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  • Istikhaara Negative and Positive Sign

    AslamOalaikum,

    I have been getting to know someone with the intention of marriage, due to me going abroad and the whole corona virus this has caused delays that its coming almost to a year. But now since we want to take the Rishta forward the past few weeks I did Istikhara several times and Alhamdulillah it came good. He's done it and he's got negative and positive signs (dreams) . His mum did it and got the same response as him, shes now asked him to do it again and has said if its negative then she's not happy with this Rishtah.

    Due to him getting a positive and negative we're really stressed out, We still feel right for each other and don't see the reason for this to not go ahead but don't want to go against an Istikhara either.

    This judgment based on the dreams he had and so have I but looking all over I've read that Istikhara is based on a feeling you get and not a dream as a bad dream is from shaitaan and good dream from ALLAH swt, but the confusion is based on him getting both, a negative and positive dream, what could be the reason?

    In Shaa ALLAH he'll be coming to see me soon to see if we can work anything out, he really believes in the istikhara dream and thats stressing him , however he doesn't want to step back from this but he's family will if they know istikhra dream is not good.

    Can i get some guidance please

    JazakALLAH

  • #2
    He should keep doing istikhara and also meet your family and see what happens.

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    • #3
      His family really believe in a dream after an Istikhara, is there a polite Islamic way i can explain to him that a dream isn't a reply or guide after an istikhara?

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      • #4
        You don’t base istikhara on a dream. It’s about looking for positive signs in the persons character or situation. If everything is going well so far then you should continue. That is not going against an istikhara. Istikhara is guidance from Allah and not a dream, which is a huge misconception that people have, due to not reading about it enough.

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        • #5
          Istikhara is also about the outcome. The fact that the mum read it and you know makes it look like they are taking it a bit too far.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by usernametaken View Post
            Istikhara is also about the outcome. The fact that the mum read it and you know makes it look like they are taking it a bit too far.
            Why do the parents pray it for there children? Am confused. I can only assume it’s a way to control their children’s decision. They can make up anything and say it’s negative. When there is no proof in Islam for this. Istikhara is only for the person to perform and ask guidance from Allah. It’s honestly simple as that. Why are people expecting some kind of miracle or for a dream to tell them yes or no. That’s not how it works. Am just a bit surprised people still mix cultural practices with istikhara. When there is clear proof these practices have nothing to do with Islam.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Janna90 View Post

              Why do the parents pray it for there children? Am confused. I can only assume it’s a way to control their children’s decision. They can make up anything and say it’s negative. When there is no proof in Islam for this. Istikhara is only for the person to perform and ask guidance from Allah. It’s honestly simple as that. Why are people expecting some kind of miracle or for a dream to tell them yes or no. That’s not how it works. Am just a bit surprised people still mix cultural practices with istikhara. When there is clear proof these practices have nothing to do with Islam.
              People tend to take the backseat when it comes to religious matters compared to worldly matters. There's also a culture of people going to 'holy people' who may well be, and asking them to perform istikhara for their childs future (marriage decisions). I think they'd probably ask for names and stuff so it might be dodgy if so.

              They could easily make things up, you can't trust anyone when it comes to these decisions but you can take their advice.

              Istikhara can cause you to have dreams or feelings, but thats not something you should expect, it's about the outcome. Desperation makes people fall prey to weird practices.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by H.Noor View Post
                His family really believe in a dream after an Istikhara, is there a polite Islamic way i can explain to him that a dream isn't a reply or guide after an istikhara?
                Does he believe this as well? I think it’s quiet difficult to try to explain to him if his family believe that. He will still be influenced by his family. And I would just question whether you would want to be with someone who mixes cultural practices with Islam. You could speak to him about what his view is on istikhara, and what are his expectations after praying it. And you could explain To him that the outcome, is not always about dreams. But rather if you see a positive future with the person. And if you see there are no obstacles Then you should continue. If he agrees with you, he can then speak to his parents and explain that he Feels positive about his decision.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Janna90 View Post

                  Does he believe this as well? I think it’s quiet difficult to try to explain to him if his family believe that. He will still be influenced by his family. And I would just question whether you would want to be with someone who mixes cultural practices with Islam. You could speak to him about what his view is on istikhara, and what are his expectations after praying it. And you could explain To him that the outcome, is not always about dreams. But rather if you see a positive future with the person. And if you see there are no obstacles Then you should continue. If he agrees with you, he can then speak to his parents and explain that he Feels positive about his decision.

                  Well the past few weeks he's been consistence with istikhara and its really not helping him at all, causing extra stress and what not. He keeps asking anything you need to tell me that you've not, I've literally told him everything. The thing is he isn't happy with the results and his mum won't approve based on negative results. He last said to me he sometimes wants to lie to his mother and tell her it came out positive but then he said since he's the most loved he doesn't want to disrespect his mother either. I don't want him to disrespect his mother either, but he really wants this to work out.

                  I feel its positive because a few weeks ago my mum wasn't too happy with how long this has gone on and now just a few days ago she said I feel your rishta would go ahead here. I felt like this is a door open for him and he needs to step forward.

                  He's family have experienced with a bad istikhara before and that's why they're really strong believers in this. Maybe yes I need to explain and say our parents follow traditions, find me a hadith that states you will see a dream? He wont find one, then I could possibly say now its for you to decide how you want to take this forward ? Maybe he might have to lie to his mum but I want him to fully be confident in the decision he's taking.

                  He wants to sit and talk this out on what to do , I Just need to give him a clear explanation of what exactly istikhara to a point where he realises whats the right decision.

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                  • #10
                    Sister, let him make his own decision without you trying to intervene and manipulate the situation.

                    You've prayed istikhara - so rest assured that if he is good for your deen and duniya, Allah will bring forth your union and if he is not, Allah will distance him from you and grant you someone better in his place.

                    The more you talk to him, the more you will get emotionally attached to him. It'll only cause you hurt and heartbreak in case you don't get married later.

                    Tell him in very clear terms to only contact you once he makes up his mind whether he wants to marry you or not. There's no point in pointlessly discussing his istikhara dreams. Let him and his family make the final decision, whatever it may be.

                    Take a backseat, sister and occupy yourself with other beneficial activities. Do not engage in casual chit-chat with him until he gives you a final answer. Remember, you're a worthy and honorable Muslimah, so, don't let anyone take advantage of your vulnerability and string you along pointlessly.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by ~TwinklingStar~ View Post
                      Sister, let him make his own decision without you trying to intervene and manipulate the situation.

                      You've prayed istikhara - so rest assured that if he is good for your deen and duniya, Allah will bring forth your union and if he is not, Allah will distance him from you and grant you someone better in his place.

                      The more you talk to him, the more you will get emotionally attached to him. It'll only cause you hurt and heartbreak in case you don't get married later.

                      Tell him in very clear terms to only contact you once he makes up his mind whether he wants to marry you or not. There's no point in pointlessly discussing his istikhara dreams. Let him and his family make the final decision, whatever it may be.

                      Take a backseat, sister and occupy yourself with other beneficial activities. Do not engage in casual chit-chat with him until he gives you a final answer. Remember, you're a worthy and honorable Muslimah, so, don't let anyone take advantage of your vulnerability and string you along pointlessly.
                      Salaam

                      Sister we don't speak much at all, I speak to him on the phone once in couple of weeks or maybe longer and that too for 15 - 20 minutes. After the istikhara he wants to discuss things with me but in person. He's serious about marriage but just very confused and I believe he needs abit of guidance in regards to a "dream after istikara" which I want to speak to him about. I Would never take a decision for him as end of the day I want this to go with his happiness, not with me pushing him to make this happen. I have to make some sort of effort towards it aswell otherwise it will cause regrets later that we had not tried our best. Alhamdulillah he's never disrespected me, never wronged me and his been serious about this from day one but it got so long due to me going abroad and then the coronavirus lockdown.

                      He does want to marry me, its just the istikhara dream that's scared him and hes family believes in the dream. I want to just get it across to him that a istikhara is not based on a dream

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                      • #12
                        Dreams aren't so much of a good indicator of what decision you should make. It usually involves feelings which can really hinder the output. When making istikharah you should be open - minded and remember that Allah is the one that can help you with decision making.

                        Whatever path is easier is a positive sign from istikharah. You can also get an inclination which can also be considered when it comes to decision making. Additionally, if a decision is hard to execute (persistently) that's usually an indicator that the path may not be good for you.

                        The Prophet used to teach istikharah just as much as verses from the Qur'an.
                        May Allah grant you what's best.
                        The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “It will be said to the companion of the Qur’an: ‘Read, and ascend, and recite as you used to recite in the [previous] world, for your status will be according to the last verse that you recite.’” [At-Tirmidhi (2914) and Abu Dawood (1464)]

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                        • #13
                          Dreams are not the main way of istikhara.
                          https://www.ummah.com/forum/forum/lo...-qur-an-courseI am just a simple nomad.

                          Ephemeral reader

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