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  • Toxic marriage

    Please give me advice on how to recover from a toxic marriage

  • #2
    Give it time.

    You will slowly start to realise all the things you thought were normal are actually quite abnormal.

    Comment


    • #3
      Please give us more details on what you are suffering with so we can try to help Sister. Sorry I didn't mean your whole personal events I meant what aspects of life are you struggling with now and what things are causing you pain in particular.
      Last edited by Albasdasd1234; 11-01-20, 07:44 AM.

      Comment


      • #4
        Time heals all wounds. Get close to Allah, make dhikr, read lots of Quran and try and keep busy so your mind is not consumed by the memories/thoughts of the marriage. The constant dua "La Illaha illa Anta Subhanaka inni kuntu Mina dhalemeen" will lift you out of your hardship with ease so please repeat it often.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Zuli View Post
          Time heals all wounds. Get close to Allah, make dhikr, read lots of Quran and try and keep busy so your mind is not consumed by the memories/thoughts of the marriage. The constant dua "La Illaha illa Anta Subhanaka inni kuntu Mina dhalemeen" will lift you out of your hardship with ease so please repeat it often.
          May be I am not clear. Time can't heal my pain because I'm still in the marriage.

          But I will read this Dua. I practice my deen.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Albasdasd1234 View Post
            Please give us more details on what you are suffering with so we can try to help Sister. Sorry I didn't mean your whole personal events I meant what aspects of life are you struggling with now and what things are causing you pain in particular.
            I'm struggling with accepting my toxic marriage and trying to still live good Muslim live where I can still be content. May be recover is not the right word here.

            I accepted my marriage is toxic and have decided to stay in it and be patient, but how do I still live good life.

            Comment


            • #7
              Sister, what is it that makes your marriage toxic? If we have more details we can advise you accordingly Insha allah
              https://islamicgemsandpearls.wordpress.com

              Comment


              • #8
                Just remember Allah loves you. All trials and hardships are a sign of Allah's love for the believers.

                Trials will remind you of Allah since you make dua in the hardship for relief, this in turn will develop your iman and personality for the better. Keep this up and trust in Allah, and then Allah will grant you an amazing reward in this life,

                Perhaps this reward will be a better more amazing husband to take care of you and your needs truly

                Allah will also grant you jannah in sha Allah, this is what is taught in the Qur'an.
                وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

                And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


                أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

                Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


                Please take a look at my travel booking website : https://destinationfindertravel.com/

                Please take a look at my blog : http://thinkingmuslima.blogspot.co.uk/

                Comment


                • #9
                  Chapter 37 (Surah Saffat):

                  verse 102:

                  And, when he (his son) was old enough to walk with him, he said: "O my son! I have seen in a dream that I am slaughtering you (offer you in sacrifice to Allah), so look what you think!" He said: "O my father! Do that which you are commanded, Insha' Allah (if Allah will), you shall find me of As-Sabirin (the patient ones, etc.)."


                  verse 103:

                  Then, when they had both submitted themselves (to the Will of Allah), and he had laid him prostrate on his forehead (or on the side of his forehead for slaughtering);

                  Verse 104

                  And We called out to him: "O Abraham!

                  Verse 105

                  You have fulfilled the dream (vision)!" Verily! Thus do We reward the Muhsinun (good-doers - see V. 2:112).


                  These ayats show the reward of bearing trials with patience and obedience to Allah. Keep doing small good deeds and give in charity, and while giving the charity make dua that Allah saves you from this situation and gives you the best reward and help.

                  I ask Allah to bless you sooo much and to grant u a way out and sakina/peaceful reassurance from Him and to grant you a much better loving and perfect spouse if thats what you want, or to give you the best in all this that will make you so happy, feel loved, peaceful and enriched, ameen

                  --

                  Chapter 37 (Surah Saffat) continued...

                  verse 106:

                  Verily, that indeed was a manifest trial

                  verse 107

                  And We ransomed him with a great sacrifice (i.e. a ram);

                  verse 108

                  And We left for him (a goodly remembrance) among generations (to come) in later times.

                  verse 109

                  Salamun (peace) be upon Ibrahim (Abraham)!"

                  verse 110

                  Thus indeed do We reward the Muhsinun (good-doers - see V. 2:112).
                  Last edited by LailaTheMuslim; 12-01-20, 03:14 PM.
                  وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

                  And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


                  أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

                  Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


                  Please take a look at my travel booking website : https://destinationfindertravel.com/

                  Please take a look at my blog : http://thinkingmuslima.blogspot.co.uk/

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Layla_ View Post
                    Sister, what is it that makes your marriage toxic? If we have more details we can advise you accordingly Insha allah
                    Marriage is toxic it has lies, broken trust, betrayal, secrets all from husband
                    many years of this
                    I have decide to not leave, I have nothing
                    and Husband ask me to stay and he will be better

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by LailaTheMuslim View Post
                      Just remember Allah loves you. All trials and hardships are a sign of Allah's love for the believers.

                      Trials will remind you of Allah since you make dua in the hardship for relief, this in turn will develop your iman and personality for the better. Keep this up and trust in Allah, and then Allah will grant you an amazing reward in this life,

                      Perhaps this reward will be a better more amazing husband to take care of you and your needs truly

                      Allah will also grant you jannah in sha Allah, this is what is taught in the Qur'an.
                      I think it is a punishment
                      how I know it is test?

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by LailaTheMuslim View Post
                        Chapter 37 (Surah Saffat):

                        verse 102:

                        And, when he (his son) was old enough to walk with him, he said: "O my son! I have seen in a dream that I am slaughtering you (offer you in sacrifice to Allah), so look what you think!" He said: "O my father! Do that which you are commanded, Insha' Allah (if Allah will), you shall find me of As-Sabirin (the patient ones, etc.)."


                        verse 103:

                        Then, when they had both submitted themselves (to the Will of Allah), and he had laid him prostrate on his forehead (or on the side of his forehead for slaughtering);

                        Verse 104

                        And We called out to him: "O Abraham!

                        Verse 105

                        You have fulfilled the dream (vision)!" Verily! Thus do We reward the Muhsinun (good-doers - see V. 2:112).


                        These ayats show the reward of bearing trials with patience and obedience to Allah. Keep doing small good deeds and give in charity, and while giving the charity make dua that Allah saves you from this situation and gives you the best reward and help.

                        I ask Allah to bless you sooo much and to grant u a way out and sakina/peaceful reassurance from Him and to grant you a much better loving and perfect spouse if thats what you want, or to give you the best in all this that will make you so happy, feel loved, peaceful and enriched, ameen

                        --

                        Chapter 37 (Surah Saffat) continued...

                        verse 106:

                        Verily, that indeed was a manifest trial

                        verse 107

                        And We ransomed him with a great sacrifice (i.e. a ram);

                        verse 108

                        And We left for him (a goodly remembrance) among generations (to come) in later times.

                        verse 109

                        Salamun (peace) be upon Ibrahim (Abraham)!"

                        verse 110

                        Thus indeed do We reward the Muhsinun (good-doers - see V. 2:112).
                        I will do the charity
                        what other small good deed can I do

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by LaylaAb View Post

                          I think it is a punishment
                          how I know it is test?
                          I don't think Muslims are usually punished with tests? Tests for Muslims purify them for this life and the hereafter. When Allah doesn't punish someone they have to confront their full amount of sins in the akhira and they have not developed a lot of deepness and meaning to their relationship with Allah.

                          We can be tested by wealth too, but the more severe a trial, it shows that Allah has selected you to show trust in Him, be resourceful and to develop you as a human being and a Muslim, and to make you have a better life after the trial, so you can enjoy your life better in this world.

                          The Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam) said: “No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the * he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that,” [Bukhari]

                          Also, please do tell us what the specific problem is in your marriage, it is important that we practically help you. There is no need to be patient with a toxic marriage, its not taught in Islam to put up with abuse and bad behaviour.
                          وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

                          And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


                          أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

                          Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


                          Please take a look at my travel booking website : https://destinationfindertravel.com/

                          Please take a look at my blog : http://thinkingmuslima.blogspot.co.uk/

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by LaylaAb View Post

                            Marriage is toxic it has lies, broken trust, betrayal, secrets all from husband
                            many years of this
                            I have decide to not leave, I have nothing
                            and Husband ask me to stay and he will be better

                            sister, have you thought about marriage counselling? You and your husband will have to work really hard to repair your marriage but it is doable Insha allah and there’s no reason why the situation should continue to remain toxic. Look for marriage counselling by an Islamic scholar. Some of the shariah courts in Uk offer it (don’t know where you’re based)
                            https://islamicgemsandpearls.wordpress.com

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I wouldn't recommend that you stay in a marriage that makes you so unhappy. But I understand that not everyone's situation allows them to get a divorce (kids, finances etc.)

                              Someone has to change in the relationship for it to recover. Don't accept for him to be just talk. If his actions don't reflect what he says then let someone intervene like a marriage councilor or someone in your family. In the mean time just keep asking Allah to heal your marriage.

                              It's tough and no one should have to put up with this. Don't desensitize yourself or think that you wouldn't be able to do better just so you can bear it. Keep making dua for things to get better. Allah will certainly reward you for your patience.

                              Comment

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