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  • Wearing jewellery

    Hi everybody! I have a little unusual question but I feel I have to ask. I would like to wear more jewellery in my ears, 3 earlobe earrings to be exact. i have already have one-one in each ear. My husband aggressively refuses it he told me if I make more two holes in my ears he will divorce me. I feel this little offensive so to speak. Does he really have the right to divorce just because of this reason? I am a practising muslimah wearing hijab . I would like more earrings just for myself.
    ​​​​​​Thanks for your answers :)

  • #2
    If I were to take this question in isolation, I'd say don't pierce your ears again as it doesn't seem worth the risk of losing your marriage if your husband feels that strongly about it, but I don't think I should take this question in isolation as it sounds to me like an indicator of bigger problems.

    I have to ask, have there been other incidents in which he has threatened to divorce you and if so, what were those incidents? Has he insisted that you restrict your lifestyle in certain ways that do not go against Islam but go against what you really want and if so, what were those restrictions and how long has this gone on for?

    In general terms, the husband is the authority in the home and he has the right to make certain decisions, but in more specific terms if he shows signs of abusing that authority, then that is a red flag that something is wrong.

    If you've been together for ten years during which he's been wonderful, caring and this just happens to be a one off thing he feels really strongly about because someone abusive in his life had a lot of ear piercings or something then I'd say listen to him and don't risk your marriage over this, but if this incident is indicative of a pattern of controlling behaviours then see it as a red flag.
    The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

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    • #3
      Hmm maybe the idea of it is what's unappealing to him. You know the punk rock 1000 piercings look. I would advise you not to force it but just keep hinting it makes you sad until he lets you subtle but not too subtle that he doesnt know - this is ofcourse just an option you may just want to compromise like imagine ur husband turned his hair bright pink...

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      • #4
        Wow, to bring divorce into this utterly dangerous. There is the concept of conditional divorce as well- if he said it in the past tense then the condition has to be fulfilled to avoid divorce... I don't know the exact nuanced details but that is just a summary.

        Really sister, I would just tell you to reconsider your desire for extra piercings. It's not inconsiderate of a demand, but your husband is not liking it and seems to be worsening the situation, hence a little sisterly advice: let it go my dear. At the same time, try to communicate all your concerns with him and let him know, mercifully, when he seems to be overstepping the boundaries.

        ​​

        May Allah rectify your matters with goodness. Ameen.
        ​​

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        • #5
          I'm not sure but he sounds bloody ridiculous, to threaten divorce over something like this? Does he have mental health problems or something? I think you should try talking to him about it and asking why hes so passionately against it that he had to bring up divorce.

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          • #6
            Hmm I doubt threatening divorce was his first response. It was probably after a prolonged and sustained period of "I want these piercings, I'm getting these piercings".

            People get addicted to this type of thing. It starts off with a couple of extra piercings, before you know it you're a human colander.
            Spears shall be shaken! Shields shall be splintered! a sword day..a red day..ere the sun rises! Ride now! Ride now! Ride! Ride to ruin, and the worlds ending!

            None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.

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            • #7
              If I understand correctly, your husband asked you not to get more piercings done.

              He didn't prohibit you from wearing more earrings. So, why don't you get some clip on earrings for yourself ? There's plenty of lovely earlobe jewellery available that one can wear without needing piercings.

              However, if your husband doesn't like the look, you should avoid wearing them when he's around.

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              • #8
                Thank you all for your responses/advice. Well to be honest Im 5 years married living in a muslim country where my husband is from and Im from Europe. Im 28 my husband is 36 years old. Yes he is quite a controlling man he always wants to tell me what to wear even what colour my hijab is. I understand there are certain rulings in islam but I do not see the connection between simple ear piercing and islam. He often threats me with divorce for very simple things like if you dont do this or this i will divorce you.

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                • #9
                  Hmm, just as I thought- red flag. I don't know if you have kids, but if I were in your shoes, I'd be using contraception right now. That's not a healthy environment to raise a child in. I'd also have a word with him about the Islamic evidences on showing kindness and leniency towards the wife (which is the general rule) and this level of restrictions doesn't seem appropriate or fair and then what you should do next depends on how he reacts to that. If he placed those controls without even thinking about it because he didn't realise how difficult or upsetting you found it and then reflected on the matter and decides to take your feelings into consideration more (he might still draw a red line about the piercings but may be more lenient in a few other matters), then try and meet him halfway as he seems to be trying to understand... but if he gets angry and starts threatening you over it, then you should figure out an exit strategy.
                  The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

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                  • #10

                    Originally posted by Anett1991 View Post
                    Hi everybody! I have a little unusual question but I feel I have to ask. I would like to wear more jewellery in my ears, 3 earlobe earrings to be exact. i have already have one-one in each ear. My husband aggressively refuses it he told me if I make more two holes in my ears he will divorce me. I feel this little offensive so to speak. Does he really have the right to divorce just because of this reason? I am a practising muslimah wearing hijab . I would like more earrings just for myself.
                    ​​​​​​Thanks for your answers :)
                    sad to hear of your situation, this is crazy. It’s not normal or respectful for the man to be saying such. Like what difference does it even make.
                    but poking earring holes is fun at times coz I have done it lol

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by neelu View Post
                      Hmm, just as I thought- red flag. I don't know if you have kids, but if I were in your shoes, I'd be using contraception right now. That's not a healthy environment to raise a child in. I'd also have a word with him about the Islamic evidences on showing kindness and leniency towards the wife (which is the general rule) and this level of restrictions doesn't seem appropriate or fair and then what you should do next depends on how he reacts to that. If he placed those controls without even thinking about it because he didn't realise how difficult or upsetting you found it and then reflected on the matter and decides to take your feelings into consideration more (he might still draw a red line about the piercings but may be more lenient in a few other matters), then try and meet him halfway as he seems to be trying to understand... but if he gets angry and starts threatening you over it, then you should figure out an exit strategy.
                      No I dont have kids and not even thinking about getting one :D

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