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  • #61
    Originally posted by UmmAbdullah86 View Post
    There was a western tradition pertaining to how much a man should spend on the engagement ring, and it was usually decided by his monthly salary.
    Maybe because rings are bought with money, and people generally obtain money through their monthly salaries?

    I don't see how this makes it a kaafir tradition, it's just an obvious way to look at it.
    You think you know more than my scholar's qiyās? He was more learned than you and all other scholars combined. Yeah, the devil was the greatest scholar too and look where his qiyās of fire being better than tīn got him. Sorry.

    You follow your scholar's qiyās, and I will follow the Qur'ān and Sunnah.

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    • #62
      Originally posted by Linkdeutscher View Post
      Maybe because rings are bought with money, and people generally obtain money through their monthly salaries?

      I don't see how this makes it a kaafir tradition, it's just an obvious way to look at it.
      Oh I'm not saying it's a kaafir tradition, just that this might have been where it came from.

      Comment


      • #63
        I know this thread "Marriage like a BF/GF relationship?" is closed but Flawed said false words about me (post # 135). I don't know what she was on about. She just made things up. I never said anyone should do injustices to any women nor did I say anything about whats happening in the world. All I said some men may want younger virgin women. Our religion tell us to remain chaste(before marriage) so if a brother remained chaste, whats wrong if he wants to marry a chaste younger woman?
        Anyways I just want to say sorry to anyone if I offended you, I hope matter is closed now.


        ​​​​
        Last edited by ThisIsJannah; 01-07-21, 07:36 PM.

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        • #64
          Originally posted by ThisIsJannah View Post
          I know this thread "Marriage like a BF/GF relationship?" is closed but Flawed said false words about me (post # 135). I don't know what she was on about. She just made things up. I never said anyone should do injustices to any women nor did I say anything about whats happening in the world. All I said some men may want younger virgin women. Our religion tell us to remain chaste(before marriage) so if a brother remained chaste, whats wrong if he wants to marry a chaste younger woman?
          Anyways I just want to say sorry to anyone if I offended you, I hope matter is closed now.


          ​​​​
          It's sad that that thread got massively derailed, it was interesting to hear the differing thoughts. FWIW your point wasn't in any way controversial as far as I could see.

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          • #65
            Originally posted by UmmAbdullah86 View Post

            It's sad that that thread got massively derailed, it was interesting to hear the differing thoughts. FWIW your point wasn't in any way controversial as far as I could see.
            And the user who suggested that the men on this forum who might prefer a young virgin wife have the same mentality as soldiers raping muslim virgin women? They should be permanently banned. But don't worry justice will be done to all those slandered in this life or the next.

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            • #66
              Originally posted by Eorlingas View Post

              And the user who suggested that the men on this forum who might prefer a young virgin wife have the same mentality as soldiers raping muslim virgin women? They should be permanently banned. But don't worry justice will be done to all those slandered in this life or the next.
              Report the post if you have not already.

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              • #67
                The previous thread was quite an eye-opener for me with regards to the whole Katb al-Kitab/pre-Rukhsati period. I didn't really comprehend that such a phase in the marriage procedure was even relevant or could be expected in the future. Most preachers online place emphasis on getting to know your spouse during the pre-martial meetings in front of the Wali or Mahrams, but never seem to mention familiarizing yourselves in between the Nikah contract and consumating the marriage/Walimah. However, I have heard some of them recommend getting to know each other during the engagement process, but this would presumably be in the presence of the Wali since the couple are not officially married.

                I guess my issue with this is the possibility of things getting on the wrong foot depending on the situation and circumstance. It wouldn't be advisable in my opinion for this period to be legnthy, or for the couple to have long winded conversations on the phone and childish/immature text messages. Maybe just a week or two in between the marriage contract and the Walimah, but anything more than that is unnecessary and pushing it. The husband should have the maritial home prepared before even searching for a wife.

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                • #68
                  Yes my point wasn't controversial and most of the discussions I wasn't involved. I only made a small comment once. I'm not afraid to say sorry. Even if I think I was right I still apologise because I don't like to hurt anyone. I lost count how many times I said sorry here even though I wasn't offensive.
                  I think I have received harsh criticisms but nothing was said to her.
                  Last edited by ThisIsJannah; 01-07-21, 11:06 PM.

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                  • #69
                    Originally posted by AmantuBillahi View Post
                    The previous thread was quite an eye-opener for me with regards to the whole Katb al-Kitab/pre-Rukhsati period. I didn't really comprehend that such a phase in the marriage procedure was even relevant or could be expected in the future. Most preachers online place emphasis on getting to know your spouse during the pre-martial meetings in front of the Wali or Mahrams, but never seem to mention familiarizing yourselves in between the Nikah contract and consumating the marriage/Walimah. However, I have heard some of them recommend getting to know each other during the engagement process, but this would presumably be in the presence of the Wali since the couple are not officially married.

                    I guess my issue with this is the possibility of things getting on the wrong foot depending on the situation and circumstance. It wouldn't be advisable in my opinion for this period to be legnthy, or for the couple to have long winded conversations on the phone and childish/immature text messages. Maybe just a week or two in between the marriage contract and the Walimah, but anything more than that is unnecessary and pushing it. The husband should have the maritial home prepared before even searching for a wife.
                    This is a completely side issue, but for brothers out there don't 100% prepare the home before marriage. This is the wife's home too, she should have some input about how it is decorated and furnishings etc. I will always remember a brother on here once advising brothers of this and I thought he was so spot on mashaAllah. She will spend more time in the home than you, you owe it to her to make it to her liking.

                    Comment


                    • #70
                      Originally posted by UmmAbdullah86 View Post

                      This is a completely side issue, but for brothers out there don't 100% prepare the home before marriage. This is the wife's home too, she should have some input about how it is decorated and furnishings etc. I will always remember a brother on here once advising brothers of this and I thought he was so spot on mashaAllah. She will spend more time in the home than you, you owe it to her to make it to her liking.
                      GingerBreadMan's advice lives on. Or maybe it was GingerBeardMan, I can't remember.

                      Comment


                      • #71
                        Originally posted by RuthlessSoftie View Post

                        GingerBreadMan's advice lives on. Or maybe it was GingerBeardMan, I can't remember.
                        GingerBeardMan son.

                        Comment


                        • #72
                          Originally posted by RuthlessSoftie View Post

                          GingerBreadMan's advice lives on. Or maybe it was GingerBeardMan, I can't remember.
                          Yes it was him, may Allah reward him.

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                          • #73
                            He has a blog https://gingerbeardmansite.wordpress.com/

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                            • #74
                              As far as I’m concerned, she can decorate the home however she pleases. Just let me have my man cave

                              Comment


                              • #75
                                Originally posted by UmmAbdullah86 View Post

                                This is a completely side issue, but for brothers out there don't 100% prepare the home before marriage. This is the wife's home too, she should have some input about how it is decorated and furnishings etc. I will always remember a brother on here once advising brothers of this and I thought he was so spot on mashaAllah. She will spend more time in the home than you, you owe it to her to make it to her liking.
                                What I meant there is that he should have his own home before even searching for a wife. Besides, she could always decorate and rearrange things after moving in. I don't see why this has to happen in between the Nikah contract and consumating the marriage, but that's besides the point I'm making anyway.

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