Ads by Muslim Ad Network

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Desperate after falling in the trap of haram relationship

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Desperate after falling in the trap of haram relationship

    Aswrbr

    I have been here years ago when I was young and ignorant and in a haram relationship. Then I started reading quran and realised the sin I was committed. Despite the love I broke the relationship off.
    I have tried to live my life best making quran videos in my countries local language, doing charity work in the middle east with orphans and voluntary fasts.

    However living in the west it is very lonely being a practicing Muslim. Only 10 very old people in the mosque while it's a big city I live in. All the "Muslims" here have girlfriends, go out to drink etc.
    After 4 years of dismissing kafir girls showing interest in me and struggling to find a pious wife. I have failed to find any that really wants to follow Islam only those that pray but have bad akhlaq, very materialistic, very feministic, and almost in every sense the opposite of Islam.

    Then I met a girl in my university that is from Italy and she has very good akhlaq and very caring, etc. I have fallen in love with her and even started dating her may Allah forgive me.
    I realized that I was making the same mistake again and I just broke up last night saying we can never have a future together.
    She was crying in my arms and I saw she also loved me like I loved her.

    I feel so much pain losing her as I love her, but I know I have no future with a kafira so it is best I broke up.
    But more then this I feel like I can't move on because it seems that it is either being alone as a muslim and living alone without real friends or someone to love, or to have a haram relationship.

    May Allah forgive us, and guide us all.
    Please give some advice and let this serve as advice for those who are in or considering a haram relationship.

  • #2
    Waalaykum assalam warahmatullahi wabaraktuh,

    If you haven't already, sincerely repent to Allah. Try to change your ways by trying doing many good deeds seeking the pleasure of Allah. Start with completing what's obligatory upon you. Try to perfect your salah with khushu. Salah keeps you away from immorality.

    "Recite, [O Muhammad], what has been revealed to you of the Book and establish prayer. Indeed, prayer prohibits immorality and wrongdoing, and the remembrance of Allah is greater. And Allah knows that which you do." (Quran 29:45)

    Especially in your situation, you need to stay away from women as much as possible. There are some guidelines when it comes to gender relations that are very helpful. You need to make sure that your communication is public, purposeful and professional. These guidelines have been set out for us so we do not fall into things like this. If you did not look at her or talk to her, this would not have happened. Now that you've gotten burned, be on guard. Don't allow yourself to get hurt so many times. 

    After you sincerely repent (you need to research the conditions of repentance and fulfill them), you should probably look into getting married to a Muslimah. It may be obligatory for you to try to marry. https://islamqa.info/en/answers/5511...to-get-married

    Could you try moving somewhere with a larger Muslim population? Not having good influences around you can heavily affect one's religion. 

    They made not a just estimate of Allah such as is due to Him. And on the Day of Resurrection the whole of the earth will be grasped by His Hand and the heavens will be rolled up in His Right Hand. Glorified is He, and High is He above all that they associate as partners with Him!
    (Quran 39:67)

    .

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by AhlulHaqq View Post
      Aswrbr

      I have been here years ago when I was young and ignorant and in a haram relationship. Then I started reading quran and realised the sin I was committed. Despite the love I broke the relationship off.
      I have tried to live my life best making quran videos in my countries local language, doing charity work in the middle east with orphans and voluntary fasts.

      However living in the west it is very lonely being a practicing Muslim. Only 10 very old people in the mosque while it's a big city I live in. All the "Muslims" here have girlfriends, go out to drink etc.
      After 4 years of dismissing kafir girls showing interest in me and struggling to find a pious wife. I have failed to find any that really wants to follow Islam only those that pray but have bad akhlaq, very materialistic, very feministic, and almost in every sense the opposite of Islam.

      Then I met a girl in my university that is from Italy and she has very good akhlaq and very caring, etc. I have fallen in love with her and even started dating her may Allah forgive me.
      I realized that I was making the same mistake again and I just broke up last night saying we can never have a future together.
      She was crying in my arms and I saw she also loved me like I loved her.

      I feel so much pain losing her as I love her, but I know I have no future with a kafira so it is best I broke up.
      But more then this I feel like I can't move on because it seems that it is either being alone as a muslim and living alone without real friends or someone to love, or to have a haram relationship.

      May Allah forgive us, and guide us all.
      Please give some advice and let this serve as advice for those who are in or considering a haram relationship.
      Brother, I also live in the West and I must say there are a lot of good Muslim communities out there who have excellent sources for good pious spouses. I do not know which city and country you live in but I think you can start with your local masjid and let the Imam know what you are looking for.

      Additionally, you must repent from your past haram relationship and make dua to Allah for marriage. Recite "Astagfirullah" every day as Allah gives Rizk to those who recite it with heart and seek forgiveness.

      There is one thing, you can inspire that girl to convert to Islam and then marry her, this is an option.

      May Allah help you in this.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Muslim Traveler View Post

        Brother, I also live in the West and I must say there are a lot of good Muslim communities out there who have excellent sources for good pious spouses. I do not know which city and country you live in but I think you can start with your local masjid and let the Imam know what you are looking for.

        Additionally, you must repent from your past haram relationship and make dua to Allah for marriage. Recite "Astagfirullah" every day as Allah gives Rizk to those who recite it with heart and seek forgiveness.

        There is one thing, you can inspire that girl to convert to Islam and then marry her, this is an option.

        May Allah help you in this.
        But who says she will be sincere in her conversion? If she is blinded by her emotions she will agree to do anything. It happens a lot.

        They made not a just estimate of Allah such as is due to Him. And on the Day of Resurrection the whole of the earth will be grasped by His Hand and the heavens will be rolled up in His Right Hand. Glorified is He, and High is He above all that they associate as partners with Him!
        (Quran 39:67)

        .

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by .khayriyyah. View Post

          But who says she will be sincere in her conversion? If she is blinded by her emotions she will agree to do anything. It happens a lot.
          True, there should be sincerity and the conversation must happen for the sake of Allah, not for the sake of getting married

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by .khayriyyah. View Post
            Waalaykum assalam warahmatullahi wabaraktuh,

            If you haven't already, sincerely repent to Allah. Try to change your ways by trying doing many good deeds seeking the pleasure of Allah. Start with completing what's obligatory upon you. Try to perfect your salah with khushu. Salah keeps you away from immorality.

            "Recite, [O Muhammad], what has been revealed to you of the Book and establish prayer. Indeed, prayer prohibits immorality and wrongdoing, and the remembrance of Allah is greater. And Allah knows that which you do." (Quran 29:45)

            Especially in your situation, you need to stay away from women as much as possible. There are some guidelines when it comes to gender relations that are very helpful. You need to make sure that your communication is public, purposeful and professional. These guidelines have been set out for us so we do not fall into things like this. If you did not look at her or talk to her, this would not have happened. Now that you've gotten burned, be on guard. Don't allow yourself to get hurt so many times.¬

            After you sincerely repent (you need to research the conditions of repentance and fulfill them), you should probably look into getting married to a Muslimah. It may be obligatory for you to try to marry.¬ https://islamqa.info/en/answers/5511...to-get-married

            Could you try moving somewhere with a larger Muslim population? Not having good influences around you can heavily affect one's religion.¬
            Assalamu alaykum wa ra7matullahi wa barakatuhu dear brother.
            Yes alhamdulilah I have repented, I am. Currently in the mosque trying after repenting sincerely. And keep repenting in my sujuud.

            That is indeed a very great aya, I will try to stand in prayer at the last third of the night to find rest in my heart and keep on the straight path. Thank thanks for sharing it as reminder for this situation.

            Indeed the place is very hard with bad environment, again only 4 old guys around 60 in the masjid. I realize it is really important to have good company and good muslim brothers as friends. But I'm studying medical school here and it's not possible to leave for another 5 years.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Muslim Traveler View Post

              Brother, I also live in the West and I must say there are a lot of good Muslim communities out there who have excellent sources for good pious spouses. I do not know which city and country you live in but I think you can start with your local masjid and let the Imam know what you are looking for.

              Additionally, you must repent from your past haram relationship and make dua to Allah for marriage. Recite "Astagfirullah" every day as Allah gives Rizk to those who recite it with heart and seek forgiveness.

              There is one thing, you can inspire that girl to convert to Islam and then marry her, this is an option.

              May Allah help you in this.
              The local mosque has been of no help and online neither.
              I have repented brother

              I do not see how it would be any good try try convert her:

              1. It means keeping in contact 1on1 and inviting fitna to reemerge
              2. Me doing dawa would give her the incentive of insincere converting just to be with me. Sometimes that would lead to her only being able to fake it untill she falls back, if that's after marriage or children it would be much worse

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by AhlulHaqq View Post

                Assalamu alaykum wa ra7matullahi wa barakatuhu dear brother.
                Yes alhamdulilah I have repented, I am. Currently in the mosque trying after repenting sincerely. And keep repenting in my sujuud.

                That is indeed a very great aya, I will try to stand in prayer at the last third of the night to find rest in my heart and keep on the straight path. Thank thanks for sharing it as reminder for this situation.

                Indeed the place is very hard with bad environment, again only 4 old guys around 60 in the masjid. I realize it is really important to have good company and good muslim brothers as friends. But I'm studying medical school here and it's not possible to leave for another 5 years.
                Ask Allah to help you to find righteous friends and persist in asking Him for this.

                Maybe try accompanying those older men. Being in their 60's does not mean they cannot benefit you or that they will kill you with boredom. 

                I am a sister.

                They made not a just estimate of Allah such as is due to Him. And on the Day of Resurrection the whole of the earth will be grasped by His Hand and the heavens will be rolled up in His Right Hand. Glorified is He, and High is He above all that they associate as partners with Him!
                (Quran 39:67)

                .

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by AhlulHaqq View Post

                  The local mosque has been of no help and online neither.
                  I have repented brother

                  I do not see how it would be any good try try convert her:

                  1. It means keeping in contact 1on1 and inviting fitna to reemerge
                  2. Me doing dawa would give her the incentive of insincere converting just to be with me. Sometimes that would lead to her only being able to fake it untill she falls back, if that's after marriage or children it would be much worse
                  try fasting whenever you feel attracted to women.

                  Communicate with whichever Muslim community available nearby in other cities as well. Networking helps a lot.

                  Inform your family and friends to look for a good pious woman. They can help you the most, you don't have to necessarily find one from your local area. You should search in your native country as well.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    We get it, you want to get married. No need for all the dramatics.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by .khayriyyah. View Post

                      Ask Allah to help you to find righteous friends and persist in asking Him for this.

                      Maybe try accompanying those older men. Being in their 60's does not mean they cannot benefit you or that they will kill you with boredom.¬

                      I am a sister.
                      I will try this insha Allah, thanks for the advice.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Muslim Traveler View Post

                        try fasting whenever you feel attracted to women.

                        Communicate with whichever Muslim community available nearby in other cities as well. Networking helps a lot.

                        Inform your family and friends to look for a good pious woman. They can help you the most, you don't have to necessarily find one from your local area. You should search in your native country as well.
                        Thanks for the advice. I will try making it a habit to fast Thursdays and Mondays.
                        Family or friends have been of no help, they match me with barbie westernized girls that don't think much of practicing the sunnah.
                        As a student I cannot give visa to women of my native country.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Brother Alhamdulillah you have seen the error of your ways and realise that marrying this girl is not a long term solution.  In the nicest possible way I think you need to lower your standards a bit, you are belittling sisters for not following the sunnah but you were making zina a few days ago.  What is good for the goose is good for the gander etc etc.  I genuinely don't mean any malice in what I say, I have heard brothers in a similar situation to you saying the same thing and it's as if they are striving for perfection and forgetting that they are nowhere near the bar themselves.  I don't mean you should settle for anyone, but perhaps try to see the good in the sisters from the outset.  Your priority should be keeping yourself away from sin, not marrying a scholar.  May Allah swt give you the best.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by AhlulHaqq View Post
                            Aswrbr

                            I have been here years ago when I was young and ignorant and in a haram relationship. Then I started reading quran and realised the sin I was committed. Despite the love I broke the relationship off.
                            I have tried to live my life best making quran videos in my countries local language, doing charity work in the middle east with orphans and voluntary fasts.

                            However living in the west it is very lonely being a practicing Muslim. Only 10 very old people in the mosque while it's a big city I live in. All the "Muslims" here have girlfriends, go out to drink etc.
                            After 4 years of dismissing kafir girls showing interest in me and struggling to find a pious wife. I have failed to find any that really wants to follow Islam only those that pray but have bad akhlaq, very materialistic, very feministic, and almost in every sense the opposite of Islam.

                            Then I met a girl in my university that is from Italy and she has very good akhlaq and very caring, etc. I have fallen in love with her and even started dating her may Allah forgive me.
                            I realized that I was making the same mistake again and I just broke up last night saying we can never have a future together.
                            She was crying in my arms and I saw she also loved me like I loved her.

                            I feel so much pain losing her as I love her, but I know I have no future with a kafira so it is best I broke up.
                            But more then this I feel like I can't move on because it seems that it is either being alone as a muslim and living alone without real friends or someone to love, or to have a haram relationship.

                            May Allah forgive us, and guide us all.
                            Please give some advice and let this serve as advice for those who are in or considering a haram relationship.
                            Which country do you live in?

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by UmmAbdullah86 View Post
                              Brother Alhamdulillah you have seen the error of your ways and realise that marrying this girl is not a long term solution.¬ In the nicest possible way I think you need to lower your standards a bit, you are belittling sisters for not following the sunnah but you were making zina a few days ago.¬ What is good for the goose is good for the gander etc etc.¬ I genuinely don't mean any malice in what I say, I have heard brothers in a similar situation to you saying the same thing and it's as if they are striving for perfection and forgetting that they are nowhere near the bar themselves.¬ I don't mean you should settle for anyone, but perhaps try to see the good in the sisters from the outset.¬ Your priority should be keeping yourself away from sin, not marrying a scholar.¬ May Allah swt give you the best.
                              What is the use of lowering my standards? Islam has beautifull guidelines and I am willing to sacrifice alot for it, even tho indeed I am struggling.
                              And then you expect me to settle for a muslim ah by name only but follows the sunnah in her akhlaaq less then even some kafir?
                              ​​​​​​
                              I also do not expect a perfect wife, but she needs to at least see the sunnah as an ideal to strive towards.

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X