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How do you divide finances between working wife and husband?

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  • How do you divide finances between working wife and husband?

    Currently speaking to a potential who makes more money than I do. I should still be able to afford living place and even all the expenses by myself.

    I also mentioned, I want her to stay at home once we have kids and she agreed.

    But her work is halal and is surrounded by 90% females alhamdulilah.

    Sisters who are married, how does finances work in your family?
    Stop being apologetic to Kuffars!

    If I don't engage with you or reply to any of your question, it's likely because I find you racist and a total waste of time.

  • #2
    I think firstly you have to make it clear that if she wants to work she needs to pay a certain % of her monthly salary into the household kitty, and you need to ask her what she feels is fair. You may or may not agree on a figure and you can take it from there. I would advise you to make the most of that time, considering she is a higher earned than you and save the money. You also need to agree about finances post children if she is going to be at home. Will you give her a certain amount of money as a personal allowance per month? I know sisters who had their own money round it extremely hard having to ask for money for things afterwards.

    Comment


    • #3
      I made significantly more money than my husband when we got married. I did not know how much he made until we had to do our first tax. We keep our money separate but we do have a joint account where we kept our wedding gift money. Since then I have transferred money into that account for special case but generally we use our own accounts.

      He has never asked me to contribute toward anything as he knows he has no right over it. I have willingly paid annual one time bills like property tax, car insurance, vacations or random bills while leaving the day to day living expenses on him. My situation is little different because I live in joint family which means our expense is already low that he can manage without me. We do our own shopping, he doesn't buy me gifts nor do I for him. When we eat out together, whoever puts it on their credit card pays the bill. Generally I insist on paying because these small expenses add up, same with grocery shopping, if I am there I will casually hand my card to him while in line. Because I have always been willing to pay as needed, we never had set rules. There has been moments when he has said "you think you can handle this bill" when I wasn't paying attention, I never said No. But I do know many female who are not willing to share & in those case it is only fair to have rules on how to share the expense.

      In the beginning you have to figure out what type of person she is & what is she willing to share. I found it easier for him to handle regular bills which tend to be smaller but basic part of living for his own ego & from Islamic perspective & for me to take on the bigger one off expense that is large amount. But I know other people who will hate dashing out thousands at one time & would rather contribute to a specific bill. When my mother worked, she paid the utility bills while my dad took care of rent and food. unfortunately, guys do have to cover more of the expense regardless of who makes more money. Generally the "good" women save for future that helps the couple invest & prepare for future. When we brought a rental investment property, I paid the down payment because I had saving.

      Rule of thumb, have 3 different account. Yours, Mines, & ours.

      Comment


      • #4
        When we got married we got a joint account and I used to put any money I had (including a significant inheritence) into that, I just considered everything as ours rather than his/mine. It was only when I went to live with my extended family that I realised the women kept their money separate. In some ways I regret this as I don't have any money to my self and should we ever divorce I would want that money back...the shariah is built around the man being the sustainer and in some ways sharing muddys the waters. I know a sister who many years ago worked whilst her husband was doing post grad and she ended up paying for everything. MashaLlah she kept the receipt for literally everything and they divorced a few years later. She was awarded 70:30 of the house (rather than the standard 50:50) because she was able to prove that she paid for most things. As unromantic as that sounds I do think as a woman you should take precautions when sharing money.

        Comment


        • #5
          Women aren't supposed to work (unnecessarily) -- This is another culture from the west which Muslims have happily adopted (and they will give you 100+1 proves that it is allowed Islamically).
          "Europe died in Bosnia and was buried in Syria. Bodies of innocent children washing ashore are the
          western civilization's tombstones"


          Rajab Tayyab Erdogan

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by UmmAbdullah86 View Post
            When we got married we got a joint account and I used to put any money I had (including a significant inheritence) into that, I just considered everything as ours rather than his/mine. It was only when I went to live with my extended family that I realised the women kept their money separate. In some ways I regret this as I don't have any money to my self and should we ever divorce I would want that money back...the shariah is built around the man being the sustainer and in some ways sharing muddys the waters. I know a sister who many years ago worked whilst her husband was doing post grad and she ended up paying for everything. MashaLlah she kept the receipt for literally everything and they divorced a few years later. She was awarded 70:30 of the house (rather than the standard 50:50) because she was able to prove that she paid for most things. As unromantic as that sounds I do think as a woman you should take precautions when sharing money.
            Materialism at it's best.
            "Europe died in Bosnia and was buried in Syria. Bodies of innocent children washing ashore are the
            western civilization's tombstones"


            Rajab Tayyab Erdogan

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by imran1976 View Post

              Materialism at it's best.
              In what way?

              Comment


              • #8
                I believe the man should be repsonsible for all bills regardless of whether or not the wife works or how much she makes, unless the wife volunteers to help.

                I do not believe in joint account. I have my own account and help out whenever I feel like it. My husband doesn't ask about my money and I do not volunteer to give him any info about it. I like the privacy. Alhamdulilah we don't have arguments about money. I do as I wish with my money as long as it's halal, and I love that.

                I have my own savings on the side, so if I need to bounce for whatever reason (divorce) I can live on my own comfortable for at least 5-7 months before I get a full-time job.

                I want my husband to be responsible for ALL bills. I believe it's good for his ego and makes him feel like a man and a leader.

                I do buy expensive gifts for him. And I do like it if he buys me expensive gifts form time to time. Again I feel like this is good for his ego. I don't expect it or ask him to, but if he suggests to buy me something I do not reject it.

                We did not have conversation about money before marriage, we just knew it was his responsibility to provide, end of story.



                ​​​​​​

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by UmmAbdullah86 View Post

                  In what way?
                  In my part of the world, we don't keep the receipts of things we have spent on our spouse --- once you have spent on family, why keep record of such things. ---

                  and I don't get the mindset, "should we ever divorce" followed with "I would want the money back".
                  "Europe died in Bosnia and was buried in Syria. Bodies of innocent children washing ashore are the
                  western civilization's tombstones"


                  Rajab Tayyab Erdogan

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by imran1976 View Post

                    In my part of the world, we don't keep the receipts of things we have spent on our spouse --- once you have spent on family, why keep record of such things. ---

                    and I don't get the mindset, "should we ever divorce" followed with "I would want the money back".
                    I haven't heard of that either, but that is just the nature of this sister, and it was a blessing to her as her husband was very prepared to shaft her financially. He was only able to do the post-grad because she financially supported him, but he was prepared to forget this and leave her in a bad position.

                    In hindsight I wish i hadn't shared the money to be honest, as it is now invested in something where my name is not on it so I would have no automatic claim to it. Alhamdulillah if I took it to shariah court I would be awarded it back though. That is not materialism, that is Islam, which recognizes the vulnerability of the woman, alhamdulillah.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by UmmAbdullah86 View Post
                      I think firstly you have to make it clear that if she wants to work she needs to pay a certain % of her monthly salary into the household kitty, and you need to ask her what she feels is fair. You may or may not agree on a figure and you can take it from there. I would advise you to make the most of that time, considering she is a higher earned than you and save the money. You also need to agree about finances post children if she is going to be at home. Will you give her a certain amount of money as a personal allowance per month? I know sisters who had their own money round it extremely hard having to ask for money for things afterwards.
                      He doesn't have a right to demand this at all Islamically, especially since he can afford the living expenses. Her money is hers to spend as she wishes. If she decides to contribute to the household, it's also up to her to decide how much of it should go into it.

                      The wise thing to do here will be for her to not contribute financially to the household, so that when she had to leave work later when they had children, her savings will come in handy if they happen to be struggling financially at that time.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Juwairiyyah View Post

                        He doesn't have a right to demand this at all Islamically, especially since he can afford the living expenses. Her money is hers to spend as she wishes. If she decides to contribute to the household, it's also up to her to decide how much of it should go into it.

                        The wise thing to do here will be for her to not contribute financially to the household, so that when she had to leave work later when they had children, her savings will come in handy if they happen to be struggling financially at that time.
                        Oh yes, sorry I should have made that clear. Of course it is not his right to demand, but I got the impression the brother was thinking that so I was advising him to make it clear from the beginning. Maybe that wasn't even his train of thought....However, I think most men would want to benefit in some way if the ir wife is working as it will require some sacrifices on his part. Eg. If she is working full time she will be more tired and want his help in cooking/cleaning. Unless the man is extremely rich I cannot imagine he will have no problem with his high earning wife not contributing anything. Maybe Khan just thinking with my own cultural head on though.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Juwairiyyah View Post

                          He doesn't have a right to demand this at all Islamically, especially since he can afford the living expenses. Her money is hers to spend as she wishes. If she decides to contribute to the household, it's also up to her to decide how much of it should go into it.

                          The wise thing to do here will be for her to not contribute financially to the household, so that when she had to leave work later when they had children, her savings will come in handy if they happen to be struggling financially at that time.
                          According to islamqa the husbund can demand she pay towards the house hold expenses in retern for allowing her to work if it wasnt stipulated in the marriage contract that he would let her work.

                          I dont imagine religious brothers wanting to do that though.
                          https://www.google.com/amp/s/islamqa...answers/126316

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Obaidah23 View Post

                            According to islamqa the husbund can demand she pay towards the house hold expenses in retern for allowing her to work if it wasnt stipulated in the marriage contract that he would let her work.

                            I dont imagine religious brothers wanting to do that though.
                            https://www.google.com/amp/s/islamqa...answers/126316
                            Honestly I can only see a very rich man from the Gulf or West who perhaps was going to employ a maid any way not to have an issue with this. In most Muslim countries the economy is not good enough for a man to have a wife who works full time and he doesn't gain financially from it. In Sham it is a given that a woman who works will pay into the house, life is so expensive that they cannot afford not to.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Abdell View Post
                              Currently speaking to a potential who makes more money than I do. I should still be able to afford living place and even all the expenses by myself.

                              I also mentioned, I want her to stay at home once we have kids and she agreed.

                              But her work is halal and is surrounded by 90% females alhamdulilah.

                              Sisters who are married, how does finances work in your family?
                              you are liable to pay for everything

                              Whatever she does is a gift.

                              Comment

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