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Broken engagement, ex-fiancée delaying on returning family gifts

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  • Broken engagement, ex-fiancée delaying on returning family gifts

    More of rant than anything.

    long story short spouse to be called it all off, no one understands why especially the way she started behaving. Anyway, it’s been two months now and I’m still waiting for the gifts my family have to her for the engagement to be returned.

    After I sent my gifts back to her I contacted her father and he said he’s going to post it back soon. 3 weeks later no sign of it, so I decided to text the ex-fiancée to see why is she holding on to them.

    she ignores my first text and a week later I sent her another text. She ignored the second one but after a while I got a text from her uncle saying she doesn’t want to be contacted and they’re in the process of sending the gifts back. Not much more I can do, I’ve asked nicely, but I’m over it now.

    i don’t get why if you called off the wedding, surely you’d want get all this done and dusted and move on? And what annoys me more, apparently she’s been blaming me to her family for calling it off, when her parents know it was all her doing. Another weird thing is, she was still on my family’s social media (sisters and nieces), but they’ve blocked her now.

    what sucks even more was, we hit it off when we first met (arranged marriage), we were on the same page on a lot of things. And when I asked why she agreed to get engaged on the first place she couldn’t even give a straight answer. One big bubble of confusion I guess.

  • #2
    What was so precious in those "gifts" that you want them returned ? It sounds cheap to beg for something back after having gifted it.

    Rasoolullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam has stated “The person who takes back a gift is like a dog which vomits, then eats what it vomited.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

    The engagement ended, so, accept it gracefully. Now since you've already asked for the gifts back, be patient for their return. If they don't send them, just forget about them and move on.

    Don't make the mistake of asking again. Also, don't spread any negative things about your fiancee or her family to others. Even if they've betrayed you, you should display excellent manners and not reveal their faults to others. Majority of people don't care, they just want something to gossip about.

    InshaAllah, Allah will reward you with some one much better in her place.

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    • #3
      Asalaamualaykum bro. I'm sorry that happened to you, some people are just time wasters. You should just try to move on. People spreading lies about you can be iffy, I would just try to correct someone if they have the wrong information about you, nothing more can really be done if she's going around telling people nonsense. Believe me you struck gold, you wouldn't want to marry a woman like that regardless of how well you got on initially. She's done you a favour by leaving. You will find someone better insha'Allah.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by ~TwinklingStar~ View Post
        What was so precious in those "gifts" that you want them returned ? It sounds cheap to beg for something back after having gifted it.

        Rasoolullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam has stated “The person who takes back a gift is like a dog which vomits, then eats what it vomited.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

        The engagement ended, so, accept it gracefully. Now since you've already asked for the gifts back, be patient for their return. If they don't send them, just forget about them and move on.

        Don't make the mistake of asking again. Also, don't spread any negative things about your fiancee or her family to others. Even if they've betrayed you, you should display excellent manners and not reveal their faults to others. Majority of people don't care, they just want something to gossip about.

        InshaAllah, Allah will reward you with some one much better in her place.
        It’s expensive good that my mother gave which she has been saving most of her life. The ‘engagement gifts’ are given in condition of a successful marriage, of ties have been broken these gifts are meaningless to them. Hence why I am requesting them to give it back and the father also agreed to it. If they don’t send it back I’m not bothered, it can be replaced. So with respect to the Hadith, you need to understand the context of the situation.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by ~TwinklingStar~ View Post
          What was so precious in those "gifts" that you want them returned ? It sounds cheap to beg for something back after having gifted it.

          Rasoolullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam has stated “The person who takes back a gift is like a dog which vomits, then eats what it vomited.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

          The engagement ended, so, accept it gracefully. Now since you've already asked for the gifts back, be patient for their return. If they don't send them, just forget about them and move on.

          Don't make the mistake of asking again. Also, don't spread any negative things about your fiancee or her family to others. Even if they've betrayed you, you should display excellent manners and not reveal their faults to others. Majority of people don't care, they just want something to gossip about.

          InshaAllah, Allah will reward you with some one much better in her place.
          Does this shed some light on the matter?

          https://islamqa.info/en/answers/1018...s-to-marry-him

          Comment


          • #6
            ^ Okay. So, the OP was well within his rights to request the gifts back and the ex-fiancee is obliged to return them in this case.

            OP, since you've already requested the gifts and they said they will return them, you can wait for a while before asking somebody else to intevene.

            I still don't understand how "the process" of returning the goods can take 2 months unless the other side has no intention of returning them.

            Take it as a lesson and next time around, save the expensive and good stuff to gift only after the nikah. And try to keep the engagement period as short as possible.

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            • #7
              This highlights the importance of there being no engagement in Islam. You don't give gifts to a potential on the premise of it turning into a successful marriage - there is no right to ask for this back - it was a gift, rather than a maher. It would obviously be correct for her to give the stuff back but it was very unwise for your mother to spend her savings before you even got married. If it was my son I wouldn't ask for it back repeatedly, that is just embarrasing. For whatever reason they don't seem to want to return the things. Was it gold? Maybe they already sold it.

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              • #8
                Lol these low lives. Maybe they make a living out of doing this. To the non asians, this is not a bunch of flowers and box of chocolates. This is valuable stuff that kind of makes up part of the dowry the guy gives after the marriage is agreed, not at the potential stage. Your poor mother..if they dont return the gifts or the cash value thereof..accidents can happen
                Spears shall be shaken! Shields shall be splintered! a sword day..a red day..ere the sun rises! Ride now! Ride now! Ride! Ride to ruin, and the worlds ending!

                None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.

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                • #9
                  Funny enough they've sent it all back, from the looks of it they've been waiting to see if she changes her mind. Hence the long wait, go figure!

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Eorlingas View Post
                    Lol these low lives. Maybe they make a living out of doing this. To the non asians, this is not a bunch of flowers and box of chocolates. This is valuable stuff that kind of makes up part of the dowry the guy gives after the marriage is agreed, not at the potential stage. Your poor mother..if they dont return the gifts or the cash value thereof..accidents can happen
                    This is what I mean, this is not an islamic practice. The mahr is payable upon the nikkah, not when you verbally agree to get married.

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