Mixed Race Marriages!

[Abu 'Abdullaah]

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Okay topic closed lol

Good idea.

[Eorlingas]

Not in reference to anyone here, but some overweight people are just not attracted to other overweight people e.g. an average chubby brown deeni akhi would not get considered, but a not fat guy on the fringes of society of different ethnicity may be welcomed with open arms. There must be psychological reasons behind it, but it's unfortunate for such individuals that they have these preferences hindering their marriage search.

[Creamcake]

People might think why don't you just let go.. and in the sense of not speaking to him etc, I have of-course, the day after my family said no I told him ofcourse and we cut if off then, because ofcourse I am not going to continue speaking to someone who I can't marry. And even then we weren't speaking alone, there was a groupchat I had added my friend in, so atleast a third party (and would have been my family if they had agreed to consider it). But what I can't get out of my head is his love for Islaam.. I don't know how to explain it, through the years, on and off sites, proposals in person, etc I have come across quite a few people and I have never felt someones love and closensess to Islaam in a potential, the way that I did with him. And finding someone who loves Islaam and always puts Allah first (and meets everything else and they are also happy with you etc) is not easy, I find. BUT I need to remember Qadr Allaah. Not a leaf falls except that He knows it. And what is meant to be will come out way, and what isn't, wont. And thats the important thing to remember, we know nothing, Allaah knows everything.

Okay topic closed lol

[Creamcake]

Creamcake

So your family just rejected him because of no visa? Why doesn't he just get the visa then, if everything else was perfect? You could make that his mahr, that if he gets the visa then you'll marry him.

Yeah its a bit more complicated in the sense that he is in the UK but isn't supposed to be and has been working here etc too, so what he's doing is actually illegal and if he gets caught out he will be sent back to Albania. Ofcourse he could go to see a lawyer (and he is up for doing so last time I spoke which was over a week ago now), but from what I've heard, its difficult. I mean he can't lie obviously as a Muslim and nor would he ever do that, so there are not really grounds for him being able to stay here, especially given what has happened and that he shouldn't be in the country. Its not a problem with stuff like mahr, he's not a marriage bandit or anything, Infact when we discussed that he was saying really large amounts that even I was a bit startled at. if he could get in the visa in a halaal way prior to marrying he would he's made that clear, he's wanted it for years. But there is no easy halaal way for him to get it.

[Creamcake]

Sorry for the essays and my lifestory everyone, this is going to be one of those threads that I regret having poured so much personal info on and then mods won't delete it if I ask, so I should probably stop sharing personal information. I was hoping other people could share their experiences too it wasn't supposed to be about me, it was supposed to be about all of us and maybe advise from each other. But I understand that people seem to be reluctant to do so/may not wish to.

[Creamcake]

Why did he come to the UK illegally, instead of going directly to an Islamic country? I appreciate you felt he ticked all your boxes, but I can understand your parents concerns. This guy has no roots in the UK or anything that could prevent him from just up and leaving should the mood take him. It's a bigger risk, which you seem willing to take, but your family less so.

There was no jobs in Albania, so he came to the UK over 4 years ago, and has been working here since, he sends some money back home to his parents. And then studies Islaam on the weekends too. He doesn't have a passport to be-able to travel to an Islaamic country or he would have moved there (from here). It looks like he made a desicion and is now stuck, because he wants to get UK citizenship but doesn't know how. I mean maybe there is a way, if anyone knows (do we have any lawyers on UF lol I dont know) do let me know. Its tricky because he wants to see his parents and go to Hajj and move to an Islaamic country but if he tells anyone now, he will be deported back to Albania and also there are no jobs there enough for him to provide. Yeah I understand my parents concerns too, they are really good people Masha'Allaah and I know they are looking out for me. He is not someone that would just up and move from the UK unless I discussed it and agreed, he is very honest and very religious and would never do that sort of thing (as far as I am aware). He never hid anything and made sure I told my family everything. But my family said no, so that's that. They don't say no for no reason, I understand that, they are not the type of parents to do that. Its just hard to find someone who ticks those 4 boxes genuinely and vice versa. Obviously we had not even met yet or spoke on the phone (with my family there of-course) so its not like I knew he was the one or anything or vice versa, ofcourse no one can know this before meeting, Istikhaarah etc. But I just wanted my family to give him a chance, is that unreasonable? Ofcourse Qadr Allaah though, if something meant to come out way, it will. If not, it wont. Also the only group of people seem to be messaging on these sites anymore that have good deen are reverts and I'm scared of that due to what happened last time, obvs can't paint everyone with the same brush. And obviously its not like I am chasing after reverts lolol, I don't message people first, and I really don't care about ethnicity but all the desis who message, dont seem to read my profile properly because when I mention 'so are you okay with' they think its all so extreme etc when its literally just Islaam that I want to practise.

[Mufti Cheesecake]

Creamcake

So your family just rejected him because of no visa? Why doesn't he just get the visa then, if everything else was perfect? You could make that his mahr, that if he gets the visa then you'll marry him.

[RuthlessSoftie]

Why did he come to the UK illegally, instead of going directly to an Islamic country? I appreciate you felt he ticked all your boxes, but I can understand your parents concerns. This guy has no roots in the UK or anything that could prevent him from just up and leaving should the mood take him. It's a bigger risk, which you seem willing to take, but your family less so.

Maybe just came to work for a few years and then move back with the saved money. Met some people like that.

But yeh still too risky. Guy could just get caught tomorrow and then kicked out. Then the girl either has to move with him to a poor country where his income is iffy or divorce with some heartbreak.

[Eorlingas]

Why did he come to the UK illegally, instead of going directly to an Islamic country? I appreciate you felt he ticked all your boxes, but I can understand your parents concerns. This guy has no roots in the UK or anything that could prevent him from just up and leaving should the mood take him. It's a bigger risk, which you seem willing to take, but your family less so.

[Creamcake]

Speaking of visas, my family has said no to that Albanian guy, but he was genuinely one of the most legit guys on the site. Not after a visa, infact wasn't even fussed about that at all(genuinely) I was the one to say..no you have to get it. He wanted to move to an Islaamic country too in the future if possible. And he wasnt playing dumb r.e the visa, hes genuinely really religious MashaAllaah and because my profile is majority deen related, thats why he messaged and was interested. Wasn't rushing at all but he was happy with a whatsapp group chat to talk.

And he was happy for me to speak to my family(who said no) but also knew we have to meet in person obvs to decide. He asked for pictures and explained beforehand that its important(not one of those visa seekers who wont even care how you look), but that was fine Alhamdulillaah we were both happy with each others pics(cos i hadnt seen him before either). I also found him on fb to have a look(without him knowing) and found over 5 years of posts..related to Islaam.

Its funny i found someone who i was genuinely close with their deen(the way they talk about Islaam was such a pure love its rare the way someone does this has such an effect on me..but it did and its stayed with me even after we've stopped talking over a week ago), kind caring, personalitywise..funny down to earth we got on(from the groupchat) and attractive(happy on both sides with this too). Its quite rare i find all these traits in one person..but my family said no. So ofcourse I've left it.

The annoying thing is im struggling in my head to let go completely. Because finding this combination is rare, and also he was v honest about everything always. Its weird.. i never expected to find this in someone who doesnt have a visa and is genuinely more authentic and nicer and religious(like my type of religious which on some issues is probably deemed 'too strict' for most people we got on more, much more..than people from the UK. He is in London, a big part of me wishes me and my family could atleast meet him. But we stopped talking and since it was a firm no(they couldnt see past the visa thing) ive left it.

Sorry this is me ranting.

[Mufti Cheesecake]

Seems some women back home are westernised, I knew it was bad but I guess every time you read about it, it's a huge disappointment.

Glad you had a lucky escape, what she did with you is so trashy, a normal woman with self respect won't do that, they have more class.

This is why I don't trust men from back home, the guys here don't want to marry me but suddenly anyone on a student visa falls in love with me without even needing to see my picture, disgusting!
You need a good woman, not a user. We learn from our experiences.

Just fyi, she's bengali but was born and raised in Dubai, so thats what I meant by "back home".

[Faith reloaded 2]

talking about not being born here

I have seen a few girls CVs

And one of their requirements is that the groom is born in britain lol

Interesting

[Faith reloaded 2]

get out of my country ya immigrantzzzzzzzzzzzzzz loool

I am an immigrant tbf

wasnt born here

[Ya'sin]

yeah im sure there are more bengalis undercover

What about saif uddin and irep, you forgot them

Oh right nvm, i guess they come under the peeps who deserted the forum

Doubt it, even if there are, possibly very few
usually the Bengalis say hi on the Bangla thread and can't hide they're Bengalis

[Simply_Logical]

half the forum is bengali

get out of my country ya immigrantzzzzzzzzzzzzzz loool