Ads by Muslim Ad Network

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

background checks and marriage

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • background checks and marriage

    assalaamu alaykum wah rahmatullahi wah barakatuhu

    hey peeps so i wanted to ask in regards to background checks what exactly is best to get done? just word of mouth or something much more deeper?

    please can you expand on this, like what is recommended and what is considered going over the top?
    is there even such a thing as going over the top when it comes to background checks?

    really interested to hear your view points and especially your recommendations on this

    thanks jazakAllah khayran

  • #2
    do you make a thread anytime a question comes to your mind?
    "They are Shuhadaa (witnesses) to the fact that this Deen is greater than life, that values are more important than blood and that principles are more precious than souls" - Sheikh 'Abdullah Azzam

    Lost in Islamic History :inlove:

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by samin62
      do you make a thread anytime a question comes to your mind?
      If only lol

      Comment


      • #4
        AbuMubarak i'd like to hear your thoughts on this, im asking as my little girl is a teenager and i know the years will fly by when she'll be ready for marriage because you know they grow up in no time

        like i need to drill the guy but i need to know my limits as i cant be unjust too

        Comment


        • #5
          Call the boy in a dark room with no furniture, bare wooden floors

          Have him sit in a hard wooden chair in the center of the room

          Have just a naked light bulb hanging from the ceiling over his head

          Stand behind him in the dark

          Let him hear you chamber a round in your shotgun

          Tell him, he is safe as long as he answers all of your questions truthfully, with no hesitation, otherwise the Angel of Death will be the next perdon he will see
          .لا نريد زعيما يخاف البيت الإبيض
          نريد زعيما يخاف الواحد الأحد
          دولة الإسلامية باقية





          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by AbuMubarak View Post
            Call the boy in a dark room with no furniture, bare wooden floors

            Have him sit in a hard wooden chair in the center of the room

            Have just a naked light bulb hanging from the ceiling over his head

            Stand behind him in the dark

            Let him hear you chamber a round in your shotgun

            Tell him, he is safe as long as he answers all of your questions truthfully, with no hesitation, otherwise the Angel of Death will be the next perdon he will see
            youre a funny granpa, ill give you that lool

            you reminded me of the scene in the classic movie con air, make a move and the bunny gets it loool

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PEKGfcVnjcg

            AbuMubarak seriously though like youve got grandkids so when your kids got married how did you do background checks? like to avoid the wastemen and idiots

            Comment


            • #7
              The answer to that takes a lot

              first, you, are you a good example of Islam to your children, do you teach them by example or by dictatorship, have you given them the mental, social, political, spiritual tools to properly understand their islam in this crazy world?

              second, your children, are they good muslims or just barely muslim? My children vary within their islam and their spouses need to reflect that (good muslims for good muslims, bad muslims .... i dunno, just hope for the best)

              Now lets move to the guy. You are giving your daughter to a stranger, someone who will have more control over her than you did, hence you MUST choose wisely. If you have been on this forum for any length of time, you see how crazy things can be. a guy can come across nice, and be a pure devil

              So assess his islam, his manhood, his family, his dispositions, his stances on Islamic issues. LET HIM TALK. Listen. Is he just young and dumb, thats ok, as long as he is willing to learn or is he a know-it-all

              Is his islam the same as your daughter's Islam?

              Children, how will he raise your grandkids? does he eat mcdonalds (you may, for that matter). Does he LOOK like a Muslim? do you care?

              So you see there are so many variables, its not easy to describe over the internet

              One brother told me it is "human nature" to physically abuse a woman because Allah says so in Quran

              Its this type of nonsense you have to detect, like i said, LET HIM TALK
              .لا نريد زعيما يخاف البيت الإبيض
              نريد زعيما يخاف الواحد الأحد
              دولة الإسلامية باقية





              Comment


              • #8
                For us, we would ask where the brother prays, then ask the Imam, his neighbours, his old school teachers, we really leave no stone unturned. Find his/her social media accounts and do a bit of stalking. It's really important to ask about his family too. I don't think you can do too much investigating.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Wa Alaykumussalaam Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu,

                  I'll reply to this properly after, but just quickly..there is no such thing as too many background checks, you are giving your daughter away to a man that she will InshaaAllaah be spending the rest of her life with. Make sure no leaf is unturned.. ofcourse Islamically and generally too. Thats what my perspective is.
                  And with Him are the keys of the Ghayb (all that is hidden), none knows them but He. And He knows whatever there is in the land and in the sea; not a leaf falls, but He knows it. There is not a grain in the darkness of the earth nor anything fresh or dry, but is written in a Clear Record�
                  [al-An�aam 6:59]

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    check their social media posts and comments

                    And also their ummah forum post history if applicable

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by AbuMubarak View Post
                      The answer to that takes a lot

                      first, you, are you a good example of Islam to your children, do you teach them by example or by dictatorship, have you given them the mental, social, political, spiritual tools to properly understand their islam in this crazy world?

                      second, your children, are they good muslims or just barely muslim? My children vary within their islam and their spouses need to reflect that (good muslims for good muslims, bad muslims .... i dunno, just hope for the best)

                      Now lets move to the guy. You are giving your daughter to a stranger, someone who will have more control over her than you did, hence you MUST choose wisely. If you have been on this forum for any length of time, you see how crazy things can be. a guy can come across nice, and be a pure devil

                      So assess his islam, his manhood, his family, his dispositions, his stances on Islamic issues. LET HIM TALK. Listen. Is he just young and dumb, thats ok, as long as he is willing to learn or is he a know-it-all

                      Is his islam the same as your daughter's Islam?

                      Children, how will he raise your grandkids? does he eat mcdonalds (you may, for that matter). Does he LOOK like a Muslim? do you care?

                      So you see there are so many variables, its not easy to describe over the internet

                      One brother told me it is "human nature" to physically abuse a woman because Allah says so in Quran

                      Its this type of nonsense you have to detect, like i said, LET HIM TALK
                      human nature? thats madness

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Creamcake View Post
                        Wa Alaykumussalaam Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu,

                        I'll reply to this properly after, but just quickly..there is no such thing as too many background checks, you are giving your daughter away to a man that she will InshaaAllaah be spending the rest of her life with. Make sure no leaf is unturned.. ofcourse Islamically and generally too. Thats what my perspective is.
                        private investigator too much?

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Simply_Logical View Post

                          private investigator too much?
                          I've come to a point where I don't think it is too much. So first as a father, talk to the guy. Don't let your daughter/s near him until you've atleast established he's decent in terms of a good Muslim and has good character. Because afterwards.. they can see if they are compatible in deen, personality and mutual attraction etc, but atleast you have vetted the most important things.

                          Make sure your daughters do istikhaarah v important. Aswell as the above, gut instinct says a lot..Also Make sure u google search them and look on social media everywhere. Ask in their neighbourhood.. the imaam...at their workplace(if possible), at the masjid.. their family/friends/ppl that have known them for a long time. Du'aa, lots of it. Make sure they're not trying to rush anything. Make it clear if they wrong your daughter.. you are there. And if anything seems shady in the least, don't let it go or give them the benefit of the doubt. Make sure you meet their family. I honestly think a private investigator isn't a bad idea.. maybe my experience has scarred me. i know there is only so much we can do but if we do all of that, duaas and your daughters - istikhaarah, then even if something doesnt work out..you know u couldnt have done more, and Qadr Allaah. (ofcourse Qadr Allaah anyway but u know what I mean).
                          And with Him are the keys of the Ghayb (all that is hidden), none knows them but He. And He knows whatever there is in the land and in the sea; not a leaf falls, but He knows it. There is not a grain in the darkness of the earth nor anything fresh or dry, but is written in a Clear Record�
                          [al-An�aam 6:59]

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I have never hired a private investigator, i believe that is crossing the line

                            it is one thing to check out a brother, it is quite another to have some kafir spying on him

                            even a Muslim investigator, i would not feel comfortable

                            if you have that much doubt on the brother, dont marry your daughter to him
                            .لا نريد زعيما يخاف البيت الإبيض
                            نريد زعيما يخاف الواحد الأحد
                            دولة الإسلامية باقية





                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Creamcake View Post

                              I've come to a point where I don't think it is too much. So first as a father, talk to the guy. Don't let your daughter/s near him until you've atleast established he's decent in terms of a good Muslim and has good character. Because afterwards.. they can see if they are compatible in deen, personality and mutual attraction etc, but atleast you have vetted the most important things.

                              Make sure your daughters do istikhaarah v important. Aswell as the above, gut instinct says a lot..Also Make sure u google search them and look on social media everywhere. Ask in their neighbourhood.. the imaam...at their workplace(if possible), at the masjid.. their family/friends/ppl that have known them for a long time. Du'aa, lots of it. Make sure they're not trying to rush anything. Make it clear if they wrong your daughter.. you are there. And if anything seems shady in the least, don't let it go or give them the benefit of the doubt. Make sure you meet their family. I honestly think a private investigator isn't a bad idea.. maybe my experience has scarred me. i know there is only so much we can do but if we do all of that, duaas and your daughters - istikhaarah, then even if something doesnt work out..you know u couldnt have done more, and Qadr Allaah. (ofcourse Qadr Allaah anyway but u know what I mean).
                              why do people only use istikhaarah when it comes to marriage do you know?

                              yea after reading your experience it has made me question what exactly i should do when it comes to that time

                              Comment

                              Collapse

                              Edit this module to specify a template to display.

                              Working...
                              X