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  • Cost of living in London

    Salaam guys,
    I pray you all are in the best of health and iman.

    ​​​​About a year ago I told my mum I wanted to get married. I asked her if she can seek out a spouse for me. She agreed and she went out hunting. Unfortunately, after 8 months of searching, she came back empty handed (she found a couple but they weren't to my liking).

    So recently I've decided to start looking myself. I've managed to find a few potentials. There is one girl I'm interested in. She ticks all the boxes. I spoke to her father and he seemed to be happy with me. He said his daughter was happy to proceed with meetings. However, she sent me list requirements/conditions that I needed to fulfill or agree to if we were to get married.

    One of her conditions is that she wants her own separate accommodation as she does not want to live with in-laws.
    I was more than happy to agree because I've always planned on getting my own place before marriage.

    So I go searching for properties and WOW, rent prices in London are crazy expensive. A decent 1 bed apartment is around £1000. That's about 65% of my income per month. I don't think I'd be able to fully support my spouse or myself with the remaining income. (By the way, I don't want my future spouse to be working just to pay for essentials).

    I was advised to move to a different city where rent is a bit more affordable. I was interested in moving to Birmingham due to the strong muslim community. My only worry is my job. I can get transferred from the London store to a Birmingham store without a problem, however, I am undergoing training to become manager at my current store (I've also been enrolled to management course which has been paid by the company). I've just recently started my training and it's going to take about 2 years before I complete it. If I was to transfer stores, I'll lose the chance to become store manager, which will result in me missing out on a huge raise.


    Now my question is, do I tell her that I can no longer fulfill her requirements due to my financial situation and end it or move to Birmingham now and get married but give up the managerial opportunity I have?

    BarakAllahu feek for your guys advice.

    Sorry for my grammar and spelling mistakes. I know I suck.

  • #2
    You talk to her brother and work out a compromise, after all marriage is about communication and compromise. and no one said the move in has to happen immediately. people do the nikah all the time and then wait a while before moving in together (also known as the 'ruksuti' in asian cultures). tell her what you are telling us and see what answer she has for you. if shes in london herself chances are she will want to remain there therefore will most likely be more than happy to wait until you become manager.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Amin View Post
      Salaam guys,
      I pray you all are in the best of health and iman.

      ​​​​About a year ago I told my mum I wanted to get married. I asked her if she can seek out a spouse for me. She agreed and she went out hunting. Unfortunately, after 8 months of searching, she came back empty handed (she found a couple but they weren't to my liking).

      So recently I've decided to start looking myself. I've managed to find a few potentials. There is one girl I'm interested in. She ticks all the boxes. I spoke to her father and he seemed to be happy with me. He said his daughter was happy to proceed with meetings. However, she sent me list requirements/conditions that I needed to fulfill or agree to if we were to get married.

      One of her conditions is that she wants her own separate accommodation as she does not want to live with in-laws.
      I was more than happy to agree because I've always planned on getting my own place before marriage.

      So I go searching for properties and WOW, rent prices in London are crazy expensive. A decent 1 bed apartment is around £1000. That's about 65% of my income per month. I don't think I'd be able to fully support my spouse or myself with the remaining income. (By the way, I don't want my future spouse to be working just to pay for essentials).

      I was advised to move to a different city where rent is a bit more affordable. I was interested in moving to Birmingham due to the strong muslim community. My only worry is my job. I can get transferred from the London store to a Birmingham store without a problem, however, I am undergoing training to become manager at my current store (I've also been enrolled to management course which has been paid by the company). I've just recently started my training and it's going to take about 2 years before I complete it. If I was to transfer stores, I'll lose the chance to become store manager, which will result in me missing out on a huge raise.


      Now my question is, do I tell her that I can no longer fulfill her requirements due to my financial situation and end it or move to Birmingham now and get married but give up the managerial opportunity I have?

      BarakAllahu feek for your guys advice.

      Sorry for my grammar and spelling mistakes. I know I suck.
      You stay in London and understand that things will be tight for the next couple of years.

      Comment


      • #4
        I think it’s best to speak to her about it and explain your situation. Then you can both decide what you want to do. It’s not always black and white. You could still move forward with the marriage but not necessarily move in together straight away. This is something you could ask her if she’s willing to compromise and wait a bit before moving in together. And You could use that time to save up.

        Comment


        • #5
          If you were planning to get your own place before marriage then it's surprising you had no idea of rent prices before now. By all means explain to the potential that living costs will eat up most of your income, and confirm if she is willing to live a more frugal lifestyle.

          To be honest if she was all that and a bag of potato chips then I think you would consider it a bargain and not be on here moaning about rent prices. When the shine wears off will you resent having to part with the money for this person?
          Spears shall be shaken! Shields shall be splintered! a sword day..a red day..ere the sun rises! Ride now! Ride now! Ride! Ride to ruin, and the worlds ending!

          None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Eorlingas View Post
            If you were planning to get your own place before marriage then it's surprising you had no idea of rent prices before now. By all means explain to the potential that living costs will eat up most of your income, and confirm if she is willing to live a more frugal lifestyle.

            To be honest if she was all that and a bag of potato chips then I think you would consider it a bargain and not be on here moaning about rent prices. When the shine wears off will you resent having to part with the money for this person?
            Money comes and money goes. If he stays in London it will be more about the job than the wife...as it sounds like she would be willing to move to Birmingham.

            All I'm getting here is that he's looking to rent sooner rather than later, which is something that lots of people will need to deal with when a wife falls in their lap.

            A wife will tap into your finances whether it's today, tomorrow or the next day, it's inevitable. You'll have more joy avoiding the tax man.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

              Money comes and money goes. If he stays in London it will be more about the job than the wife...as it sounds like she would be willing to move to Birmingham.

              All I'm getting here is that he's looking to rent sooner rather than later, which is something that lots of people will need to deal with when a wife falls in their lap.

              A wife will tap into your finances whether it's today, tomorrow or the next day, it's inevitable. You'll have more joy avoiding the tax man.
              Of course a wife will tap into your finances..I'm asking him to reflect on if this particular potential is worth the investment.
              Spears shall be shaken! Shields shall be splintered! a sword day..a red day..ere the sun rises! Ride now! Ride now! Ride! Ride to ruin, and the worlds ending!

              None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Eorlingas View Post

                Of course a wife will tap into your finances..I'm asking him to reflect on if this particular potential is worth the investment.
                She "ticks all the boxes" so I guess she must be worth the investment.

                The issue is not the potential as he will have the exact same dilemma with any potential that wants her own accommodation (within the next two years), something that he too wants.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Wrong section.

                  Comment

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