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Question to sisters about double standards

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  • Question to sisters about double standards

    Assalamualaikum sisters in Islam. I present this question with intentions of a light and maybe enlightening conversation. I don't mean to offend anyone.

    I have​​​have been married for 17 years alhamdolillah and I love my wife. What I don't understand though is all the double standards (that others outside if our marriage also up hold). For example, if she asks me to take care of something and I don't within 24 hours she can get upset but if she blatantly disregards what I asked her to do, that's just her being a woman! There are so many more examples but I hope this will suffice for now.

    Am I really looking at the status of husbands and wives incorrectly in a marriage? Does the wife really always wear the pants and is supposed to be left alone with it?


  • #2
    Originally posted by ExitSpeed70 View Post
    Assalamualaikum sisters in Islam. I present this question with intentions of a light and maybe enlightening conversation. I don't mean to offend anyone.

    I have​​​have been married for 17 years alhamdolillah and I love my wife. What I don't understand though is all the double standards (that others outside if our marriage also up hold). For example, if she asks me to take care of something and I don't within 24 hours she can get upset but if she blatantly disregards what I asked her to do, that's just her being a woman! There are so many more examples but I hope this will suffice for now.

    Am I really looking at the status of husbands and wives incorrectly in a marriage? Does the wife really always wear the pants and is supposed to be left alone with it?
    No the wife shouldn't wear the pants.

    Why do you take so long to do what your wife asks you? Maybe she feels you are ignoring her when she asks you to do something and now she is ignoring you.

    Sit down and communicate with your wife.
    ​​​​​​
    Do you two know your rights and responsibilities as a Muslim wife and husband?A lot of issues happen when couples don't know and understand their roles in marriage. Watch some lectures or do some reading on this.

    May Allah bless your marriage ameen

    Comment


    • #3
      Example of things you ask her to do vs. things she ask you to do would help.

      I have to admit, I am guilty of what your wife does. I often ask my husband to help with something or pick something up for me from store which he often can't even locate (even though its basic). I do get upset but in my head I am thinking "he is already at the store, why can't he get xyz for me" or its so easy for him to start laundry so I can finish it off. But at same time, when he ask me for stuff like take his car for oil change or call somewhere to get info, I often drag my feet too because those are not part of my normal activity.

      We often think/feel our struggle is the hardest & overlook what might be in other peoples plate.

      Comment


      • #4
        Islamically, men are not supposed to take all their rights off their wife. Its just a part of manliness, to be kind and gentle to your wife's ways. At the end of the day, you are supposed to lead.

        You are not siblings, equal, in fighting for your parents resources.

        So you have to be generous and thoughtful about those placed under your care, not like a dictator or an annoying sibling (joking but I hope you understand).


        Ikramah reported: Ibn Abbas, may Allah be pleased with him, said, “I do not like to invoke all of my rights over my wife due to the saying of Allah Almighty: And for men is a degree over them.” (2:228)

        Abu Ja’far al-Tabari said, “What Ibn Abbas said is the degree which Allah mentioned in this verse is that a man should excuse his wife from some of her obligations, he should be lenient regarding his rights over her, and he must fulfill all of his obligations toward her.”

        Source: Tafsīr al-Ṭabarī 4776


        https://abuaminaelias.com/dailyhadit...nd-all-rights/

        I ask Allah to give you and your wife blessings and tranquil peace between each other.
        Last edited by LailaTheMuslim; 05-02-20, 05:19 PM.
        وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

        And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


        أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

        Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


        Please take a look at my travel booking website : https://destinationfindertravel.com/

        Please take a look at my blog : http://thinkingmuslima.blogspot.co.uk/

        Comment


        • #5
          These responses... My eyes are bleeding at this point. Admins please ban this account, I'm out.

          This forum needs a "feminist_one" to enlighten you with a information coming from the stars, horoscopes, astrology, inner energy and all that nonsense.

          Comment

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