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  • Marriage after converting

    Hello, I am currently in the process of converting. That being said, my "past" life has not been what one would call modest. I was a bikini model for multiple years. Will this have a huge impact on finding a spouse in the future? I am pretty worried about it.

  • #2
    Originally posted by Kaydee View Post
    Hello, I am currently in the process of converting. That being said, my "past" life has not been what one would call modest. I was a bikini model for multiple years. Will this have a huge impact on finding a spouse in the future? I am pretty worried about it.
    What you have done in the past in forgiven.

    Do not dwell on it.

    Try to get rid of pictures as best you can and look forward seeking Allah's assistance.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Italv View Post

      What you have done in the past in forgiven.

      Do not dwell on it.

      Try to get rid of pictures as best you can and look forward seeking Allah's assistance.
      Unfortunately, they are viewable online if you look hard enough and have my full name. Since a contract was signed, it makes it pretty hard to remove them.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Kaydee View Post
        Hello, I am currently in the process of converting. That being said, my "past" life has not been what one would call modest. I was a bikini model for multiple years. Will this have a huge impact on finding a spouse in the future? I am pretty worried about it.
        Yes, it likely will. No sense in sugarcoating it. You'd have to marry someone very open-minded and understanding. Perhaps another convert.

        You can try to contact the parties with whom you held the contract and see if you can negotiate the takedown of the photos somehow. Perhaps taking legal action would help, if you have the capacity.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post

          Yes, it likely will. No sense in sugarcoating it. You'd have to marry someone very open-minded and understanding. Perhaps another convert.

          You can try to contact the parties with whom you held the contract and see if you can negotiate the takedown of the photos somehow. Perhaps taking legal action would help, if you have the capacity.
          That is very unfortunate. I have tried unsuccessfully already, so I doubt it will be removed. And since it is from various different parties it would be even more troublesome. Thank you for the honesty, I was really looking forward to finding a man for marriage.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Kaydee View Post

            That is very unfortunate. I have tried unsuccessfully already, so I doubt it will be removed. And since it is from various different parties it would be even more troublesome. Thank you for the honesty, I was really looking forward to finding a man for marriage.
            I said it would be difficult to find someone, but not impossible. You shouldn't give up by any means.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post

              I said it would be difficult to find someone, but not impossible. You shouldn't give up by any means.
              Thank you. I'll do my best.

              Comment


              • #8
                I'm sure you understand that if you don't tell a potential spouse and he finds out later on this can cause major issues in your marriage. It's better to be honest about your general past, but you should keep it vague. You don't have to tell anyone exactly what you wore or what kinds of photos were taken. You should be cautious of who you inform when speaking about marriage as it's better to keep this a secret.

                No decent man would be happy to know that there are images of his wife out there, but some may try to get over it if they find that your good qualities outweigh any negative aspects about you and your past life. Chastity is something a lot of men take seriously, especially when they themselves don't have a past. You may be more compatible with someone who wasn't guided their entire life as they would probably be more understanding, but people differ and you never know. If someone is willing to consider you for marriage knowing you're a convert they typically assume you have some kind of past anyway.

                I advise you to legally change your name on all of your documents and keep your original name a closely guarded secret. If you don't and other people (such as his family, friends, people in the community, etc.) are able to find these images they may cause issues that will effect your relationship and reputation (in the eyes of ignorant people). Of course what you did is in the past and once you become a Muslim your sins are wiped clean, but not everyone will be so kind about it.
                ​​​​​​
                I have a friend with a similar background. Someone found out her legal name, Googled it and told her husband what they saw when he previously had no idea about any of it. He was patient with it, but was shocked and extremely sad. He's overall an extremely patient and humble man, but I'm not so sure how many men would react as he did.

                Make lots of dua that Allah will completely cover your past and grant you a good husband who will aid you in your religion. Never give up on making dua.

                May Allah cover your past mistakes, guide us all to the straight path and keep us firm upon it. May Allah grant you a husband and children who will be the coolness of your eyes and a means for you to enter paradise.
                Has the time not come for those who have believed that their hearts should become humbly submissive at the remembrance of Allah and what has come down of the truth? And let them not be like those who were given the Scripture before, and a long period passed over them, so their hearts hardened; and many of them are defiantly disobedient. (57:16)

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by .khayriyyah. View Post
                  I'm sure you understand that if you don't tell a potential spouse and he finds out later on this can cause major issues in your marriage. It's better to be honest about your general past, but you should keep it vague. You don't have to tell anyone exactly what you wore or what kinds of photos were taken. You should be cautious of who you inform when speaking about marriage as it's better to keep this a secret.

                  No decent man would be happy to know that there are images of his wife out there, but some may try to get over it if they find that your good qualities outweigh any negative aspects about you and your past life. Chastity is something a lot of men take seriously, especially when they themselves don't have a past. You may be more compatible with someone who wasn't guided their entire life as they would probably be more understanding, but people differ and you never know. If someone is willing to consider you for marriage knowing you're a convert they typically assume you have some kind of past anyway.

                  I advise you to legally change your name on all of your documents and keep your original name a closely guarded secret. If you don't and other people (such as his family, friends, people in the community, etc.) are able to find these images they may cause issues that will effect your relationship and reputation (in the eyes of ignorant people). Of course what you did is in the past and once you become a Muslim your sins are wiped clean, but not everyone will be so kind about it.
                  ​​​​​​
                  I have a friend with a similar background. Someone found out her legal name, Googled it and told her husband what they saw when he previously had no idea about any of it. He was patient with it, but was shocked and extremely sad. He's overall an extremely patient and humble man, but I'm not so sure how many men would react as he did.

                  Make lots of dua that Allah will completely cover your past and grant you a good husband who will aid you in your religion. Never give up on making dua.

                  May Allah cover your past mistakes, guide us all to the straight path and keep us firm upon it. May Allah grant you a husband and children who will be the coolness of your eyes and a means for you to enter paradise.
                  I had not considered changing my name... that may be extremely helpful. Thank you for the suggestion. Of course I would be honest in all things, just not the severity. Thank you for your reply.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I am so happy for you and I hope you stay on the true path forever :) Just keep your faith protected and keep striving.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Kaydee View Post
                      Hello, I am currently in the process of converting. That being said, my "past" life has not been what one would call modest. I was a bikini model for multiple years. Will this have a huge impact on finding a spouse in the future? I am pretty worried about it.
                      Originally posted by Kaydee View Post
                      Will this have a huge impact on finding a spouse in the future?
                      there is women who did worse things and still got married and lived a good live because they were sincere in their repentance

                      ask allah to bless you with a righteouse husband

                      as for your model past part of the blame falls on the muslim comunity for doing the dawah poorly if we did it properly the message could of reached you before you got involved in this

                      a couple of important things to keep in mind

                      you shouldnt hide that this was part of your past and you regret it

                      you should be open to being the 2nd 3rd or 4th wife

                      if he gets too upset about it you need to remind him that you did this before believing in god and without god there is no objective good and evil wich makes alot of degenerate stuff normal like porn or nude models or homosexuality ect

                      does doing this in your past due to you being a bad person ?
                      even if it was the case it dosent matter because you have repented and made a new start
                      but no its not the case bikini models are not only a normal job in a secular society but some women look at them as idols therefore what you did wasnt wrong according to you or to your society

                      what about the kids getting bullied because their mom was a bikini model?
                      you can completley skip this issue if you wear niqab and giving yourself an arabic name even in the case where some of the kids in school come across your pictures they have no way to know its you because you wear niqab and you have arabic name and in the rare case where they know your full name and came across those pictures they will just think that the model have simiillar name like yours

                      or you can homeschool your children especially since the schools in the west try to brainwash children from a young age to normalize homosexuality and changing gender

                      Last edited by Hamza1416; 02-06-22, 04:39 PM.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Hamza1416 View Post

                        there is women who did worse things and still got married and lived a good live because they were sincere in their repentance

                        ask allah to bless you with a righteouse husband

                        as for your model past part of the blame falls on the muslim comunity for doing the dawah poorly if we did it properly the message could of reached you before you got involved in this

                        a couple of important things to keep in mind

                        you shouldnt hide that this was part of your past and you regret it

                        you should be open to being the 2nd 3rd or 4th wife

                        if he gets too upset about it you need to remind him that you did this before believing in god and without god there is no objective good and evil wich makes alot of degenerate stuff normal like porn or nude models or homosexuality ect

                        does doing this in your past due to you being a bad person ?
                        even if it was the case it dosent matter because you have repented and made a new start
                        but no its not the case bikini models are not only a normal job in a secular society but some women look at them as idols therefore what you did wasnt wrong according to you or to your society

                        what about the kids getting bullied because their mom was a bikini model?
                        you can completley skip this issue if you wear niqab and giving yourself an arabic name even in the case where some of the kids in school come across your pictures they have no way to know its you because you wear niqab and you have arabic name and in the rare case where they know your full name and came across those pictures they will just think that the model have simiillar name like yours

                        or you can homeschool your children especially since the schools in the west try to brainwash children from a young age to normalize homosexuality and changing gender
                        Someone had suggested changing my name, which honestly is one of the better answers I had not thought about. It would help with this issue a lot I think. I am definitely open to being 2nd 3rd or 4th wife, that is not a problem.

                        At the time I believed it was an okay thing to do. I was blessed with a curvy figure, and society taught me to use it. But I was listening to the wrong society. It is my mistake and I will do my best to rectify it.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I will say one thing: Under no circumstances hide this information from a potential.

                          You don't have to go into the details, but this is something you have to disclose, otherwise it would be deception.
                          You think you know more than my scholar's qiyās? He was more learned than you and all other scholars combined. Yeah, the devil was the greatest scholar too and look where his qiyās of fire being better than tīn got him. Sorry.

                          You follow your scholar's qiyās, and I will follow the Qur'ān and Sunnah.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Kaydee View Post
                            Hello, I am currently in the process of converting. That being said, my "past" life has not been what one would call modest. I was a bikini model for multiple years. Will this have a huge impact on finding a spouse in the future? I am pretty worried about it.
                            Greetings, My dear sister know that after accepting Islam then it is as if your a new born baby as you will be without any sins: The Prophet (Peace and blessings be upon him) said:...“Do you not know that Islam destroys that which came before it?” “Islam destroys that which came before it” means that it erases it and wipes it out. Stated by al-Nawawi in Sharh Muslim.

                            Also any good that you did previously will convert into good deeds which will benefit you in the Hereafter. None of us are without a sinful past and even a sinful present. However what matters most is that we try our best to rectify ourselves by leaving the major sins in particular and repent sincerely for them with a firm resolve never to repeat such sins again. Even if we do then we must keep try our best and be in a constant state of repentance all the time, for Allah loves it when we ask of him for forgiveness for he loves to forgive. Allah says in a Hadith Qudsi 34:

                            O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you.

                            Most importantly we must try our best to make the best of each and every second of our very short lives in this world, to please Allah and to put him first in everything that we do. Also know that if you find a good pious spouse then surely he will not judge you for your past as a non Muslim. I hope the following helps inshaAllah:





                            Last edited by hamza81; 05-06-22, 03:35 AM.
                            10 steps to increase our imaan(faith)
                            http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?t=192926
                            Forty Good Deeds to do Everyday!
                            http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?t=230798

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Please also refer to the following thread with many useful and helpful links to free resources for those looking into Islam:

                              Very useful threads and links for those looking into Islam - Ummah.com - Muslim Forum
                              10 steps to increase our imaan(faith)
                              http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?t=192926
                              Forty Good Deeds to do Everyday!
                              http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?t=230798

                              Comment

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