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Unmarried mother as a result of rape. No parents want their Son to marry me

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  • muslimahc
    replied
    Originally posted by RevertSana View Post
    I have a child as a result of being raped. I knew that having a child would make it more difficult for me to meet someone as it is a dealbreaker for some people but never expected it to be this difficult.
    However the issue I am facing is not with men but their parents. On several occasions a man has wanted to proceed with marriage and been fully accepting of the fact I have a child but once he has discussed with my parents that I have a child they immediately say they don’t think he should marry me. My Son is 7.
    They know my child is the result of rape and I’ve had no consensual sexual contact but it makes no difference.
    I am a revert but I’ve always been religious and never consented to any sexual acts outside of marriage.
    At first I accepted these rejections but now it has started to break my heart. I am 31 and feel I will never get married.
    In my culture parental opinion isn’t even sought before marriage so this is so strange for me.
    I was hoping to meet someone conservative but it seems the conservative men are the ones more likely to be very strict about following in their parents wishes and since the men themselves seem to accept that I’m a parent I’d have more luck proceeding to marriage with someone who is willing to marry someone their parents wouldn’t choose themselves.

    I find it so sad that someone can accept me and my child but then reject marriage because their parents don’t want them to marry someone with a child. i wonder sometimes if they don’t believe I was raped and think I have committed haram acts.

    I am of course praying for marriage. I especially want to get married so that my Son can have a male Muslim in his life.

    I don’t know what to do now as this situation has played out so many times. I don’t want to marry someone who has a child as my Son would struggle with that for reasons I won’t go into.

    Can anyone advise me On what to do to combat this issue of parental disapproval I am facing so that I can find a good husband?
    Salaams sister,

    I’m sorry you went through that traumatic experience. May Allah make it easy for you.

    Question: Have you also tried being matched with brothers who may also have kids themselves? They may be more open to you having a child.

    P.S. I just realized you said you don’t want to marry someone who has a child. So why are you upset about being rejected for the same reason? Just like you don’t want to marry someone with kids, neither do they. Why do you want brothers to accept something you can’t accept?
    Last edited by muslimahc; 01-12-20, 10:27 PM.

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  • DesertWarrior
    replied
    Mums would have more success finding a divorcè or widower. It’s not hard to figure out why.

    Men who are divorced/widowed have little standards and mostly don’t live around with parents (they don’t care either). Young singles on the other hand are usually kept on leech for cultural reasons.
    Last edited by DesertWarrior; 29-11-20, 08:05 AM.

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  • AkhSlaveofarRahman
    replied
    Originally posted by RevertSana View Post

    Yes he is. He apologised and did not do it again. I suspect he has some sexual experience though as he was too confident to have been a virgin entirely. By that I mean maybe in the past he has done sexual acts but not full intercourse. He has told me though that he is a virgin.
    If he wanted To try to use me for sex he would not have ended contact by saying his parents don’t approve of me. He could have delayed telling them and carried on trying to video chat or call. Overall I think he is a good man with good intentions.
    Assalamu alaikum

    I read what you write and I think subhanAllah.
    You should leave this guy, I dont think he would want to have a woman who doubts him and thinks evil of him.
    This is my advice to you. You should go to a local mosque and find someone better.

    Leave a comment:


  • Simply_Logical
    replied
    Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

    Because my beard is self sufficient I have time to focus on my feelings.
    Lol

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  • Simply_Logical
    replied
    Originally posted by muzzybee View Post

    Let the man dream son
    Might turn into a nightmare 🌃

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  • zi-zizou
    replied
    Originally posted by Simply_Logical View Post

    do you still have feelings at that age chacha? lol
    Because my beard is self sufficient I have time to focus on my feelings.

    Leave a comment:


  • muzzybee
    replied
    Originally posted by Simply_Logical View Post

    do you still have feelings at that age chacha? lol
    Let the man dream son

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  • ABDEL-ATHEEM
    replied
    Originally posted by nudgetheputri1 View Post
    Why do you need his parents' approval? I thought his decision to marry you should be up to him only?
    Yes he can marry her in shaa ALLAH without his parents approval, because a muslim man does not need approval from anyone at all before they marry a woman. But it is a cultural thing only because he wants to please his parents, out of respect for them.

    Assalamu Alaykom Sister
    Last edited by ABDEL-ATHEEM; 26-11-20, 09:44 PM.

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  • nudgetheputri1
    replied
    Why do you need his parents' approval? I thought his decision to marry you should be up to him only?

    Sorry to hear about what you went through, it is advisable to get into therapy or some support because it does sound super hard

    Leave a comment:


  • Simply_Logical
    replied
    Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

    Don't play with my feelings.
    do you still have feelings at that age chacha? lol

    Leave a comment:


  • zi-zizou
    replied
    Originally posted by Flawed View Post

    Nvm. Apparently op isn't a genuine post. So forget about it.
    Don't play with my feelings.

    Leave a comment:


  • Stoic Believer
    replied
    nvm

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  • Flawed
    replied
    Originally posted by RevertSana View Post
    So after feeling so down for days he’s now spoke to me and told me his parents didn’t reject me they just expressed concern about marrying someone with a child and after thinking about it he realised it wasn’t something he wanted.
    I can’t accept this more easily if he is the one who doesn’t want the responsibility of a child.
    to be honest now I don’t know what to believe but knowing it’s not his parents and is him makes me feel better.

    Leave a comment:


  • Creamcake
    replied
    I havent read through the thread and Insha'Allah i will tomorrow so i'll make this brief for now,haven't had time to see what others have written.All i want to say for now is have faith in the Qadr of Allaah.If something is meant to come your way,Allaah will grant you it.If not,even if its so close to you,you will not receive it.Sometimes life is tough,we got to bear patience.And i promise you that sometimes we have no idea who/what is good for us!we are so 'sure'but Allaah knows and sees all.He loves us so much beyond our comprehension,He is our protector.So we understand and have faith and trust in Allaahs plan.Not ours.

    In Islaam we aren't supposed to speak openly to the opposite gender,except if husband or mahram or necessity.Heartbreak will be so painful,we shouldn't give our hearts to anyone except in a halaal manner.So please wait now and don't communicate except through a wali(do you have one).

    I cannot even begin to comprehend the ordeal you went through to bear your child.May Allaah grant you strength and patience and justice to the horrendous crazy person that deserves to be punished.Aameen.Make du'aa and if you havent already done so,maybe Islamic counselling.

    Leave a comment:


  • RevertSana
    replied
    So after feeling so down for days he’s now spoke to me and told me his parents didn’t reject me they just expressed concern about marrying someone with a child and after thinking about it he realised it wasn’t something he wanted.
    I can’t accept this more easily if he is the one who doesn’t want the responsibility of a child.
    to be honest now I don’t know what to believe but knowing it’s not his parents and is him makes me feel better.

    Leave a comment:

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