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Does he just want To use me

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  • Does he just want To use me

    I’m a British revert. Aged 32 and working in a hospital in Pakistan. I’ve been inundated with marriage offers but because I’m a British citizen I’ve declined them all as you just don’t know people intentions. I always said I’d never marry someone outside of the U.K.
    I have even been proposed to by men 10 years younger than me who you just know only want the benefits of the U.K. I have a child aged 8 as a result of rape and I’d never get a young, handsome doctor here in the U.K. as harsh as that is it would be highly unlikely I’d get anyone wanting a woman older then them with a child when they can get a childfree younger woman. However I am physically attractive.

    I recently met a doctor at the hospital who has had many marriage offers from young and beautiful women. He is very religious. Prays 5 times a day, does not chat to women except for work purposes, is the only one who hasn’t made any comments about my appearance in an inappropriate way. He never misses prayer and is clearly a pious and devout Muslim.
    He met me once and insisted a male comes along too and after the meeting he proposed marriage to me. He is 26, a doctor.
    I accepted. He said he finds me attractive and therefore it’s haram for him to work in the same ward so he moved. He has arranged a wedding for January. He said his family would not accept me but he is a man and can choose who he wants to marry.
    His Mother died when he was young and his Father left them and remarried so he doesn’t have much family but he has not discussed the engagement with any family, only friends. He said he will have to get advice on how to approach the subject as his family could be angry but that this is his problem not mine and he won’t back down if they disagree.

    he suggested we remain living in Pakistan as he wanted to remain in a Muslim country but I explained I would never want to live there. He also suggested Dubai which I said I would consider once my son was secondary school age.

    Our last conversation though has me ever so slightly worried. He was explaining how he wants to build his own hospital in Pakistan and how if he moved to the U.K. he could work and build the hospital there. He said we could then enjoy passive income. He asked what my income was and I told him (I’m a professional and have a decent income but not rich).
    He asked what job my parents do.
    I have dual British and Irish citizenship and he’s already check how to work as a doctor in Ireland as a foreign national.
    He also seems to be slightly obsessed with Britain and seems ‘proud’ to have a white British fiancée. Not talking about a visa now, just generally. He seems to see it as prestigious in some way.

    I don’t think he’s using me for a visa. I don’t get the impression he’s interested in living permanently in the U.K. he didn’t even know what exams he’d need to take to do so. But now he’s met me I think he’s thought about the opportunities some time in the U.K. could bring him. If I wasn’t British he’d not be interested and I know that. But if that’s just because he has a thing for British women I don’t mind. But if he’s using me to have the opportunity to work in the U.K. and bring money back to Pakistan I don’t want to get involved.

    There’s no doubt he is a religious man and so if he is god fearing and pious I’m thinking he would not scam me or deceive. My Wali says this man is a good man and I need not worry.

    Is there any way to test his intentions at all? Or have a way to assess his intentions?

  • #2
    You can lay out all your concerns bluntly in front of him.
    You think you know more than my scholar's qiyās? He was more learned than you and all other scholars combined. Yeah, the devil was the greatest scholar too and look where his qiyās of fire being better than tīn got him. Sorry.

    You follow your scholar's qiyās, and I will follow the Qur'ān and Sunnah.

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    • #3
      I think it would be very hurtful to basically accuse him of using me. If someone did that to me I’d end the engagement.

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      • #4

        Who is your wali?

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        • #5
          The local imam is my wali.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Mariam1989 View Post
            The local imam is my wali.
            You said you are in Pakistan right now?

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