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Visiting for proposal: Need opinions

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  • Visiting for proposal: Need opinions

    Salam Aleykum,
    Just want the general consensus on this:

    Tl;dr: Guys family called a day in advance to check availability for meeting, girls side took offense at this being disrespectful.

    Context: Love marriage situation, M25, F21. Pak/India. guys father wasn't agreeable but came around. In the time that it took for it to happen the girls father passed away due to covid. The families are strangers and never interacted before the call below or have any mutuals. Guy in the situation is abroad for studies.

    Situation: Eid week: guy's father who works outstations was visiting the city. Guy's mother contacted girls mother on friday afternoon for checking their availability to meet any time on Saturday or Sunday Morning since the father goes back on sunday evening, wanting to visit for condolences - been 2.5months. The girls side weren't available as had prior commitments, so Girl's mother asked them to call and visit whenever they came the next time.

    Result: Girl/Girls family offended that they were called and informed only a day prior and not in advance and it was rude. Taking it as a lack of interest and disrespect.

    Question: is the result justified, Is calling multiple days in advance supposed to be the only norm and should have been; even so is the reaction from the girls side justified to take it as a lack of interest and disrespect.

    Really need opinions on this as the fallout of all this is really challenging my mental health.

  • #2
    It could be nothing, you can't really know their intentions, so not sure you should be so offended. It was just an enquiry to find if you were available that's all. Maybe they weren't sure of their availability any earlier, who knows what the reason is. If each little action is going to come under that much scrutiny and a negative spin put on it, enough to affect your "mental health", then maybe you aren't about the "love marriage" life. "Love marriage" does not really exist in your communities anyway. The respective families will always be involved, and it's upto you and your prospective spouse to decide how much influence and affect on your mental health they are allowed to exert. If you're falling apart over some catty talk in your family, then maybe you should just find someone else, whose family you don't have to convince to accept you.

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    • #3
      Make due and leave out doubt,

      Once it happens than make mashwera and istikhara and decide.

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      • #4
        Walaykumus salam.

        It seems like there are already conflicts/dramas even before marriage! Just imagine what can happen after marriage.

        Give it a really deep thought. I think the vibe is not good here.

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        • #5
          Typical Desi stupidity.

          If it's a love marriage thing let the girl and guy manage stuff as much as possible
          You think you know more than my scholar's qiyās? He was more learned than you and all other scholars combined. Yeah, the devil was the greatest scholar too and look where his qiyās of fire being better than tīn got him. Sorry.

          You follow your scholar's qiyās, and I will follow the Qur'ān and Sunnah.

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