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  • advice please

    Asalamoalaikum


    I have been married for a few months completely arranged, i think my husband married me thinking iam from a rich family, iam not iam still a student in my late twenties and dont have a job yet although still looking, this seems to be really annoying them me not contributing financially and just being more domestic/simple in some aspects. anyway i feel their are rude to me, dont take my love for them seriously and generally seem very content without me. when we are not together i dont see any desire to connect either from their side. they feel like their are parenting me which i find to be very insulting.


    I know nothing in the world can put love in their heart for me unless Allah wants it. Is it permissible to ask Allah for them to love me. I am not stupid altho a little immature i am 100% sure my feelings for them are real and genuine and my love is true , to see someone mock it and treat me like i am just a basic idiot is very hurtful. i have decided to stop talking to them but will Allah put love in their heart if i ask Allah?

    i cant live without love and i cant live in a relationship where my husband is rude to me and belittles my genuine feelings and my worth because i am old and have not achieved what most people my age have and iam not as progressive cant help in expenses etc basically i am by society standards a loser as i am in my late twenties without a job and still studying a second degree. i dont think in reality we are that different we both want to build a life like most people , i just have not been very lucky with my job search where as they have been . i would not say this was a mismatch in a practical sense. i think they are just rude and a little up themselves.

    in a relationship where your partner is rude towards you treats you with little to no respect i dont see how this will flourish, iam also currently expecting our first child. further, this easily comes under verbal/emotional abuse . basically they think they are better than me and iam not worth them.

    please advice

    jazakAllah khayr
    Last edited by auser; 25-07-19, 02:48 AM.

  • #2
    As a wife its your islamic marital right not to work so you do not need to provide that is his job. You can stay at home and not work he has to provide or he is sinful.

    Asking Allah to place love between spouses is permissable and good to do as and talked about in quran.

    Allah SWT said:

    وَمِنْ ءَايٰتِهِۦٓ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِّنْ أَنْفُسِكُمْ أَزْوٰجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوٓا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً  ۚ إِنَّ فِى ذٰلِكَ لَءَايٰتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
    "And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought."
    (QS. Ar-Room 30: Verse 21)

    When it comes to duaa you should have yaqeen (certainty in faith) that it will be accepted. At the same time if Allah wills something better for you it maybe he gives you something even better in this dunya or in akhira or both. But make duaa, believe in it and in sha Allah it will be accepted.

    Not talking will only lead to more problems instead speak to your spouse. Explain your worries and why you are upset and try to explain how you want things to be in the marriage.
    Last edited by Abu julaybeeb; 25-07-19, 03:16 AM.

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    • #3
      Why is he waiting for you to contribute financially !
      this is his role not yours. He has to provide for you and your children in the future in shaa Allah.

      you should have given yourself time to know him before you got married. He seems to be very shallow. You still can fix things tho. Talk to him and keep making dua.

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      • #4
        Feels like I've read this story from sisters on here a thousand times

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Farah. A View Post
          Why is he waiting for you to contribute financially !
          this is his role not yours. He has to provide for you and your children in the future in shaa Allah.

          you should have given yourself time to know him before you got married. He seems to be very shallow. You still can fix things tho. Talk to him and keep making dua.
          no point saying you should have

          its done now

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

            no point saying you should have

            its done now
            That's why i said she can still fix things. If not, better not to have a child with him.

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            • #7
              Wa alaykum as-salam

              Perhaps they don't want you to contribute financially but they want you to have a position because of "status". And by "they" I assume you mean your in-laws and that you live with them. This in and of itself can be a major problem and can cause a family to separate and break apart.

              In any case, what you described and the goals you both seem to have for yourselves and the goals your in laws have for you go against Islamic teaching. The wife is not told to go out of the home and work in order to contribute financially or for any other reason.

              These are things you should have discussed before the marriage. They assumed the wrong things about you and you probably had your own assumptions about how they will be.

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              • #8
                Another should have

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                • #9
                  so it doesnot read like there is a lack of love in general? if he was truly in love would he be different or is he the personality type that he would only love someone who has the material things he desires?

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Farah. A View Post
                    Another should hav e
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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by auser View Post
                      so it doesnot read like there is a lack of love in general? if he was truly in love would he be different or is he the personality type that he would only love someone who has the material things he desires?
                      Love is what Allah puts in the heart of a husband or wife or both for each other.

                      A person does not have to "love" his or her spouse to treat them justly and fairly.

                      Please watch this lecture as it is highly beneficial. It will teach you the correct meaning of love in Islam and also give you other good advice related to your situation:

                       

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                      • #12
                        Yes I remember

                        You ended up marrying this person

                        Your husband is educated but behaves like he has no common sense.

                        These are the type of people that have ruined the meaning of a degree lol it's laughable

                        Don't allow him to make you feel worthless

                        He needs to go back to kindergarten and learn from kids there.

                        He doesn't respect you. He is a loser sister.

                        He needs to change, I understand the desperation and the stigma attached to your age.

                        I think you need to stop believing in what they say. You should have faith in yourself and although it can be overwhelming, don't give them permission to push you around.


                        They are not better than you. They are a joke, anyone would laugh at them because the fools married you thinking you are rich!

                        Gross lol

                        Seriously, you are better than them. Just laugh at their dumb remarks


                        Don't give a penny.

                        Make dua that this 'man' changes for a better

                        ​​​​​​Talking to something like that will probably fall on deaf ears but you may try when he seems half normal

                        'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                        So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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