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  • Originally posted by muslimahc View Post

    What are you talking about? Stop making false statements bc you can’t refute anything I said. I said the prophet married divorcees in polygamous situations. A lot of divorcees don’t want to follow that Sunnah. The prophet (saw) also married a virgin-his most beloved wife. According to the prophet’s Sunnah, divorcees should be entering into polygamous marriages not expecting to be the first and only wife of a virgin man.
    Omg. No one cares about your opinion.we all know what your opinion is. But islam works by Allah's laws and the rasool sunnah. So keep talking and keep promoting haram concepts. Allah is watching you. :/

    buh bye.

    Comment


    • Originally posted by Dawud_Britaani View Post

      Yes precisely
      Honestly online people think too much of themselves lool. So many offline people marry divorcees with no issue but this whole idea that they're damaged goods is silly. Anyone can be a damaged good. People have traumatic childhood experiences that they can't get over and they not even divorcees. So many other type of people who aren't divorcees can have baggage from previous haram relationships or being a troubled teenager. The fact that people are solely selling divorcees as damaged goods is pretty disturbing.

      Comment


      • Originally posted by muslimahc View Post

        What are you talking about? Stop making false statements bc you can’t refute anything I said. I said the prophet married divorcees in polygamous situations. A lot of divorcees don’t want to follow that Sunnah. The prophet (saw) also married a virgin-his most beloved wife. According to the prophet’s Sunnah, divorcees should be entering into polygamous marriages not expecting to be the first and only wife of a virgin man.
        That's not correct. The sunnah is that you can marry whoever is suitable. Divorcee or virgin. Polygamy or monogamy.

        Comment


        • Originally posted by Dawud_Britaani View Post

          I think for me what i took issue with is the following. I feel divorcees have a hard time when it comes to stigma so I just mentioned some positive qualities a divorcee might have and you argued, acting like divorcees have nothing to offer that a virgin won't also have.

          I just think virgins and divorcees offer two different things and it depends what works for you both. If you're both compatible then alhamdulillah
          I was speaking in the context of a virgin man seeking to get married. Aside from some exceptional circumstances, a divorcee won’t offer him anything he couldn’t find in a virgin sister. In fact she’d bring more complications bc she’s coming with emotional baggage from a previous marriage and another man’s kids.

          I know you’ve been married and divorced multiple times. So from your perspective as a divorcee yourself, it makes sense that you would prefer a divorcee. She could handle your experience and baggage better than a virgin sister. This is why I also believe a divorcee man with kids is not the ideal choice for a virgin sister unless in exceptional situations.

          That’s not an argument against its “permissibility”. We are just speaking from different perspectives based on our life experiences.

          Why do divorcees focus so much on the single men and women who don’t want to marry them? Why don’t they give each other a chance?
          Therefore remember Me, I will remember you, And be thankful to Me, and do not be ungrateful to Me." [Qur'an 2:152]
          Behold in the Remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction."
          [Al Quran 13:28]
          ]

          Comment


          • Originally posted by Flawed View Post

            Omg. No one cares about your opinion.we all know what your opinion is. But islam works by Allah's laws and the rasool sunnah. So keep talking and keep promoting haram concepts. Allah is watching you. :/

            buh bye.
            You just come with emotional and baseless arguments bc you can’t refute what I said. So polygamy is a “Haram” concept?
            Therefore remember Me, I will remember you, And be thankful to Me, and do not be ungrateful to Me." [Qur'an 2:152]
            Behold in the Remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction."
            [Al Quran 13:28]
            ]

            Comment


            • Originally posted by Dawud_Britaani View Post

              That's not correct. The sunnah is that you can marry whoever is suitable. Divorcee or virgin. Polygamy or monogamy.
              You are incorrect. I posted the Hadith. It’s recommended for virgins to marry virgins. That’s not debatable.
              Therefore remember Me, I will remember you, And be thankful to Me, and do not be ungrateful to Me." [Qur'an 2:152]
              Behold in the Remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction."
              [Al Quran 13:28]
              ]

              Comment


              • Originally posted by muslimahc View Post

                I don’t think people should get married without being able to do basic things like driving and having a job. You are giving extreme comparisons to push a certain narrative that divorcees are better and more stable which is far from the truth. I know single virgin sisters in their 20’s with advanced degrees and good jobs. I’m in my 20’s with a masters, my own car and good paying job. My friends all have at least a bachelors with jobs and cars. Half of us are married so far. A lot of single moms tend to live off child support and government. They are usually not working these high end jobs as you are trying to portray.

                It’s better to finish school before having kids. At 20, I was still completing college and not thinking of marriage. I learned to drive at 18. So by 20, I was already a skilled driver.

                So you can’t take extreme circumstances and compare divorcees to young people who haven’t even finished college yet. Compare them to the single people in their mid 20’s and up who have finished their studies and are working. Divorcees come with baggage and complications.

                Also, things like cooking and taking of a home are basic life skills. I don’t know why you are making those seem like such complicated things. Didn’t your mother teach you that? Didn’t you see how she catered to your dad? You don’t need a failed marriage to master those basic life skills.

                The qualities I look for in a future spouse are not so rare that I couldn’t find them when only considering single never married men.
                [QUOTE=muslimahc;n12737382]

                ​​​​​​
                It is actually not extreme.

                It's a bit too complex for you it seems. Most of us replying to you are married, some are divorcees themselves, some of us are way older than you, some of us have children. We have life experience and have seen way more than you have.

                Sorry, but the reality is most 20 year olds do not have their life put together so beautifully.

                And yes, I was taught the basics, and in fact was taking care of my younger siblings while both of my parents worked starting from age 11. It is NOT the same.

                You assume a lot and degrade divorcees and blame women for failing in their marriages.

                Almost all the married women I know have a good education. And I know a lot. Some of them are doctors, teachers, lawyers, etc. If they were to divorce they will NOT be living off benefits.

                They are just like you.

                You're in your 20s, with a job, education, and can drive. So fast forward a few years and now you are married and have a few children, but then suddenly your marriage failed. Let me ask you, would you be living off benefits, or would you be divorced and be able to find a good job? Let's think outside the box. Not all single moms live off benefits. I only know 2 who do and one is sick with cancer complications and the other has mental health issues. Most are working and have good jobs.Or are you referring to our immigrant mothers who are now in their late 50s?

                Nowadays finding a good quality practicing Muslim spouse is very rare. Unless you're standards are a bit flexible.

                The problem with you is, you see things only in one way and, as a result, you seem to have a hard time understanding why in the world someone would marry a divorcee with "baggage." No one said they are better. It's all about preference.






                Comment


                • Originally posted by muslimahc View Post

                  You just come with emotional and baseless arguments bc you can’t refute what I said. So polygamy is a “Haram” concept?
                  I'm not going to refute your opinions because they are just that. Opinions. Anyways I find what you are saying hilarious barely feel emotional from anything that you have said. Your stance is clear on divorcees so I won't be engaging with you regarding this matter, tbh its kinda boring.

                  Comment


                  • [QUOTE=LaylaAb;n12737429]

                    Originally posted by muslimahc View Post

                    ​​​​​​
                    It is actually not extreme.

                    It's a bit too complex for you it seems. Most of us replying to you are married, some are divorcees themselves, some of us are way older than you, some of us have children. We have life experience and have seen way more than you have.

                    Sorry, but the reality is most 20 year olds do not have their life put together so beautifully.

                    And yes, I was taught the basics, and in fact was taking care of my younger siblings while both of my parents worked starting from age 11. It is NOT the same.

                    You assume a lot and degrade divorcees and blame women for failing in their marriages.

                    Almost all the married women I know have a good education. And I know a lot. Some of them are doctors, teachers, lawyers, etc. If they were to divorce they will NOT be living off benefits.

                    They are just like you.

                    You're in your 20s, with a job, education, and can drive. So fast forward a few years and now you are married and have a few children, but then suddenly your marriage failed. Let me ask you, would you be living off benefits, or would you be divorced and be able to find a good job? Let's think outside the box. Not all single moms live off benefits. I only know 2 who do and one is sick with cancer complications and the other has mental health issues. Most are working and have good jobs.Or are you referring to our immigrant mothers who are now in their late 50s?

                    Nowadays finding a good quality practicing Muslim spouse is very rare. Unless you're standards are a bit flexible.

                    The problem with you is, you see things only in one way and, as a result, you seem to have a hard time understanding why in the world someone would marry a divorcee with "baggage." No one said they are better. It's all about preference.





                    Do you live in the US, perhaps things are different on the other side of the pond regarding work, benefits etc.

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by muslimahc View Post

                      I was speaking in the context of a virgin man seeking to get married. Aside from some exceptional circumstances, a divorcee won’t offer him anything he couldn’t find in a virgin sister. In fact she’d bring more complications bc she’s coming with emotional baggage from a previous marriage and another man’s kids.

                      I know you’ve been married and divorced multiple times. So from your perspective as a divorcee yourself, it makes sense that you would prefer a divorcee. She could handle your experience and baggage better than a virgin sister. This is why I also believe a divorcee man with kids is not the ideal choice for a virgin sister unless in exceptional situations.

                      That’s not an argument against its “permissibility”. We are just speaking from different perspectives based on our life experiences.

                      Why do divorcees focus so much on the single men and women who don’t want to marry them? Why don’t they give each other a chance?
                      Really? You make some good points, but you have a lot of assumptions. Absolutely no one is forcing them to marry divorcees. I told you myself, I have family members and friends, even my own sibling who were single, but they all chose divorcees, all by themselves. Why can't you understand this?

                      Comment


                      • [QUOTE=LaylaAb;n12737429]

                        Originally posted by muslimahc View Post

                        ​​​​​​
                        It is actually not extreme.

                        It's a bit too complex for you it seems. Most of us replying to you are married, some are divorcees themselves, some of us are way older than you, some of us have children. We have life experience and have seen way more than you have.

                        Sorry, but the reality is most 20 year olds do not have their life put together so beautifully.

                        And yes, I was taught the basics, and in fact was taking care of my younger siblings while both of my parents worked starting from age 11. It is NOT the same.

                        You assume a lot and degrade divorcees and blame women for failing in their marriages.

                        Almost all the married women I know have a good education. And I know a lot. Some of them are doctors, teachers, lawyers, etc. If they were to divorce they will NOT be living off benefits.

                        They are just like you.

                        You're in your 20s, with a job, education, and can drive. So fast forward a few years and now you are married and have a few children, but then suddenly your marriage failed. Let me ask you, would you be living off benefits, or would you be divorced and be able to find a good job? Let's think outside the box. Not all single moms live off benefits. I only know 2 who do and one is sick with cancer complications and the other has mental health issues. Most are working and have good jobs.Or are you referring to our immigrant mothers who are now in their late 50s?

                        Nowadays finding a good quality practicing Muslim spouse is very rare. Unless you're standards are a bit flexible.

                        The problem with you is, you see things only in one way and, as a result, you seem to have a hard time understanding why in the world someone would marry a divorcee with "baggage." No one said they are better. It's all about preference.





                        I think you missed the part where I said people shouldn’t get married until they finish school and have a job. Most people don’t have that at 20. That’s what I said so I don’t know why you are acting like I said something different.

                        Also, why are we comparing the 20 year old who hasn’t finished college with a divorcee? How about the 27 year old single professional with a good job but never married.

                        It makes sense that you are speaking from the perspective of a married woman with kids. I’m speaking in the context of a single virgin marrying a divorcee with kids. I don’t see the benefit of that as opposed to marrying a fellow single person who is also doing well. A divorcee with kids brings baggage for a single person. I’m not taking about a divorcee marrying a fellow divorcee. Maybe that’s why I was misunderstood.

                        Anyway, I rejected two marriage proposals from two divorced men with a child each. Both had good jobs but I didn’t want to be a stepmom and deal with their kids. They were also paying child support. There are single brothers with good jobs and no baggage. Maybe some sisters would think those divorced men were a catch, but to me they were bringing complications and baggage. They would be a good match however for a sister who was also divorced with kids.
                        Therefore remember Me, I will remember you, And be thankful to Me, and do not be ungrateful to Me." [Qur'an 2:152]
                        Behold in the Remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction."
                        [Al Quran 13:28]
                        ]

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by muslimahc View Post

                          I was speaking in the context of a virgin man seeking to get married. Aside from some exceptional circumstances, a divorcee won’t offer him anything he couldn’t find in a virgin sister. In fact she’d bring more complications bc she’s coming with emotional baggage from a previous marriage and another man’s kids.

                          I know you’ve been married and divorced multiple times. So from your perspective as a divorcee yourself, it makes sense that you would prefer a divorcee. She could handle your experience and baggage better than a virgin sister. This is why I also believe a divorcee man with kids is not the ideal choice for a virgin sister unless in exceptional situations.

                          That’s not an argument against its “permissibility”. We are just speaking from different perspectives based on our life experiences.

                          Why do divorcees focus so much on the single men and women who don’t want to marry them? Why don’t they give each other a chance?
                          I don't think anyone does that. They just look at who is available and assess suitability. There is no virgin club or divorcee club where you can look only at one or the other. People just look for a partner and assess each profile on a case by case basis factoring in everything.

                          I guess as a non married previously sister you just feel you'd rather only look at brothers who were never married before and that's fine. Just try to take it easy on any divorcee brother who had the audacity to see if you might be interested to marry

                          Comment


                          • [QUOTE=muslimahc;n12737438]
                            Originally posted by LaylaAb View Post



                            I think you missed the part where I said people shouldn’t get married until they finish school and have a job. Most people don’t have that at 20. That’s what I said so I don’t know why you are acting like I said something different.

                            Also, why are we comparing the 20 year old who hasn’t finished college with a divorcee? How about the 27 year old single professional with a good job but never married.

                            It makes sense that you are speaking from the perspective of a married woman with kids. I’m speaking in the context of a single virgin marrying a divorcee with kids. I don’t see the benefit of that as opposed to marrying a fellow single person who is also doing well. A divorcee with kids brings baggage for a single person. I’m not taking about a divorcee marrying a fellow divorcee. Maybe that’s why I was misunderstood.

                            Anyway, I rejected two marriage proposals from two divorced men with a child each. Both had good jobs but I didn’t want to be a stepmom and deal with their kids. They were also paying child support. There are single brothers with good jobs and no baggage. Maybe some sisters would think those divorced men were a catch, but to me they were bringing complications and baggage. They would be a good match however for a sister who was also divorced with kids.
                            That's fine, you have that luxury to be choosey.

                            I know sisters in their thirties, still unmarried, still no kids, petrified they will grow old alone and suddenly they become a lot more open to marrying a divorcee etc.

                            Just because you have the luxury of being choosey right now, doesn't mean everyone does

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by Dawud_Britaani View Post

                              I don't think anyone does that. They just look at who is available and assess suitability. There is no virgin club or divorcee club where you can look only at one or the other. People just look for a partner and assess each profile on a case by case basis factoring in everything.

                              I guess as a non married previously sister you just feel you'd rather only look at brothers who were never married before and that's fine. Just try to take it easy on any divorcee brother who had the audacity to see if you might be interested to marry
                              Wait what she ain't married? Wasted my time. Grr honest these inexperienced folks talk a lot. :/

                              Comment


                              • [QUOTE=muslimahc;n12737438]
                                Originally posted by LaylaAb View Post



                                I think you missed the part where I said people shouldn’t get married until they finish school and have a job. Most people don’t have that at 20. That’s what I said so I don’t know why you are acting like I said something different.

                                Also, why are we comparing the 20 year old who hasn’t finished college with a divorcee? How about the 27 year old single professional with a good job but never married.

                                It makes sense that you are speaking from the perspective of a married woman with kids. I’m speaking in the context of a single virgin marrying a divorcee with kids. I don’t see the benefit of that as opposed to marrying a fellow single person who is also doing well. A divorcee with kids brings baggage for a single person. I’m not taking about a divorcee marrying a fellow divorcee. Maybe that’s why I was misunderstood.

                                Anyway, I rejected two marriage proposals from two divorced men with a child each. Both had good jobs but I didn’t want to be a stepmom and deal with their kids. They were also paying child support. There are single brothers with good jobs and no baggage. Maybe some sisters would think those divorced men were a catch, but to me they were bringing complications and baggage. They would be a good match however for a sister who was also divorced with kids.
                                You said single moms live off benefits and don't have good jobs. That has nothing to do with age or being divorced.

                                And exactly it is all about preference. Just like you rejected based on your preference others accept a divorcee based on their preference.

                                Comment

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