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  • Rejected but keep being forced to try?

    So I have been rejected for marriage because me being short as I am only 5ft 2-3 and most women had preference for tall person and one said If I was only a little bit taller like 5ft 7 then she would have married me. I am doing an Alim course to become a scholar and I pray 5 times a day in Jammah but still there concerned was not religion but rather height. You will be shocked now that I have been rejected 3 times now. I knew this already and I told my parents that I will not get married not because I don't want to but because I cant get married as no one will marry a manlet. I have learned to accept it and I told my parents but now they want me to try it again. What they don't understand is that its hurtful to me all those three times being rejected in front of people and then my friends mocking and I know that they said it as a joke because they are nice to me but still it hurts as they said I will never be able to get married and I shouldn't get married because I will only bring trouble to my wife as she will cheat on me as she might find someone more attractive then me as tall people are more attractive and my kids will be embarrassed as they will also be short so they said its better this way that I don't get married. So I said that it is true like women have big demands but I don't judge them because they have every right to have it. I have planned that I will give away everything once I become a scholar and will work for masjid and wait for my death. How can I tell my parents to stop telling me to get married as its clearly a sign by Allah that he doesn't want me to get married as I am short like shorter then most girls here in UK. I just want to do an Alim course and became an Alim and be deeni person waiting for when I will see my creator. So help me please? How can I tell them to not try anymore as its not worth it.

  • #2
    We all have been rejected for reasons that don't make sense to us.

    The reality we all cant see the wisdom of Allah behind His decisions.

    Dont give up make Dua for what you want but also keep an open mind Insha-Allah

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by ummatipk2 View Post
      So I have been rejected for marriage because me being short as I am only 5ft 2-3 and most women had preference for tall person and one said If I was only a little bit taller like 5ft 7 then she would have married me. I am doing an Alim course to become a scholar and I pray 5 times a day in Jammah but still there concerned was not religion but rather height. You will be shocked now that I have been rejected 3 times now. I knew this already and I told my parents that I will not get married not because I don't want to but because I cant get married as no one will marry a manlet. I have learned to accept it and I told my parents but now they want me to try it again. What they don't understand is that its hurtful to me all those three times being rejected in front of people and then my friends mocking and I know that they said it as a joke because they are nice to me but still it hurts as they said I will never be able to get married and I shouldn't get married because I will only bring trouble to my wife as she will cheat on me as she might find someone more attractive then me as tall people are more attractive and my kids will be embarrassed as they will also be short so they said its better this way that I don't get married. So I said that it is true like women have big demands but I don't judge them because they have every right to have it. I have planned that I will give away everything once I become a scholar and will work for masjid and wait for my death. How can I tell my parents to stop telling me to get married as its clearly a sign by Allah that he doesn't want me to get married as I am short like shorter then most girls here in UK. I just want to do an Alim course and became an Alim and be deeni person waiting for when I will see my creator. So help me please? How can I tell them to not try anymore as its not worth it.
      Assalamo alaikum brother

      In the kindest way you are being a bit dramatic.  Three potentials is nothing.  My niece saw 15 before she got married (and she agreed to a second meeting with all of them, it was their side that didn't come back)  and this isn't considered unusual.  Alhamdulillah you are a religious brother, carry on with your studies and know for sure that Allah swt will bring the right spouse for you when the time is right.  Do not keep seeing this as a rejection; she doesn't even know you to reject you, see it as your Lord steering you away from this person, regardless of the reasoning.  As for your paranoia that your (as yet non-existent) wife will cheat on you....it's probably best that you seek help for that, it really isn't fair on her and you will end up tormenting yourself. May Allah give you the best.
       

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      • #4
        Deleted.
        Last edited by oshirowanen; 15-11-19, 02:36 PM.

        Comment


        • #5
          Many, many short men get married. If they did, then you can too, insha'Allah. From this you can see that not every woman sees it as that big of a deal.
          وَمَنْ أَعْرَضَ عَنْ ذِكْرِي فَإِنَّ لَهُ مَعِيشَةً ضَنْكًا

          And whoever turns away from My remembrance – indeed, he will have a depressed life.
          (Quran 20:124)

          Comment


          • #6
            As others have said, 3 times is nothing, especially for a man.
            ​​​​​​
            It seems you've sworn off marriage because you're averse to the pain of rejection and don't want to feel it again. Since you say you study the Deen, is this kind of attitude from the Sunnah?

            It's not uncommon for a man, even a tall man, to be rejected over a dozen times before getting married. And that's just serious potentials; not counting ones where all you did was send a picture.
            Last edited by Stoic Believer; 06-11-19, 02:35 PM.

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            • #7
              Find new friends.

              Don't worry, rejection happens. Don't feel downhearted and just continue your search.

              Comment


              • #8
                Islam is the abour striking the right balance between the pursuit of gain in this life and the next. Hiding in the masjid like a monk is not the solution. Allah in his infinite wisdom has made you small in stature so try to bear it with patience, not easy to do i know. I also know you are not the only short guy in your community. Try going to the gym and get hench, keep yourself well groomed and well dressed. Wear shoes with a bit of a heel. Don't set yourself up for failure..get your parents to ONLY meet with girls who are willing to consider someone 5'2-3 tall.. They may still reject you but at least not for the height.
                Spears shall be shaken! Shields shall be splintered! a sword day..a red day..ere the sun rises! Ride now! Ride now! Ride! Ride to ruin, and the worldís ending!

                None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.Ē

                Comment


                • #9
                  While rejection can be painful and hurtful.
                      Remember all these thoughts of your future wife will cheat on you is just Shaitan messing with your head. It's not reality. Shaitans job is to break marriage so he has already sowed his seeds in you by putting negative thoughts in your head that your wife will leave you etc.
                      If you are a person who intends to treat his wife well for the sake of Allah and will be together in jannah, then any woman would be lucky to have you. It's just that some people maybe blind to the beauty in your character and vision for life. So it's their loss. The duniya has consumed them. People care about whether in the marriage photo you will look too short or whatever but that's really a stupid reason to reject someone. Eventually someone will come who will appreciate you for who you are.
                     So be patient and wait for that right person. Don't get desperate for a proposal. Don't feel dejected. But wait patiently for the one who is grateful to have you.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by ummatipk2 View Post
                    So I have been rejected for marriage because me being short as I am only 5ft 2-3 and most women had preference for tall person and one said If I was only a little bit taller like 5ft 7 then she would have married me. I am doing an Alim course to become a scholar and I pray 5 times a day in Jammah but still there concerned was not religion but rather height. You will be shocked now that I have been rejected 3 times now. I knew this already and I told my parents that I will not get married not because I don't want to but because I cant get married as no one will marry a manlet. I have learned to accept it and I told my parents but now they want me to try it again. What they don't understand is that its hurtful to me all those three times being rejected in front of people and then my friends mocking and I know that they said it as a joke because they are nice to me but still it hurts as they said I will never be able to get married and I shouldn't get married because I will only bring trouble to my wife as she will cheat on me as she might find someone more attractive then me as tall people are more attractive and my kids will be embarrassed as they will also be short so they said its better this way that I don't get married. So I said that it is true like women have big demands but I don't judge them because they have every right to have it. I have planned that I will give away everything once I become a scholar and will work for masjid and wait for my death. How can I tell my parents to stop telling me to get married as its clearly a sign by Allah that he doesn't want me to get married as I am short like shorter then most girls here in UK. I just want to do an Alim course and became an Alim and be deeni person waiting for when I will see my creator. So help me please? How can I tell them to not try anymore as its not worth it.
                    How did you get rejected in front of people? Did you actually go up to sisters & propose? How did your friends know about it? If you are going up to random sisters and proposing then know that you most likely will be rejected & your height won’t be the main factor behind the rejection. If you propose to sisters in the correct way then there’s less chance of humiliation and your friends finding out about it in the event of rejection

                    In addition, if a sister does reject you on the basis of your height then it doesn’t mean that that they are not concerned about religion! Imam Ahmed said that when there is a prospect, we should first see if they are attractive to us & then enquire about their deen. So a sister may for example want a 6ft brother but once she enquires about his deen, if it’s poor then she may not go ahead with the proposal & this shows that religion is indeed taken into account.¬¬†
                    ¬¬†
                    Lastly, I would advice you to stop referring to yourself as a manlet. Many women prefer confident men & if your height is a cause of your insecurity and you projecting this on to others then be prepared to be rejected multiple times. Work on yourself & your self esteem and then look to get married. You are being a bit dramatic by wanting to put off marriage because of three rejections and it does show that you are very insecure. Make plenty of Du’a for a righteous spouse, focus on your inner self & your relationship with Allah subhanahu wa ta aala & Insha Allah khayr.¬¬†
                    ¬¬†
                    https://islamicgemsandpearls.wordpress.com

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      What is it with sisters and height. I know all the sisters here are saying that height does not matter to them, but deep down am sure it does. And nothing wrong with it but....actually come to think of it...nvm.
                      Believe none of what you hear, and only half of what you see.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by InTheBegining View Post
                        What is it with sisters and height. I know all the sisters here are saying that height does not matter to them, but deep down am sure it does. And nothing wrong with it but....actually come to think of it...nvm.
                        They do care lol

                        but the brother shouldnt worry plenty of fish in the sea

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by ummatipk2 View Post
                          So I have been rejected for marriage because me being short as I am only 5ft 2-3 and most women had preference for tall person and one said If I was only a little bit taller like 5ft 7 then she would have married me. I am doing an Alim course to become a scholar and I pray 5 times a day in Jammah but still there concerned was not religion but rather height. You will be shocked now that I have been rejected 3 times now. I knew this already and I told my parents that I will not get married not because I don't want to but because I cant get married as no one will marry a manlet. I have learned to accept it and I told my parents but now they want me to try it again. What they don't understand is that its hurtful to me all those three times being rejected in front of people and then my friends mocking and I know that they said it as a joke because they are nice to me but still it hurts as they said I will never be able to get married and I shouldn't get married because I will only bring trouble to my wife as she will cheat on me as she might find someone more attractive then me as tall people are more attractive and my kids will be embarrassed as they will also be short so they said its better this way that I don't get married. So I said that it is true like women have big demands but I don't judge them because they have every right to have it. I have planned that I will give away everything once I become a scholar and will work for masjid and wait for my death. How can I tell my parents to stop telling me to get married as its clearly a sign by Allah that he doesn't want me to get married as I am short like shorter then most girls here in UK. I just want to do an Alim course and became an Alim and be deeni person waiting for when I will see my creator. So help me please? How can I tell them to not try anymore as its not worth it.
                          Why are your parents so eager to get your married right now? You're still in the middle of your studies. Are you even financially capable of providing?

                          1. Finish your studies
                          2. Find a reliable source of income
                          3. Establish your presence in the Muslim community

                          You're height might make things more challenging, but it doesn't completely close the doors of marriage. I'm sure there are plenty of women out there who would be thrilled to marry a Talib al-Ilm with a stable income.

                          The Prophet said "A woman may be married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty and her religious commitment. Seek the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper)" [Bukhari]

                          "Religiously committed" women might be converts, divorcees with children, widows, older, unattractive, non-virgins, etc. It's not necessary to limit yourself to the cultural preferences of your parents. There's nothing shameful about marrying these type of women if you're pleased with their Imaan and character.

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                          • #14
                            Thank you so much brothers and sisters for a positive response. I was feeling very sad and heavy so I needed to talk to someone so thought would post here. I dont think I have anymore confidence or anything like that therefore will get more and more rejections plus I have heard many stories of this socalledhusband cheating on wife and wife cheating on husband. In my case it would be wife so I think I will stay away from this. Its going to be hard but Insha'Allah life is short so will be quickly over plus after 40 no one has desire for anything but anyways thank you very much and really appreciate your time to reply to my post. May Allah grant you all and your famliy Jannat Tul Firdaus.¬¬†
                            Last edited by ummatipk2; 08-11-19, 12:25 AM.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              You've been offered excellent advice above, yet you chose to ignore it and continue to wallow in self-pity. 3 rejections for a man is NOTHING. People go through 15 - 20 rejections before finding the right person.

                              You're studying to be an Aalim - so you should be aware

                              1. Nikah is half your deen. It's a Sunnah of Rasoolullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and the one who rejects his Sunnah is not from him. You cannot pretend to be a deeni person while deliberately remaining unmarried as Islam does not encourage celibacy or monkhood.

                              2. You should have husn dhan about your brothers and sisters and not harbour unnecessary suspicions. You've not even found a girl to marry, you aren't married and yet you're certain that your future wife will cheat on you. With such negativity and mistrust, you will always be unhappy even if you manage to get married. Change your mindset.

                              3. If you want to do khidmat of deen and have people trust you, you should get married. Marriage is a respectable institution and a family man is trusted more than a single, unmarried person. With the rise in child molestation cases and spread of vice in madrasahs and maktabs, many parents would be wary of sending their kids to an institute where the ustadh is unmarried despite being of a ripe old age.

                              4. Your height is not something you have control over. Allah has made you short - accept that and be content with His decree. Perhaps that could be your test in this duniya. Know that the Lord who has made you short is also the Lord who blesses people with spouses - so invoke Him to bless you with a compatible partner instead of losing hope and feeling dejected.

                              .

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