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She is 8 years older than me

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  • She is 8 years older than me

    Salam everone,
    I am really interested in someone who is 8 years older than me. She is extremely polite, humble, and fears Allah. However, my parents keep advising me that I should not because she is older. Would this really be an issue for out future if I do decide to marry her?

  • #2
    Waalaykumassalam

    Do you want to have lots of children? Are you okay with a wife who will age much quicker than you, who will be in her 40s when you're still 35? Just a couple issues to consider.
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    • #3
      Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
      Waalaykumassalam

      Do you want to have lots of children? Are you okay with a wife who will age much quicker than you, who will be in her 40s when you're still 35? Just a couple issues to consider.
      ​​​​​​
      Fewer children is fine. However, In your opinion do you think the age gap is too much where there will be a major difference between us?

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      • #4
        Prophet Saw and khadija had a bigger gap... just saying.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Ryl View Post

          Fewer children is fine. However, In your opinion do you think the age gap is too much where there will be a major difference between us?
          It depends on your ages.

          18 vs 26 is not the same as 30 vs 38, for example

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          • #6
            What's your age?
            Spears shall be shaken! Shields shall be splintered! a sword day..a red day..ere the sun rises! Ride now! Ride now! Ride! Ride to ruin, and the world’s ending!

            None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.”

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            • #7
              Yes it is possible. I know a couple like this actually. They have two children (teens now). The sister is in her late 40s and the brother is quite younger than her, probably by 10 years. They are very much happy it seems.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Eorlingas View Post
                What's your age?
                Sorry forgot to mention. Im 26, she’s 34

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                • #9
                  There's no hard and fast rule in this case. As mentioned regarding starting a family, in her 35th year already, you will not have much time to play with at all. Physically it depends how you both look together. Some people look more aged then they are and vice versa. Personally, I would always suggest a man to marry a few years younger at least, unless he is planning to take more wives in the future, which is not very likely these days. It's your call but at least ask yourself honestly why you are considering someone 8 years older and why she is considering someone 8 years her junior.
                  Spears shall be shaken! Shields shall be splintered! a sword day..a red day..ere the sun rises! Ride now! Ride now! Ride! Ride to ruin, and the world’s ending!

                  None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.”

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post

                    It depends on your ages.

                    18 vs 26 is not the same as 30 vs 38, for example

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                    you're not exactly a withered old lady by the time you reach 38....

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Hoblos View Post

                      you're not exactly a withered old lady by the time you reach 38....
                      Erm. I actually meant it's much less of a big deal if he's 30 and she's 38. Assuming the worst, much?

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Ryl View Post

                        Sorry forgot to mention. Im 26, she’s 34
                        Hmmm... well I'm not surprised that you are drawn to her because usually women at this age are more mature in all aspects. I'm of that age range myself and so are many of my friends. They are all very good and mature sisters and ready for marriage. A lot of them are single. As for the sisters I know that are in their early 20s they are far from ready. It's very rare (in the West) to find a sister at a young age who is willing to get married and even if she is her family is usually against it. I got married at around 20 and my family was against it, but eventually accepted.

                        If it doesn't bother you, there is no reason why you shouldn't marry her. She's 34 and can still have more than 2 children if Allah wills it. All the ladies in my family/friends have children throughout their 30s with no issues at all. In terms of looks there isn't much difference between 20s and 30s.

                        Inshallah, pray istikhara. May Allah give you what is good.ameen.
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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Ryl View Post

                          Sorry forgot to mention. Im 26, she’s 34
                          That's not too bad and could work. But if you come from a culture or family that would demean her for her age, it could be a problem.

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post

                            Erm. I actually meant it's much less of a big deal if he's 30 and she's 38. Assuming the worst, much?

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                            oh, my apologies...

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Ryl View Post
                              Salam everone,
                              I am really interested in someone who is 8 years older than me. She is extremely polite, humble, and fears Allah. However, my parents keep advising me that I should not because she is older. Would this really be an issue for out future if I do decide to marry her?
                              Wsalam,

                              What the bigger issue is asking strangers for marriage advice. Surely if you feel ready for marriage you should be ready to resolve these trivial dilemmas all by yourself.

                              How would the potential feel if she were to read this thread?

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