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Love and Marriage

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  • Love and Marriage

    I have a question. Would you stay married to a man/woman who does not love you, but who stays with you because you have built a life and have children together. You get along well.He/she fulfills his/her responsibilities. But through his/her actions and behavior you know he/she doesn't truly love you. In the marriage you are the one who is always going the extra mile, giving, giving, giving, but never really getting much in return (in terms of feeling loved and appreciated).

    Last edited by LaylaAb; 31-01-20, 06:21 AM.

  • #2
    Divorce is not the only solution.
    There is no God but Allah and Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah.

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    • #3
      Love is not a feeling it is a commitment...

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      • #4
        But isn't it unfair to yourself and to your spouse to stay in such a marriage that you know your not loved.
        I think it is a feeling though. What's the point of the commitment if you feel that the person is only with you for xyz.
        ​​​​​

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Eyas Shah View Post
          Divorce is not the only solution.
          but u give give give and not getting the results you hope
          Maybe divorce is not the only solution when you both still love each other, but if your partner doesn't love you, what's the point?
          Maybe ppl marry for different reasons, but I believe in LOVE
          I don't understand why you would be with someone who you feel doesn't truly love you

          Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic

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          • #6
            Originally posted by LaylaAb View Post
            But isn't it unfair to yourself and to your spouse to stay in such a marriage that you know your not loved.
            I think it is a feeling though. What's the point of the commitment if you feel that the person is only with you for xyz.
            ​​​​​
            When you stay and do the right thing this is real love.

            Not when you leave because the "butterflies" are no longer fluttering.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by LaylaAb View Post

              but u give give give and not getting the results you hope
              Maybe divorce is not the only solution when you both still love each other, but if your partner doesn't love you, what's the point?
              Maybe ppl marry for different reasons, but I believe in LOVE
              I don't understand why you would be with someone who you feel doesn't truly love you

              Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic
              Being a hopeful romantic is a good thing. Being a hopeless romantic is a not so good thing.

              Could you possibly define your idea of love ?

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              • #8
                I would probably stay if by not getting much in return "giving, giving, giving, but never really getting much in return (in terms of feeling loved and appreciated" you mean feelings only. If it wasnt just feelings, but their actions where also drastically different , then i'm not sure but i would probably stay for the children.
                Last edited by Obaidah23; 31-01-20, 08:08 AM.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by LaylaAb View Post
                  I have a question. Would you stay married to a man/woman who does not love you, but who stays with you because you have built a life and have children together. You get along well.He/she fulfills his/her responsibilities. But through his/her actions and behavior you know he/she doesn't truly love you. In the marriage you are the one who is always going the extra mile, giving, giving, giving, but never really getting much in return (in terms of feeling loved and appreciated).
                  You are describing 95% of long marriages bruv. Only mod I would make is that neither party is going that extra mile.

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                  • #10
                    البيوت لا تقوم على الحب إنما تقوم على الإسلام والإحسن - أمير المؤمنين عمر ابن الخطاب

                    "Homes (families) are not grounded upon love; rather, they are grounded upon Islam and Ihsan (doing good to each other)." 'Umar Ibn al-Khattab

                    Love is what Allah puts in the heart of someone. It is not anything else that we have been brainwashed by in the media.

                    If Allah hasn't placed love in a wife/husband's heart for their spouse, life can still go on in an good manner by means of applying Islam and Ihsan.

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                    • #11
                      I think it is fine on the proviso that everyone is treated well. What I would suggest though is to re-frame your "going the extra mile every time" into an act of ibaadah, rather than for the sake of your spouse. That way you will never be a loser. On a side note there are people who were madly in love with each other and they for various reasons they fall out of it. No one is ever permanently in a state of true love (whatever that means). I would also suggest that in doing good towards your family that you remember to take out time for yourself too. Even giving yourself 10-15 minutes per day to do something that you want and insist that your family respect that can make a big difference to how you feel.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by UmmAbdullah86 View Post
                        I think it is fine on the proviso that everyone is treated well. What I would suggest though is to re-frame your "going the extra mile every time" into an act of ibaadah, rather than for the sake of your spouse. That way you will never be a loser. On a side note there are people who were madly in love with each other and they for various reasons they fall out of it. No one is ever permanently in a state of true love (whatever that means). I would also suggest that in doing good towards your family that you remember to take out time for yourself too. Even giving yourself 10-15 minutes per day to do something that you want and insist that your family respect that can make a big difference to how you feel.
                        No this not possible for me to take time for myself. I have tried and it doesn't work. Everything I do is for my husband. If he is upset with me or he is stressed or whatever my entire day is ruined until he is happy. My entire life and plans revolve around him.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Obaidah23 View Post
                          I would probably stay if by not getting much in return "giving, giving, giving, but never really getting much in return (in terms of feeling loved and appreciated" you mean feelings only. If it wasnt just feelings, but their actions where also drastically different , then i'm not sure but i would probably stay for the children.
                          I guess staying for the children is the main thing in the marriage

                          Until what age though

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Abu Abdur_Rahman View Post
                            البيوت لا تقوم على الحب إنما تقوم على الإسلام والإحسن - أمير المؤمنين عمر ابن الخطاب

                            "Homes (families) are not grounded upon love; rather, they are grounded upon Islam and Ihsan (doing good to each other)." 'Umar Ibn al-Khattab

                            Love is what Allah puts in the heart of someone. It is not anything else that we have been brainwashed by in the media.

                            If Allah hasn't placed love in a wife/husband's heart for their spouse, life can still go on in an good manner by means of applying Islam and Ihsan.
                            Interesting
                            But I'll always feel a bit sad I guess

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

                              You are describing 95% of long marriages bruv. Only mod I would make is that neither party is going that extra mile.
                              95% of marriages don't have love?! That's too depressing. How do we know this though, most ppl don't speak about their marriage life, maybe they are both love madly in with each other

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