Originally posted by Creamcake
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Not in reference to anyone here, but some overweight people are just not attracted to other overweight people e.g. an average chubby brown deeni akhi would not get considered, but a not fat guy on the fringes of society of different ethnicity may be welcomed with open arms. There must be psychological reasons behind it, but it's unfortunate for such individuals that they have these preferences hindering their marriage search.
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People might think why don't you just let go.. and in the sense of not speaking to him etc, I have of-course, the day after my family said no I told him ofcourse and we cut if off then, because ofcourse I am not going to continue speaking to someone who I can't marry. And even then we weren't speaking alone, there was a groupchat I had added my friend in, so atleast a third party (and would have been my family if they had agreed to consider it). But what I can't get out of my head is his love for Islaam.. I don't know how to explain it, through the years, on and off sites, proposals in person, etc I have come across quite a few people and I have never felt someones love and closensess to Islaam in a potential, the way that I did with him. And finding someone who loves Islaam and always puts Allah first (and meets everything else and they are also happy with you etc) is not easy, I find. BUT I need to remember Qadr Allaah. Not a leaf falls except that He knows it. And what is meant to be will come out way, and what isn't, wont. And thats the important thing to remember, we know nothing, Allaah knows everything.
Okay topic closed lol
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Yeah its a bit more complicated in the sense that he is in the UK but isn't supposed to be and has been working here etc too, so what he's doing is actually illegal and if he gets caught out he will be sent back to Albania. Ofcourse he could go to see a lawyer (and he is up for doing so last time I spoke which was over a week ago now), but from what I've heard, its difficult. I mean he can't lie obviously as a Muslim and nor would he ever do that, so there are not really grounds for him being able to stay here, especially given what has happened and that he shouldn't be in the country. Its not a problem with stuff like mahr, he's not a marriage bandit or anything, Infact when we discussed that he was saying really large amounts that even I was a bit startled at. if he could get in the visa in a halaal way prior to marrying he would he's made that clear, he's wanted it for years. But there is no easy halaal way for him to get it.
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Sorry for the essays and my lifestory everyone, this is going to be one of those threads that I regret having poured so much personal info on and then mods won't delete it if I ask, so I should probably stop sharing personal information. I was hoping other people could share their experiences too it wasn't supposed to be about me, it was supposed to be about all of us and maybe advise from each other. But I understand that people seem to be reluctant to do so/may not wish to.
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Originally posted by Eorlingas View PostWhy did he come to the UK illegally, instead of going directly to an Islamic country? I appreciate you felt he ticked all your boxes, but I can understand your parents concerns. This guy has no roots in the UK or anything that could prevent him from just up and leaving should the mood take him. It's a bigger risk, which you seem willing to take, but your family less so.
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Creamcake
So your family just rejected him because of no visa? Why doesn't he just get the visa then, if everything else was perfect? You could make that his mahr, that if he gets the visa then you'll marry him.
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Originally posted by Eorlingas View PostWhy did he come to the UK illegally, instead of going directly to an Islamic country? I appreciate you felt he ticked all your boxes, but I can understand your parents concerns. This guy has no roots in the UK or anything that could prevent him from just up and leaving should the mood take him. It's a bigger risk, which you seem willing to take, but your family less so.
But yeh still too risky. Guy could just get caught tomorrow and then kicked out. Then the girl either has to move with him to a poor country where his income is iffy or divorce with some heartbreak.
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Why did he come to the UK illegally, instead of going directly to an Islamic country? I appreciate you felt he ticked all your boxes, but I can understand your parents concerns. This guy has no roots in the UK or anything that could prevent him from just up and leaving should the mood take him. It's a bigger risk, which you seem willing to take, but your family less so.
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Speaking of visas, my family has said no to that Albanian guy, but he was genuinely one of the most legit guys on the site. Not after a visa, infact wasn't even fussed about that at all(genuinely) I was the one to say..no you have to get it. He wanted to move to an Islaamic country too in the future if possible. And he wasnt playing dumb r.e the visa, hes genuinely really religious MashaAllaah and because my profile is majority deen related, thats why he messaged and was interested. Wasn't rushing at all but he was happy with a whatsapp group chat to talk.
And he was happy for me to speak to my family(who said no) but also knew we have to meet in person obvs to decide. He asked for pictures and explained beforehand that its important(not one of those visa seekers who wont even care how you look), but that was fine Alhamdulillaah we were both happy with each others pics(cos i hadnt seen him before either). I also found him on fb to have a look(without him knowing) and found over 5 years of posts..related to Islaam.
Its funny i found someone who i was genuinely close with their deen(the way they talk about Islaam was such a pure love its rare the way someone does this has such an effect on me..but it did and its stayed with me even after we've stopped talking over a week ago), kind caring, personalitywise..funny down to earth we got on(from the groupchat) and attractive(happy on both sides with this too). Its quite rare i find all these traits in one person..but my family said no. So ofcourse I've left it.
The annoying thing is im struggling in my head to let go completely. Because finding this combination is rare, and also he was v honest about everything always. Its weird.. i never expected to find this in someone who doesnt have a visa and is genuinely more authentic and nicer and religious(like my type of religious which on some issues is probably deemed 'too strict' for most people we got on more, much more..than people from the UK. He is in London, a big part of me wishes me and my family could atleast meet him. But we stopped talking and since it was a firm no(they couldnt see past the visa thing) ive left it.
Sorry this is me ranting.
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Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
Seems some women back home are westernised, I knew it was bad but I guess every time you read about it, it's a huge disappointment.
Glad you had a lucky escape, what she did with you is so trashy, a normal woman with self respect won't do that, they have more class.
This is why I don't trust men from back home, the guys here don't want to marry me but suddenly anyone on a student visa falls in love with me without even needing to see my picture, disgusting!
You need a good woman, not a user. We learn from our experiences.
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talking about not being born here
I have seen a few girls CVs
And one of their requirements is that the groom is born in britain lol
Interesting
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Originally posted by Simply_Logical View Post
get out of my country ya immigrantzzzzzzzzzzzzzz loool
wasnt born here
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Originally posted by Faith reloaded 2 View Postyeah im sure there are more bengalis undercover
What about saif uddin and irep, you forgot them
Oh right nvm, i guess they come under the peeps who deserted the forum
usually the Bengalis say hi on the Bangla thread and can't hide they're Bengalis
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Originally posted by Faith reloaded 2 View Posthalf the forum is bengali
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