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  • #76
    Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

    If you look at this thread I think most responses have been reasonable, assuming you think 50% of a guys salary is reasonable.
    Its just something I've seen after years of being here. It's not just this thread.

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    • #77
      Originally posted by aelmo View Post

      Its just something I've seen after years of being here. It's not just this thread.
      I would take most of it with a pinch of salt. When push comes to shove people do what's necessary.

      Comment


      • #78
        Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

        Perhaps the marriage CV should contain on the first line, Name, Age, Mahr. Might save people a lot of wasted minutes.

        Compromise is something both parties do in a marriage, lesson worth learning sooner rather than later. Also from this thread you can see a person's idea of reasonable can differ to some degree. What is reasonable to you might not be reasonable to someone else. In this situation it's worth talking and seeing if a compromise could be reached. If not both parties move on, it should not be a big deal.
        What marriage CV? We don't do that type of thing.

        I know I am a reasonable person and I am easy to deal with. I can compromise. But I don't want anyone to take advantage of that.



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        • #79
          Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

          I would take most of it with a pinch of salt. When push comes to shove people do what's necessary.
          I don't know. Maybe that is the case.

          Anyways it all just sounds too stressful now.

          Comment


          • #80
            Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
            It's all business.
            ...
            Requirements, proposal, negotiation, acceptance, contract.
            If you mean that mahr is to be negotiated like the price of a car, I don't see it like that.
            I personally would find it distasteful and would most likely back-out of the marriage altogether.
            ..look for somebody else, who wasn't so into money.
            He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; He leadeth me beside the still waters - Psalms (Zaboor of Dawood)

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            • #81
              Originally posted by aelmo View Post

              What marriage CV? We don't do that type of thing.

              I know I am a reasonable person and I am easy to deal with. I can compromise. But I don't want anyone to take advantage of that.


              Marriage CV, online profile, word of mouth...

              Sounds reasonable to be reasonable.

              Comment


              • #82
                Originally posted by isa_muhammad View Post

                If you mean that mahr is to be negotiated like the price of a car, I don't see it like that.
                I personally would find it distasteful and would most likely back-out of the marriage altogether.
                ..look for somebody else, who wasn't so into money.
                Do whatever works for you.

                Comment


                • #83
                  Originally posted by Layla_ View Post

                  Nah I wouldn’t waste my own money on the bag. Lol. Luxuries are there to be bought for you, not for you to buy yourself... that’s how I see it lol

                  chanel bags go up in value anyway and are classics. They can be sold in years to come for more than what you purchased for. It’s an investment LOL
                  Plus if you’re really smart and buy a limited edition, it can sell for loaaaads in future

                  I’m joking anyway about the bag lol. Well I kinda am, if someone wants to throw it in with the mahr I won’t decline :P
                  i don't know anything about designer bags, my sister does and it seems people just buy the fake version but if you know where you can get hold of a buyer then that's to your advantage

                  I would rather keep track of gold prices because I have some idea, not an expert but it's more worth while in my opinion, I know we have to pay zakat but if you have an income this isn't bad because giving zakat is helping someone so never a loss

                  Saying that, finance, money and all this talk about material genuinely gives me a a head ache, I absolutely hate dealing with money

                  it's truly amazing how people think

                  I would rather by things like that with my own money, it feels like an accomplishment, much more satisfying

                  I would feel less guilty if I spent my own money on material things like that
                  Necessities I would expect from a spouse, if he wants to gift things then that is a bonus because it symbolises affection, I'm not actually interested in the material things that have been brought for me because I have been blessed in ways that I have treated myself (I'm not rich but Alhamdullilah), I want to see that someone has made the effort for me and thought about me and that can come in the form of gifts, especially if someone is unable to express it in words.



                  ​​​​​​
                  'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                  So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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                  • #84
                    I agree with those of you who say a woman should not be shy when asking for a certain amount of mahr. It is her right and not a favour being done by the man.

                    I have heard off and seen how men especially the "practising" ones will bring up Islam and say how costs should be low there is more barakh etc etc. They are actually being deceitful because mahr has nothing to do with how much they spend on the wedding or walima. They can afford big weddings but become stingy when it comes to mahr.

                    Asians give gifts to the bride like gold and clothes anyway but some include that as part of the mahr as a means of getting away with having to pay money.

                    Some people will agree to a low amount for mahr but will include other conditions in the nikaah contract such as if the couple divorce the man has to pay her a certain amount.

                    ABDEL-ATHEEM there is no one going rate for all woman in the west. Having said that some people may see it as a competition that so and so got x amount so they need to get more.

                    Comment


                    • #85
                      Originally posted by Mintchocchip View Post
                      I agree with those of you who say a woman should not be shy when asking for a certain amount of mahr. It is her right and not a favour being done by the man.

                      I have heard off and seen how men especially the "practising" ones will bring up Islam and say how costs should be low there is more barakh etc etc. They are actually being deceitful because mahr has nothing to do with how much they spend on the wedding or walima. They can afford big weddings but become stingy when it comes to mahr.

                      Asians give gifts to the bride like gold and clothes anyway but some include that as part of the mahr as a means of getting away with having to pay money.

                      Some people will agree to a low amount for mahr but will include other conditions in the nikaah contract such as if the couple divorce the man has to pay her a certain amount.

                      ABDEL-ATHEEM there is no one going rate for all woman in the west. Having said that some people may see it as a competition that so and so got x amount so they need to get more.
                      Would that be considered a race to the top or the bottom? Not really a great way to go about things and makes you wonder what people true motives are.

                      Gold or money, it's much the same thing right? Maybe gold would be a better option for some.

                      Have you ever come across men that actually do pay a "reasonable" amount? The thread is turning into a whinge fest. Not surprising really.

                      Comment


                      • #86
                        During Covid-19 I bet people’s mahr went up

                        as most weddings took place in the lounge lol. Actually, I’m being serious, I wonder if, due to not having the costs associated with weddings, sisters who got married during lockdown had a bigger mahr?!
                        https://islamicgemsandpearls.wordpress.com

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                        • #87
                          I have heard from at least two of my teachers that a woman should ask for a good mahr. Obviously not too excessive but something that is valuable. One of the wisdoms is reminding the man that this woman he married was married after spending generously on her and she is not just a toy to be thrown around. The average amount maybe about £2000 depending on the status of the husband. You have to also consider the current financial strains. If the woman is going to be expected to not earn for herself then this is her security deposit. Allah forbid but if something happened to her husband she could use her mahr to pick herself up inshaa Allah. There are those single mothers in society who are really struggling on benefits, perhaps if she had a significant mahr she could have some time to recuperate. Sadly, when it comes to mahr some men become stingy.

                          Remember, Sayyidunaa 'Umar (radhyAllahu 'anhu) was about to put a stop to excessive dowries when a lady from the crowd stopped him by quoting the general Qur'anic verse (on mahr). He listened to her and stopped at her reminder.

                          Each case is individually considered. For some £2000 maybe too less, for others it maybe too much. I am just providing an exemplary figure, all should come to a reasonable judgement after sincere consideration for the welfare of their future wives.

                          My husband wasn't so well off at the start of marriage and he kindly gave me some childhood savings that amounted to 1K (that went towards a car for ourselves because he didn't even have a car then). Al hamdu lillah, so in my situation I wouldn't have even imagined asking for more.

                          Comment


                          • #88
                            Originally posted by Layla_ View Post
                            During Covid-19 I bet people’s mahr went up

                            as most weddings took place in the lounge lol. Actually, I’m being serious, I wonder if, due to not having the costs associated with weddings, sisters who got married during lockdown had a bigger mahr?!
                            Probably many would be postponed and some monies lost for deposits for booking venues, catering etc. However, those that want to keep the costs down may well have continued and done a simple wedding. I guess a few positives have come from this lockdown.

                            Comment


                            • #89
                              Originally posted by SeekingtheCreator View Post
                              I have heard from at least two of my teachers that a woman should ask for a good mahr. Obviously not too excessive but something that is valuable. One of the wisdoms is reminding the man that this woman he married was married after spending generously on her and she is not just a toy to be thrown around. The average amount maybe about £2000 depending on the status of the husband. You have to also consider the current financial strains. If the woman is going to be expected to not earn for herself then this is her security deposit. Allah forbid but if something happened to her husband she could use her mahr to pick herself up inshaa Allah. There are those single mothers in society who are really struggling on benefits, perhaps if she had a significant mahr she could have some time to recuperate. Sadly, when it comes to mahr some men become stingy.

                              Remember, Sayyidunaa 'Umar (radhyAllahu 'anhu) was about to put a stop to excessive dowries when a lady from the crowd stopped him by quoting the general Qur'anic verse (on mahr). He listened to her and stopped at her reminder.

                              Each case is individually considered. For some £2000 maybe too less, for others it maybe too much. I am just providing an exemplary figure, all should come to a reasonable judgement after sincere consideration for the welfare of their future wives.

                              My husband wasn't so well off at the start of marriage and he kindly gave me some childhood savings that amounted to 1K (that went towards a car for ourselves because he didn't even have a car then). Al hamdu lillah, so in my situation I wouldn't have even imagined asking for more.
                              You will find £2k would not even cover the cost of the wedding dress.

                              I can tell you South Asians go big because they know it’s not only the guy contributing, it will also be his family and they would be putting forward gold and cash. That’s why the girl’s side have no issue exploiting this situation with a figure above £10k and this would not be a surprise to the South Asians on this forum. We live in times of excess and waste, wedding are not exempt from this. When they come up against families that don’t want to be part of these high costs then they are seen as the ones that need educating on mahr. Ajeeb.

                              What is funny is there are some many aspects of South Asian culture that South Asians themselves dislike but for some this is one they are quite happy to maintain and participate in.

                              Comment


                              • #90
                                Originally posted by Mintchocchip View Post
                                IABDEL-ATHEEM there is no one going rate for all woman in the west. Having said that some people may see it as a competition that so and so got x amount so they need to get more.
                                Assalamu Alaykom Sister Mintchocchip

                                Thank you very much for all of your help and advice.
                                ALLAH AL-ATHEEM created everything. Therefore ALLAH AL-ATHEEM created the earth and everything in the earth and created all of the heavens and everything in all of these heavens and created all of the hells and everything in all of these hells and created all of the universes and everything in all of these universes and created everything in between them.

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