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  • Originally posted by aynina View Post
    Some sister avoid certain ethnicities because they might be known for somethings...
    I'm always being told that asians, arabs and somalis are abusive for example, so sisters are already on the fence when meeting a man and he introduces himselfhimselfb. Okay narcasist is what many sisters say.

    Like the etnicity is a red flag in itself and the brother needs to go and prove hes not the stereotype...
    Thats true, some are abusive, they use physical abuse as a threat to keep your behaviors in line, and good at deceiving people that they are not abusive.

    I'm very aware that this happens behind closed doors. A lot of men in my culture, esp in my family weren't raised to communicate well or express themselves properly so they resort to physical means to make a point. Instilling fear and threat in their women to control is one tactic many use. I'm surprised to see how some women are normalized to think this is acceptable part of being in a relationship when this is something that is unacceptable. It doesnt help women dont offer help to other women who struggle.

    It is a very "masculine" driven society in Asian cultures but bad apples are everywhere, just need to keep a lookout.

    With that being said, you'll never know what the guy is like until we live with them, Allahu Alam. It puts me off marriage sometimes when I hear certain steretypes about men being ACTUALLY true.

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    • Originally posted by Mufti Cheesecake View Post

      A lot of people of certain races/cultures/ethnicities have inferiority complexes based on their own race, which produces unhealthy toxic traits in these individuals, I've seen it a lot in both south asian and east asian cultures, thats why theres the multi billion dollar skin whitening industry in these countries, why some east asian companies commonly use white people in their ads, you have men from these cultures putting white women on a pedestal and cheering on their brothers that have managed to get with a white lady. Its crazy.

      Personally I've seen a condescending type of attitude due to this from some sisters, as if they're settling for someone of the same race because they couldn't get a white or arab guy, it put me off looking to marry sisters of the same race as me (south asian) for a while, though I've become more open recently but I'm still wary about that inferiority complex.
      Which South Asian are you?

      Comment


      • Originally posted by Simply_Logical View Post

        Why?
        I'm Somali and tribes are very important, so if she isn't from a certain tribe it'd be ww3 .. That's how I grew up, she must be from a certain tribe, and don't even think about marrying outside the ethnicity!

        "The organisation that is called as "the state" puts effort to destroy jihad in Sham as they destroyed it in Iraq because of their obvious transgressions against Quran and Sunnah." Abu Khalid as-Suri (Rahimahullah)

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        • Originally posted by aynina View Post
          Some sister avoid certain ethnicities because they might be known for somethings...
          I'm always being told that asians, arabs and somalis are abusive for example, so sisters are already on the fence when meeting a man and he introduces himselfhimselfb. Okay narcasist is what many sisters say.

          Like the etnicity is a red flag in itself and the brother needs to go and prove hes not the stereotype...
          If the family meets a girl who is either a revert or non somali, they'd usually make them feel bad since their son has decided to marry outside the ethnicity. Depends on the family though, they could be abusive for sure but again it depends on the individual, main advice I'd give is to make sure you do your homework on the individual you want to settle down with.
          "The organisation that is called as "the state" puts effort to destroy jihad in Sham as they destroyed it in Iraq because of their obvious transgressions against Quran and Sunnah." Abu Khalid as-Suri (Rahimahullah)

          Comment


          • Originally posted by nudgetheputri1 View Post
            Thats true, some are abusive, they use physical abuse as a threat to keep your behaviors in line, and good at deceiving people that they are not abusive.

            I'm very aware that this happens behind closed doors. A lot of men in my culture, esp in my family weren't raised to communicate well or express themselves properly so they resort to physical means to make a point. Instilling fear and threat in their women to control is one tactic many use. I'm surprised to see how some women are normalized to think this is acceptable part of being in a relationship when this is something that is unacceptable. It doesnt help women dont offer help to other women who struggle.

            It is a very "masculine" driven society in Asian cultures but bad apples are everywhere, just need to keep a lookout.

            With that being said, you'll never know what the guy is like until we live with them, Allahu Alam. It puts me off marriage sometimes when I hear certain steretypes about men being ACTUALLY true.
            I agree sis, and im not saying the stereotypes are true, but many men that didnt study the deen do religious abuse where they will force the woman to do things because of islam when he idnt giving her her rights anyway etc..
            يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

            O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

            Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

            Comment


            • Originally posted by Muslim First View Post

              If the family meets a girl who is either a revert or non somali, they'd usually make them feel bad since their son has decided to marry outside the ethnicity. Depends on the family though, they could be abusive for sure but again it depends on the individual, main advice I'd give is to make sure you do your homework on the individual you want to settle down with.
              Yes, my in laws were very good to me ma sha Allah, but i know of a girl that isnt somali that married a somali and her in laws did sihr on her. The marriage broke and she is still struggling immensely with jin
              يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

              O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

              Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

              Comment


              • Walaykumus salam.

                I personally do not see a problem with mixed raced marriages. Times are changing.

                Comment


                • Originally posted by nudgetheputri1 View Post
                  Which South Asian are you?
                  Bangladeshi.

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by Mufti Cheesecake View Post

                    Bangladeshi.
                    So you know of some Bangladeshi sisters who primarily wanted to marry a white or Arab, but after failing to achieve this they then settled for a bengali boy?

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by Muslim First View Post

                      I'm Somali and tribes are very important, so if she isn't from a certain tribe it'd be ww3 .. That's how I grew up, she must be from a certain tribe, and don't even think about marrying outside the ethnicity!
                      honestly for me thats sad to hear but i appreciate it at the same time not every family is open minded like that

                      and like you said in the other post if they make the gyals a living hell just due to her ethnicity and race then yea probably not worth putting a poor gyal through that

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by Muslim First View Post

                        I'm Somali and tribes are very important, so if she isn't from a certain tribe it'd be ww3 .. That's how I grew up, she must be from a certain tribe, and don't even think about marrying outside the ethnicity!
                        Woah, that's bang out of order tbh. I do feel for you bro.

                        I bet this makes it damn hard to find someone who is compatible with you.

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by hasan2013 View Post

                          Woah, that's bang out of order tbh. I do feel for you bro.

                          I bet this makes it damn hard to find someone who is compatible with you.
                          Not necessarily. I live in an area with a bunch of Somalis from my tribe. But the limitation isn't part of the Deen, if she's Muslim and everything checks out who cares where she comes from? lol I grew up in the west not back home.
                          "The organisation that is called as "the state" puts effort to destroy jihad in Sham as they destroyed it in Iraq because of their obvious transgressions against Quran and Sunnah." Abu Khalid as-Suri (Rahimahullah)

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by Muslim First View Post
                            I can only marry from within my tribe lol.
                            Your a man marry whoever you want no one can do nothing to you physically unless your being peovided for and rely on that source of income

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by Eorlingas View Post

                              So you know of some Bangladeshi sisters who primarily wanted to marry a white or Arab, but after failing to achieve this they then settled for a bengali boy?
                              Its not isolated to ethnicity, but more so encompasses the whole race. I used to notice sometimes south asian women in general, whether they were bengali, indian, pakistani, etc., would have condescending deprecating tones towards me, I used to think its just a thing in our south asian cultures, but after talking to other people I found out that it occurs in many other non white communities. I'm sure you know of like those brown dudes that just chase after white or arab girls, and like whenever theres a white revert sister she's sometimes preyed on by some Muslim men. I know in the black communities black women are pretty vocal complaining about how black men are the most likely to marry outside of their race, and the black men complain about how black women don't treat them well. This attitude I've experienced from some south asian women, is not something I've ever experienced with women of other races, and its not like I'm treating any of them differently or unkindly, I don't flirt with them or anything. This one bengali sister a while ago I was getting serious with for marrying, and looking back now I realize she wasn't treating me with respect, this one time I remember she started talking about how hot this guy in her class was (I think he was either white or latino, I don't rememeber), I was really young and naive back then.

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by Mufti Cheesecake View Post

                                Its not isolated to ethnicity, but more so encompasses the whole race. I used to notice sometimes south asian women in general, whether they were bengali, indian, pakistani, etc., would have condescending deprecating tones towards me, I used to think its just a thing in our south asian cultures, but after talking to other people I found out that it occurs in many other non white communities. I'm sure you know of like those brown dudes that just chase after white or arab girls, and like whenever theres a white revert sister she's sometimes preyed on by some Muslim men. I know in the black communities black women are pretty vocal complaining about how black men are the most likely to marry outside of their race, and the black men complain about how black women don't treat them well. This attitude I've experienced from some south asian women, is not something I've ever experienced with women of other races, and its not like I'm treating any of them differently or unkindly, I don't flirt with them or anything. This one bengali sister a while ago I was getting serious with for marrying, and looking back now I realize she wasn't treating me with respect, this one time I remember she started talking about how hot this guy in her class was (I think he was either white or latino, I don't rememeber), I was really young and naive back then.
                                Oh I thought you were living in Bangladesh so found it strange that the women there would have this aspiration, but it appears you are in a western country.

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