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Of men, women and marriage

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  • #46
    Every marriage has its trials. I doubt anyone ever has the perfect marriage from the point of nikaah up until death.

    Men and women both have their flaws and deficiencies.

    It's how we deal with and overlook our weaknesses and the weaknesses of our spouses, that determines a real strength of character.



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    • #47
      How long do you think it would total if you counted the time every UF member ever spent posting about marriage?

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      • #48
        Originally posted by Mufti Cheesecake View Post

        Ya, Gaza, Ramallah, and the other city which is religious, I think it was Hebron or something.
        Found it again and watched half, seems to mostly be about being different culturally in different areas and because Palestinians like keeping their kids near

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11Ka...reyGil-Shuster

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        • #49
          Originally posted by RuthlessSoftie View Post

          Found it again and watched half, seems to mostly be about being different culturally in different areas and because Palestinians like keeping their kids near

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11Ka...reyGil-Shuster
          Ya, and then for that one city they just say they have a different "mentality", and then are too shy to elaborate, others explain that they're really religious, conservative, etc.

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          • #50
            https://www.youtube.com/post/UgyCjBSoxWCpHjzhog54AaABCQ

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            • #51
              I'm surprised 24% chose 1 years salary. That could be 20k+ in the UK. I've never heard of an average man give that much.

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              • #52
                Originally posted by RuthlessSoftie View Post

                I'm surprised 24% chose 1 years salary. That could be 20k+ in the UK. I've never heard of an average man give that much.
                Could have been the sisters. You can't see the results without voting. He should have added an answer for sisters so that they can see the results.

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                • #53
                  Originally posted by notEVOLVED View Post

                  Could have been the sisters. You can't see the results without voting. He should have added an answer for sisters so that they can see the results.
                  Maybe son, maybe.

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                  • #54
                    Even this crap of oh this many months salary is from movies and kuffar

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                    • #55
                      Assalamo alaikum

                      I don't know why so many brothers on here are hell bent on pushing the idea that living with inlaws is a more superior way of life and any woman who doesn't want to is less religious. I've done it, albeit temporarily (about 18 months) and whilst it wasn't a disaster alhamdulillah as a married couple you are very restricted in what you can do and as a mother (and human in general) your sense of autonomy is diluted. It doesn't matter how much compassion women have, there naturally as in any group will form a hierarchy which results in one woman of the house being the boss and everyone else having to toe the line behind. I can also say from experience that no matter how careful you are about segregation accidents happen, a BIL will walk in on you by mistake etc or expect you to confine yourself to your room as he wants free rein in the house.

                      Regarding mahr, mine was a tiny amount and i used to be quite judgemental of sisters who asked for significant amounts until I lived in Muslim countries. Life in the west is cheap in comparison and money is more available. Many families (my own included) don't have vast amounts of money to spend, each child may only have a few outfits to wear, so they NEED money from mahr to buy her clothes to take to her husband's house. Husbands expect their wives to arrive with nice clothes/perfume etc and wider family/society expects her to have some gold to wear. Many women, unless they have worked will not have a penny to their name, so some look upon the mahr as a form of insurance, or even if they want money to spend on their own family. Eg I was shocked that my BILs wife has to buy presents for her family out of her own money, my BIL cannot afford to do it (he has a very large family on his side) so if someone on her side gives birth or gets married she is expected to buy them things herself. I grew up very much with the idea of 'joint money' and when i got married had that idea, so I got inheritance for example and I didn't think twice about adding it to the family kitty. It was very shocking to me to go to my family abroad and see my SIL telling her husband that he owed her £5 etc, but when she told how their system worked I could understand. In saying that though mahr has become not a gift, as it was intended, but a value of worth that women/girls place upon themselves which is totally wrong and the amounts are very excessive, may Allah swt guide us all.

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                      • #56
                        https://youtu.be/JqyAeHGK9Co

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                        • #57
                          https://www.youtube.com/post/UgxIlFWSa8QoDFmmmDd4AaABCQ

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                          • #58
                            1 month seems to win in both polls.

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                            • #59
                              Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
                              Even this crap of oh this many months salary is from movies and kuffar
                              Erm how?
                              You think you know more than my scholar's qiyās? He was more learned than you and all other scholars combined. Yeah, the devil was the greatest scholar too and look where his qiyās of fire being better than tīn got him. Sorry.

                              You follow your scholar's qiyās, and I will follow the Qur'ān and Sunnah.

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                              • #60
                                There was a western tradition pertaining to how much a man should spend on the engagement ring, and it was usually decided by his monthly salary.

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