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    Salam, hope you are all well. I really need help as i am under alot of stresa due to stuff happening at home. I am married and a mother of two i have been married for 4 years my first child is 3 years old and my second one is 6 months. I married from backhome and due to visa applying and issues my husband only came about a year ago to Europe after getting visa. All this time we have stayed apart just once a year i used to go back home and visit. We havent really had any couple time there at all as i would just spend time at home with in laws as i was there for a month only.Now that my husband is here we did not really have any enjoyment time as i was really unwell due to my second pregnancy. My husband started his job literally a month after he came so he got busy he had night time shifts too. Basically cut short no social life for us at all JUST AT HOME. After having baby i was at work after 2 months. We live with my parents as ita just been a year hes come so we need to settle down save to buy a house. My parents have always been supportive and supported me alot and still do they used to look after my first born when i would go to work spend way too much time with her and money i mean literally the unexpected too. With my second born aswell they do the same however the problem arises that my husband goes to work in the morning by the time he gets home i am not home i am at work both my daughters are with my mum alone when my dad is at work. My work shift is 12pm-8pm my mum looks after my kids from nappy to feed to bathing everything but when i come from work most of the times she has a sad face on and at times when guests are coming and if i am a little late in getting home she would have a go that i bloody am a nanny looking after ur kids cleaning and feeding ur husband too. If he is sleeping during the day after his night shift she moans about that too. She calls him so many wrong thing and mostly says negative stuff about him anyway. If he doesnt pick up the child when crying she has an issue . He feels sick when he sits st the back in the car so if my mum is going with us and she sits at the back on her own and just because he didnt offer her to sit at the front she would make a face which is obvious and would tell me he didn’t even say to me to sit at the front and then i have to take him on side and tell him to say it so she can sit at the front and then when he says it she goes are u sure meaning acts like she never said anything or minds that she sat at the back. (My husband doesnt drive I Drive)What’s frustrating that recently first time in my life me and my husband went out to watch movie on Saturday night late show after finishing off all the chores. We took our elder child out during the day well my husband did as i had to urgently go work so sent him alone with the child and the 6 month old one was at home with my mum. The issue is as we went out late night to watch movie my parents had moody reaction when we came home they make it so obvious and to be honest its not just this everytime me and my husband go out my mum has a face on when we get back and we have had various arguments over this because i say to her behind his back you say i should go out and spend time with him alone aswell sometimes and then when i go u taunt me that u left ur kids with me as if i am a nanny and get upset. When i take my kids with me too its the same scenario. Recently we went to watch movie on saturday then on Sunday evening we went out on a drive and had nandos i took both my kids with me we brought nandos home for them too and nobody ate it . They all were moody me and my brother had an argue over something and it hurt me and i cried my dad my mum both started swearing at me badly and cussed me so much infront of my husband literally for two hours non stop my husband does not get involved in our matters because he says u are their child i shouldnt interfere and im glad he didnt because if he did they would have cussed him soo much everytime something happens if i say he will hear it dont say it loud they go oh we are not f***** scared of him he can f*** off all the time my mum calls him an idiot all the time she goes u guys cannot do anything on ur own so you just cry and eat from us. What not even my husband was like wtf has happened the whole night i was crying my husband before sayijg anything first asked if i had said anything to which all this started and funny enough i had not said anything. My mum has a go at me infront of my husband all the time she orders me infront of him. Anyways they never ate the nandos we brought home nobody touched it my husband noted he notes everythingn i never say anything against my family to him because i know they have done alot but this behaviour is totally out of my understanding i am really confused. My husband and i dont get to spend much time together he comes from work 2pm he does night shifts and i come at 8pm sometimes 9 he wakes up we have dinner together and by 11pm we are in bed as he has to wake up at 3am. We only have weekends and when we go my family has issues. One weekend ingot fed up and said we wont go out now mum because you get upset if i go out with my husband. She made a big deal oh ur blaming me i have done so much chaned ur childrens nappy i am their nanny to look after and youre saying this all this emotional stuff then i had to calm thinga down. If we have argument and i dont want it obvious infront of my husband she tells him the arugment and whole detail and makes it obvious. Their reactions are so obvious to him. This week i said i wont go out with him they are now fine not even ocne they said go out however my mum is taking me out for her shopping and her things yesterday and i only got to go out for one hour. The whole day i was out for mums shopping and my 6 month baby was with my dad alone at home because my husband goes we need to take elder one out so i was going to drop them somewhere but mum was like lets take them with us so he helped us with lifting heavy shopping then after that aswell my mum was like drop him and the child to the place they want to go meaning she didn’t want me to go with them and expected me to go home now today mu mum is so unwell cannot even move but she needs to go out shopping for my sister stuff so shes takinng me and my children and husband will be sitting at home on yhe weekend but the weird thing is ahe doesn’t see a problem in this.if i leave husband home and go out to do my mums things she if fine even if she is ill i mean if i have to go and drop something to someone house my mum would want to go with me she wouldnt let me take my husband. I can never say positive things about my husband infront of anyone because my mum goes oh dont say this then in future if anything hapoens people will say u use to praise him before whay happened now. Even with arguments my mum says keep him on lock dont loose in an argument from him blah blah. I know men can change u cant trust them but i cant totally think negative about my husband in everything. Even today she is unwell but she has to go out for some stuff but my husband and kids are sitting at home with my dad and that’s fine evwn today my husband complained he goes there’s always something wrong on our weekend we dont even get to enjoy you are moody or something else happens. I mean i am just fed and confused of my life because two times that two first time in four years of our marriage we went to watch movie late and that too beverage in four yeara of marriage it was my husbands first birthday with me and the kids so i wanted it to be special but nobody let it be how i wanted it to be it broke my heart. My parents do alot for me and for my kids too they really do but i dont know how can i make them and my husband happy at the same time because my married life is being affected badly and i can sense it i am in a situation where i want to scream or either cry because my parents keep taunting oh you have disgraced us infront of your husband havent left any of our value infront of him whereas i dont say anything to him but my parents and specially my mums reactions are so obvious that I literally feel helpless. I just dont want to hurt anyone i want my parents to be happy as well as my husband and i dont want anything affecting my life overall.

  • #2
    Originally posted by Anumsheikh View Post
    Salam, hope you are all well. I really need help as i am under alot of stresa due to stuff happening at home. I am married and a mother of two i have been married for 4 years my first child is 3 years old and my second one is 6 months. I married from backhome and due to visa applying and issues my husband only came about a year ago to Europe after getting visa. All this time we have stayed apart just once a year i used to go back home and visit. We havent really had any couple time there at all as i would just spend time at home with in laws as i was there for a month only.Now that my husband is here we did not really have any enjoyment time as i was really unwell due to my second pregnancy. My husband started his job literally a month after he came so he got busy he had night time shifts too. Basically cut short no social life for us at all JUST AT HOME. After having baby i was at work after 2 months. We live with my parents as ita just been a year hes come so we need to settle down save to buy a house. My parents have always been supportive and supported me alot and still do they used to look after my first born when i would go to work spend way too much time with her and money i mean literally the unexpected too. With my second born aswell they do the same however the problem arises that my husband goes to work in the morning by the time he gets home i am not home i am at work both my daughters are with my mum alone when my dad is at work. My work shift is 12pm-8pm my mum looks after my kids from nappy to feed to bathing everything but when i come from work most of the times she has a sad face on and at times when guests are coming and if i am a little late in getting home she would have a go that i bloody am a nanny looking after ur kids cleaning and feeding ur husband too. If he is sleeping during the day after his night shift she moans about that too. She calls him so many wrong thing and mostly says negative stuff about him anyway. If he doesnt pick up the child when crying she has an issue . He feels sick when he sits st the back in the car so if my mum is going with us and she sits at the back on her own and just because he didnt offer her to sit at the front she would make a face which is obvious and would tell me he didn’t even say to me to sit at the front and then i have to take him on side and tell him to say it so she can sit at the front and then when he says it she goes are u sure meaning acts like she never said anything or minds that she sat at the back. (My husband doesnt drive I Drive)What’s frustrating that recently first time in my life me and my husband went out to watch movie on Saturday night late show after finishing off all the chores. We took our elder child out during the day well my husband did as i had to urgently go work so sent him alone with the child and the 6 month old one was at home with my mum. The issue is as we went out late night to watch movie my parents had moody reaction when we came home they make it so obvious and to be honest its not just this everytime me and my husband go out my mum has a face on when we get back and we have had various arguments over this because i say to her behind his back you say i should go out and spend time with him alone aswell sometimes and then when i go u taunt me that u left ur kids with me as if i am a nanny and get upset. When i take my kids with me too its the same scenario. Recently we went to watch movie on saturday then on Sunday evening we went out on a drive and had nandos i took both my kids with me we brought nandos home for them too and nobody ate it . They all were moody me and my brother had an argue over something and it hurt me and i cried my dad my mum both started swearing at me badly and cussed me so much infront of my husband literally for two hours non stop my husband does not get involved in our matters because he says u are their child i shouldnt interfere and im glad he didnt because if he did they would have cussed him soo much everytime something happens if i say he will hear it dont say it loud they go oh we are not f***** scared of him he can f*** off all the time my mum calls him an idiot all the time she goes u guys cannot do anything on ur own so you just cry and eat from us. What not even my husband was like wtf has happened the whole night i was crying my husband before sayijg anything first asked if i had said anything to which all this started and funny enough i had not said anything. My mum has a go at me infront of my husband all the time she orders me infront of him. Anyways they never ate the nandos we brought home nobody touched it my husband noted he notes everythingn i never say anything against my family to him because i know they have done alot but this behaviour is totally out of my understanding i am really confused. My husband and i dont get to spend much time together he comes from work 2pm he does night shifts and i come at 8pm sometimes 9 he wakes up we have dinner together and by 11pm we are in bed as he has to wake up at 3am. We only have weekends and when we go my family has issues. One weekend ingot fed up and said we wont go out now mum because you get upset if i go out with my husband. She made a big deal oh ur blaming me i have done so much chaned ur childrens nappy i am their nanny to look after and youre saying this all this emotional stuff then i had to calm thinga down. If we have argument and i dont want it obvious infront of my husband she tells him the arugment and whole detail and makes it obvious. Their reactions are so obvious to him. This week i said i wont go out with him they are now fine not even ocne they said go out however my mum is taking me out for her shopping and her things yesterday and i only got to go out for one hour. The whole day i was out for mums shopping and my 6 month baby was with my dad alone at home because my husband goes we need to take elder one out so i was going to drop them somewhere but mum was like lets take them with us so he helped us with lifting heavy shopping then after that aswell my mum was like drop him and the child to the place they want to go meaning she didn’t want me to go with them and expected me to go home now today mu mum is so unwell cannot even move but she needs to go out shopping for my sister stuff so shes takinng me and my children and husband will be sitting at home on yhe weekend but the weird thing is ahe doesn’t see a problem in this.if i leave husband home and go out to do my mums things she if fine even if she is ill i mean if i have to go and drop something to someone house my mum would want to go with me she wouldnt let me take my husband. I can never say positive things about my husband infront of anyone because my mum goes oh dont say this then in future if anything hapoens people will say u use to praise him before whay happened now. Even with arguments my mum says keep him on lock dont loose in an argument from him blah blah. I know men can change u cant trust them but i cant totally think negative about my husband in everything. Even today she is unwell but she has to go out for some stuff but my husband and kids are sitting at home with my dad and that’s fine evwn today my husband complained he goes there’s always something wrong on our weekend we dont even get to enjoy you are moody or something else happens. I mean i am just fed and confused of my life because two times that two first time in four years of our marriage we went to watch movie late and that too beverage in four yeara of marriage it was my husbands first birthday with me and the kids so i wanted it to be special but nobody let it be how i wanted it to be it broke my heart. My parents do alot for me and for my kids too they really do but i dont know how can i make them and my husband happy at the same time because my married life is being affected badly and i can sense it i am in a situation where i want to scream or either cry because my parents keep taunting oh you have disgraced us infront of your husband havent left any of our value infront of him whereas i dont say anything to him but my parents and specially my mums reactions are so obvious that I literally feel helpless. I just dont want to hurt anyone i want my parents to be happy as well as my husband and i dont want anything affecting my life overall.
    Can someone read this and simplify it for the rest of us? May Allah reward you.

    @OP please use paragraphs.

    Comment


    • #3
      I posted from my phone hence why not paragraphs il try to post it from my computer later on so it can be in much more order

      Comment


      • #4
        TLDR: OP lives with her parents.  She works opposite shifts to her husband.  He just arrived from back home last year after 4 years of marriage.  OP's parents give a lot of support (financial, practical, emotional, childcare) but are extremely rude too.

        OP this is one of the biggest reasons why I advise women not to marry from back home.  New visa requirements means that the woman undergoes a lot of hardship just to bring her husband into the country.  It's too late saying that to you now of course.... I would advise that you and your husband rent your own home.  If you are saving to buy then you will be there for years.  Whilst your parents are providing a lot of support, they are also causing you hardship.  Equally your little family are causing them hardship.  If you have the financial means to move nearby then do so ASAP.  Are your parents Muslim?  I find it so hard to believe that they would use language like that, may Allah guide us all.



         

        Comment


        • #5
          If you live in the UK, you should apply for a council flat or just move out immediately.

          It's a shame you didn't do this before. 

          If that's not possible, your husband should at least pay rent to your family. He is your guardian and if a man doesn't feel the responsibility now, he will always feel entitled to be fed by your family. 

          I have witnessed these, the hardworking ones are better.

          He is not feeling his role as husband (provider) and father. 

          It is unfair on your family, they have done their part. 

          It is upto you and your husband to raise your kids and ofcourse family is there in times of emergencies but I do think you are being quite ungrateful.

          Please put yourself in your mother's shoes. Have you run a household before? No. 

          She is old now and she needs a break. She has to serve her husband as well as yours. She is also mothering your children. Being a grandmother is one thing.

          Think about what it feels like to be treated like some machine while everyone comes back from work for the servant to continue doing their trash. Expected to look after everyone else's children without any appreciation at all. 

          How would you feel? 

          Keep the peace, move out, save the respect between your husband and your family.

           
          'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

          So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

          Comment


          • #6
            My parents will never ever take rent from me they are not one of those ones.

            Secondly i dont plan to go into council housing neither is council housing procedure an easy one.

            My husband is willing to pay my parents on their own want me to stay here so i dont ave to live on rent and can save up.

            The main issue is how to calm things down and deal with them. House chores i help my mum with the time I cannot do are only when i am at work.


            Point is if its weekend my mum gets upset if i go out with my husband and come back late but if i take my mum out and go with family its not a problem just my husband

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Anumsheikh View Post
              My parents will never ever take rent from me they are not one of those ones.

              Secondly i dont plan to go into council housing neither is council housing procedure an easy one.

              My husband is willing to pay my parents on their own want me to stay here so i dont ave to live on rent and can save up.

              The main issue is how to calm things down and deal with them. House chores i help my mum with the time I cannot do are only when i am at work.


              Point is if its weekend my mum gets upset if i go out with my husband and come back late but if i take my mum out and go with family its not a problem just my husband
              Surely the solution is to not go out and come back late?  Many couples do not get a chance to go out alone.  Or maybe you can pay a babysitter to look after your children and go out that way so that you are not burdening your mother.  In your shoes sister I would be much more concerned with the level of language your parents are using rather than going out.  Your children will be hearing this, it is a terrible example.  

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Anumsheikh View Post
                My parents will never ever take rent from me they are not one of those ones.

                Secondly i dont plan to go into council housing neither is council housing procedure an easy one.

                My husband is willing to pay my parents on their own want me to stay here so i dont ave to live on rent and can save up.

                The main issue is how to calm things down and deal with them. House chores i help my mum with the time I cannot do are only when i am at work.


                Point is if its weekend my mum gets upset if i go out with my husband and come back late but if i take my mum out and go with family its not a problem just my husband
                People delay things by saying social housing takes ages, if possible just apply and see. The years will add up. Five years down the line you will still be saying it's not easy and yet be living in a hostile environment with family.

                On that note, it isn't easy buying a house either. People of our generation have very little chance unless you are filthy rich.

                Have you done the calculations? How long are you planning on saving up? What will happen after you move into the house? Will your mum still look after your kids while both you and your husband are working to pay off the mortgage? Or will you have to borrow money from your family? 

                Also, if religion is important for you then you have to think about riba and halal mortgage- if there is such a thing.
                 

                'Those ones'? Parents that set their sons up to be responsible are doing a better job unlike some who aren't. 

                You are married now so your husband should pay your bills. It's a good thing, it helps people to be independent compared to those men that are spoon-fed all the time.



                These problems will continue to exist because you are still living with your parents.
                There is no opportunity for you to grow as a married woman. Unfortunately, parents don't understand and they will always see you as their child and scold you for anything they deem a mistake. 

                Another option is to cut down on your working hours so you can look after your children. 

                Don't go out with your husband alone, take both the kids with you. You are parents now so your husband should also understand this.

                That's a whole day you are out while your mum is babysitting. I think your brother is annoyed because he is probably thinking you lot are out all day enjoying yourselves while the mum is working her bottoms off. He is witnessing these things and it will only escalate. 

                I have looked after kids and it is hard work, especially when you have so many other jobs to do and then have unexpected guests arrive.

                If you don't change something it will get worse. Your family have already reached the boiling point and exploded with insults. 

                Do you want your husband to despise them too? He will lose the respect he has for them. 

                 
                'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Anumsheikh View Post
                  Salam, hope you are all well. I really need help as i am under alot of stresa due to stuff happening at home. I am married and a mother of two i have been married for 4 years my first child is 3 years old and my second one is 6 months. I married from backhome and due to visa applying and issues my husband only came about a year ago to Europe after getting visa. All this time we have stayed apart just once a year i used to go back home and visit. We havent really had any couple time there at all as i would just spend time at home with in laws as i was there for a month only.Now that my husband is here we did not really have any enjoyment time as i was really unwell due to my second pregnancy. My husband started his job literally a month after he came so he got busy he had night time shifts too. Basically cut short no social life for us at all JUST AT HOME. After having baby i was at work after 2 months. We live with my parents as ita just been a year hes come so we need to settle down save to buy a house. My parents have always been supportive and supported me alot and still do they used to look after my first born when i would go to work spend way too much time with her and money i mean literally the unexpected too. With my second born aswell they do the same however the problem arises that my husband goes to work in the morning by the time he gets home i am not home i am at work both my daughters are with my mum alone when my dad is at work. My work shift is 12pm-8pm my mum looks after my kids from nappy to feed to bathing everything but when i come from work most of the times she has a sad face on and at times when guests are coming and if i am a little late in getting home she would have a go that i bloody am a nanny looking after ur kids cleaning and feeding ur husband too. If he is sleeping during the day after his night shift she moans about that too. She calls him so many wrong thing and mostly says negative stuff about him anyway. If he doesnt pick up the child when crying she has an issue . He feels sick when he sits st the back in the car so if my mum is going with us and she sits at the back on her own and just because he didnt offer her to sit at the front she would make a face which is obvious and would tell me he didn’t even say to me to sit at the front and then i have to take him on side and tell him to say it so she can sit at the front and then when he says it she goes are u sure meaning acts like she never said anything or minds that she sat at the back. (My husband doesnt drive I Drive)What’s frustrating that recently first time in my life me and my husband went out to watch movie on Saturday night late show after finishing off all the chores. We took our elder child out during the day well my husband did as i had to urgently go work so sent him alone with the child and the 6 month old one was at home with my mum. The issue is as we went out late night to watch movie my parents had moody reaction when we came home they make it so obvious and to be honest its not just this everytime me and my husband go out my mum has a face on when we get back and we have had various arguments over this because i say to her behind his back you say i should go out and spend time with him alone aswell sometimes and then when i go u taunt me that u left ur kids with me as if i am a nanny and get upset. When i take my kids with me too its the same scenario. Recently we went to watch movie on saturday then on Sunday evening we went out on a drive and had nandos i took both my kids with me we brought nandos home for them too and nobody ate it . They all were moody me and my brother had an argue over something and it hurt me and i cried my dad my mum both started swearing at me badly and cussed me so much infront of my husband literally for two hours non stop my husband does not get involved in our matters because he says u are their child i shouldnt interfere and im glad he didnt because if he did they would have cussed him soo much everytime something happens if i say he will hear it dont say it loud they go oh we are not f***** scared of him he can f*** off all the time my mum calls him an idiot all the time she goes u guys cannot do anything on ur own so you just cry and eat from us. What not even my husband was like wtf has happened the whole night i was crying my husband before sayijg anything first asked if i had said anything to which all this started and funny enough i had not said anything. My mum has a go at me infront of my husband all the time she orders me infront of him. Anyways they never ate the nandos we brought home nobody touched it my husband noted he notes everythingn i never say anything against my family to him because i know they have done alot but this behaviour is totally out of my understanding i am really confused. My husband and i dont get to spend much time together he comes from work 2pm he does night shifts and i come at 8pm sometimes 9 he wakes up we have dinner together and by 11pm we are in bed as he has to wake up at 3am. We only have weekends and when we go my family has issues. One weekend ingot fed up and said we wont go out now mum because you get upset if i go out with my husband. She made a big deal oh ur blaming me i have done so much chaned ur childrens nappy i am their nanny to look after and youre saying this all this emotional stuff then i had to calm thinga down. If we have argument and i dont want it obvious infront of my husband she tells him the arugment and whole detail and makes it obvious. Their reactions are so obvious to him. This week i said i wont go out with him they are now fine not even ocne they said go out however my mum is taking me out for her shopping and her things yesterday and i only got to go out for one hour. The whole day i was out for mums shopping and my 6 month baby was with my dad alone at home because my husband goes we need to take elder one out so i was going to drop them somewhere but mum was like lets take them with us so he helped us with lifting heavy shopping then after that aswell my mum was like drop him and the child to the place they want to go meaning she didn’t want me to go with them and expected me to go home now today mu mum is so unwell cannot even move but she needs to go out shopping for my sister stuff so shes takinng me and my children and husband will be sitting at home on yhe weekend but the weird thing is ahe doesn’t see a problem in this.if i leave husband home and go out to do my mums things she if fine even if she is ill i mean if i have to go and drop something to someone house my mum would want to go with me she wouldnt let me take my husband. I can never say positive things about my husband infront of anyone because my mum goes oh dont say this then in future if anything hapoens people will say u use to praise him before whay happened now. Even with arguments my mum says keep him on lock dont loose in an argument from him blah blah. I know men can change u cant trust them but i cant totally think negative about my husband in everything. Even today she is unwell but she has to go out for some stuff but my husband and kids are sitting at home with my dad and that’s fine evwn today my husband complained he goes there’s always something wrong on our weekend we dont even get to enjoy you are moody or something else happens. I mean i am just fed and confused of my life because two times that two first time in four years of our marriage we went to watch movie late and that too beverage in four yeara of marriage it was my husbands first birthday with me and the kids so i wanted it to be special but nobody let it be how i wanted it to be it broke my heart. My parents do alot for me and for my kids too they really do but i dont know how can i make them and my husband happy at the same time because my married life is being affected badly and i can sense it i am in a situation where i want to scream or either cry because my parents keep taunting oh you have disgraced us infront of your husband havent left any of our value infront of him whereas i dont say anything to him but my parents and specially my mums reactions are so obvious that I literally feel helpless. I just dont want to hurt anyone i want my parents to be happy as well as my husband and i dont want anything affecting my life overall.

                  You and your husband need your own space. If he can pay rent to your parents then why not just rent somewhere and as your children are still small you can get a small place to rent. You also work so you can also help out. The other alternative is to apply for council housing. You have two children so that should be in your favour.

                  Your children are your and your husbands responsibility and you are putting a burden on your mum. If you really need to work try to find work that does not finish at 8pm. Both you and your husband need to get your priorities right. Your children don't need to be growing up in a household where family members display toxic behaviour to each other. Also how much time do you as a mother get to spend with your children if you work 12-8pm and then also have to go in if called in an emergency?

                  To be honest I think you are being unfair to your mother. She probably has her usual household chores as well as having to look after two small children.

                  Not saying that you should not spend time together with your husband but you are both parents so children should come first rather than going to watch movies late at night.

                  Your marriage is getting affected, that should be a warning sign and it will damage the relationship between you and your husband. I am suprised at what your husband said about you being their child when they were insulting you. He should have stood up for you. Your mum is also interferring in your marriage telling you how to treat your husband.

                  You need to be realistic and think how many years will it take to save up to buy a place and is it worth the headache that you all are experiencing. Your parents are not going to get any younger so as they age they have can become less patient and sometimes get annoyed/angry easily. Please think about your children and how the living arrangements are affecting them.


                   
                  Last edited by Mintchocchip; 04-11-19, 12:50 AM.

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                  • #10
                    I agree with the users above . Your mother is over burdened and overwhelmed with the care of 2 young children, your husband, the household + her own family. She has a right to be frustrated and angry as her position is no more than that of a glorified slave.

                    If you're unable to take care of your own children, why did you bring them into this world ? They're not your mother's responsibility. Parenting is very challenging and it isn't her age to be changing nappies, feeding and clothing them and running behind them. You're doing great zulm upon her. It's alright if you leave your kids with her if you want to go somewhere for a few hours during weekends, but definitely not for this many hours everyday.

                    Where's the wisdom in saving for a better future while you're enduring a miserable present ? It's time you and your husband sat down and discussed what you want to do in life. First of all, set your priorities in order. Thousands of couples have survived without having their own home, it's not essential to own one.

                    Secondly, move out of your parents' home asap and rent a place of your own. Even if it seems convenient, it's not appropriate to live with your parents after marriage. It's obvious that your husband and kids are a burden to them.

                    It's your husband's responsibility to provide for you and your kids. You shouldn't be out there working your backside off. Let him work overtime or get 2 jobs instead of one in order to make ends meet. It's the price all back home men pay for marrying in the West. They have to struggle for a while. There's no need to hand him everything on a silver platter.

                    Meanwhile, you should quit your job until your kids are a little bit older (school going age) and stay home and raise them well instead of dumping their responsibility on your poor mother. Believe me, your children need your love and presence more than your money at this stage.

                    I understand you must be stressed and feel the need to vent, but sister you must bring about drastic lifestyle changes if you want to be happy.





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                    • #11
                      Move out. Move out. Move out.       
                      And don't get your mum to babysit anymore. Find a different source of childcare or give up your work so you can look after your kids at home.

                      I hope this helps.

                      Walaikum salaams

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                      • #12
                        I don't know what else your parents were expecting when they married you off to this man from "back home"? Everything that has transpired, they have brought it on themselves. Did they think Allah was going to send gold from the sky to look after your kids and husband? Did they not expect that by marrying you to this man, that you would be living with them? I can understand why you are confused.

                        I understand you want to make a better life for your kids, and not sit at home claiming every social security benefit under the sun, which tax payers already point the finger at muslims for. How many muslims are getting the rest of us to pay their housing and living costs while at the same time they work full time aswell? Maybe speak to someone who knows all the tricks to help you out LOL. It's clear you cannot continue living like this.

                        I suggest you have a clear the air talk with your parents, if that's even possible with them exhibiting such behaviour. Tell them you will have no option but to leave if it goes on like this. Personally i think
                        It is clear that they want you out, but because they put you in the situation to begin with they can't actually say it. As mentioned look at council housing or renting or buy a small place in a cheaper area and build from there. Get advice from those who know they systems, both benefits and property but do something to fix the situation. Once your out I'm sure the relationship with your parents will improve.
                        Spears shall be shaken! Shields shall be splintered! a sword day..a red day..ere the sun rises! Ride now! Ride now! Ride! Ride to ruin, and the worlds ending!

                        None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.

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