I was such a muppet I was still trying to give him another chance saying I didn't want that cos' I like him:wacko:@). He then said I was right to highlight the seriousness of this issue because he knows long engagements aren't condoned in Islam and he'll speak to his manager about getting the time off he needs to get a flight out to see me asap. Then he sent a text the next day saying he couldn't get a flight before ramadan. I waited for ramadan and then asked when he's coming but he sent another text saying he can't get a flight during ramadan either and it would have to be afterwards. Sounds like a small delay to wait till after ramadan but you have to understand I've only waited this whole [email protected] year because each time I spoke to him he would give an excuse about a few more weeks here or a few more months there and this was the last straw for me. When he says he'll sort something out for after ramadan I've reached a point now where he's cried wolf (or rather cried "i'll see you at such and such time") so much that I don't believe him anymore and even if he does come now it would be too little too late because the months of delays and excuses have made me turn from someone who excitedly looked forward to seeing him, to someone who cringes at the thought of him.

                      If any single sisters out there think I've judged him too harshly and maybe he had good reasons or deserves the benefit of the doubt- you're welcome to him!
                      *Exhales* Wow, that was like watching a soap opera that lasted for days with no breaks in-between lol
                      If you read this closely enough you might spot the secret message hidden in it

                      Mr President, You Are Wrong

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

                        im glad you can poke fun at something so serious..maybe cause your also a careless brothers... *curses*

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

                          Originally posted by Raised by Depth View Post
                          im glad you can poke fun at something so serious..maybe cause your also a careless brothers... *curses*
                          Erm, what?:confused:
                          The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

                            Originally posted by Raised by Depth View Post
                            im glad you can poke fun at something so serious..maybe cause your also a careless brothers... *curses*
                            :wacko:
                            If you read this closely enough you might spot the secret message hidden in it

                            Mr President, You Are Wrong

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

                              Originally posted by neelu View Post
                              Salam,

                              I know for several months I've mentioned on occassion in other threads that I was engaged but just thought I'd let you know fyi I'm not anymore. The brother concerned said he was still interested in me but after we first met in September 2006, he made no effort to meet me or my family for a whole year and I've finally run out of patience. Six months ago I told him that we're still in this 'limbo' situation whereby I'm neither free and single to find another rishta nor am I any closer to getting married to him because he keeps coming up with delays and excuses to avoid seeing me (but at the same time maintaining that he's still interested in me) and I don't want to find that in another six months I'm still in the same position- but that's exactly what happened. I phoned him a few weeks ago saying now a year has passed so tell me once and for all when I'd next see him; would it be within 6 months? or another year? He said he didn't know and I've reached a point now where I can't take any more of this from him so I've told him I'm moving on and no longer want any contact from him. I was very surprised to come across this sort of conduct from a practising convert Muslim who knows that Islam does not condone long engagements.

                              Everyone's telling me now he wasn't worth it and I can do way better than that, but where the hell is 'better' and why wont anyone introduce me to him?
                              You've done the right thing sis. Have patience. InshAllah you will come across the right person.
                              I am Bangladeshi and I recognize Palestine as the #194 country

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                Re: I'm no longer 'engaged'

                                Originally posted by neelu View Post
                                Now that is one response I did NOT expect to get on here:rotfl:
                                Which is why it is censored as 'unIslamic' (according to male interpreters of Islam)
                                User Title Censored By Moderators

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