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Past has come back to haunt me

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  • #16
    Best relationships are built on honestly and trust.

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    • #17
      Originally posted by Twister682 View Post
      ...

      If all else fails, at least he would not be able to give me the same love and respect as he once used to (this part is successful).

      ...
      Assalaamu alaykum sister,

      IMHO, you shouldn't feel this way. The 2 of you hardly know each other at the moment, and I'm pretty confident in saying that the phrase "First Impressions Last" relate to when the couple start living together, rather than start talking to each other, simply because living together brings out the real person that you have married.

      Therefore, this itself will bring about the love and respect that you and him will no doubt be craving for..

      Don't let the few bad actions of your/his past put either of you down. You are in a fresh new relationship. You will have to constantly keep working on it, develop it, enrich it. So beg Allah for muhabbah, muwaddah, togetherness and barakah in this blessed month.

      Allah ta'aala will heal all the wounds with time. So don't let the dirty work by people put you down.

      Just get him on a plane to where you are!!! Allah make it easy for you and all of us.
      وَإِذَا قِيلَ لَهُمۡ ءَامِنُواْ كَمَآ ءَامَنَ ٱلنَّاسُ قَالُوٓاْ أَنُؤۡمِنُ كَمَآ ءَامَنَ ٱلسُّفَهَآءُ*ۗ أَلَآ إِنَّهُمۡ هُمُ ٱلسُّفَهَآءُ وَلَـٰكِن لَّا يَعۡلَمُونَ


      And when it is said unto them: believe as the people believe, they say: Shall we believe as the foolish believe? Beware! They indeed are the foolish? But they know not.
      Al Baqarah : Verse 13

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      • #18
        Thank you to all those who have responded today and especially understanding how hard it was for me to type these things. Sometimes you need a second and third opinion. I agree with those who have said that maybe he was a bad man and that Allah swt wants to save me from him. However, I would like to mention that he was never this way. If someone says these things to you about your wife and when you have a wrong perception about people in the UK anything is possible. If I was not born and brought up in the UK maybe I would have thought the same. The only thing I am worried about is how he is responding to this. The person who sent the last post on this thread I agree with you. We haven't lived together for him to know how I really am. Right now, everything I do or say he will think that I have a motive. I will not have children with him until I am certain he can respect me and that he trusts me.

        If he comes here and does not change I will divorce him myself. He will be given an opportunity to earn money and then go back to his country. The way things are going now and the extent to which he has been given false information about me it feels like things will never be the same again. Whoever this person was wanted to make sure I will never have a happy married life. Jealousy is a real thing my friends that's why it is so haram.

        Also, currently due to issues of travel he is not able to come to the UK yet. This is another thing which is bothering this relationship.

        Once again I appreciate everyone's responses.

        Jsk
        Last edited by Twister682; 29-04-20, 04:59 PM. Reason: Additional information

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        • #19
          Originally posted by Twister682 View Post
          Thank you to all those who have responded today and especially understanding how hard it was for me to type these things. Sometimes you need a second and third opinion. I agree with those who have said that maybe he was a bad man and that Allah swt wants to save me from him. However, I would like to mention that he was never this way. If someone says these things to you about your wife and when you have a wrong perception about people in the UK anything is possible. If I was not born and brought up in the UK maybe I would have thought the same. The only thing I am worried about is how he is responding to this. The person who sent the last post on this thread I agree with you. We haven't lived together for him to know how I really am. Right now, everything I do or say he will think that I have a motive. I will not have children with him until I am certain he can respect me and that he trusts me.

          If he comes here and does not change I will divorce him myself. He will be given an opportunity to earn money and then go back to his country. The way things are going now and the extent to which he has been given false information about me it feels like things will never be the same again. Whoever this person was wanted to make sure I will never have a happy married life. Jealousy is a real thing my friends that's why it is so haram.

          Also, currently due to issues of travel he is not able to come to the UK yet. This is another thing which is bothering this relationship.

          Once again I appreciate everyone's responses.

          Jsk
          If that is what you have decided, appreciate that you are taking a risk.

          I think you are delusional tbh.

          You have said this guy has been in previous relationships, you have said he is talking to girls and is doing worse than what you did, yet he is judging you and almost holding you hostage. i.e. he has something on you and will decide when to reveal it? Someone is manipulating the situation and he has taken that persons side over you, that is the reality.

          He has told you he is talking to women, who are sending him inappropriate content, and he did not respond. Then you say he spoke to one of them on video call, she offered to show him inappropriate stuff and then he cut the call. This is absolute filth. It is Ramadan and I am not going to lie or exaggerate, but women don't do that just randomly, it takes two. For him to say women are pursuing him on some app or facebook is absurd, but you of course believe him. For you to even be in a situation where you are happy for him to come over, and state you will not have children with him until he can respect and trust you. You appreciate how silly that sounds?

          Its blatantly obvious he has absolutely no respect for you. Is that because of what you supposedly did? No, I would say it is more a reflection of him. Yet you are allowing him to put you on the back foot and basically dictate terms.

          It is a pretty absurd situation, so back to front, but you have been warned.

          Just know if something happens, it will be easy for him to move on and find another woman but other people (men) will question why you put yourself in that situation in the first place.

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          • #20
            You commited sins in the past before you were married and are remorseful about it.

            Your husband is still shamelessly talking to multiple women on FB & apps whilst being married and pointing fingers at you for being characterless. He's playing victim and making you feel guilty.

            Can you see the hypocrisy in all of this? He's shifting the blame completely on you whilst making you believe that there are lots of women out there dying to marry him. He wants you to beg him for forgiveness to satisfy his huge ego which was hurt because he discovered you indulged in the same sins he still indulges in. A person usually hates those sins the most in others which he has in himself.

            He has all the qualities of a manipulative player. Such men have one rule for themselves and another for their wives. They think they're free to do whatever they want but want to tie a leash around their wives' necks. That's the primary reason for rise of rebels and feminists amongst Muslims.

            A lot of books have been written by Muslim women against the exploitation and injustice caused by Muslim men in their community. All books have one common pattern.

            Whereas Islam is a religion of balance. Both men and women are advised to lower their gaze, to remain chaste, both are forbidden from interacting unnecessarily with the opposite gender, from committing zina etc

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            • #21
              Thank you once again. Your points are so valid. However, divorce is such a difficult part right now as it is easier said than done. That’s doesn’t mean though it won’t be something to consider before it is too late.

              and you are also right, the things he is saying is not believable.

              jsk

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