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marrying another woman when he already had a wife and three kids living with him!

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  • Re: marrying another woman when he already had a wife and three kids living with him!

    Yea, I know it's been 5 years since this thread was started but I found it very interesting while searching for an answer regarding this matter.

    As per a simple logical thought process that I conducted I am able to conclude the following things about the matter keeping in light the statement of the Holy Quran.

    "Marry 1,2,3 or 4 if you can't treat them equally then marry ONLY 1."

    If a man married GIRL B while he is still married to GIRL A, Does not tell GIRL A, as a result GIRL A is hurt and broken hence it is HARAM for him to marry Girl B as per the ruling of the Quran. Why? Because if Girl A is hurt and unhappy and Girl B is happy then as per the logical statement of the Quran he CANNOT marry GIRL B because he, in doing so will break the condition attached to polygamy which is "equality between the wives". Hence it is a MUST for the man to make GIRL A happy with the decision about marrying GIRL B or there is no way he can maintain the condition of equality. It is important to realize that the condition of the permission and happiness of the 1st wife is indeed present yet beautifully hidden inside the condition of "equality" in this ruling of the Quran althought it is not openly stated by the Prophet (PBUH) or Allah for reasons only known to Allah.

    Allah would never make rules that would inflict, or allow the infliction of pain on either the man or woman, I believe it's just as important to pay heed to the condition of "equality" between wives than it is to pay heed to the fact that a man is allowed to have up to 4 wives. The condition of "equality" and "equal treatment" automatically breaks if one wife is having the time of her life and the other wife is depressed crying in a corner.

    I hope my opinion regarding the matter brings tranquility to many of the sisters who have shown anger towards this ruling.

    Allah Knows Best :)

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    • Re: marrying another woman when he already had a wife and three kids living with him!

      Rulings, what is halal/haram is done by qualified people who know the evidences, not as per our logical processes. Brother the verse itself you did not state correctly. It does not say marry 1, 2, 3, or 4. It says marry 2, 3, 4, and then it says 1. This is an important detail, because if it said marry 1 first, a different meaning would be gotten and there are important rulings derived from the fact that it says marry 2, 3, 4 before it says marry 1.
      والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

      "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

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      • Re: marrying another woman when he already had a wife and three kids living with him!

        Originally posted by علي View Post
        Rulings, what is halal/haram is done by qualified people who know the evidences, not as per our logical processes. Brother the verse itself you did not state correctly. It does not say marry 1, 2, 3, or 4. It says marry 2, 3, 4, and then it says 1. This is an important detail, because if it said marry 1 first, a different meaning would be gotten and there are important rulings derived from the fact that it says marry 2, 3, 4 before it says marry 1.
        Indeed, there is a purpose for everything in the qur'aan, and that order is there for a purpose.



        "The `Aalim knows who is a Jaahil, because he used to be a Jaahil before. But the Jaahil does not know who is an `Aalim, because he was never an `Aalim before."


        Imaam Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullaah in Majmoo`ul Fataawaa.


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        • Re: marrying another woman when he already had a wife and three kids living with him!

          ^Ohhhh no, you totally just revived a polygamy discussion!!!!

          I kid, but yeah, absolutely. It's common knowledge, even with the way the Sahaba used to speak with one another. For instance, when Omar (r. a) was on his death bed, a Sahabi came and listed his good qualities to him in an attempt to comfort him. The very first thing he said was "you were a friend of Rasululaah", :saw:, and he put that before something like him striving in the way of Allah. That was from his wisdom, he knew how to weigh these qualities and which was the best, and nothing beats being the Prophet :saw:'s friend.

          If you see some of the discussion that this begot later on.... apparently some disagree, they say, "what is the evidence that something that comes before has priority?!". But if you look at it, that is the clear meaning and this is so intuitive at least to those who speak Arabic.
          والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

          "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

          Comment


          • Re: marrying another woman when he already had a wife and three kids living with him!

            Originally posted by علي View Post
            ^Ohhhh no, you totally just revived a polygamy discussion!!!!

            I kid, but yeah, absolutely. It's common knowledge, even with the way the Sahaba used to speak with one another. For instance, when Omar (r. a) was on his death bed, a Sahabi came and listed his good qualities to him in an attempt to comfort him. The very first thing he said was "you were a friend of Rasululaah", :saw:, and he put that before something like him striving in the way of Allah. That was from his wisdom, he knew how to weigh these qualities and which was the best, and nothing beats being the Prophet :saw:'s friend.

            If you see some of the discussion that this begot later on.... apparently some disagree, they say, "what is the evidence that something that comes before has priority?!". But if you look at it, that is the clear meaning and this is so intuitive at least to those who speak Arabic.
            That's why i live by the statement of imaam ghazaali rahimahullaah in my signature, all the people doing the arguing have no knowledge, so if they just kept silent then there would be no more arguments and debates.

            It boggles the mind to think that people who know nothing of the deen - and they know themselves that they know nothing of the deen - want to argue on the deen, as though they have knowledge, it really never ceases to amaze me.



            "The `Aalim knows who is a Jaahil, because he used to be a Jaahil before. But the Jaahil does not know who is an `Aalim, because he was never an `Aalim before."


            Imaam Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullaah in Majmoo`ul Fataawaa.


            Comment


            • Re: marrying another woman when he already had a wife and three kids living with him!

              This was relayed to me that a Muslim husband does not need the permission of his first wife to take a second but it is recommended.

              It was also told to me that a Muslim man who take more than one wife will receive less reward in the hereafter because it will be IMPOSSIBLE for him to maintain fairness between his wives.

              The condition which Islam lays down for permitting a man to have more than one wife is confidence on his part that he will be able to deal equitably with his two or more wives in the matter of food, drink, housing, clothing and expenses, as well as in the division of his time between them. Anyone who lacks the assurance that he will be able to fulfill all these obligations with justice and equality is prohibited by Allah Ta'ala from marrying more than one woman, for Allah Ta'ala says: ...But if you fear that you will not be able to do justice (among them), then (marry) only one....(4:3) And the Prophet (peace be on him) said, "Anyone who has two wives and does not treat them equally will come on the Day of Resurrection dragging one part of his body which will be hanging down." (Reported by the compilers of Sunan and by Ibn Hibban and al-Hakim.)

              The equal treatment mentioned here pertains to the rights of the wives, not to the love the husband feels towed them, for equality in the division of love is beyond human capacity and any imbalance in this regard is forgiven by Allah Ta'ala who says: And you will not be able to do justice among (your) wives, however much you may wish to. But do not turn away (from one of them) altogether....(4:139) This is why the Prophet (peace be on him) used to divide his time among his wives equally, saying, "O Allah, this is my division in regard to what I can control. Then do not take me to task regarding what Thou controllest and I do not control" (Reported by the compilers of Sunan.), referring to the attachment and affection which he felt for one particular wife. And when he planned to go on a journey, Allah's Messenger (peace be on him) would cast lots among his wives, and the one who was chosen by lot would accompany him. (Reported by al-Bukhari and Muslim.)

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              • Re: marrying another woman when he already had a wife and three kids living with him!

                It was also told to me that a Muslim man who take more than one wife will receive less reward in the hereafter because it will be IMPOSSIBLE for him to maintain fairness between his wives.
                Whoever told you that is a dajjaal, and has lied against the deen of Allaah.



                "The `Aalim knows who is a Jaahil, because he used to be a Jaahil before. But the Jaahil does not know who is an `Aalim, because he was never an `Aalim before."


                Imaam Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullaah in Majmoo`ul Fataawaa.


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