Unmarried mother as a result of rape. No parents want their Son to marry me

[RevertSana]

Sister don't be upset. If he is rejecting you for something that has no basis in Islam (just because his parents said so), then he is not ready for marriage. I think Allah saved you from a possibly difficult marriage. I know its very painful for you, but insha'Allah God will send somebody better than him.

He is Egyptian and I think Arabs are very close to their parents and will not continue with a marriage the parents have concerns about. I know not all Muslims are like this and it is more cultural than Islamic.
among British born Muslims this is very rare for males to take this stand.

[RevertSana]

You should marry a muslim man who lives next to you in shaa ALLAH because long distance marriages are going to be extremely difficult to succeed.

He lives near me. His parents are the ones who live far away. He is Egyptian but came to the U.K. to work and now has residence here.

[ABDEL-ATHEEM]

He is Egyptian and I think Arabs are very close to their parents and will not continue with a marriage the parents have concerns about. I know not all Muslims are like this and it is more cultural than Islamic.
among British born Muslims this is very rare for males to take this stand.

i am Egyptian American and most Egyptian muslim men want to marry a virgin muslim woman only. Does he have british nationality?

[RevertSana]

He once masturbated while on the phone and turned the camera around for me to see his penis. I was very upset and hung up. He apologised and didn’t do it again but I could tell sometimes he was doing this while we were talking on the phone.
Maybe this is a red flag anyway.
I am not particularly sad that this proposal has been rejected. It’s a case of ‘the straw that broke the camels back’.
i have been trying to get married for 13 years now with no luck. 6 years as a revert and all proposals rejected due to me having a child.
I want to give my child a sibling. He is lonely as an only child. I want to be able to be his Mother instead of working full time. I want the emotional support of a man in my life. I’m just so down today.

[ABDEL-ATHEEM]

He lives near me. His parents are the ones who live far away. He is Egyptian but came to the U.K. to work and now has residence here.

Beware of him because most Egyptian muslim men want to marry virgin muslim women only.

[muzzybee]

He once masturbated while on the phone and turned the camera around for me to see his penis. I was very upset and hung up. He apologised and didn’t do it again but I could tell sometimes he was doing this while we were talking on the phone.
Maybe this is a red flag anyway.
I am not particularly sad that this proposal has been rejected. It’s a case of ‘the straw that broke the camels back’.
i have been trying to get married for 13 years now with no luck. 6 years as a revert and all proposals rejected due to me having a child.
I want to give my child a sibling. He is lonely as an only child. I want to be able to be his Mother instead of working full time. I want the emotional support of a man in my life. I’m just so down today.

I am surprised you want someone strong on deen and you continued after this event.

[ABDEL-ATHEEM]

He once masturbated while on the phone and turned the camera around for me to see his penis. I was very upset and hung up. He apologised and didn’t do it again but I could tell sometimes he was doing this while we were talking on the phone.
Maybe this is a red flag anyway.
I am not particularly sad that this proposal has been rejected. It’s a case of them straw that broke the camels neck’.
i have been trying to get married for 13 years now with no luck. 6 years as a revert and all proposals rejected due to me having a child.
I want to give my child a sibling. He is lonely as an only child. I want to be able to be his Mother instead of working full time. I want the emotional support of a man in my life. I’m just so down today.

in shaa ALLAH keep away from him because he sounds vile and disgusting and immoral from what you say.

[RevertSana]

i am Egyptian American and most Egyptian muslim men want to marry a virgin muslim woman only. Does he have british nationality?

He’s got citizenship but wasn’t born here. He was willing to marry me as I was raped so to him was a virgin as the sex was not consented to.

[muzzybee]

I have a child as a result of being raped. I knew that having a child would make it more difficult for me to meet someone as it is a dealbreaker for some people but never expected it to be this difficult.
However the issue I am facing is not with men but their parents. On several occasions a man has wanted to proceed with marriage and been fully accepting of the fact I have a child but once he has discussed with my parents that I have a child they immediately say they don’t think he should marry me. My Son is 7.
They know my child is the result of rape and I’ve had no consensual sexual contact but it makes no difference.
I am a revert but I’ve always been religious and never consented to any sexual acts outside of marriage.
At first I accepted these rejections but now it has started to break my heart. I am 31 and feel I will never get married.
In my culture parental opinion isn’t even sought before marriage so this is so strange for me.
I was hoping to meet someone conservative but it seems the conservative men are the ones more likely to be very strict about following in their parents wishes and since the men themselves seem to accept that I’m a parent I’d have more luck proceeding to marriage with someone who is willing to marry someone their parents wouldn’t choose themselves.

I find it so sad that someone can accept me and my child but then reject marriage because their parents don’t want them to marry someone with a child. i wonder sometimes if they don’t believe I was raped and think I have committed haram acts.

I am of course praying for marriage. I especially want to get married so that my Son can have a male Muslim in his life.

I don’t know what to do now as this situation has played out so many times. I don’t want to marry someone who has a child as my Son would struggle with that for reasons I won’t go into.

Can anyone advise me On what to do to combat this issue of parental disapproval I am facing so that I can find a good husband?

There are plenty of brothers in UK who will accept you and marry you.
You just need to find him.
Do you have a wali.?
What does he say
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[RevertSana]

There are plenty of brothers in UK who will accept you and marry you.
You just need to find him.
Do you have a wali.?
What does he say
​​​​​

I have a wali. He has just said to pray. The men who have been recommended to me have all just wanted sex and so I don’t trust recommendations now. I was surprised they were willing to risk their reputations by trying that sort of thing.
I have been introduced to some men who wanted to progress to marriage but when they discussed with their parents the parents have always said no. But they have all been Egyptian. It just happens that in my area most Muslims here are Egyptian or from another Arab country.

[RevertSana]

in shaa ALLAH keep away from him because he sounds vile and disgusting and immoral from what you say.

I was shocked as there was nothing to suggest he was like that. I made it clear I do not engage in these things. He apologised and said it was an involuntary response he has when talking to me. After this incident he said we would not video chat again as it has this affect on him and after that we spoke only on the phone.
we had met up once and he chose not to meet up again for this reason as he said it causes him impure thoughts so I do think he is a righteous man.

[wanderer1]

He once masturbated while on the phone and turned the camera around for me to see his penis. I was very upset and hung up. He apologised and didn’t do it again but I could tell sometimes he was doing this while we were talking on the phone.
Maybe this is a red flag anyway.
I am not particularly sad that this proposal has been rejected. It’s a case of ‘the straw that broke the camels back’.
i have been trying to get married for 13 years now with no luck. 6 years as a revert and all proposals rejected due to me having a child.
I want to give my child a sibling. He is lonely as an only child. I want to be able to be his Mother instead of working full time. I want the emotional support of a man in my life. I’m just so down today.

That's messed up. The guy is showing his private parts to a non-mahram woman.... what do you think he would do after marriage? defiantly not a guy you can trust, nor one you would expect to give you your rights after marriage.

[ABDEL-ATHEEM]

I was shocked as there was nothing to suggest he was like that. I made it clear I do not engage in these things. He apologised and said it was an involuntary response he has when talking to me. After this incident he said we would not video chat again as it has this affect on him and he would speak to his parents. That’s when he told me they said no.

A chaste muslim man would never do that, you should find somebody else to marry in shaa ALLAH and you can do better than that in shaa ALLAH.

[muzzybee]

I have a wali. He has just said to pray. The men who have been recommended to me have all just wanted sex and so I don’t trust recommendations now. I was surprised they were willing to risk their reputations by trying that sort of thing.
I have been introduced to some men who wanted to progress to marriage but when they discussed with their parents the parents have always said no. But they have all been Egyptian. It just happens that in my area most Muslims here are Egyptian or from another Arab country.

Hmm that's not much of a job he is doing then.

You should look a bit further out of your area as well.
Depending on your area or surrounding, pretty sure mosques have databases of people looking for marriages.
Obviously checking character references might be tricky.

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[TazkiyyatunNafs]

....... This is not the type of talk for a woman to engage in. Either you're trolling* or truly ignorant. I'm sorry, don't want to beat you when you're already down. But if this is real then it only shows that you really need to seek knowledge in every way and form for it will be a cure for most of what has been said on here and you're going through inshaaAllaah. The problem is not only being virgin, I don't belief that. We tend to attract what we're putting out and hayaa is from emaan. Feeling very uncomfortable reading these comments. Wa iyaadhubillaah. I regret my participation on this thread.

​*​There was another post by a female revert yesterday and I'm starting to wonder if someone is trying to give reverts a bad name on here.