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Best suitor advice

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  • Best suitor advice

    What traits should one consider in potential suitors? What are the best traits you all would look at first to have a healthy stable married life.

    Also for the brothers, how can you tell a man will commit? Like what are the signs he will be a good match and what are the red flags?

    I can ask my actual bros this but feels awkward i rather get this advice from my brothers in Islam. Cringe. Lol.



  • #2
    This for both men and women. So the good traits in a potential female and the good traits in a potential male.


    I thought it would be nice to discuss the pros and cons of the ideal traits and give an overall reference point for anyone who is seeking.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by Flawed View Post
      This for both men and women. So the good traits in a potential female and the good traits in a potential male.


      I thought it would be nice to discuss the pros and cons of the ideal traits and give an overall reference point for anyone who is seeking.
      Write down your good traits and you will have answered your own question.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

        Write down your good traits and you will have answered your own question.
        Erm thats not what I'm asking.


        I'm asking what are the standard traits we should refer to.

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        • #5
          Id probably start off by thinking how she/he treats his/her parents, brother sisters etc. Just to see how the potential is with the other relations he/she has in their lives.

          But the truth is you'd never know that properly would you? Not unless you lived in the same house.

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          • #6
            I think we all know the good traits. The issue is ppl fake and some ppl have personal issues and skeletons in their closets that you will never know about until you're married. Especially nowadays, it's really hard to know the good, the bad, and the ugly.

            Marriage is a gamble. Plus I think it depends on what you want. For example, I might like a shy guy, but you might like a talkative and outgoing one.

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            • #7
              A thorb and a beard don't mean he all good.

              Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

              **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

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              • #8
                salam alaykum wa rahmat allah
                1st thing to look for is deen if the individual is maintaining all hes daily fard prayer in masjid on time including fajr then that good if he does any type of extra voluntary worship that is even better
                same goes to comitment if he dosent give allah subhanahu wa talaa hes right of being worshipêd he will surely deprive hes wife of her rights .the closer a person to allah the better human being he is

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Flawed View Post

                  Erm thats not what I'm asking.


                  I'm asking what are the standard traits we should refer to.
                  I'm sure you have standard traits.

                  I don't think you were learn anything new in this thread. It should be pretty obvious and if it's not then that would be a concern.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Flawed View Post
                    What traits should one consider in potential suitors? What are the best traits you all would look at first to have a healthy stable married life.

                    Also for the brothers, how can you tell a man will commit? Like what are the signs he will be a good match and what are the red flags?

                    I can ask my actual bros this but feels awkward i rather get this advice from my brothers in Islam. Cringe. Lol.

                    This link provides a few questions you should try finding out about a spouse. If his physical appearance is good for you, I believe these are the questions ask. Allah knows best

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Hamza1416 View Post
                      salam alaykum wa rahmat allah
                      1st thing to look for is deen if the individual is maintaining all hes daily fard prayer in masjid on time including fajr then that good if he does any type of extra voluntary worship that is even better
                      same goes to comitment if he dosent give allah subhanahu wa talaa hes right of being worshipêd he will surely deprive hes wife of her rights .the closer a person to allah the better human being he is
                      But how is that possible to pray every fard prayer in the masjid, if he works?

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Al hamdu lillah, through life experience and observation, I can provide some advice to young girls on who to look for:

                        Firstly, please don't become amazed by a brother's outward expression of deen- his beard, thobe, turban, etc are only claims and pretence if he is not fulfilling his obligations to Allah. These obligations include fulfilling the rights of Allah and the rights of the creations. He ought to be someone who has taqwaa. Taqwaa is a very subtle quality that you need to search for carefully. You will find this in a man who pays off his debts on time, a man who carefully keeps to his words, a man who takes care not to fall into dishonesty and so on. How many Muslim brothers have we seen involved in fraud crime etc whilst at the same time looking like a proper muttaqi? May Allah protect us. Ameen.

                        This hit home for us when we encountered a seemingly "pious" brother with the intention of renting "his" flat. He was so charming, quoting ayaat to us in proper tajweed (by the way he is a well known figure in his community), mashaa Allah! Then we found out he was subletting, we are honest people and so we told the relevant company and left after 2 weeks of "moving in". Then he revealed his true colours and everything made sense. So much lying and he would always arrive late to our meetings. Once he delayed Maghrib very late... he took our money, but al hamdu lillah my husband and some brothers frightened him into giving it back. Khair, moral of the story? Don't get enchanted by a man's exterior- carefully observe how he speaks, is he truthful? Is he consistent? How is his attitude to salah? I had a suitor once in the past who was an 'aalim who told me he struggled to pray Fajr!

                        So as for deen:

                        - Don't look for a highly knowledgeable person only. Look for someone who evidently practises the little they may know. At the same time, test him on the very basic knowledge. He should know his obligatory knowledge and especially the fiqh of marriage and divorce. If not, ask him if he is in the process of learning and to provide proof for that. Don't take a man who says he will do it later seriously.
                        - Don't worry about how much 'ibaadah he does. As long as he does is fardh and tries to stay away from sin as much as possible, that is enough.
                        - Look for someone who loves Allah and ask Allah for such a person. He might not have the biggest of beards, he might just be a simple man roaming around but he truly loves and fears Allah.
                        - Look for soft heartedness as that is an indication to someone doing lots of tawbah and istighfaar (not definite but a good sign).
                        - Look for good company, ask about who his friends are. It doesn't matter if he seems to a big scholar by looks, if he is hanging around with losers don't marry him. On the other hand, he might look very simple, but he might have the best of company- very good sign.
                        - Look for someone who is actively struggling to get close to Allah. Ask them for proof of that. Ask them "what are you doing to get closer to Allah? Can you provide some examples?" .
                        - Good character is an absolute must. Give them scenarios and ask them what they would do in those situations, for example "suppose the computer suddenly froze, what's the first reaction you think you will make?", "suppose you bumped into another person in the street, who should be the first to apologise?". Seeking references is a must too, in order to ascertain character. However, nobody can truly tell if a person is different behind closed doors... so try your best,

                        General pointers:

                        - Look for good upbringing- good parents who have a loving, stable relationship or a single parent that is well established and secure. Observe how they are to their parents and siblings (those whom they have grown up with).
                        - Look for a man who is hard working and independent- it doesn't matter if he is a brick layer, but he should have a full time, stable, halal income.
                        - Look for a man with strong leadership qualities- he should make the decisions himself and not rely on others. If he constantly has to check with his parents and let's them make decisions, stay very clear. You want a man who can stand on his own two feet and lead a household.
                        - He should be generous and not stingy.
                        - Look for a good father for your children.
                        - Look for someone who complements your personality type.

                        That should do for now inshaa Allah. Of course, compromise is needed at times, but respect yourself and don't accept a lazy man who won't fulfill your rights just because he can take you around the world or because he happens to look very handsome. Look deeper and beyond...

                        May Allah give us all understanding and truly wonderful marriages. Ameen.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by LaylaAb View Post

                          But how is that possible to pray every fard prayer in the masjid, if he works?
                          if somone value hes prayer alot he will find a job that give him prayer breaks

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by LaylaAb View Post

                            But how is that possible to pray every fard prayer in the masjid, if he works?
                            Impossible unless he works and live next to a masjid.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by LaylaAb View Post

                              But how is that possible to pray every fard prayer in the masjid, if he works?
                              Depends on the work I guess but it's very doable.

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