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  • Men who dont ask questions

    I'm talking to a guy right now that just doesnt ask any questions. It's like there's nothing he wants to know about me...on purematrimony btw. Is this normal for men? I feel like I'm bombarding him, he just answers, asks nothing even when I prompt...'anything you'd like to ask me?'

    I do find bengali men quite simple but I'm trying to overlook this because I'm in my late 20s with no one to help me, doing this marriage search malarkey alone. Every bengali man I've encountered for marriage is less educated than me and its come to the point where I'm just gonna have to accept that as a fact of life. His lack of questioning makes me think he's a bit of a simpleton (but then so are all the others I dealt with - to me, no arrogance, it's just true *sigh*) Should I just carry on with this, like...is it normal? What is he even thinking? Literally no questions . He seems nice, I'm not attracted physically/ mentally but maybe nice is more important and I need to start being real.

    I don't have much experience and no one in real life to ask for their thoughts.

  • #2
    Originally posted by ten_toes View Post
    I'm talking to a guy right now that just doesnt ask any questions. It's like there's nothing he wants to know about me...on purematrimony btw. Is this normal for men? I feel like I'm bombarding him, he just answers, asks nothing even when I prompt...'anything you'd like to ask me?'

    I do find bengali men quite simple but I'm trying to overlook this because I'm in my late 20s with no one to help me, doing this marriage search malarkey alone. Every bengali man I've encountered for marriage is less educated than me and its come to the point where I'm just gonna have to accept that as a fact of life. His lack of questioning makes me think he's a bit of a simpleton (but then so are all the others I dealt with - to me, no arrogance, it's just true *sigh*) Should I just carry on with this, like...is it normal? What is he even thinking? Literally no questions . He seems nice, I'm not attracted physically/ mentally but maybe nice is more important and I need to start being real.

    I don't have much experience and no one in real life to ask for their thoughts.
    Can you see yourself spending the rest of your life with him? The answer should be NO.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by ten_toes View Post
      I'm talking to a guy right now that just doesnt ask any questions. It's like there's nothing he wants to know about me...on purematrimony btw. Is this normal for men? I feel like I'm bombarding him, he just answers, asks nothing even when I prompt...'anything you'd like to ask me?'

      I do find bengali men quite simple but I'm trying to overlook this because I'm in my late 20s with no one to help me, doing this marriage search malarkey alone. Every bengali man I've encountered for marriage is less educated than me and its come to the point where I'm just gonna have to accept that as a fact of life. His lack of questioning makes me think he's a bit of a simpleton (but then so are all the others I dealt with - to me, no arrogance, it's just true *sigh*) Should I just carry on with this, like...is it normal? What is he even thinking? Literally no questions . He seems nice, I'm not attracted physically/ mentally but maybe nice is more important and I need to start being real.

      I don't have much experience and no one in real life to ask for their thoughts.
      He's either a dunce or he's not that interested in you. Either way you should find someone else.

      What is the point of settling for someone you don't like physically or intellectually? Yes you'll be married but it'll be a failed marriage. You're better off being single.

      Comment


      • #4
        I find that some men who don’t ask questions are probably interested in a short term marriage authobillah and are not really looking long term. These are the brothers who will say that you’re their ideal wife and they haven’t met anyone who ticks all their boxes but what are they basing this on when they can’t even be bothered to ask questions.

        I’ve had interest from brothers who are extremely eager to get a nikah done & speak to my father ASAP After like a couple of hours of exchanging messages, but they’ve not even asked me some basic questions! I’m divorced and I have children & I would expect a brother to ask me a bit about my previous marriage, how long I’ve been divorced, etc etc and when they don’t, you know That they ain’t on this long term. Once I pulled a brother up on this and said how come you ain’t asking me these questions? And he said that it’s not my haqq to know....
        https://islamicgemsandpearls.wordpress.com

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by ten_toes View Post
          I'm talking to a guy right now that just doesnt ask any questions. It's like there's nothing he wants to know about me...on purematrimony btw. Is this normal for men? I feel like I'm bombarding him, he just answers, asks nothing even when I prompt...'anything you'd like to ask me?'

          I do find bengali men quite simple but I'm trying to overlook this because I'm in my late 20s with no one to help me, doing this marriage search malarkey alone. Every bengali man I've encountered for marriage is less educated than me and its come to the point where I'm just gonna have to accept that as a fact of life. His lack of questioning makes me think he's a bit of a simpleton (but then so are all the others I dealt with - to me, no arrogance, it's just true *sigh*) Should I just carry on with this, like...is it normal? What is he even thinking? Literally no questions . He seems nice, I'm not attracted physically/ mentally but maybe nice is more important and I need to start being real.

          I don't have much experience and no one in real life to ask for their thoughts.
          You should find someone better. Do you prefer bengali men who are more with it?

          Br Stoic Believer advice was good.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by ten_toes View Post
            I'm talking to a guy right now that just doesnt ask any questions. It's like there's nothing he wants to know about me...on purematrimony btw. Is this normal for men? I feel like I'm bombarding him, he just answers, asks nothing even when I prompt...'anything you'd like to ask me?'

            I do find bengali men quite simple but I'm trying to overlook this because I'm in my late 20s with no one to help me, doing this marriage search malarkey alone. Every bengali man I've encountered for marriage is less educated than me and its come to the point where I'm just gonna have to accept that as a fact of life. His lack of questioning makes me think he's a bit of a simpleton (but then so are all the others I dealt with - to me, no arrogance, it's just true *sigh*) Should I just carry on with this, like...is it normal? What is he even thinking? Literally no questions . He seems nice, I'm not attracted physically/ mentally but maybe nice is more important and I need to start being real.

            I don't have much experience and no one in real life to ask for their thoughts.
            One can figure you out by analysis based on behaviour, ways of talking and other ways..one does not have to ask questions ..you will find sometimes a person already knows enough about someone else by not asking enough questions..as weird and strange as it may seems but it happens...

            one tends to give themselves away by talking too much and thus not a big need to ask questions!

            You well within your right to ask him questions...if he carries on conversing with you...more and more with very little of asking questions..he has probably figured you out quite a bit without you realising.....
            Last edited by sajid; 23-05-20, 11:52 AM.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Layla_ View Post
              I find that some men who don’t ask questions are probably interested in a short term marriage authobillah and are not really looking long term. These are the brothers who will say that you’re their ideal wife and they haven’t met anyone who ticks all their boxes but what are they basing this on when they can’t even be bothered to ask questions.

              I’ve had interest from brothers who are extremely eager to get a nikah done & speak to my father ASAP After like a couple of hours of exchanging messages, but they’ve not even asked me some basic questions! I’m divorced and I have children & I would expect a brother to ask me a bit about my previous marriage, how long I’ve been divorced, etc etc and when they don’t, you know That they ain’t on this long term. Once I pulled a brother up on this and said how come you ain’t asking me these questions? And he said that it’s not my haqq to know....
              It's natural to ask questions about you and your life if they do really like you. Clearly in your case they dont. And it's a good job you're not gullible.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by sajid View Post

                One can figure you out by analysis based on behaviour, ways of talking and other ways..one does not have to ask questions ..you will find sometimes a person already knows enough about someone else by not asking enough questions..as weird and strange as it may seems but it happens...

                one tends to give themselves away by talking too much and thus not a big need to ask questions!

                You well within your right to ask him questions...if he carries on conversing with you...more and more with very little of asking questions..he has probably figured you out quite a bit without you realising.....
                This is so true.. maybe op didnt realise this and is over thinking things.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Flawed View Post

                  This is so true.. maybe op didnt realise this and is over thinking things.
                  Yup!
                  I personally don't like asking too many questions either.......if i don't does not mean i am not interested in a person..probably means i kind of already know enough of a person already

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by sajid View Post

                    Yup!
                    I personally don't like asking too many questions either.......if i don't does not mean i am not interested in a person..probably means i kind of already know enough of a person already
                    Smart. Nice skill to have

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Flawed View Post

                      It's natural to ask questions about you and your life if they do really like you. Clearly in your case they dont. And it's a good job you're not gullible.
                      It’s not really a case of liking the person or not because I doubt they’d want to get married if they didn’t like the person, but sometimes people have ulterior motives and you can tell by the questions they ask or don’t ask

                      but if I am completely honest, I think I am too cautious of marriage bandits & I seem to think Every little thing someone does or doesn’t do means they are a bandit

                      sajid it actually could be as The brother said, because his response made perfect sense
                      https://islamicgemsandpearls.wordpress.com

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Layla_ View Post

                        It’s not really a case of liking the person or not because I doubt they’d want to get married if they didn’t like the person, but sometimes people have ulterior motives and you can tell by the questions they ask or don’t ask

                        but if I am completely honest, I think I am too cautious of marriage bandits & I seem to think Every little thing someone does or doesn’t do means they are a bandit

                        sajid it actually could be as The brother said, because his response made perfect sense
                        If they like you and are into you then why would they just throw you away afterwards?

                        maybe they're well meaning and you're painting everyone with the same brush. Doubt everyone will be the sane as your ex.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Flawed View Post

                          If they like you and are into you then why would they just throw you away afterwards?

                          maybe they're well meaning and you're painting everyone with the same brush. Doubt everyone will be the sane as your ex.
                          My ex husband didn’t throw me away lol I asked for khula. But I get what you’re saying & I guess I’ve just heard waaaaaaaaaaaaay too many stories of marriage banditry that it kinda scares me. But I know that of course not everyone is a bandit and I have read people wrong but it is what it is. When people are too eager at the start I just find that a big red flag and I don’t proceed. But maybe it’s me looking into things too much allahu aalum
                          Last edited by Layla_; 23-05-20, 12:24 PM.
                          https://islamicgemsandpearls.wordpress.com

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by sajid View Post

                            Yup!
                            I personally don't like asking too many questions either.......if i don't does not mean i am not interested in a person..probably means i kind of already know enough of a person already
                            I get that but this is an online marriage site. Asking questions is pretty much required to get to know even the basics of someone.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Layla_ View Post

                              It’s not really a case of liking the person or not because I doubt they’d want to get married if they didn’t like the person, but sometimes people have ulterior motives and you can tell by the questions they ask or don’t ask

                              but if I am completely honest, I think I am too cautious of marriage bandits & I seem to think Every little thing someone does or doesn’t do means they are a bandit

                              sajid it actually could be as The brother said, because his response made perfect sense
                              There is nothing wrong with what you are doing and I think when someone has children they have to sensible and smart.

                              You should always ask questions and this should be a two way process. It's very simple really, you focus your attention on what is not being said. Target these areas and that will tell you everything you need to know.

                              Comment

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