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Revert finding a husband

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  • Revert finding a husband

    Asalam alakum
    im a revert and having a hard time finding a husband obviously I have no family that can help me and currently no Muslim friends :( I tried online and only found trash and ideas how I can find someone ?

  • #2
    Originally posted by Niomi View Post
    Asalam alakum
    im a revert and having a hard time finding a husband obviously I have no family that can help me and currently no Muslim friends :( I tried online and only found trash and ideas how I can find someone ?
    Waalaykum assalam,

    There are quite a few good sisters on the forum you can befriend and hopefully they can help you out.

    Other than that try to make connections at the masjid.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Niomi View Post
      Asalam alakum
      im a revert and having a hard time finding a husband obviously I have no family that can help me and currently no Muslim friends :( I tried online and only found trash and ideas how I can find someone ?
      wa alaykumus salaam,

      Alhamdulillah you were sensible enough to push away the trash, and there is a lot of trash out there when it comes to marriage.

      However as you're discovering Islam is a deen (way of life) that places a large degree of importance on social interaction and community. This is how most people find their spouse so whilst I am not saying give up on the idea of marriage, work on building up a network of good Muslim sisters who can help you find that sense of community and when the time comes and you know you can trust them, ask them for help in finding a spouse.

      Also you should be aware as a sister, even a revert sister you need a wali (guardian) so that he can help you look, and more importantly act as a protective shield. Most trashy men won't even bother pushing matters as soon as they find out a sister has a wali who he has to approach first. But such a man would also be helpful in asking the right questions, making sure the men who want to marry you are of sufficient quality and a good match in terms of personality and deen.

      FOLLOW THE NEW BLOG - GINGERBEARDMAN - Muslim, father, husband, writer, defender of ginger rights!

      www.facebook.com/outreach4Islam - Outreach4Islam have been working together in Leicester, calling the not yet Muslims to Islam since 2006.

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      • #4
        can't tell you sis cos i'm in exactly the same predicament. its getting harder and harder for most people and whilst i agree 100% that online dating is filled with mainly trash sadly that seems to be the only available option left for most of it. may Allah make it easier for everyone to find spouses inshallah

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        • #5
          Originally posted by reached View Post
          can't tell you sis cos i'm in exactly the same predicament. its getting harder and harder for most people and whilst i agree 100% that online dating is filled with mainly trash sadly that seems to be the only available option left for most of it. may Allah make it easier for everyone to find spouses inshallah
          Completely agree. Ameen. I would love to know how brothers find the marriage process as I only know of the experience of sisters?

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          • #6
            Originally posted by S93 View Post

            Completely agree. Ameen. I would love to know how brothers find the marriage process as I only know of the experience of sisters?
            I think it might be similar for them. i remember reading a few forums in the past which showed that they had similar difficulty

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            • #7
              Originally posted by S93 View Post

              Completely agree. Ameen. I would love to know how brothers find the marriage process as I only know of the experience of sisters?
              For revert brothers it's extremely difficult, as we don't have the network of family and friends for the most part revert sisters have.

              There is also an added element of racism, over and above that faced by sisters when it comes to marriage as marrying a revert is seen as marrying down in many cultures / families as well as the difficulty faced of a wali being able to say no not just the person getting married.

              Black reverts have even more racism thrown at them but even as a white revert, but even as a white revert having a wali getting angry or even laughing down at the phone at you and tell you they'd never marry their daughter to a non-pakistani is somewhat off-putting to go through the whole process again and again.

              Most reverts I know face rejection by the family at least a few times before they'll get one who will agree and this is why I always tell them again and again, even if they'd not always listen to get the wali's approval first then start serious discussions with the sister rather than face that hurt repeatedly.

              Some sisters have a romantic notion of marrying outside their culture so seem to target specifically revert brothers, but the more jahil a sister's family is, the more likely they are to reject a revert brother for marriage and this is not bollywood / disney where couples can just run away together and live happily ever after and the process of going through the imams / shariah courts is long and stressful for all involved and no one should start a marriage with a broken relationship to their parents or in-laws.
              FOLLOW THE NEW BLOG - GINGERBEARDMAN - Muslim, father, husband, writer, defender of ginger rights!

              www.facebook.com/outreach4Islam - Outreach4Islam have been working together in Leicester, calling the not yet Muslims to Islam since 2006.

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              • #8
                its interesting you say its difficult i thik it may be for many asia or arabs even who are sisters with stuff goign fo rthem, i know for me its hard as a guy foe me and im in a compromised siutation.

                But please be careful with men, a lot of divorced revert i hope its not bad me saying that, and doesnt put you off marriage. Get advice from married older scholars who are well trusted in the community and make sure no one takes advantage of you, the fact that you posted on here makes me feel you are quite innocent and if you tell men you have no friends their wolf like qualitites may appear.

                Solace is starting a sisters in marriage section, above all follow the principles of islam, a lot of sisters feel they will be able to get to know the man, but a man can suss another mans entire life out quite easily just by asking and observing his residence etc, and its limited what sisters can obtain.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post

                  There are quite a few good sisters on the forum you can befriend and hopefully they can help you out.

                  Other than that try to make connections at the masjid.
                  This seems like OP's best way atm.

                  Being a revert, they say it's hard that way as many will look down on it or whatever. I've only too recently been made to know of such realities, of people who call themselves Muslims who do such things, to play God and judge others on account of their being reverts and going even further than that to discriminate on, well, anything at all, be it race or ethnicity or whatever.

                  It's one thing to do that and another entirely different to express your concerns at handing over your daughter/whoever you're in charge of handing over to someone worthy and true and that you fear for them if they should go to someone who is a revert. Then debate on that with said person, get a feel of their reaction and how they react when presented with such concern. It would speak volumes of the person in itself, the way they would conduct themselves regarding that.

                  Of course there are many and more sociopaths out there who know how to maneuver their way into getting the wali's trust like Ā«oh, such a decent fellaĀ» when in fact it's nah. So, there's that. Although you gotta be capable of that discerning of others if you're to "wali" someone.

                  So while their fear is somewhat understandable, to handover heir beloved ones to reverts in logical fears, it's abhorrent such behavior of completely eliminating any possibility at all solely on that account and/or on other discriminative accounts.

                  I'm only new here but I'm taking Stoic's word on it. Find the good sisters here and since they're good they'll help in their fear for Allah, to help their fellow muslimahs and humans at that. The mosques nearby also provide a very good option as well as they can have a better feel of who you are and thus making it easy to find you someone.

                  May Allah grant you peace here and in the hereafter.

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