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    I will soon get engaged to my cousin and I would like to know what are the limits to not exceed with her at the level of the communication before the engagement and before the marriage Thanks


  • #2
    You can communicate with her as much as you like..
    Just make sure that there is somebody not far away while doing so.

    I personally feel that it is best to avoid phones and keep texts brief, particularly before you are actually engaged.

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    • #3

      Personally I say it's better that 2 unmarried people do not have any free-ness in being able to communicate with each other. Rather be in public or with/through family involvement. I would say no to unmarried people having each other's contact details [number/email]. If contact numbers/details need to be exchanged then man to take her father's/brother's number, and woman to take his mum's/sister's contact. Or man/woman to take the family house landline number if they need it, otherwise communicate in person with family around.

      Unmarried people don't need/should not have privacy privacy. Shaytan will happily be the 3rd between them. Also if they both are on the verge of marriage, they might let their guard down and allow themselves to be relaxed in speech/mess about, thinking they're "almost married anyway" which is unsafe. I say better to be safe and start marriage on a beautifully clean and blessed slate and state.

      As she's your cousin, it shouldn't be difficult to communicate through your family/uncle/aunt if there is a need to, in sha Allah.
      If by "engagement" you don't mean getting the Nikah ceremony done, then still keep your distance after the engagement until the Nikah is done.

      Basically keep your distance/don't be in privacy/don't let your guard down until the Nikah is done.

      May Allah keep you both safe and bless the marriage abundantly, ameen.

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      • #4
        Engagements don't really mean anything.

        Nikaah is what makes communication between two people halaal.

        There's a lot of haraam that takes place, under the guise of being "engaged".

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Indefinable View Post
          Engagements don't really mean anything.

          Nikaah is what makes communication between two people halaal.

          There's a lot of haraam that takes place, under the guise of being "engaged".
          I know what you mean. It's better to communicate by actual meeting through family.
          It is not haraam to talk freely with your "partner to be" face-to-face.

          In fact, it's not haaram to communicate by phone .. but it is better to avoid it socially, in case satan interferes.
          Last edited by isa_muhammad; 13-08-19, 08:05 PM.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by isa_muhammad View Post

            I know what you mean. It's better to communicate by actual meeting through family.
            It is not haraam to talk freely with your "partner to be" face-to-face.

            In fact, it's not haaram to communicate by phone .. but it is better to avoid it socially, in case satan interferes.
            It is as halal/haraam as it was before you got engaged. Nothing changes in regards to what is permissible between them with engagement. They both are still non-mahram to each other and must treat each other the same way they treat any non-mahram. There is no fiance status in Islam.

            "And behold! ye come to us bare and alone as We created you for the first time: ye have left behind you all which We bestowed on you..." - Al-An'am:94

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            • #7
              Originally posted by notEVOLVED View Post
              ..There is no fiance status in Islam.
              Again, I know what you mean .. but that is a bit simplistic, isn't it?

              If a couple is engaged to be married, it means that they have both agreed to get married.
              i.e. they both have the intention to be a couple blessed by Allah SWT

              If that is not the case [ perhaps it has been arranged for them etc. ], then that needs to be addressed.

              ..but yes, they are still non-mahram to each other. They can, however, meet as often as they like .. but should not be alone until after the nikah.
              Furthermore, it is not desirable to have long periods of engagement. The nikah should not be unduly delayed .. one can always delay the walimah if necessary

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              • #8
                ^ That is also how I understand it. If they want to get married, that's the engagement phase. They are still strangers according to sharia, but the difference is, that no third party can approach the girl until/if she cancels the engagement ..

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