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  • Divrocee questions

    I am a male in my mid 30s and in the process of getting divorced. Brothers who have been divorced, can you tell me how your experience was and how long or difficult it was for you to get remarried, if applicable.

    Sisters, would you marry someone who is divorced and you have never been married?

    Lastly, as an individual who is divorced, what challenges will I face? What age group and geographic area should I look in? ie: back home or in N. America where I live

    Jazak

  • #2
    No, if I'm never married, I'd prefer a never married virgin who is chaste
    if I'm divorced, then I'd prefer a divorced man

    The only challenge you might face is due to the reason why you are getting divorced in the first place. Sisters will want to know the reasons and what you learnt from the failure of your first marriage, if anything.

    There are men who have kids who want women without children to accept their kids but won't even accept one child of hers. I don't like that.

    ​​​​
    I hope that was helpful

    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

    Comment


    • #3
      I'm sorry to hear about your divorce but if you could still save your marriage I would try to because it's extremely difficult to get married now, even for people who have never been married. Unless you're wealthy and have a great job, then you will attract some money hungry women otherwise you're gonna struggle to find someone on your level to marry as a man. Women generally marry up the socioeconomic ladder, meaning your value as a man needs to be much greater than hers for her to accept you. Research into female hypergamy to understand what I'm talking about.

      You'll find it easier to marry someone from back home, assuming back home is a poor country because poor women will be attracted to wealthy men from richer countries and will marry them to migrate to the richer countries in order to access more wealth and material resources, it will be a passport marriage.

      As for finding someone genuine who will actually love you for who you are as a man, your values, your religion, your character, that's gonna be almost impossible.

      There's lots of single mum's out there looking for a wealthy nice guy to take care of her and her kids, so if you are willing to raise another man's kids and become her sugar daddy, then you shouldn't have too many problems finding a single mum.

      Comment


      • #4
        Hmm
        no kingfisher, most women work these days and are financially independent

        Women want companionship and even if they don't work they don't want a rich man but someone that can provide for them which is a very acceptable request as this is part of marriage and a wali has to try to make sure the bride is given away to someone responsible

        As for single mums, some benefit from the welfare system, others are earning good salaries and don't even think about money when it comes to marriage

        It's about growing old with someone and finding love which is priceless

        'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

        So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

        Comment


        • #5
          Ya'sin love is pretty much dead in our time. Female hypergamy is natural to women because they are hard wired to find men who have the resources to help them to raise their offspring, just like men are hard wired to find young fertile women. Even though most women are financially independent but they still want a wealthy man because it's naturally hard wired into them.

          Example a woman who is a solicitor will not marry a man who is a taxi driver, she wants someone atleast equal to her in terms of wealth, she is used to living a higher standard of living, so she expects the man to live up to at least her wealth standard.

          We live in a materialistic world in which most people worship money, so in this world it's the love of money which motivates people. If women who were financially independent did not care about the wealth status of her husband, then you would find plenty of examples of wealthy women marrying poorer men, for example a school teacher marrying a guy who works in a fast food place.

          The modern woman does not love you, she loves what you can do for her in terms of sex and pampering her with your wealth. This is why you will often hear that women love bad boys. If you are a nice guy she will ignore you or at best will friend zone you.

          Love only exists in the movies.

          Comment


          • #6
            Hollywood lies to you, it's only when you end up gaining real life experience interacting with women and also listening to men who have been divorced or men who have been with lots of women, that's when you truly understand female nature and wake up from this idea of romantic love. We men have this idealistic notion of being in love because we were brainwashed by society.

            Comment


            • #7
              Hello kingfisher,

              Movies are usually disgusting. It's tacky material created to make business. I don't rely on ugly 'entertainment' to teach me what love is, never have down.

              Realistically, yes, love does exist. If it didn't exist then marriage would not be expressed in the way it is in our religion.

              A husband and wife are garments for one another, the coolness of each others eyes. Marriage is commitment and caring about our spouse. On the day of someone's wedding, the angels send blessings, this is a special union. You will meet all sorts of women, they are not all the same.

              Someone that wants a halal relationship will appreciate companionship because people who want to take marriage seriously will understand that love is priceless.

              Romantic love is narrated by Aisha radiallahuanha, may Allah SWT be pleased with her. The affection between the prophet and Aisha Ra is something that Muslims can look up to because it isn't unrealistic.

              it is hard to find someone but this doesn't mean that we should give up on tawaqqul

              Trust in Allah and think good of Allah. Make dua and understand your role as a husband.

              Don't obsess with some research written by a non Muslim. You should familiarise yourself with your own womenfolk. Read about the nature of women and the sahabiyyas.




              'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

              So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by ak89 View Post
                I am a male in my mid 30s and in the process of getting divorced. Brothers who have been divorced, can you tell me how your experience was and how long or difficult it was for you to get remarried, if applicable.

                Sisters, would you marry someone who is divorced and you have never been married?

                Lastly, as an individual who is divorced, what challenges will I face? What age group and geographic area should I look in? ie: back home or in N. America where I live

                Jazak
                You should try to work on your marriage and not get divorced it’s a horrible thing brother

                Comment


                • #9
                  I am a single female, never married and I would consider a divorcee for two reasons, the first being that divorcees have already experienced a bad marriage, I think they will be better able to appreciate a good woman when they find one (providing that the woman wasn't of good character). You would also think a man would have gained some wisdom and valuable lessons from his first marriage.. The second reason is just to increase the size of the net really, the more there is to choose from the better the chances are of finding someone...

                  also brother kingfisher, you have some harsh views there on women. We're not all the same! Of course we want some financial security but I'm sure there are a lot of women who just want to find someone who they can emotionally connect with more than just wealth.

                  We're not all that shallow, some of us have depth.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Wandering soul if you consider my views to be harsh, then please tell the reason why so many women who enjoy so much freedom today are failing to get married?
                    Not every woman is the same, but the majority are the same because they grew up in the same environment/culture and this is applies to men as well.

                    As far as financial security goes, these women are mostly career women and are already financially secure, so that is just a cover for excessive greed and wanting to devour the man's wealth on top of her own wealth. When a woman says financially secure she means she is greedy for material wealth. Most women will never say they want a man with whom their emaan will be secure, in fact most women find a guy who is religious a turn off because most are secular.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Lets clarify something here, I am talking about a different category of women- those who are not career orientated, are happy to take the role of looking after the home and raising kids. Whereas you're talking about the career orientated woman who has more modern views. Both exist, believe it or not. I don't know where you've been finding such woman who are full of greed but most women that I know personally would beg to differ. Yes the environment and society we grow up in often shapes us into who we are, but has not Allah swt given us aql to be able to reason for ourselves?

                      There are many reasons people are failing to find partners and this applies to both men and women; that would need a whole 'nother thread.

                      If brother ak89 is a decent guy I'm sure he will find a suitable match inshaAllah. Statistically there are more women than men looking to get married anyway so this should help you feel hopeful. And I've noticed so many guys who are looking to get married are divorced so it's not like you're going to be a small minority. I know a divorced brother who got married around 2 years of his divorce which I think is relatively quick.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by A Wandering Soul View Post
                        Lets clarify something here, I am talking about a different category of women- those who are not career orientated, are happy to take the role of looking after the home and raising kids. Whereas you're talking about the career orientated woman who has more modern views. Both exist, believe it or not. I don't know where you've been finding such woman who are full of greed but most women that I know personally would beg to differ. Yes the environment and society we grow up in often shapes us into who we are, but has not Allah swt given us aql to be able to reason for ourselves?

                        There are many reasons people are failing to find partners and this applies to both men and women; that would need a whole 'nother thread.

                        If brother ak89 is a decent guy I'm sure he will find a suitable match inshaAllah. Statistically there are more women than men looking to get married anyway so this should help you feel hopeful. And I've noticed so many guys who are looking to get married are divorced so it's not like you're going to be a small minority. I know a divorced brother who got married around 2 years of his divorce which I think is relatively quick.
                        I agree ukhti. I've personally also heard of many divorced brothers getting remarried, even sooner than 2 years after their divorce (think more like within a couple of months). I've noticed that especially among certain religious groups they remarry easily and quickly, even the women. And Allaah knows best.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Wandering soul since you personally know of good women, you can put me in touch with the single one's seeking marriage, that will be a good deed on your part and may result in 2 people finding happiness in sha Allah

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by kingfisher View Post
                            Wandering soul since you personally know of good women, you can put me in touch with the single one's seeking marriage, that will be a good deed on your part and may result in 2 people finding happiness in sha Allah


                            Whoah easy there, i thought I was forward
                            UF is like some A&E for the single people struggling to get married

                            Just be careful as you are newbies on the forum

                            Some guy got proper mugged ere so you have to be very responsible about this as the forum admins won't be able to do much when you have dished out the mahr and the family have done a runner with it

                            Just be warned, I am not kidding by the way, I'm only letting you know


                            'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                            So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by kingfisher View Post

                              The modern woman does not love you, she loves what you can do for her in terms of sex and pampering her with your wealth. This is why you will often hear that women love bad boys. If you are a nice guy she will ignore you or at best will friend zone you.

                              Love only exists in the movies.
                              Lol get off the internet, and stop believing everything you read on kafir forums.
                              Last edited by Stoic Believer; 11-12-20, 09:45 PM.

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