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  • Wife's duties in marriage

    Salam alaikum all,

    I am a married man in full-time employment (9-5 office job) and we have no children. My wife and I live in a flat and I am solely responsible for expenses and have left no gap in her requirements and desires.

    noting above, what are your perspectives on wives waking up at least after 11:00 every day (missing fajr and impossible to wake up) considering they have no childcare duties or a job or anything else to look after apart from the husband? I make my own breakfast and meals almost 100% of the times. I do the dishes almost 100% of the times. Yes, she puts the washing machine on and does some of the cleaning. Am I right in having a problem with her waking up late and not making me breakfast or meals? should she be doing more or am I being too demanding? In addition, she has dwelled into obesity and never tries to fix that. I feel like I am getting further and further from her and losing the connection due to al this.

    Thank you all for your input.


  • #2
    What's hard about making your own breakfast? Easy as heck.

    it's ok to encourage her to be more productive, kindly bring up the idea that it'd be nice if she did dinner since you work and and she has more free time...fair

    Make your own breakfast

    Encourage her to find her goals and pursue them

    Walaikum salam

    Comment


    • #3
      Salams,

      This is very tricky, I don't know what to say really except that you will have to say something before your feelings about her get worse.

      You can do it in a jokey way, like say ohh I had a dream that you woke up for me and prepared a nice breakfast it felt so good.

      😂

      I don't know what your wife is like but you have a good idea of how to approach her and give her a hint in an encouraging way.

      About her health, you could do exercise together, go for a walk down the park or play tag your it.

      Imagine that. Lol

      Tell her you want to wake up together over the weekend. And do things together, that should make it easier for her to stay up.

      So many people with marital problems, I think your one can be fixed in Sha Allah with a bit of perseverance and encouragement.

      Keep it sweet with her and always be kind and encouraging. It is hard work though but worth it in Sha Allah

      I really hope things work out.
      'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

      So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

      Comment


      • #4
        Sounds like you're too weak. A man should take charge of his household.

        All of this is your fault. You need to set up a schedule for her. Put her on a diet and fitness regime.

        If she's obese now imagine after she has children. She should lose the fat before she has children

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by learningforever View Post
          Salam alaikum all,

          I am a married man in full-time employment (9-5 office job) and we have no children. My wife and I live in a flat and I am solely responsible for expenses and have left no gap in her requirements and desires.

          noting above, what are your perspectives on wives waking up at least after 11:00 every day (missing fajr and impossible to wake up) considering they have no childcare duties or a job or anything else to look after apart from the husband? I make my own breakfast and meals almost 100% of the times. I do the dishes almost 100% of the times. Yes, she puts the washing machine on and does some of the cleaning. Am I right in having a problem with her waking up late and not making me breakfast or meals? should she be doing more or am I being too demanding? In addition, she has dwelled into obesity and never tries to fix that. I feel like I am getting further and further from her and losing the connection due to al this.

          Thank you all for your input.
          Assalaamu alaykum brother..

          From the bolded part, I can see that you are spending your money to fulfill her requirements and desires.

          What about attention? Do you ask about her day? Do you have meaningful conversations together? Do you flatter her with praises and expressions of love every so often? These are also essential components of a successful relationship.

          A relationship where both sides generally want to give and not only take. A relationship which is not only marital but one of friendship, or even companionship - striving to please Allah together in the journey of life.
          وَإِذَا قِيلَ لَهُمۡ ءَامِنُواْ كَمَآ ءَامَنَ ٱلنَّاسُ قَالُوٓاْ أَنُؤۡمِنُ كَمَآ ءَامَنَ ٱلسُّفَهَآءُ*ۗ أَلَآ إِنَّهُمۡ هُمُ ٱلسُّفَهَآءُ وَلَـٰكِن لَّا يَعۡلَمُونَ


          And when it is said unto them: believe as the people believe, they say: Shall we believe as the foolish believe? Beware! They indeed are the foolish? But they know not.
          Al Baqarah : Verse 13

          Comment


          • #6
            How long have you been married for ?

            What's your wife's excuse for missing Fajr daily ? Have you tried, as in really tried waking her up to pray with you ? The same way you would wake her if your house was on fire ?

            How does she eat breakfast, lunch and dinner? Does she cook dinner for herself and do her dishes or do you cook dinner for both and do the dishes too ?

            For a marriage to be successful, both spouses should be equally happy and in sync with each other and agree on the way their household ought to run.

            It seems like you're not happy with the present arrangements, so, it's time you sit down with your wife & communicate on how you'd like things to be different. Praise her for her good qualities, like her great sense of humour, her awesome personality or whatever it was that attracted you to marry her.

            Remember, she's a human being with feelings and emotions, so be considerate and kind. Don't get angry or be hurtful. Dont compare her with other wives. Ask her if she's happy with you, what she wants from you and if she feels you're going wrong anywhere. Then help, encourage and motivate her towards things you'd like to change.

            Lastly, remember that people take time to change, so even if she promises to change, don't expect immediate results.





            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by cho09082489 View Post
              What's hard about making your own breakfast? Easy as heck.

              it's ok to encourage her to be more productive, kindly bring up the idea that it'd be nice if she did dinner since you work and and she has more free time...fair

              Make your own breakfast

              Encourage her to find her goals and pursue them

              Walaikum salam
              Are you for real?
              You think you know more than my scholar's qiyās? He was more learned than you and all other scholars combined. Yeah, the devil was the greatest scholar too and look where his qiyās of fire being better than tīn got him. Sorry.

              You follow your scholar's qiyās, and I will follow the Qur'ān and Sunnah.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by learningforever View Post
                Salam alaikum all,

                I am a married man in full-time employment (9-5 office job) and we have no children. My wife and I live in a flat and I am solely responsible for expenses and have left no gap in her requirements and desires.

                noting above, what are your perspectives on wives waking up at least after 11:00 every day (missing fajr and impossible to wake up) considering they have no childcare duties or a job or anything else to look after apart from the husband? I make my own breakfast and meals almost 100% of the times. I do the dishes almost 100% of the times. Yes, she puts the washing machine on and does some of the cleaning. Am I right in having a problem with her waking up late and not making me breakfast or meals? should she be doing more or am I being too demanding? In addition, she has dwelled into obesity and never tries to fix that. I feel like I am getting further and further from her and losing the connection due to al this.

                Thank you all for your input.
                Do you really have to ask random people online about something as clear as daylight?

                You already know what you have to do.
                You think you know more than my scholar's qiyās? He was more learned than you and all other scholars combined. Yeah, the devil was the greatest scholar too and look where his qiyās of fire being better than tīn got him. Sorry.

                You follow your scholar's qiyās, and I will follow the Qur'ān and Sunnah.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by learningforever View Post
                  Salam alaikum all,

                  In addition, she has dwelled into obesity and never tries to fix that.

                  The day you first picked up your dishes and washed them was the day you lost her.

                  As for her weight problems. I know of one couple where she was putting on weight sitting at home. He got her a job in an Amazon warehouse where she was walking 15 miles a day. Within 3 months she was half the woman that she had been at the start.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by learningforever View Post
                    Salam alaikum all,

                    I am a married man in full-time employment (9-5 office job) and we have no children. My wife and I live in a flat and I am solely responsible for expenses and have left no gap in her requirements and desires.

                    noting above, what are your perspectives on wives waking up at least after 11:00 every day (missing fajr and impossible to wake up) considering they have no childcare duties or a job or anything else to look after apart from the husband? I make my own breakfast and meals almost 100% of the times. I do the dishes almost 100% of the times. Yes, she puts the washing machine on and does some of the cleaning. Am I right in having a problem with her waking up late and not making me breakfast or meals? should she be doing more or am I being too demanding? In addition, she has dwelled into obesity and never tries to fix that. I feel like I am getting further and further from her and losing the connection due to al this.

                    Thank you all for your input.


                    This is an issue that is fixable. What were the expectations before you got married? Surely, you must have discussed the basics?

                    You have a lazy wife. She is not praying fajr, is that all she is missing? Don't answer this.

                    Sit her down and tell her clearly you will not tolerate her behaviour. Give her time to sort herself out. She is not a child she should be able to do this herself. If this fails, speak with her parents and let them know you will not put up with this for long. You have no children which may turn out to be a positive. If all avenues are exhausted you can divorce and marry someone else. You can't do much worse.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Who cooks "almost 100%" of her meals? She must be eating a lot if she's become obese.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Eorlingas View Post
                        Who cooks "almost 100%" of her meals? She must be eating a lot if she's become obese.
                        If she's not moving much then she does not need to eat much to start having issues.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Make sure she's not depressed.

                          If she's not then she sounds like a lazy wife.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Linkdeutscher View Post

                            Are you for real?


                            It's insane how much husbands are expected to tolerate these days.

                            She's obese and never cooks for him (yet is somehow still obese).

                            "Yeah just be patient and loving."

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

                              If she's not moving much then she does not need to eat much to start having issues.
                              A person with a sedentary lifestyle require 200 - 400 less calories to maintain their weight. To become "obese" would require significantly more calories than the recommended daily amount I would think.

                              OP should clarify if she can cook, what she eats and quantity consumed.

                              Oh and don't get her pregnant until things improve.

                              Comment

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