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Playing matchmaker for friends/relatives

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  • Playing matchmaker for friends/relatives

    Usually when I meet a person and I find them decent my first instinct is always this person and that one would be great together.

    Unfortunately, I have never played a matchmaker. I have always had my own reservation about it. My thinking has been what if it goes wrong, you'd get a share of the blame.

    Now I have gotten to know of this brother, young, hafidh, very responsible and I want him for my little sister. They'd make a good couple. I was even thinking of talking to his sister. I spoke to my sister she laughed it off. I don't know if I'll go through with it. Time will tell.

    Question have you ever played a matchmaker? How do you feel about it?

    In my opinion, If such marriages work it makes a great story and if not, it really sucks. You wish you never got involved.
    '' WE LIVE IN AN INTERESTING TIME, WHERE THE 'ILM (KNOWLEDGE) OF A PERSON IS JUDGED BY HOW FAMOUS THE PERSON IS.''


    - IMAM ANWAR AL 'AWLAQI.

  • #2
    Yes, but I am not social enough to branch out and help others in that way. It does sound rewarding though, if the marriage goes successfully. I have tried to match-make for my cousin a few times lol.
    وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

    And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


    أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

    Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


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    • #3
      Originally posted by LailaTheMuslim View Post
      Yes, but I am not social enough to branch out and help others in that way. It does sound rewarding though, if the marriage goes successfully. I have tried to match-make for my cousin a few times lol.
      Lol how did it end up? I won't say I'm social either but really working on that.
      '' WE LIVE IN AN INTERESTING TIME, WHERE THE 'ILM (KNOWLEDGE) OF A PERSON IS JUDGED BY HOW FAMOUS THE PERSON IS.''


      - IMAM ANWAR AL 'AWLAQI.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Silent being View Post

        Lol how did it end up? I won't say I'm social either but really working on that.
        She immediately rejected my suggestion, I was a bit disappointed as I was quite hopeful for the match lol
        وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

        And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


        أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

        Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


        Please take a look at my travel booking website : https://destinationfindertravel.com/

        Please take a look at my blog : http://thinkingmuslima.blogspot.co.uk/

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by LailaTheMuslim View Post

          She immediately rejected my suggestion, I was a bit disappointed as I was quite hopeful for the match lol
          Too bad. A for effort though for trying.
          '' WE LIVE IN AN INTERESTING TIME, WHERE THE 'ILM (KNOWLEDGE) OF A PERSON IS JUDGED BY HOW FAMOUS THE PERSON IS.''


          - IMAM ANWAR AL 'AWLAQI.

          Comment


          • #6
            If the marriage doesn't work out they can only attempt to blame you if you had exaggerated or lied about the person you recommended to them. Or if you hid their faults or pressured them to marry that particular person while they didn't want to.

            So many people have ulterior motives when it comes to getting people married. Especially back home marriages or when everyone's family is involved.

            I think we should help each other out when it comes to marriage. Then we should protect ourselves by letting everyone know that our job was just to recommend and bring two people together for a meeting. The details should be worked out by them and they should do thorough checks on each other and all their wants and needs laid out.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Abu Abdur_Rahman View Post
              If the marriage doesn't work out they can only attempt to blame you if you had exaggerated or lied about the person you recommended to them. Or if you hid their faults or pressured them to marry that particular person while they didn't want to.

              So many people have ulterior motives when it comes to getting people married. Especially back home marriages or when everyone's family is involved.

              I think we should help each other out when it comes to marriage. Then we should protect ourselves by letting everyone know that our job was just to recommend and bring two people together for a meeting. The details should be worked out by them and they should do thorough checks on each other and all their wants and needs laid out.
              Gee, why do you have to be this sensible. You just put an end to my thread. You said everything needed to be said others won't have points left to contribute to the matter.

              I totally agree. JazakAllah khayr.
              '' WE LIVE IN AN INTERESTING TIME, WHERE THE 'ILM (KNOWLEDGE) OF A PERSON IS JUDGED BY HOW FAMOUS THE PERSON IS.''


              - IMAM ANWAR AL 'AWLAQI.

              Comment


              • #8
                Its very annoying and frustrating when people dont want to help you due to their fear of you blaming them if something goes wrong. I understand why they think this but, to say no and not help people in a situation like this can be very bad and in some cases it could have serious consequences. Especially for young muslims who are eager to get married. Furthermore, if you help someone then on the day of judgement Allah will help you.

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                • #9
                  May Allah reward you. At least you have an intention to help out

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    OP - Are you married ?

                    I would never trust a single sister trying to set me up with a guy she "thinks" is good for me . If he's so great, why don't you marry him yourself ? Exception is if she's looking for her real brother.

                    ​​​This isn't aimed at you, but many single people, while matchmaking, think that xyz would be a great match for abc, while they themselves live in the delusion that they deserve and will find someone better.

                    Hence, most people only take matchmaking suggestions of married people seriously.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
                      May Allah reward you. At least you have an intention to help out
                      Interesting.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by ~TwinklingStar~ View Post
                        OP - Are you married ?

                        I would never trust a single sister trying to set me up with a guy she "thinks" is good for me . If he's so great, why don't you marry him yourself ? Exception is if she's looking for her real brother.

                        ​​​This isn't aimed at you, but many single people, while matchmaking, think that xyz would be a great match for abc, while they themselves live in the delusion that they deserve and will find someone better.

                        Hence, most people only take matchmaking suggestions of married people seriously.
                        Lol I'm not married. Yeah I understand what you are saying. By all means I would have married him myself, haha I don't know how would have proposed though, don't think I have the guts. The thing is he's in his early twenties while I'm in my mid. Way older. He is too good, (of course only Allah knows the heart) but such brother I would want for him to slip by.

                        How do I know about the brother? I have lived with the family for a period of time when I moved to their city, kind a related to them through marriage, so yeah and everybody speaks good of him. It was a great family. It was pleasant staying with them. I loved how they were grounded in Deen. Definitely, I would want that for my sister. I know she would do the same for me; want good for me. If they don't get on together no harm done at least I have tried.

                        I wanted to add at times you get to meet a brother who is good but he has something which stands as an obstacle to you taking that chance. It's not that we are awaiting a prince charming more of we are not appropriate for each other but you can always refer that person to those others you know who can you utilize that chance.

                        I remember of this scenario when was back in uni where my Sudanese friend got a proposal from a Nigerian brother she would have gone on with it, accepted it, however, she knew her family would never allow her to marry from other races. It would be so much of a hassle to even convince her father, she introduced one of her friend(Nigerian) to the brother and they ended up getting married. The brother was reasonable, he did not take offense when she explained why it would not work out.
                        Last edited by Silent being; 31-07-19, 11:33 AM.
                        '' WE LIVE IN AN INTERESTING TIME, WHERE THE 'ILM (KNOWLEDGE) OF A PERSON IS JUDGED BY HOW FAMOUS THE PERSON IS.''


                        - IMAM ANWAR AL 'AWLAQI.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Sister, i am dissapointed. Is this the interesting marriage topics you were talking about? :(
                          You can do better sis.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Farah. A View Post
                            Sister, i am dissapointed. Is this the interesting marriage topics you were talking about? :(
                            You can do better sis.


                            Help me out. I'm eagerly trying to get something, create a drama but i'm failing miserably. You have any interesting topics?

                            I need to get a life.
                            '' WE LIVE IN AN INTERESTING TIME, WHERE THE 'ILM (KNOWLEDGE) OF A PERSON IS JUDGED BY HOW FAMOUS THE PERSON IS.''


                            - IMAM ANWAR AL 'AWLAQI.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Silent being View Post



                              Help me out. I'm eagerly trying to get something, create a drama but i'm failing miserably. You have any interesting topics?

                              I need to get a life.
                              Lo. No, I no longer post in the marriage section.
                              we appreciate your try lol

                              Comment

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