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  • want to make up with my wife

    aoa, i married 2 years ago, and after i left my wife with my and went abroad cause i work abroad, i was planning to bring my wife with me, but after few months my wife created a drama and left my house and made up fake stories about my mom and me, her father demanded i either divorce her or take her with me but as it takes time for visa, they ask me to return home, so after 1 year i returned home and after a very hard long fight i said its my fault even though it wasnt just to reconcile with my wife, she came back to my house and after 2 months she was pregnant and she started telling fake stories about my mom and her family came to our house and took her home and said many bad things about me and mom, i told don't go but she said she will only listen to her parents, anyway i decided its enough i will divorce her, but after few months o thought she will give birth to our child, and now she given to birth to our baby girl, am happy but very sad cause i cant see my baby, i still want my wife back, i dont know wht i should do now, am so sad plz help me... jaza kala khair

  • #2
    Brother, life of this dunya is more than this classical fued between in laws. I hate to be in your position. Best to be gay. Joking lmao. You're not responsible for your mother's issues or your wive's . Let them battle it out I say while you go chill out somwhere else. Only intervene if you see you will not indulge in sin. According to hadith you are a guardian over both.

    Also, tell them to grow up. They're not living in the 18th century where every family fued is based on jealousy between in laws. Like cmon, is there nothing better to do.

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    • #3
      ps, dont be sad, be strict like Omar Ibn Khattab (Ra). If shaytan saw him walking down a lane he/they would run away. Glorified is the name of Allah.

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      • #4
        You want your wife back after all that?

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        • #5
          oh man its like the brother thought how can i make this situation any worse?..I know ill put a baby in the mix! ffs really bro..really? i feel sorry for your innocent daughter having to be brought up by such dumb stupid parents..sorry I can't be more helpful but I dont't think you people would even recognise good advice let alone follow it. Get the families together with someone with a wisdom who can work you all throught the problems to a solution that everyone is happy with. I know you won't do that so go and enjoy your miserable existance.

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          • #6
            Why does your wife create drama? 
            is there an actual cause for it?

            You will have to speak to your family and hers. 

            Also, is she interested in solving all this aswell? She needs to know what she wants.   How old is she? 

            If both of you are serious about fixing this, you should consider separate accommodation for your wife and see if it improves her behaviour.

             
            'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

            So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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            • #7
              Originally posted by funkimunki99 View Post
              oh man its like the brother thought how can i make this situation any worse?..I know ill put a baby in the mix! ffs really bro..really? i feel sorry for your innocent daughter having to be brought up by such dumb stupid parents..sorry I can't be more helpful but I dont't think you people would even recognise good advice let alone follow it. Get the families together with someone with a wisdom who can work you all throught the problems to a solution that everyone is happy with. I know you won't do that so go and enjoy your miserable existance.
              Best we avoid using words like that otherwise everyone will get accustomed to it and start using it on the forum

               
              'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

              So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Fanta>Mirinda View Post
                Brother, life of this dunya is more than this classical fued between in laws. I hate to be in your position. Best to be gay. Joking lmao. You're not responsible for your mother's issues or your wive's . Let them battle it out I say while you go chill out somwhere else. Only intervene if you see you will not indulge in sin. According to hadith you are a guardian over both.

                Also, tell them to grow up. They're not living in the 18th century where every family fued is based on jealousy between in laws. Like cmon, is there nothing better to do.
                We shouldn't even joke about being gay, again, people are already accustomed to mocking the religion so it is better for us not to joke like that

                 
                'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
                  You want your wife back after all that?
                  Tbf she is pregnant now so hes got more reason now to work something out. Perhaps that's why he wants to resolve this.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Medic View Post

                    Tbf she is pregnant now so hes got more reason now to work something out. Perhaps that's why he wants to resolve this.
                    Assuming OP's story is true and she made up fake stories, there's no reason to want her back.

                    To reconcile for the sake of children, maybe. But not want.

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                    • #11
                      Increase your prayers, dua, istighfar, sadaqah etc and Allah will make a way out of this for you. Allah is the turner of hearts and making things up between you and your wife is easy for Him. Remain patient and have trust in Allah swt 
                      Spears shall be shaken! Shields shall be splintered! a sword day..a red day..ere the sun rises! Ride now! Ride now! Ride! Ride to ruin, and the worldís ending!

                      None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.Ē

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                      • #12
                        The first mistake you made was when you left your wife at the mercy of your family when you were abroad. This was really unfair on her. As it is, it's difficult to live with in-laws when your husband is present, but living with in-laws when your husband isn't there is a million times worse. I speak from personal experience here.

                        My in-laws had called me to their place to help when my SIL had delivered her kids and then again when her kids were sick .. both times for several weeks in a row and I used to be truly exhausted at the end of the day. I was emotionally and mentally drained all the time and I'd keep counting days when I could escape and taste freedom. Internally, I would be angry and frustrated at my husband all the time for putting me in that hell, I would imagine scenes like if my husband was to come near me, I'd take an iron rod and beat him black and blue. I just wanted him to suffer like he had made me suffer. In those days, it seemed that there was no love left for him anymore, only anger and hatred.

                        I'm a pretty patient person Alhamdulillah, and my in-laws are better than 90% of in-laws, yet, my experience was not pleasant. Without the help and support of the husband, the wife has no place at her in-laws.

                        I can imagine the situation would be a lot, lot worse if the wife isn't patient, the in-laws are the typical zaalim type who consider the DIL to be a slave and mentally torture her or the wife has the horrible habit of relaying every single detail of the happenings at her in-laws to her family. Outside interference and brainwashing really destroys marriages.

                        It seems like your wife has had her breaking point and cannot tolerate things any longer. Since we do not have your wife's version here, there's no point in mentioning she should do so and so.

                        However, your new-born daughter is innocent in all this mess and she doesn't deserve to be deprived of the love of her father. Hence, you should be the bigger person , ask for forgiveness and go visit her immediately.

                        As for your reconciliation, it can only be done by involving a third unbiased party, an aalim or a Mufti, who can listen to the grievances of both sides and advice you accordingly.





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                        • #13
                          As,

                          You have to try no matter what, for the sake of the child at least, make what ever adjustments are necessary, absorb any blame regardless of fault, beg for forgiveness, very true re external influence - once external people get involved they will likely (unfortunately) always want to throw a negative light on matters or crush efforts, perhaps (and I hope not) that your wife may be just looking for an excuse to do one, one thing I can confirm is outside influence can and will destroy a marriage, unfortunately people just don't want to see good. Try your best, get alim/mufti involved where you are able to put both sides forward and aim going in with a positive outlook, not the blame game but rather what needs to be done to repair the relationship, both parties have to be willing though. IA hope it all works out for you bro...

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                          • #14
                            In light of what @~twinklestar~ said, maybe you should step up and create some boundaries, assuming you do not want to be played by both sides.

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                            • #15
                              It will be hard for anyone to give advice with such little details.

                              You seem emotional right now and want answers right away. But truth is, it will take a long time for you to repair everything. Her leaving your house is a very serious matter.

                              Come up with a solution without being emotional and forcing the issue just because your heart is grieving. Work on your own flaws and listen to her. Don't dismiss her complaints as nothing. You may not agree with her complaints but perhaps Shaytan is giving her waswas or maybe she has issues which cause her to think a certain way.

                              Sit down with a trustworthy mediator (preferably an imam who has knowledge and is sincere) and let him listen to both sides. Don't do it by yourself.

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