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Future husband wants a tracking app on my phone

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  • Future husband wants a tracking app on my phone

    I am due to get married soon. I am unable to live full time with my husband for a year as I have a son from a previous marriage and his father has a court order stating the cannot change school.
    Therefore I need to stay in this area for a year without my Husband as he is a Doctor and training as a GP. He got given a £20,000 bonus to train in a hard to recruit area and would only be allowed move for very specific criteria which he doesn’t meet.
    i will be travelling up every week and staying with him every other weekend when my son is with his father.
    My soon to be Husband does not like that I will be living apart from him and that he will not know my whereabouts. I understand this and understand trust takes time to build.
    he wants to put a location tracker on my phone to know where I am.
    would you be concerned about this?
    is this a sign he will be controlling?

  • #2
    Would you be travelling with a Mahram?

    Comment


    • #3
      Tbf, Suspicious type of men usually have an indecent past. Where they would do sneaky indecent things and never get caught because they were sly. So they usually project their guilt onto others.


      I cant think of any reaso why he would stalk you like this?

      Either way it doednt sound right.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Flawed View Post
        Tbf, Suspicious type of men usually have an indecent past. Where they would do sneaky indecent things and never get caught because they were sly. So they usually project their guilt onto others.


        I cant think of any reaso why he would stalk you like this?

        Either way it doednt sound right.
        I was thinking the same. Or he is just a super jealous guy. Or he experienced some betrayal and he has trust issues

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        • #5
          No offense to OP you're not a dog but you're a fully grown woman, man should trust you especially if you're going to be his wife's

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          • #6
            Originally posted by LaylaAb View Post

            I was thinking the same. Or he is just a super jealous guy. Or he experienced some betrayal and he has trust issues
            Sometimes it is something they've seen from others. So he may well know brothers who married a divorced sister who cheated on her present husband with the ex, I've heard of this or else he is insecure and this thought came into his head or some other brother put it in his head.

            To the OP. It would be a warning that something could possibly be up but not necessarily, ask yourself if this is something you could live with?

            If not explain you are uncomfortable with it, it's too much control, or else if this is something you can live with perhaps keep on an eye on this area, or have it as something your wali can investigate with those who know him to see if points to further controlling behaviours or that you need to keep an eye on this side of his character.
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            • #7
              Only he and Allah knows what his intentions are. No one here has any right to judge him or assume to know what he is thinking. The best thing you can do is to sit down and talk with him about it. Ask him if he is worried about you and your ex spending time with each other and assuage his feelings.

              How is he in general? Is he a good practicing Muslim? Does he pray 5 times a day on time, does he read the Quran often? What does he do when he isn't working? Does he just sit and watch tv and movies? Does he need to constantly go out for entertainment or would he prefer to stay home with his wife?

              If everything about him seems to be in line with a good Islamic Character, you should give him the benefit of a doubt. I personally don't think it is a big deal if he tracks your phone as long as:
              A. He allows you to track him at the same time
              B. He hasn't displayed any unsavory characteristics that my cause you to think he will abuse tracking you.

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              • #8
                First of all you should get legal advice regarding the court order. That in itself does not sound right especially if you are the main carer of your child. What happens if for reasons beyond your control that you had to move and that would mean changing your son's school? Mention that you are marrying again and need to move. What happens if the court order is extend. Have you made an application to have the court order amended?

                The location tracker does sound he might be controlling but then again he might genuinely be concerned for your safety. If it is about trust then it works both ways so if he feels he needs to have a location tracker you should also have access to his computer/phone passwords. He might be able to get away with it saying for work related privacy etc he can't tell you.

                If he is not comfortable with you living away then can't he make a sacrifice and move closer to you? I know you said he got a bonus but would he rather have money or peace of mind? Will he be travelling to stay with you on his days off? What has your wali advised you?

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Mintchocchip View Post
                  First of all you should get legal advice regarding the court order. That in itself does not sound right especially if you are the main carer of your child. What happens if for reasons beyond your control that you had to move and that would mean changing your son's school? Mention that you are marrying again and need to move. What happens if the court order is extend. Have you made an application to have the court order amended?

                  The location tracker does sound he might be controlling but then again he might genuinely be concerned for your safety. If it is about trust then it works both ways so if he feels he needs to have a location tracker you should also have access to his computer/phone passwords. He might be able to get away with it saying for work related privacy etc he can't tell you.

                  If he is not comfortable with you living away then can't he make a sacrifice and move closer to you? I know you said he got a bonus but would he rather have money or peace of mind? Will he be travelling to stay with you on his days off? What has your wali advised you?
                  Yes. I think if someone is truly into you would make those sacrifices for you. Idk if they dont make those sacrifices would you still think they are not genuine though?

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Flawed View Post
                    Tbf, Suspicious type of men usually have an indecent past. Where they would do sneaky indecent things and never get caught because they were sly. So they usually project their guilt onto others.


                    I cant think of any reaso why he would stalk you like this?

                    Either way it doednt sound right.
                    I have my wife's location and she has mine. It's just practical and sensible for us.

                    Don't be a hater.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Flawed View Post

                      Yes. I think if someone is truly into you would make those sacrifices for you. Idk if they dont make those sacrifices would you still think they are not genuine though?
                      Not too sure.

                      With this specific case the man is a Doctor so it is not like he won't find a job easily and seeing as he is uncomfortable with her living away then I don't see why he can't make that sacrifice.

                      I woud question why he is going along with the set-up and not just find someone who can live with him?

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                      • #12
                        He is very religious. He is Egyptian and it is a very male dominated society. I think this is just the way all men he’s ever known have behaved.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

                          I have my wife's location and she has mine. It's just practical and sensible for us.

                          Don't be a hater.
                          OP doesn't have his though.

                          stop being weird

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Flawed View Post

                            OP doesn't have his though.

                            stop being weird
                            What's weird with what I said?

                            I just gave you and example of what can work just fine.

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Fatima1989 View Post
                              He is very religious. He is Egyptian and it is a very male dominated society. I think this is just the way all men he’s ever known have behaved.
                              So what's the problem?

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