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Looking to marry someone with different Aqeedah, advice needed

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  • Looking to marry someone with different Aqeedah, advice needed

    For the past few months I've been on websites and apps looking for a woman to marry. I found a potential and in the process of talking to them, the day after praying my first istekharah (ever) she starts mentioning things that allude to the Ash'ari Aqeedah. Then she mentions if I knew anything about the Ash'ari Aqeedah. Well I truly actually have no knowledge, and simply only have bits and pieces of information scattered in a way that resembles scrambled sectors of a hard drive; I did have some idea of it.

    I decided to mention I did not know and she sent me some videos. I proceeded to tell her that while I am limited in the "knowledge" that I have, one thing is for sure; I believe in and affirm Allah swt names and attributes in totality as He awj and the Prophet Muhammad saaw told/taught us. I gave her an example of the hand and she was very turned off. I explained that it was absolutely wrong for us to imagine how it is, and to say it is like ours. And that I wasn't saying that His hand is like our hand; This is where I understand the part

    ​​​​​لَيْسَ كَمِثْلِهِ شَيْءٌ

    Eventually I got to a point where she would agree to relinquish teaching of the Aqeedah to our children.

    I also believe the evil that is music and it's use in deception of man kind since is very beginning. As you can see I feel very strongly about music and the reality we live in, it is very very difficult to find a single human being, Muslim or not; who doesn't listen to music. This person does, but she is willing to try to quit it and has feelings of it being Haram from the start.

    The person also mentioned that she hates Salafi and Sufi (I could be misquoting the hate part and she may have used a different term but she did express a huge dislike for both).

    Now while I can't speak for Sufi'ism, from my understanding of salafiyyah (correct me if I'm wrong please), it is simply the attempt to follow and practice in the way of those that came before us (companions, followers of the companions, and followers of those followers; which also includes the 4 madthahib). I explained to her that that's what it means and if you have seen flaws in Salafi brothers and sisters, then let's not use that as an example of Salafiyyah.

    She also has this idea that bearded men AR Mutashaddadeen and Mutaassabeen. The moments she showed her sister picture of me with a large beard, her younger sister immediately jumped to the former mentioned. she explained to me that this is the idea that they have of bearded men. That it is based on not much good experience of them.

    Another issue I feel like I may run into is that she has a brother who is studying directly at AlAzhar. Underneath the wing of a prominent Shaikh (same Aqeedah, but not 100% sure). She goes to him and asks his opinion on Islamic matters. I'm afraid that will become an issue if I decide to ask her to do something, and she refuses and decides to consult her brother.

    Example: I completely disagree with the idea that women should wear colorful patterns and flowers and red. I understand the permissibility of them and some of the reasons for the fatawa given on them but last I checked, beautifying your clothing is a way of attracting attention and the overwhelming majority of things men think about these days..... Is woman in a hyper sexual manner. Men and women are allies, attracting them in such a way even if unintentionally, should be avoided to the best of one's ability. If I ask my wife to not wear such a clothing outside or in front of nonMahram, this may become problematic if she decides to consult a brother as I'm sure there's a fatwa out there that will give her a concession.

    These are some things that I have some concerns about, and well the last one is likely to be much less of a concern, the other ones mentioned above it scare me.

    By the way the person lives overseas and I live in America and we have no don't the Katb El kitab.

  • #2
    You've just listed a bunch of major incompatibilities. I don't see this marriage working out at all.


    • #3
      You prayed istikhara, asking Allah to guide you. You then immediately got shown a tonne of likely issues. Allahu alim, seems like your du'a got answered.
      FOLLOW THE NEW BLOG - GINGERBEARDMAN - Muslim, father, husband, writer, defender of ginger rights! - Outreach4Islam have been working together in Leicester, calling the not yet Muslims to Islam since 2006.


      • #4
        Bringing someone over from overseas is problematic in itself.

        Now, imagine bringing someone who already has a host of problems of their own.

        That would be akin to adding problems upon problems in your life .

        It would be better to find someone more compatible.


        • #5
          This can be a problem in long term. Find someone from your aqeedah. Women are the first school of their children.