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Do Couples have to live in an apartment?

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  • Do Couples have to live in an apartment?

    Salam.

    I am curious. I live in an area where it is unrealistic to expect to afford a one bedroom on one income, with a car, food, etc. I currently live in a room in a house owned by a sister. It is four brothers here and the sister and her husband live in different home.

    She once got an offer from a single father of two daughters and said sorry you can't live here because she was afraid of Haram things happening. I was wondering, if I get married before I move do I have to afford an apartment or can we stay in a room together with non mahrams in the house while we save money on a house in a cheaper area? Or is this haraam? Thanks.

    this is the only way I believe I can ever afford marriage as rent is raising too quick across the USA.

  • #2
    Whether it is halal or not it isn't advisable. Is your bedroom ensuite? Imagine every time your wife wants to leave the bedroom she has to put on hijab and you have to accompany her. It will also create an uncomfortable atmosphere for the brothers who live there too. Thinking ahead though, if you do get married and have children where are you going to house them? Living in one room is difficult for a couple, but not appropriate at all for a family. Maybe you need to target a sister who wants to work and is happy to contribute to the household seeing as you cannot do it alone.

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    • #3
      Walaykum salam,

      When my parents newly arrived in the UK, they also had to live in one room in a house shared with the landlord's family. A lot of new immigrants had to live that way because they couldn't afford to live in their own place or it took a couple of years before they were in a position to afford somewhere better. I guess the advantage of my parents situation though is that although they were living in one room, but they were sharing with a family rather than with four men so it's not like she had any privacy or alone time with the landlord or his sons.

      Having said that, I think the second post contains good advice and you'd have to consider future living arrangements because whilst it's okay to live in one room on a temporary basis, in the 1970s it was more feasible for people to save up to get their own place and affordable accommodation was available even to one income households. Now even dual income households are struggling. I'm not saying that to put you off, but just so you consider your options before making any commitments.
      The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

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      • #4
        Originally posted by neelu View Post
        Walaykum salam,

        When my parents newly arrived in the UK, they also had to live in one room in a house shared with the landlord's family. A lot of new immigrants had to live that way because they couldn't afford to live in their own place or it took a couple of years before they were in a position to afford somewhere better. I guess the advantage of my parents situation though is that although they were living in one room, but they were sharing with a family rather than with four men so it's not like she had any privacy or alone time with the landlord or his sons.

        Having said that, I think the second post contains good advice and you'd have to consider future living arrangements because whilst it's okay to live in one room on a temporary basis, in the 1970s it was more feasible for people to save up to get their own place and affordable accommodation was available even to one income households. Now even dual income households are struggling. I'm not saying that to put you off, but just so you consider your options before making any commitments.
        Oooh what about this? I could save now to buy a piece of land about 2.5 hours away from my town then build a couple yurts in it. I found 20 acre land for 70k. Save 50k for the yurt and down payment, get an Islamic mortgage and it is only 500 a month, there are no real jobs out there, but it is in a state where they don't have different minimum wage for city and rural areas. So the minimum wage you can make like 1800 a month.

        The nearest mosque would be 1:20 away though.
        Last edited by TheBigNosedRevert; 1 week ago.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by TheBigNosedRevert View Post

          Oooh what about this? I could save now to buy a piece of land about 2.5 hours away from my town then build a couple yurts in it. I found 20 acre land for 70k. Save 50k for the yurt and down payment, get an Islamic mortgage and it is only 500 a month, there are no real jobs out there, but it is in a state where they don't have different minimum wage for city and rural areas. So the minimum wage you can make like 1800 a month.

          The nearest mosque would be 1:20 away though.
          Edit lol I just saw a marshy sandbar in a river, under the highway in an industrial area prone to floods going being sold for more than the 20 acre land in the country and it is only 2 acres.

          Comment


          • #6
            Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I don't think "Islamic mortgage" exists. Certainly not in the UK. What happened was banks wanted to have mortgages for Muslims but in essence what they ended up providing was what they called "Islamic mortgage" but just changed some of the terminology so that riba is not called 'interest' it's called something else like 'rent' or something.

            I'm quite skeptical about such labels as a marketing gimmick by banks. I don't know how it is in the US, but would suggest wherever possible you contact an Islamic scholar who has some understanding of finance who can give a clearer answer on this.
            The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

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            • #7
              Originally posted by TheBigNosedRevert View Post

              Oooh what about this? I could save now to buy a piece of land about 2.5 hours away from my town then build a couple yurts in it. I found 20 acre land for 70k. Save 50k for the yurt and down payment, get an Islamic mortgage and it is only 500 a month, there are no real jobs out there, but it is in a state where they don't have different minimum wage for city and rural areas. So the minimum wage you can make like 1800 a month.

              The nearest mosque would be 1:20 away though.
              50k for a yurt!?! What am I missing? I really don't advise to live so far away from the mosque.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by neelu View Post
                Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I don't think "Islamic mortgage" exists. Certainly not in the UK. What happened was banks wanted to have mortgages for Muslims but in essence what they ended up providing was what they called "Islamic mortgage" but just changed some of the terminology so that riba is not called 'interest' it's called something else like 'rent' or something.

                I'm quite skeptical about such labels as a marketing gimmick by banks. I don't know how it is in the US, but would suggest wherever possible you contact an Islamic scholar who has some understanding of finance who can give a clearer answer on this.
                Oh dang well then I guess I'll just not get married ever and fast. Thanks bro

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by UmmAbdullah86 View Post

                  50k for a yurt!?! What am I missing? I really don't advise to live so far away from the mosque.
                  That was for a down payment on land, the cost of buying the yurt outright and the transport. But as neelu pointed out all mortgage are haram, so I guess this plan doesn't work. I could buy a small land out in the REAL rural areas of my state for 15k but I don't think most sisters want to live in a yurt 3-4 hours from the mosque in the middle of the desert 50 minutes from the nearest grocery store hahaha. I guess I'll just stop thinking about marrying and just fast

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by TheBigNosedRevert View Post

                    That was for a down payment on land, the cost of buying the yurt outright and the transport. But as neelu pointed out all mortgage are haram, so I guess this plan doesn't work. I could buy a small land out in the REAL rural areas of my state for 15k but I don't think most sisters want to live in a yurt 3-4 hours from the mosque in the middle of the desert 50 minutes from the nearest grocery store hahaha. I guess I'll just stop thinking about marrying and just fast
                    Contrary to what is said on here, it's very common for the woman to work now and share household bills. It works in her favour too often. The reality is that the cost of living has risen so drastically but salaries haven't, so many brothers cannot afford to sustain a wife. I'm not talking about living the high life in a penthouse with a Mercedes in the drive, but like yourself a one bed apartment. Don't dismiss marriage, but be open with sisters you see that you can only afford a room in a shared house and if they want more than this then you will need them to contribute. I think many sisters now are aware of this.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      ^Yeah I agree. I know this is a really drastic sounding idea, but have you considered tiny house living? I know it doesn't suit everyone, it involves a lot of downsizing and you'd have to iron out issues such as where to park, garbage collection, electricity and water supply but I think once you find the space and a reliable builder, it should work out a lot cheaper than conventional housing.

                      It is becoming increasingly difficult if not impossible for people to afford to buy their own property here in the UK as well, but this is one way some people have managed, sometimes by converting an old school bus/coach, sometimes by renovating a barge/boat and sometimes by having a tiny house built. Years ago there was a small business called 'Hive Haus' which made the structure for people to build their own houses. A few years ago it would've cost about £40k to build your own hive house which would've consisted of 3x £10k structure pods: one for a small bathroom, one for a small kitchen and one for a decent sized bedroom/living space with the remaining £10k spent on fitting (ie fitted kitchen plus toilet and shower in bathroom etc). I don't know how much it would be now but the idea was that two grown men with basic skills should be able to assemble the haus in a day or two. It's one of the options I looked into as I'd also been thinking about what options are available for mortgage free living.

                      The key is if you want that, you'd have to start soon before it becomes too expensive to find land to park it on. A lot of people with tiny houses find land because a relative or close friend owns a farm and allows them to park there for free or an affordable maintenance cost. I'm surprised more Muslims haven't looked into this.
                      The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by UmmAbdullah86 View Post

                        Contrary to what is said on here, it's very common for the woman to work now and share household bills. It works in her favour too often. The reality is that the cost of living has risen so drastically but salaries haven't, so many brothers cannot afford to sustain a wife. I'm not talking about living the high life in a penthouse with a Mercedes in the drive, but like yourself a one bed apartment. Don't dismiss marriage, but be open with sisters you see that you can only afford a room in a shared house and if they want more than this then you will need them to contribute. I think many sisters now are aware of this.
                        Thanks Ukhti, I did not know this. I only knew the rules of man paying bills not that this happens because I know no sisters due to being a revert and not talking to sisters except my landlady. I will start looking soon Inshallah

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by neelu View Post
                          ^Yeah I agree. I know this is a really drastic sounding idea, but have you considered tiny house living? I know it doesn't suit everyone, it involves a lot of downsizing and you'd have to iron out issues such as where to park, garbage collection, electricity and water supply but I think once you find the space and a reliable builder, it should work out a lot cheaper than conventional housing.

                          It is becoming increasingly difficult if not impossible for people to afford to buy their own property here in the UK as well, but this is one way some people have managed, sometimes by converting an old school bus/coach, sometimes by renovating a barge/boat and sometimes by having a tiny house built. Years ago there was a small business called 'Hive Haus' which made the structure for people to build their own houses. A few years ago it would've cost about £40k to build your own hive house which would've consisted of 3x £10k structure pods: one for a small bathroom, one for a small kitchen and one for a decent sized bedroom/living space with the remaining £10k spent on fitting (ie fitted kitchen plus toilet and shower in bathroom etc). I don't know how much it would be now but the idea was that two grown men with basic skills should be able to assemble the haus in a day or two. It's one of the options I looked into as I'd also been thinking about what options are available for mortgage free living.

                          The key is if you want that, you'd have to start soon before it becomes too expensive to find land to park it on. A lot of people with tiny houses find land because a relative or close friend owns a farm and allows them to park there for free or an affordable maintenance cost. I'm surprised more Muslims haven't looked into this.
                          Honestly not a bad idea though I'd have to probably move cities, which I honestly don't mind. Looked for land for the yurt idea, and there are no small lots available for 30k or less that'd be somewhere I'd want to live. Like if I'm buying land might as well buy it somewhere where there arent shootings. Might just go out to a smaller safer town Inshallah. I've been thinking of moving to the Midwest. It is quite cheaper there.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by neelu View Post
                            ^Yeah I agree. I know this is a really drastic sounding idea, but have you considered tiny house living? I know it doesn't suit everyone, it involves a lot of downsizing and you'd have to iron out issues such as where to park, garbage collection, electricity and water supply but I think once you find the space and a reliable builder, it should work out a lot cheaper than conventional housing.

                            It is becoming increasingly difficult if not impossible for people to afford to buy their own property here in the UK as well, but this is one way some people have managed, sometimes by converting an old school bus/coach, sometimes by renovating a barge/boat and sometimes by having a tiny house built. Years ago there was a small business called 'Hive Haus' which made the structure for people to build their own houses. A few years ago it would've cost about £40k to build your own hive house which would've consisted of 3x £10k structure pods: one for a small bathroom, one for a small kitchen and one for a decent sized bedroom/living space with the remaining £10k spent on fitting (ie fitted kitchen plus toilet and shower in bathroom etc). I don't know how much it would be now but the idea was that two grown men with basic skills should be able to assemble the haus in a day or two. It's one of the options I looked into as I'd also been thinking about what options are available for mortgage free living.

                            The key is if you want that, you'd have to start soon before it becomes too expensive to find land to park it on. A lot of people with tiny houses find land because a relative or close friend owns a farm and allows them to park there for free or an affordable maintenance cost. I'm surprised more Muslims haven't looked into this.
                            I used to love watching tiny housing programs! I think largely this hasn't become a hit with Muslims because they usually live in cities in the UK. Tiny houses there are still too expensive to buy outright. The ones I watched that literally were able to spend less than £10k were vans/containers parked for free in a family members field in a rural area.
                            I know a brother who lives abroad but comes back to UK to work for months at a time to work. He lives in his van during this time, which he parks in the mosque car park. It works for him but obviously completely unsuitable for a family.

                            The next generation are going to have to come up with some radical solutions, otherwise marriage is going to be the preserve of the rich. May Allah keep them all steadfast.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by TheBigNosedRevert View Post

                              Thanks Ukhti, I did not know this. I only knew the rules of man paying bills not that this happens because I know no sisters due to being a revert and not talking to sisters except my landlady. I will start looking soon Inshallah
                              If you can avoid having your wife work in the public, then it's best to do that. A work-from-home option is better than in public.

                              Also, if you live somewhere away from the expensive major cities, then life becomes a lot more affordable. Small town in the midwest seems doable. Just make sure you tell your future spouse up front lol

                              Land and yurts and tiny houses are more of a long-term plan unless some money falls out the sky. Until that happens, it's best to live humbly below your means, save money, and remember that all rizq comes from Allah s.w.t.

                              "Before a Muslim steps into the battlefield, he has already fought a great battle within himself against Shaytan - against his own desires, against the interests of his family and nation, against anything which is not from Islam. Our aim is first to change ourselves so that we may later change the society."

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