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  • #31
    We should question everything, that's how we find truth and understanding.
    I didn't blame the marriage sites, I only said that they don't work at least for most people.
    The reasons for the crisis are many, including female empowerment with regards to feminism, women adopting masculine role's thus not needing a man to be a provider, secularism, people turning away from religion, making relationships outside of wedlock lawful according to secular systems thus allowing men and women to fornicate, materialism, using marriage as a vehicle for materialism, individualism, lack of value placed on maintaining ties of kinship and building relationships with local people, Internet turning people into zombies who no longer have the social skills beyond pressing buttons on their smartphones and taking selfies

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    • #32
      Sadly, the divorce rates in the Muslim community have risen quite a bit. You might be able to find another sister who is also divorced. There are online apps to help with that. Do NOT install muslim mingle . Basically don't install any app with the word 'mingle' in it. The same company makes a bunch of dating apps. They sell your location data. Where you should look depends on what you are looking for. Western born/bred women tend to be less conservative than the women in the east (assuming east is 'back home'). Muzmatch and Halfourdeen.com are good places to look.

      Before you look for someone else, you should look at your current situation and note all of the things you did that led you down this path. Then, fix them. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result :).Speak to a divorce attorney. Even if you think you don't need one. He/she would be the best person to answer the divorce process questions you have. And, talk to a local sheikh. Figure out what her rights are and what yours are. Then give her ALL her rights , even if she doesn't give you yours. Do this because you want to make Allah happy. Allah does not disappoint his slaves.

      Beware of in-laws. Yours and hers. Yours might be out for blood. Hers might try to assassinate her character. Stop her in-laws from doing that and be careful of yours.

      While searching for a wife remember that the Quran states: good men for good women , good women for good men. Do NOT flirt even a little with your potential wife before marriage.

      The biggest problem you will face is : loneliness. The lack of physical affection. If she made your life miserable, then you will feel relieved for a while then loneliness will set in. I would advise you not to be jaded and not all women are the same (assuming your wife made your life hell). If you made her life a living hell then she will feel relieved and you will spend the rest of your life in regret.

      Islamically the kids should be with her if they are too young. Boy till he is 7, girl till she reaches puberty. Pray salatul istikhara and hajat . You will never be dissappointed by those 2 salahs. If you are not in a condition to pray the salah, then read the dua.

      May Allah make it easy for you. Ameen

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      • #33
        Salaams all,

        Brother you didn’t mention if you have kids. That would make a huge difference in your ability to remarry. If you do have kids, do you only want to marry single never married sisters with no prior kids or are you open to divorced sisters with kids? It might be easier to remarry if you are open to marrying sisters similar to you in the sense that they may also have experience with marriage and kids.

        However, I hope you and your wife can reconcile. Whatever path you decide to take, May Allah make it easy for you.
        Therefore remember Me, I will remember you, And be thankful to Me, and do not be ungrateful to Me." [Qur'an 2:152]
        Behold in the Remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction."
        [Al Quran 13:28]
        ]

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        • #34
          Originally posted by ak89 View Post
          I am a male in my mid 30s and in the process of getting divorced. Brothers who have been divorced, can you tell me how your experience was and how long or difficult it was for you to get remarried, if applicable.

          Sisters, would you marry someone who is divorced and you have never been married?

          Lastly, as an individual who is divorced, what challenges will I face? What age group and geographic area should I look in? ie: back home or in N. America where I live

          Jazak
          If you are in the process of getting divorced, then don’t focus too much on ‘what ifs’ because 1) your situation may not be bad enough to warrant a divorce and you may end up thinking that the grass is greener and believe that you can marry very quickly so may act hasty in your divorce or 2) your situation may be very very bad, intolerable even and the fear of not being able to re marry may lead you to procrastinate when it comes to the divorce..

          Whats meant to reach you, will reach you and other people’s experiences doesn’t matter. There are some divorcees who can easily re marry even if they have children and there are others, who cannot so it’s not a one size fits all approach.

          Important thing is to focus on the present... then seek the counsel of Allah and tackle the situation when it comes to you.
          https://islamicgemsandpearls.wordpress.com

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          • #35
            Originally posted by ak89 View Post
            Sisters, would you marry someone who is divorced and you have never been married?
            Why are you asking this? Why should a divorced man get to marry a never married muslim sister? if you want to remarry, you find a divorced sister for marriage.

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            • #36
              Originally posted by kingfisher View Post
              I'm sorry to hear about your divorce but if you could still save your marriage I would try to because it's extremely difficult to get married now, even for people who have never been married. Unless you're wealthy and have a great job, then you will attract some money hungry women otherwise you're gonna struggle to find someone on your level to marry as a man. Women generally marry up the socioeconomic ladder, meaning your value as a man needs to be much greater than hers for her to accept you. Research into female hypergamy to understand what I'm talking about.

              You'll find it easier to marry someone from back home, assuming back home is a poor country because poor women will be attracted to wealthy men from richer countries and will marry them to migrate to the richer countries in order to access more wealth and material resources, it will be a passport marriage.

              As for finding someone genuine who will actually love you for who you are as a man, your values, your religion, your character, that's gonna be almost impossible.

              There's lots of single mum's out there looking for a wealthy nice guy to take care of her and her kids, so if you are willing to raise another man's kids and become her sugar daddy, then you shouldn't have too many problems finding a single mum.
              take your atheist views to a different forum, child

              Comment


              • #37
                No, why would I marry a divorced man? I would only marry a divorced man if I was divorced myself.

                Comment


                • #38
                  Originally posted by Hoblos View Post
                  No, why would I marry a divorced man? I would only marry a divorced man if I was divorced myself.
                  Why do you narrow your choices? in shaa ALLAH a divorced chaste muslim man could be better than us chaste virgin muslimeen men for you to marry because he is more experience in the marriage department than a chaste virgin muslim man. If your a divorced chaste muslimah woman you can marry a chaste virgin muslim man in shaa ALLAH and not just a chaste divorced muslim man.
                  Islam allows this so why you restrict yourself due to cultural reasons?

                  Assalamu Alaykom Sister
                  ALLAH AL-ATHEEM created everything. Therefore ALLAH AL-ATHEEM created the earth and everything in the earth and created all of the heavens and everything in all of these heavens and created all of the hells and everything in all of these hells and created all of the universes and everything in all of these universes and created everything in between them.

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                  • #39
                    Originally posted by ABDEL-ATHEEM View Post

                    Why do you narrow your choices? in shaa ALLAH A divorced chaste muslim man could be better than us chaste virgin muslimeen men for you to marry because he is more experience in the marriage department than a chaste virgin muslim man. If your a divorced chaste muslimah woman you can marry a chaste virgin muslim man in shaa ALLAH and not just a chaste divorced muslim man.
                    Islam allows this so why you restrict yourself due to cultural reasons?

                    Assalamu Alaykom Sister
                    preference really brother. in the same way educated people want to marry other educated people, surely the first choice is to marry a man who is also chaste?

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Originally posted by Hoblos View Post
                      preference really brother. in the same way educated people want to marry other educated people, surely the first choice is to marry a man who is also chaste?
                      I understand and sister your free to have your own preference in marriage in shaa ALLAH I hope you succeed in everything halaal you do always. But realize this that divorced muslimeen men can be chaste and divorced muslimaat women can be chaste just as equally as virgin muslimeen men can be chaste and virgin muslimaat women can be chaste.
                      Last edited by ABDEL-ATHEEM; 26-12-20, 01:48 PM.
                      ALLAH AL-ATHEEM created everything. Therefore ALLAH AL-ATHEEM created the earth and everything in the earth and created all of the heavens and everything in all of these heavens and created all of the hells and everything in all of these hells and created all of the universes and everything in all of these universes and created everything in between them.

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Originally posted by ABDEL-ATHEEM View Post
                        I understand and sister your free to have your preference in marriage in shaa ALLAH I hope you succeed in everything halaal you do always. But realize this that divorced muslimeen men can be chaste and divorced muslimaat women can be chaste just as equally as virgin muslimeen men can be chaste and virgin muslimaat women can be chaste.
                        I was unaware of this, thank you for educating me.

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                        • #42
                          Originally posted by Hoblos View Post

                          I was unaware of this, thank you for educating me.
                          your welcome
                          ALLAH AL-ATHEEM created everything. Therefore ALLAH AL-ATHEEM created the earth and everything in the earth and created all of the heavens and everything in all of these heavens and created all of the hells and everything in all of these hells and created all of the universes and everything in all of these universes and created everything in between them.

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            Originally posted by ABDEL-ATHEEM View Post

                            Why do you narrow your choices? in shaa ALLAH a divorced chaste muslim man could be better than us chaste virgin muslimeen men for you to marry because he is more experience in the marriage department than a chaste virgin muslim man. If your a divorced chaste muslimah woman you can marry a chaste virgin muslim man in shaa ALLAH and not just a chaste divorced muslim man.
                            Islam allows this so why you restrict yourself due to cultural reasons?

                            Assalamu Alaykom Sister
                            Being experienced is not necessarily a good thing.

                            Lots of women want their husband to be similar to them so that they are each other firsts in everything.

                            I think there's nothing wrong with having this kind of preference.

                            I do understand you want good though, jazak Allah Khair bro.

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              For me personally,it makes no difference and never has done. The only thing that would concern me is if the circumstances around the divorce don't add up/are weird, because then I'd worry if this person took marriage lightly. But aslong as it was a valid reason(because some people can end up being frauds etc) then why would I look down on a divorcee or consider him, any less than a non divorcee? There is absolutely no difference in my eyes, if the person is meant for me and meets my criteria. But I know that a lot of unmarried Muslim women wish to marry unmarried Muslim men,so it is a preference. But it's sad when people say no(simply on this basis), when everything else is fine. I understand a lot of families have issues with this too, which again I don't understand. Divorce shouldn't be a tabboo. Especially when the reason is valid and not something minor/small. If the latter then it's a completely different case.

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                              • #45
                                Originally posted by Palpay View Post

                                Why are you asking this? Why should a divorced man get to marry a never married muslim sister? if you want to remarry, you find a divorced sister for marriage.
                                whats wrong with a divorced person marrying a never married person before?

                                why cant a divorced person marry a person whos never been married before?

                                is it haram? makrooh? if so please provide daleel (evidence)

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