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I need some advice on my life.

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  • I need some advice on my life.



    Asalamu alaikum all.

    I need some advice on current situation in life regarding married life and past. This will be fairly long post so please bear with me.
    I will start off with my story. I am a 30 year old female, in a very filmy situation right now.
    I was involved with a male cousin whom I grew up with in my childhood, when I was fairly young we moved away to another country with my family. So I didn't see this male cousin as much through my adolescence and adult life, only on couple visits back to home country. One day when I was 17 I contacted him to let him know I always liked him since I was young and decided i will marry him when I'm older and hoped he did too. He had gone through alot of family issues in his teenage years and I always had a soft spot for him. He is around the same age as me, and so I told him of my feelings hoping they could manifest into marriage. I didn't all my life even think of anyone else or envisioned my life with anyone else (I know my fault). But that cannot be changed however much I would like to. At the same time he was in love with a girl who is both our family friends daughter and they were in touch. I had heard of this but I tried to ignore or didn't want to accept this until after a few years of us talking he finally told me he loved her and they got married. Naturally, I was heartbroken because I did ask him but he never acknowledged fully the extent of this truly so I didn't delve further, lest it may true and I would be heartbroken. In this time I helped him as much financially. So he married her in 2015, she was a couple of years older than him also. Although I do know his father and mother were not very pleased with his decision but did so anyway.
    When he told me the day he is engaged to marry her I went mad, angry and stupid for being lied. I spent 3 years with low self esteem just utterly hurt and angry at him that he chose her, but went on with life as much as I could. I cursed him for breaking my heart and cheating on me. But after a while, I started to calm down and just tried to forgive and forget. They had a whirlwind wedding, big ceremony, the girl lives in same city as me in Europe. Their marriage went through alot of turmoil, she didn't support him to come join her and didn't work to do his sponsorship. He waited for 4 years, in those years they had many arguments and fights and I was aware of all this through talk through family. She manipulated him, they would fight with each other and then make up again, then fight and threaten each other with divorce. In between he would convey his message through family that he had broke my heart that's why he was not happy in his life and I was told these things.
    I still felt sorry for him, as I knew he had the worst childhood in our family and now his love marriage was failing. I lost my father in 2018 and that's when not dealing with my grief I started to talk to a guy online, he lived in USA. He and I had some mutual acquaintances but we never met in our lives. I got close to him and did things I now regret so much, I started a relationship with him. I sent him pics and was extremely graphic with conversations. I regret this till the end of my life, I thought I could convince my family for us to get married. Naturally, my family didn't agree as they didn't know them and the ones that were mutual to us didn't have many good things to say about his family. I didn't try to persuade my family too much but I couldn't also end the relationship. I was stuck in this disgusting cycle for 2 years. Then the cousin divorced and proposed to me, and I at first declined remembering the hurt and then marrying him, people would say I broke their marriage life to get married to him. The guy from USA was aware I loved my cousin and what happened with us. I don't know what happened but I was alone dealing with my father's death, and everything that I agreed to the cousins proposal. I told the guy in USA that I want to marry my cousin, just so I can escape that relationship and partly because I was never over my cousin to begin with. The guy from USA told me I betrayed him, used him and he will tell everyone about us. My cousin now husband was aware of this guy as well, I didn't hide it from him, but he doesn't know the full extent of our relationship.
    I married my cousin and first love in 2020 one year after his divorce. I done his sponsorship and he's living with me now, in the same city as his ex wife. Our marriage did cause an uproar from his ex wifes family but there's little they could have done, she constantly asked him for a divorce and he gave it. So he moved on. My family only agreed to me marrying my cousin purely because he was very remorseful and his parents had gone through alot with his marriage with his ex and I stood up for it. She and her family accused him of alot of things, but the whole family knows their reputation as well. So our ties with them have diminished as well.
    Sometimes I feel like what kind of a Bollywood film has my life become. His ex wife is still single, we haven't faced her or her family yet, and I am now pregnant.
    We are happy, he adores me and always makes me feel special. But I sometimes feel guilty of having this happiness almost as if I have broken many hearts to gain it.
    I broke the guy in USA who realistically i could not have married as convincing my family was never going to work, and also my heart was not fully in it. His ex wife, with how their marriage ended and how he moved on with me. So please can anyone advise how I can move on from these cycle of thoughts. I repented for anyone hurt because of me. Whether they forgive is another story. This is life for me now.

    Thank you for reading.

  • #2
    Originally posted by MilaSims View Post

    Asalamu alaikum all.

    Thank you for reading.
    salam alaykum wa rahmat allah

    Originally posted by MilaSims View Post
    I broke the guy in USA who realistically i could not have married as convincing my family was never going to work
    no you didnt he only was thinking about having sex with you and used you as a tool to pass hes time women are naive and have the illusion that men think like them

    Originally posted by MilaSims View Post
    His ex wife, with how their marriage ended and how he moved on with me.
    nope you have nothing to do with their issues that lead to divorce and hes ex wife no longer have anything to do with him and this was her choice if she regret it however he can still have her as hes second wife if he want

    Originally posted by MilaSims View Post
    So please can anyone advise how I can move on from these cycle of thoughts
    the main problem here is you not following the islamic teachings this is very important especially now that you are pregnant you dont want your kids to make your mistakes you dont want your girl to be engaged with haram relationships with her cousin or with random guys on the internet yo udont want her to send them her pictures
    if you have a desire to learn islam i can send you videos you can benefit from

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