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background checks and marriage

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  • Linkdeutscher
    replied
    There's no real way.

    Relatives is a mixed bag. There are often biases and envy involved in many cases.

    Even friends will often give skewed and false perspectives. Many people tolerate stupid friends due to other factors. It doesn't mean that now said friends' opinion on said person should be taken seriously.

    You just have to take a certain risk at the end of the day,.

    Leave a comment:


  • Creamcake
    replied
    yeah asking for Allaahs guidance is so important too. He knows everything, we know nothing.

    Leave a comment:


  • Eijaz Koor
    replied
    Originally posted by Simply_Logical View Post
    assalaamu alaykum wah rahmatullahi wah barakatuhu

    hey peeps so i wanted to ask in regards to background checks what exactly is best to get done? just word of mouth or something much more deeper?

    please can you expand on this, like what is recommended and what is considered going over the top?
    is there even such a thing as going over the top when it comes to background checks?

    really interested to hear your view points and especially your recommendations on this

    thanks jazakAllah khayran
    Wa-Alaikum Salaam

    this is very hard these days as people cant be trusted I mean the families lie about their kids etc

    I can only say ask Allah to guide us.

    Leave a comment:


  • Abu 'Abdullaah
    replied
    lol @ private investigators

    -_-

    Leave a comment:


  • Simply_Logical
    replied
    Originally posted by AbuMubarak View Post

    Women do it all day, every day

    Not saying he is innocent, but women lie too
    yea of course akhi, no doubt about that, dont think even feminists would deny that tbf..........well i hope not lol

    Leave a comment:


  • AbuMubarak
    replied
    Originally posted by Simply_Logical View Post


    but at the same time his ex wife has a restraining order against him from seeing his kids

    now tell me why would he have something so serious put against him if he hasnt done wrong?
    Women do it all day, every day

    Not saying he is innocent, but women lie too

    Leave a comment:


  • Simply_Logical
    replied
    Originally posted by Eorlingas View Post

    I agree. It's just paying for someone else to do the legwork for you. They are probably better qualified to do a better job than you would as well.
    exactly, take away the payment aspect, whats the difference? i obviously dont mean following anyone or spying as thats just next level

    Leave a comment:


  • Flawed
    replied
    Originally posted by Simply_Logical View Post

    yea but really how is using the services of a PI any different then searching stuff like social media, bankruptcy etc online any different?

    obviously when i say PI i dont mean following them around, its more digging info about them, like how any friends and family would, only diffeence is youre paying for the services
    Then you can save your cash and do the same work yourself then?

    Leave a comment:


  • Eorlingas
    replied
    Originally posted by Simply_Logical View Post

    yea but really how is using the services of a PI any different then searching stuff like social media, bankruptcy etc online any different?

    obviously when i say PI i dont mean following them around, its more digging info about them, like how any friends and family would, only diffeence is youre paying for the services
    I agree. It's just paying for someone else to do the legwork for you. They are probably better qualified to do a better job than you would as well.

    Leave a comment:


  • Simply_Logical
    replied
    Originally posted by Flawed View Post
    If you feel compelled to use a PI on a certain person then that should be enough for you to decide not to even go ahead with the proposal.
    yea but really how is using the services of a PI any different then searching stuff like social media, bankruptcy etc online any different?

    obviously when i say PI i dont mean following them around, its more digging info about them, like how any friends and family would, only diffeence is youre paying for the services

    Leave a comment:


  • Simply_Logical
    replied
    Originally posted by Flawed
    You know Simply_Logical I hope you don't ask the "do you lurvvve...." questions?
    Its just the way I am, whether peeps like it or not, it is what it is I suppose 🤷🤷🤷

    Leave a comment:


  • Flawed
    replied
    If you feel compelled to use a PI on a certain person then that should be enough for you to decide not to even go ahead with the proposal.

    Leave a comment:


  • Flawed
    replied
    Originally posted by Simply_Logical View Post

    yea but you could be doing sinning within the confinements of four walls doesnt mean its not happening just beause people dont see it

    okay so how about this scenario, say for example a guy goes to a brothel or strip club and does something wrong in there within those four walls,
    at the same time the place is known to the public as being a brothel or strip club or whatever it may be,
    but within that confinement its happening within a private room and not open in the open public so to speak although the place is established as a place of wrong doings and immorality,
    what doe that fall into according to you? skeletons in the closet or not?

    hope you understand my question sister, just trying to understand in sha Allah
    It can happen where ever but if he ain't telling people about it and is keeping it as a secret bcos he knows it is bad and he feels guilty about it then yes it is skeletons in the closet.

    Leave a comment:


  • Simply_Logical
    replied
    Originally posted by Layla_ View Post

    But if you tell him you’re doing it, the brother would be more careful so what would be the point? A private investigator follows people about….

    personally I wouldn’t get a private investigator involved. If someone seems to be that untrustworthy that a private investigator needs to be involved then it’s a no brainer really - just don’t marry them
    yea but sometimes once dirt is out there it cant come back,
    so whats meant to be found will be found, as a lot of stuff like for example the internet once its on there you cant ever retrieve it

    anyways i probably wouldnt hire a PI but i was just chucking out there to see whether its considered to be normal these days

    ill give you an example i know someone who recently got married, he showed her he aint got a criminal record etc.
    but at the same time his ex wife has a restraining order against him from seeing his kids

    now tell me why would he have something so serious put against him if he hasnt done wrong?

    remember in the west espeially in england its youre innocent till proven guilty,
    my point is the law here is that you wouldnt have something against your name whether it be a conviction or restraining orders etc unless theres something REASON why

    now i told her look i seen guys from the streets and i seen business people and i know this is fishy
    but sometimes some people are so naieve they convince themselves its a match made in heaven so theyre so stubbornm they dont want to listen

    so anyways cut a long story short i didnt go to her wedding because i dont trust the guy and tbh i was made to look like the bad guy,
    but the thing is dont askl me for my opinion and thoughts if you arent prepared for my real opinion and thoughts,
    if they wanted a yes man they got it with everyone else, i just said when you know what hits the fan, dont come back to me

    Leave a comment:


  • Simply_Logical
    replied
    Originally posted by UmmAbdullah86 View Post

    To me it means something that you do in private that you wouldn't want others to know about. Going to bars and prostitutes are public activities, so hardly in the closet.
    yea but you could be doing sinning within the confinements of four walls doesnt mean its not happening just beause people dont see it

    okay so how about this scenario, say for example a guy goes to a brothel or strip club and does something wrong in there within those four walls,
    at the same time the place is known to the public as being a brothel or strip club or whatever it may be,
    but within that confinement its happening within a private room and not open in the open public so to speak although the place is established as a place of wrong doings and immorality,
    what doe that fall into according to you? skeletons in the closet or not?

    hope you understand my question sister, just trying to understand in sha Allah

    Leave a comment:

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