Ads by Muslim Ad Network

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Question of marriage

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Question of marriage

    Aslam alaikum brothers and sister,




    I just wanted a quick question to help me settle something that me and my husband are having a hard time dealing with.




    We have been married for 10 years and have five lovely children Masha Allah. After all these years the time we spend together gets less and less and less. To the point now where it’s almost non-existent. I have recently been ill with a flu bug and a gastro bug and haven’t been able to eat or drink properly for about 5-6 days. By the will of Allah SWT I have not needed any help via doctors shukralhamduillah and have managed everything by myself. As I am feeling 80% better now I asked my husband the question if he still loves me or not. He gave the answer if I didn’t love you, you wouldn’t be living here. I said this is not an answer as during my sickness he has not asked me how I was, not been able to comfort me, not even send me a text while he has been working. I know my husband is busy and I regularly hear from him anyway, but isn’t it his duty as a husband that when your wife is ill you ask them how they are and if they need anything? Not once was I asked. His excuse was that he is busy at work, and busy with the kids. Well all my kids go to full time school, then after school it’s either masjid, football or karate practice. Then he starts bringing things up from the past that I’ve done this and I’ve done that. Well haven’t I been struggling to do everything aswell? I don’t spend my time being a stay at home mum sitting on my bum, watching TV. That’s just not me I’m constantly busy, helping my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law with her small children. Anyway I told him that a woman is emotional, a woman needs her emotions so she can cope with many tasks at once and be able to deal with her children. A woman needs to have a little affection, a little love and a bit of romance. I cannot remember the last time we had any of the above and I feel like our love has gone. I’m finding it hard to cope with my husband astagfurillah Allah SWT please help us.




    I consult read my five times namaaz, I read my daily Qur’an but my husband isn’t regular in any of these and this makes me even more worried.







    Can anyone please give me some guidance or advice on what I should do.




    I do no want to result this in to a divorce.




    JazakAllah for any answers

  • #2
    First and foremost, only Allah can help you. The best thing that you can do is to make Dua'a after every salah, and make Dua'a throughout the day. It may not happen immediately, but inshallah your husband will be guided by Allah to consider your feelings more and understand where you are coming from.

    Secondly, it wouldn't hurt for you both to go out or stay at home alone if you could get your Mother in law to watch the kids for a little bit. Have a calm and patient chat with him, express yourself, tell him how you love him and that you just want him to show some affection. Ask him if there is anything that you have done recently that may have upset him and apologize if you did. He needs to understand that marriage is a full time job and that you both have to work at it together.

    Also, sometimes, people get burned out from each other. He may just be overloaded with life and doesn't want to think about anything when he gets home. It doesn't excuse his lack of affection, but you shouldn't hold any grudges.

    Comment


    • #3
      Take him to imam and tell him your problem. You shouldn't have to go through this alone. He needs someone to tell him what he is doing is wrong. I did that with my husband. I told imam, and family and counseling, so now he can't act up and disrespect me get away with it. I figured I had nothing to lose, if I'm considering divorce that means I have to try everything before I walk away. Don't be afraid to involve others. First try to talk to him, if not then involve others, if that doesn't work, at least you tried your best.

      Comment


      • #4
        Walaikum asalaam

        First of all advice your husband to pray 5 times a day. Tell him the importance of salah. When it is prayer time tell him to go to the masjid and pray there. If he will not do that then encourage him to pray at home. He could lead you and the kids in prayer.

        What was his response when you told him about the emotional needs of a woman?

        There is another thread that has some good advice so take a look at it

        https://www.ummah.com/forum/forum/fa...e-and-marriage

        Comment


        • #5
          Talk about dramatic.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
            Talk about dramatic.
            Not really. From the sounds of it she is simply asking to have a relationship with her husband. She is saying they spend very little time together, that's not right.

            It's not difficult to call your wife and ask how she is when she's not well. It's offering a few words of comfort and shows you care.

            I'm guessing after 10 years of marriage they have experienced their fair share of ups and downs. I'm not convinced someone married for this long would post if it was trivial.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

              Not really. From the sounds of it she is simply asking to have a relationship with her husband. She is saying they spend very little time together, that's not right.

              It's not difficult to call your wife and ask how she is when she's not well. It's offering a few words of comfort and shows you care.

              I'm guessing after 10 years of marriage they have experienced their fair share of ups and downs. I'm not convinced someone married for this long would post if it was trivial.
              She's saying she cannot cope with him. Seems over the top to me.

              Comment


              • #8
                Sounds like your husband may be suffering from stress or depression. This is not helped by his apparent lack of connection with his creator. Maybe he should discuss this with a doctor. I'm sure there is nothing more that you can do..oh apart from maybe nag him a little more.
                Spears shall be shaken! Shields shall be splintered! a sword day..a red day..ere the sun rises! Ride now! Ride now! Ride! Ride to ruin, and the worlds ending!

                None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.

                Comment

                Working...
                X