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The Mahr talk

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  • #76
    Originally posted by Flawed View Post

    I'm sure you will see what they look like after your meeting with them. Then you can give mahr based on their looks?


    Honestly this younger generation have no clue sighs
    okay grandma i'm old enough to know what I want and what I don't want

    I won't be giving purely based on looks but the looks will decide if I stick around beyond the tea and samosas

    too many sisters just want to chit chat, I ain't got time for that. Imagine the time wasted chatting to someone who turns out to be not all that I'd be gutted

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    • #77
      Originally posted by tevejat View Post

      okay grandma i'm old enough to know what I want and what I don't want

      I won't be giving purely based on looks but the looks will decide if I stick around beyond the tea and samosas

      too many sisters just want to chit chat, I ain't got time for that. Imagine the time wasted chatting to someone who turns out to be not all that I'd be gutted
      Feel bad for the younger generation under 25....

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      • #78
        no ones worth 10k
        instead use that money for a business investment

        dont give a family high mahr because you think youl not find another good potential coz you will you just have to have patience
        Last edited by Abu julaybeeb; 1 week ago.

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        • #79
          No ones worth 10k?

          My wife will be a million dollars

          Yani

          Jk,

          didnt you watch the video son. Mahr is not about the worth of the gyaldem. Gyaldem are priceless

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          • #80
            Originally posted by RuthlessSoftie View Post

            That's an interesting point you made about the limits thing. Some men may even make the woman's life difficult so she waivers the money off or seeks divorce herself and so he doesn't have to pay. I can see the reasoning behind the method but it's a bit flawed in practice. What if a guy just moves out rather than divorce and marries a second wife? That way he could easily not pay the money, not live with his wife either and also start new marriage, so whilst not divorced, he treats his first wife as someone he wants nothing to do with.

            I don't like the Egyptian method, it doesn't seem right. Mahr is a woman's money, she shouldn't be forced to spend it on furniture.
            There are ayahs in the Quran which warn against this which tell men to Fear Allah in regards to their women and "do not keep them hanging" and one verse translates as "release them handsomely" which means if you're going to divorce then do it in a generous way so that she isn't left destitute and "do not keep them hanging" means if you know the marriage is not working out then don't stay married in name only out of stinginess because the man is too cheap to pay the costs of divorce so she's either forced to stay in the marriage or else pushed into asking for khula so that they can officially break up but she isn't paid anything owed to her. It's well known that there are men who'd do that so they are warned against in the Quran- or worse, there are some who never pay mahr at all even after divorce and it's not necessarily because they can't afford it.
            The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

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            • #81
              Originally posted by neelu View Post

              There are ayahs in the Quran which warn against this which tell men to Fear Allah in regards to their women and "do not keep them hanging" and one verse translates as "release them handsomely" which means if you're going to divorce then do it in a generous way so that she isn't left destitute and "do not keep them hanging" means if you know the marriage is not working out then don't stay married in name only out of stinginess because the man is too cheap to pay the costs of divorce so she's either forced to stay in the marriage or else pushed into asking for khula so that they can officially break up but she isn't paid anything owed to her. It's well known that there are men who'd do that so they are warned against in the Quran- or worse, there are some who never pay mahr at all even after divorce and it's not necessarily because they can't afford it.
              Yeh I agree that wouldn't be good behaviour by the men.

              In the context of the conversation, I don't think stinginess would be the main reason. I don't think most men in Lebanon would be able to give 95k in the case of the divorce, it's not exactly a rich country. But then again it's their own fault for agreeing to it.

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              • #82
                Originally posted by Faith reloaded 2 View Post
                No ones worth 10k?

                My wife will be a million dollars

                Yani

                Jk,

                didnt you watch the video son. Mahr is not about the worth of the gyaldem. Gyaldem are priceless
                no i didnt
                too much feminism in that teatalk

                They arent priceless nor are men everyone has deficiencies they are from the dunya

                we shouldnt put our spouses or potentials on a pedestall and invest all our life into them

                they are part of the dunya if they benefit your akhira then alhamdullilah

                if they are bad for you then assalamu alaykum
                dont get taken advantage of

                people invest so much into their families and spouses and then when problems happen which does happen in life they get so upset but if you realised from the start that no one is perfect and everyone has deficiencies then you would never have gotten over emotionally invested so you would never get too hurt
                Last edited by Abu julaybeeb; 1 week ago.

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                • #83
                  Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

                  no i didnt
                  too much feminism in that teatalk

                  They arent priceless nor are men everyone has deficiencies they are from the dunya

                  we shouldnt put our spouses or potentials on a pedestall and invest all our life into them

                  they are part of the dunya if they benefit your akhira then alhamdullilah

                  if they are bad for you then assalamu alaykum
                  dont get taken advantage of

                  people invest so much into their families and spouses and then when problems happen which does happen in life they get so upset but if you realised from the start that no one is perfect and everyone has deficiencies then you would never have gotten over emotionally invested so you would never get too hurt
                  Very well said. I agree people invest way too much in other ppl.

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                  • #84
                    Originally posted by tevejat View Post

                    It could be because he did not have the money which would mean his situation was not taken into consideration when a figure was put to him

                    btw, thanks for "Sister the Artist" just noticed it

                    Why consider marriage if you don't have the money?

                    Suppose she gets pregnant a few months into the marriage, then how are finances going to be prepared as the family grows? especially when you haven't paid her mahr? Makes illogical sense when you start off at the wrong foot by not settling what is obligatory in the first place.

                    Are you willing to disclose how much you are making to a potential before you marry her?

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                    • #85
                      You know some of the blue collar workers in UAE, if you ask them why did they come to work abroad, they would say to earn money to get married. The financial barrier is so huge that you need to get foreign standard wages to get married.

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                      • #86
                        https://islamqa.info/en/answers/1052...-is-the-sunnah

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                        • #87
                          OK. Good that the answer mentioned mahr is not a measure of her worth, just to clarify the other users on here. If I converted dirhams to my currency it would be around S$150.

                          If you want it easy and "negotiated" by the bride-to-be, then it is a good idea to declare at the start how much you make. Give a rough estimate of your annual income or a range of figures without being too exact..only if you want).
                          Last edited by nudgetheputri1; 1 week ago.

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                          • #88
                            Originally posted by notEVOLVED View Post
                            You know some of the blue collar workers in UAE, if you ask them why did they come to work abroad, they would say to earn money to get married. The financial barrier is so huge that you need to get foreign standard wages to get married.
                            You mean a better standard of living to raise the next generation of their children?

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                            • #89
                              Originally posted by nudgetheputri1 View Post

                              You mean a better standard of living to raise the next generation of their children?
                              No. To pay for the marriage expenses.

                              Comment


                              • #90
                                Originally posted by nudgetheputri1 View Post


                                Why consider marriage if you don't have the money?

                                Suppose she gets pregnant a few months into the marriage, then how are finances going to be prepared as the family grows? especially when you haven't paid her mahr? Makes illogical sense when you start off at the wrong foot by not settling what is obligatory in the first place.

                                Are you willing to disclose how much you are making to a potential before you marry her?
                                you don't need to have 000s sloshing around to get married our provision is from Allah swt several ayah mention this

                                I earn a fair bit and I don't disclose this and I don't want this to influence her decision

                                a potential will have all she needs to make an informed decision, I don't lie and I don't cheat

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