Ads by Muslim Ad Network

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Dad being funny about intercultural marriage

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Dad being funny about intercultural marriage

    As-Salaam-Alaikum to all my brothers and sisters.

    I have come with a question today and am really hoping that someone will be able to give me the best advice because I am really struggling.

    So I have told my parents that I want to get married, for background I am a Pakistani woman and I want to marry a Bengali man. I am living in the UK, and was born and brought up as was he.

    My mother isn’t the issue, as she is completely okay with it as she knows there is no problem with this cultural stuff. My father however told me he was okay with it, but now I feel he is thinking twice as he is worried about telling his family and his own brothers and sisters.

    I feel really stuck because I just want to be married and do things the halal way, but my father is just making things difficult. It seems like he is just delaying meeting him and his family in the hope that I will forget about it. I haven’t forgotten about it though and I just want him to agree so I can have my Nikkah done as soon as possible.

    What advice can you give me in this situation? It seems like he is more worried about what his family will say, and the amount of things “people” will say. I have told him countless times that we are all Muslim and Culture doesn’t matter. In Islam we are one. But he keeps making remarks about how they are lower than us and how he hates them etc. I don’t want there to be anymore delays but I also know my grandparents will cause HUGE issues.

    What can I say or do to make this easier? I just don’t know and it’s becoming really difficult to cope with.

    Also can you tell me of anywhere in the Quran where this topic of intercultural marriages is mentioned, and more on what the Islamic take on this is?







  • #2
    Originally posted by Helpme1 View Post
    As-Salaam-Alaikum to all my brothers and sisters.

    I have come with a question today and am really hoping that someone will be able to give me the best advice because I am really struggling.

    So I have told my parents that I want to get married, for background I am a Pakistani woman and I want to marry a Bengali man. I am living in the UK, and was born and brought up as was he.

    My mother isn’t the issue, as she is completely okay with it as she knows there is no problem with this cultural stuff. My father however told me he was okay with it, but now I feel he is thinking twice as he is worried about telling his family and his own brothers and sisters.

    I feel really stuck because I just want to be married and do things the halal way, but my father is just making things difficult. It seems like he is just delaying meeting him and his family in the hope that I will forget about it. I haven’t forgotten about it though and I just want him to agree so I can have my Nikkah done as soon as possible.

    What advice can you give me in this situation? It seems like he is more worried about what his family will say, and the amount of things “people” will say. I have told him countless times that we are all Muslim and Culture doesn’t matter. In Islam we are one. But he keeps making remarks about how they are lower than us and how he hates them etc. I don’t want there to be anymore delays but I also know my grandparents will cause HUGE issues.

    What can I say or do to make this easier? I just don’t know and it’s becoming really difficult to cope with.

    Also can you tell me of anywhere in the Quran where this topic of intercultural marriages is mentioned, and more on what the Islamic take on this is?







    If by funny you mean racist then yes your dad is being funny. If your mum is a typical Pakistani woman and she is on board then your marriage will happen and your father will fall in line

    You may find your grandparents are not okay with it and the same goes for other family members but honestly Pakistanis love, love, love misery, don't worry about it.

    Comment


    • #3
      There seems to be an issue between Pakistani and Bengali people of a certain generation (50+) due to the 1971 war. I'm Pakistani and my best friend at high school was Bengali. His mum hated us being friends.

      She repeatedly told him not to be friends with me and to be friends with his Bengali neighbours instead. We lost touch after college. I met him by chance when we were in our early 20s. He was addicted to weed which his neighbours sold because they were secret dealers on the side.

      That's how deep the hate runs with some people. His mother basically ended up putting him with people that made him a drug addict because she hated Pakistanis so much.

      We also had a Pakistani guy and Bengali girl romance at our school. Her parents flew her back home for a holiday and married her to a cousin. They didn't let her return till she had a baby.

      Hope your situation turns out better. Just invite him round for Eid or something through your mum and his mum.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post



        If by funny you mean racist then yes your dad is being funny. If your mum is a typical Pakistani woman and she is on board then your marriage will happen and your father will fall in line

        You may find your grandparents are not okay with it and the same goes for other family members but honestly Pakistanis love, love, love misery, don't worry about it.


        It is honestly crazy.. I just cannot understand how people think it’s okay to be racist though we’re Muslim. The Prophet SAW said that no one is superior to another based on race. How can anyone question this?

        Insha’Allah it will all go well. I am just worried because I know I’ll be made to feel as if I am such a bad person, and like I’ve brought shame on the family for even suggesting it. I feel my father wants me to hear all of these things so that I change my mind. He just responds in disgust and anger when I question it. All I want to do is have my Nikkah, but being made to feel like I’m asking for the world







        Comment


        • #5
          Are you sure it's just about the boy's culture? Would him and his family be considered lower down the social pecking order compared to yours regardless of the different ethnicity?
          Spears shall be shaken! Shields shall be splintered! a sword day..a red day..ere the sun rises! Ride now! Ride now! Ride! Ride to ruin, and the world’s ending!

          None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.”

          Comment


          • #6
            I don't even think its anything to do with the history, Pakistani-born Pakistanis are die hard patriotic about their country and usually only want to keep the bloodline strictly Pakistani. Haven't you ever seen how they are with other Pakistanis, automatic favouritism. Even if someone marries a gorah they will be respectful but will still be different with them. They just prefer sticking to 'their own' and parents will always say 'we don't care so long as he/she is a good Muslim' but in an ideal world they would still prefer their childrens spouse to be from the same culture.

            You need to sit your dad down and talk to him, tell him he can't avoid it forever and ask him to be fully honest with you why is he avoiding it and is he genuinely not ok with it?

            Comment


            • #7
              (Poor guy.)
              ​​NOTE: Please kindly avoid 'liking' my posts. Thank you! (Jazaa'akumullah khair)

              Comment


              • #8
                How is his family feeling about you?

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Eorlingas View Post
                  Are you sure it's just about the boy's culture? Would him and his family be considered lower down the social pecking order compared to yours regardless of the different ethnicity?
                  It is just the culture and my father has said this himself. He said he ticks all the boxes and that if he was Pakistani then he would tell me to go for it 100%. He is a good man, and has all the qualities that I would want in a husband. So it’s not so much that they consider him lower in a social aspect, in fact I would say in terms of that he is probably better off than me. It is purely the cultural part, and my father did say that I’d be going “lower” in terms of the culture side. And it wouldn’t so bad if it was an Arab or something. He even said that he has never really liked Bengali people. It’s just not nice as it’s pure racism.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Hoblos View Post
                    I don't even think its anything to do with the history, Pakistani-born Pakistanis are die hard patriotic about their country and usually only want to keep the bloodline strictly Pakistani. Haven't you ever seen how they are with other Pakistanis, automatic favouritism. Even if someone marries a gorah they will be respectful but will still be different with them. They just prefer sticking to 'their own' and parents will always say 'we don't care so long as he/she is a good Muslim' but in an ideal world they would still prefer their childrens spouse to be from the same culture.

                    You need to sit your dad down and talk to him, tell him he can't avoid it forever and ask him to be fully honest with you why is he avoiding it and is he genuinely not ok with it?
                    I have tried to have some discussions, but it’s like I can see on his face from his expressions that he finds it almost disgusting. And his main concerns ARE what other people will say. He’s told me that I have to tell my grandparents myself as he doesn’t want to go through “the embarrassment”. But my grandparents are typical, and very recently my grandma almost tried to force me into a marriage so I don’t know what to do!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by cho09082489 View Post
                      How is his family feeling about you?
                      Some of his family members are okay with it, others not so much

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I've seen this attitude from some Pakistanis. I don't get it. We dont even look up to you or give you any significance.. we just get on with our own business. Where do these people get their sense of superiority from? No one is out here wanting to be you.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Pakistanis really do look down upon Bengalis. I don't even bother trying to marry Pakistani girls.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            If your mum is okay have you let her talk to your dad?

                            I think it is important for the newer generation to push beyond the prejudices, grudges or whatever from the past.

                            If he is a good match, a good Muslim and your family are okay with him something like that should not get in the way.

                            Also, as someone said, if your mum is on side, it should go smoothly lol. Mums are normally the biggest obstacle!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by cho09082489 View Post
                              I've seen this attitude from some Pakistanis. I don't get it. We dont even look up to you or give you any significance.. we just get on with our own business. Where do these people get their sense of superiority from? No one is out here wanting to be you.
                              Lol.

                              I think it goes in all directions tbh.

                              Pakistanis say this about Indians who say this about Bangladeshis and so on. Everyone thinks they are better than others.

                              It is so backwards. But young people today, especially those that are practising should not be perpetuating those things.

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X