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Different Nationality Marriages - Pakistani/Bangladeshi

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  • #31
    Originally posted by muzzybee View Post

    Yep very.
    Rule number one in marriage, always live seperatly,
    This is a given, if not problems galore.
    Yes but some parents dont understand this.

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    • #32
      Originally posted by Simply_Logical View Post

      bro its racism lets be straight thats why they dont like it
      Some of the chat I've heard recently is how Bangladeshis smell of fish. They wear lungis and take paan spitting it everywhere.

      I did have a couple of Bangladeshis in my class at school who always smelt of fish but others didn't smell that bad. It's a stereotype that persists.

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      • #33
        Originally posted by muzzybee View Post

        Yep very.
        Rule number one in marriage, always live seperatly,
        This is a given, if not problems galore.

        I think this is too much of a western idea mainly being pushed by wives because they want more freedom.

        There are pros and cons to both.

        The married guys I know who live at home with their parents mostly complain about how their wife is always arguing with their mum.

        The married guys who live separately mostly complain about how their wife lazes around all day and they end up doing half the housework and hold down a full time job.

        The happiest people I know are the single ones 🤣

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        • #34
          Originally posted by Flawed View Post

          Yes but some parents dont understand this.
          Often the parents, especially the mother, get worried that the wife will take advantage of their son and not fulfill her wifely duties the way she would living with his parents.

          Also the mother and wife can support each other in the household duties and become close friends.

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          • #35
            Originally posted by sahib View Post

            Some of the chat I've heard recently is how Bangladeshis smell of fish. They wear lungis and take paan spitting it everywhere.

            I did have a couple of Bangladeshis in my class at school who always smelt of fish but others didn't smell that bad. It's a stereotype that persists.
            Surely you must be trolling with that one because Pakistanis eat stronger spices and thicker curries. Only person I had to inform of their stink was Pakistani.

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            • #36
              Originally posted by Flawed View Post

              Ok. If a father or brother are being unreasonable they cant be a wali? Like if they are more bothered about their reputation and stubbornness more than their sons or daughters personal life, the you're allowed to go out your way and find a non mahram wali to do your nikaah?


              unfortunately I've seen parents who didnt agree with their sons or daughters potential spouse because they thought the grass was greener on the other side but sadly their sons and daughters are still single and miserable. I dont know why parents ignore that being married is natural and a need keeping their children away from halal is the worst thing ever because no wonder Muslim men and women have turned into freaks its their parents fault, tbf .
              The daughter is 30+ and unmarried.

              That says enough about the status of her father as a 'wali'. He's a joke and should be treated as such.
              You think you know more than my scholar's qiyās? He was more learned than you and all other scholars combined. Yeah, the devil was the greatest scholar too and look where his qiyās of fire being better than tīn got him. Sorry.

              You follow your scholar's qiyās, and I will follow the Qur'ān and Sunnah.

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              • #37
                Originally posted by Indefinable View Post

                I'd advise against this post.

                Do not run off and marry someone without your parents approval.

                You can be practical or waste your time fighting a losing battle for no reason.
                You think you know more than my scholar's qiyās? He was more learned than you and all other scholars combined. Yeah, the devil was the greatest scholar too and look where his qiyās of fire being better than tīn got him. Sorry.

                You follow your scholar's qiyās, and I will follow the Qur'ān and Sunnah.

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                • #38
                  Originally posted by Linkdeutscher View Post

                  You can be practical or waste your time fighting a losing battle for no reason.
                  More like be emotional and cause unnecessary drama.

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Have the families actually met? the paki parents might find they get on well with her family. Your friend should make clear to the girl, that while he may be afforded good treatment by her side, she most likely will not receive the same. And this discrepency may be the cause for friction between the pair once the inital elation of being together wears off.

                    They, particulary her, will have to be mentally strong to withstand this ongoing atmosphere of rejection and feeling unwanted. Both being in their thirties begs the question, how long have they been together? if the foundations of their relationship is based on something Allah hates, they should be prepared for a possibly rocky road ahead to atone for any wrong doings.
                    Spears shall be shaken! Shields shall be splintered! a sword day..a red day..ere the sun rises! Ride now! Ride now! Ride! Ride to ruin, and the worlds ending!

                    None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.

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                    • #40
                      Originally posted by sahib View Post
                      I think this is too much of a western idea mainly being pushed by wives because they want more freedom.
                      There are pros and cons to both.
                      The married guys I know who live at home with their parents mostly complain about how their wife is always arguing with their mum.
                      The married guys who live separately mostly complain about how their wife lazes around all day and they end up doing half the housework and hold down a full time job.
                      The happiest people I know are the single ones 🤣
                      😂😂
                      Problem with wife, problem without wife.
                      Life aint easy.

                      Living seperatly after marriage ain't a western media thing, it's just common sense tbh, unless there are exceptional circumstances where a parent is totally dependant on the child.

                      ​​​​​​​

                      Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

                      **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

                      Zawjati ,Uhibbuki mithla m ant Uhibbuki kaifam kunteeeWa mahm kna mahma sra

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                      • #41
                        Originally posted by Linkdeutscher View Post

                        You can be practical or waste your time fighting a losing battle for no reason.
                        What's being practical?

                        Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

                        **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

                        Zawjati ,Uhibbuki mithla m ant Uhibbuki kaifam kunteeeWa mahm kna mahma sra

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Originally posted by muzzybee View Post

                          😂😂
                          Problem with wife, problem without wife.
                          Life aint easy.

                          Living seperatly after marriage ain't a western media thing, it's just common sense tbh, unless there are exceptional circumstances where a parent is totally dependant on the child.
                          Regardless, the couple must have regular contact and visiting of their parents and vice versa. It shouldn't be like you get a life partner and lose your parents as a substitution.
                          They will need the help of their family a lot! And it would be awkward to be in contact with them only when you need help.
                          I feel some people are overly confident in their ability to be self governing, that they completely detach themselves from their former lives when they get married.
                          However, they will have constant problems and hurdles as a couple, like financial and health and every other thing that you can imagine, even problems involving the children and bureaucracy. If they decided to tackle all of these issues by themselves it usually takes the fun out of being married. I have never been married myself, this is just an observation.
                          Last edited by RED ICON; 31-07-20, 05:23 PM.

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                          • #43
                            Originally posted by sahib View Post


                            I think this is too much of a western idea mainly being pushed by wives because they want more freedom.

                            There are pros and cons to both.

                            The married guys I know who live at home with their parents mostly complain about how their wife is always arguing with their mum.

                            The married guys who live separately mostly complain about how their wife lazes around all day and they end up doing half the housework and hold down a full time job.

                            The happiest people I know are the single ones 🤣
                            Having separate accomodation is a right Islam gives to the woman and it is the ideal situation.
                            In most cases the in laws tend to dominate the daughter in law too much when they live together, the in laws actually have no authority over her according to Islam.

                            A married couple needs their own space, the son can still serve his parents whilst living apart.

                            And there's nothing wrong with a man helping out in the house, I would say it's even recommended however doing half is a bit too much.
                            Last edited by hasan2013; 01-08-20, 01:49 PM.

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              Can I just give an example in all this please. You might agree or disagree with this brother who's story Im about to tell you but lets see. I apologise in advance for taking the thread off course

                              A brother was married and had 3 children. He lived separately to his parents. Few years later his dad died and his mum was all alone.
                              Few years later she was attacked in a house robbery and was left paralysed. Now he had the problem of taking his mum to the toilet and cleaning her, bathing her, changing her clothes etc so he asked his wife to help. She refused point blank and cited the 'shes not my mum' argument.
                              So the guy got married again and told his 2nd wife before the marriage that hes trying to find someone to care for his elderly mother but wants that person to be a family member and live in his parents house etc. The 2nd wife agreed and lived with his mum and cared for her till his mums death. First wife hit the roof and begged him to divorce the 2nd wife and insisted that she'd look after his mother but the guy refused. He now lives with his 2nd wife and has 4 children with her and has alot more respect for her than his 1st wife.

                              His words were when he told me his story 'Id do the same for my 2nd wifes dad if I had to. Id take him to the toilet as many times as needed even at night. Bathe him and clothe him and look after him as much as possible just to keep my 2nd wife happy. My mum cant be replaced. She was the most important person to me and my 2nd wife treated her soo well and cared for her soo much in the last stage of her life. 1st wife didnt and naturally I love and care about my 2nd wife more than the 1st wife'.


                              Agree or disagree but sometimes children need to stay with their parents. Its not always possible to live separately.

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                This is another case of parentification. The son most likely has been mollycoddled and is unable to function independently. He will not mature until life squeezes him by the will of Allah. Like I have mentioned here many a time, some mothers do develop an overly possessive relationship with their sons and it is unhealthy.

                                I can tell you with 99% surety that this marriage is going to flop someway or the other if the man continues to live with his parents (illaa mashaa Allah). I just heard for the Xth number of times another sister in the community return to her parents due to issues with the in laws.

                                Some Muslims have a warped understanding about what obedience to parents means. In the process, it has led to the rights of the children also being neglected. We cannot shy away from the fact that, no matter how dear our parents are to us, they are not angels and can still commit sins. When you become an adult it is important to draw your boundaries and make your own decisions.

                                Yes, of course, we respect our parents, we love them, we never raise our voices above their voices and we try support them as much as possible, but we cannot let ourselves lose individuality. Yes, we also consult them and take their consultations dearly, but we need to learn to differentiate between truthful consultation and manipulative control.

                                The Bengali/ Pakistani issue is secondary to what's already there. The man's parents are too controlling and probably want him married to someone they prefer. Either the man grows a backbone and provides the girl with a separate quarter or he forgets her and marries the girl who will be the best slave for his mother.

                                My sis in law is married to a Pakistani (we are Bengali). Everything was fine for a few years (she was living with them) until the babies came. I heard there might have been some racism or something but it became too uncomfortable to raise babies there. So she is currently living at her mum's with two babies who mainly stay in the living room due to lack of space. The husband comes and visits when he wishes. His parents sometimes visit too once in a while. .. but here's the concern of the family: when are they going to lodge them in a separate house? Soon the babies will outgrow a living room inshaa Allah.

                                ​​​​​​So, in a nutshell, forget the ethnicity difference, if the guy can't make his own decisions and has to stay with mummy then he should find someone compatible with his mummy's preference. If he is a man and has a backbone, he might have a chance, if the girl is deeni and good.

                                wAllahu A'lam.



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