Ads by Muslim Ad Network

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Younger sister wants to get engaged/married next year after finishing University

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Younger sister wants to get engaged/married next year after finishing University

    Salaam all,

    First of all I know some people will bash me when they see my posts on here and has been closed, however they were all genuine concenrs/thoughts I had but I guess people think differently.

    So I am the eldest, I have gone past 30 years and not married due to personal circumstances, so sister told me there is a guy that she likes and vice versa but haven't told each other they like each other. They are going into their final year of uni and both do same degree at uni.

    So I am aware parents will start to look for her after finishing uni, so she will be 22 by then, sister told me she wants it too happen next year, but parents don't know, my younger brother knew about all of this.

    So if this was too happen, what will aunts/uncles etc say or think about me as a person, not married as being the oldest and my other younger siblings are married.

    To me I don't have any issues but parents want me married off in next few years but who knows if it will ever happen.

    Now parents want to do up the house next year but sister wants to get married so unsure how that will turn out to be.

    That is my two cents.

  • #2
    I see some good, as you would look like a man of chastity

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Muslim-Guy View Post
      ... what will aunts/uncles etc say or think about me as a person, not married as being the oldest and my other younger siblings are married...
      We don't know your aunts or uncles so we can't answer that question.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Muslim-Guy View Post
        Salaam all,

        First of all I know some people will bash me when they see my posts on here and has been closed, however they were all genuine concenrs/thoughts I had but I guess people think differently.

        So I am the eldest, I have gone past 30 years and not married due to personal circumstances, so sister told me there is a guy that she likes and vice versa but haven't told each other they like each other. They are going into their final year of uni and both do same degree at uni.

        So I am aware parents will start to look for her after finishing uni, so she will be 22 by then, sister told me she wants it too happen next year, but parents don't know, my younger brother knew about all of this.

        So if this was too happen, what will aunts/uncles etc say or think about me as a person, not married as being the oldest and my other younger siblings are married.

        To me I don't have any issues but parents want me married off in next few years but who knows if it will ever happen.

        Now parents want to do up the house next year but sister wants to get married so unsure how that will turn out to be.

        That is my two cents.
        Honestly, brother, not really possible for anyone to answer such a thing not knowing your family, their background, mindset.

        I'm guessing there'll be some negativity, they might suspect certain things wrongly if they're the typical gossipy Asian extended family.

        Allahu a'lam. It's quite an unusual thing to be asking on here, if you don't mind me saying.
        LAA ILAAHA ILLALLAAH
        -------------------------------------

        ​​​​​NOTE: Please kindly avoid 'liking' my posts (Jazaa'akumullah khair)

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Plinchun View Post
          I see some good, as you would look like a man of chastity
          Lol. Chastity doesn't mean celibacy.

          There's nothing admirable about OP's choices in life.

          ​​​

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Muslim-Guy View Post
            ...
            Why don't you just be happy for your sister instead of being so concerned about your image?

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Fakhri-bin-Ali View Post

              Honestly, brother, not really possible for anyone to answer such a thing not knowing your family, their background, mindset.

              I'm guessing there'll be some negativity, they might suspect certain things wrongly if they're the typical gossipy Asian extended family.

              Allahu a'lam. It's quite an unusual thing to be asking on here, if you don't mind me saying.
              I understand that and it's unusual really as most of my male cousins were married by mid 20's and stretching to late 20's around 28 years of age, but there are female cousins that are in their 30s who are not married as they want to continue with their education.

              My family is just me, parents, brother (his wife and baby) they are moving out in a month or so into a new house, and sister going into 3rd year Inshallah.

              Their mindset has changed but they have told me I will/look to find someone in the next 3 or so years, so perhaps once sister finished uni, once she is married and once everything is done then they will start to look, but I know to even look for someone can take couple years or so.

              I am not the type of person to get too excited about marriage, but my aunts/uncles, all from my dads side keep asking when my time will be, I tell them when it happens. I haven't looked for about 5 or 6 years and I am now 31.

              There is no other place I can ask as I have been using this for many years, and just need opinions really on such things.

              But my sister in law, her parents got married in their early 40's and her dad told me don't leave it to late like we did, and now they are in their 70's and have health problems.

              But looking at it at another way, my parents are in mid 50's, there is only me and sister (she is mostly out seeing friends, enjoying her self) I come home from work, I do house hold things when I can so t hey don't need to, they have their own health problems.

              I know it would be nice for mum to a daughter in law to cook with, talk to etc, but deep down I think I will struggle with marriage for many reasons.

              My aunts/uncles do have opinions of us I am sure of that but everyone is busy with their own lives.

              All of the above is in the back of my mind and I worry sometimes, but Allah knows best.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post

                Lol. Chastity doesn't mean celibacy.

                There's nothing admirable about OP's choices in life.

                ​​​
                Define "OP's choices in life"?

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post

                  Why don't you just be happy for your sister instead of being so concerned about your image?
                  I am not saying that, I am happy for when she gets married but questions from cousins, extended family will raise questions to my parents why I am not married and other younger siblings are married.

                  I am probably an embarrassment to my parents in all honesty (But that is for another day)

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Muslim-Guy View Post

                    Define "OP's choices in life"?
                    Not getting married.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Muslim-Guy View Post

                      I am not saying that, I am happy for when she gets married but questions from cousins, extended family will raise questions to my parents why I am not married and other younger siblings are married.

                      I am probably an embarrassment to my parents in all honesty (But that is for another day)
                      You're too concerned about what others think.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Muslim-Guy View Post
                        Salaam all,

                        First of all I know some people will bash me when they see my posts on here and has been closed, however they were all genuine concenrs/thoughts I had but I guess people think differently.

                        So I am the eldest, I have gone past 30 years and not married due to personal circumstances, so sister told me there is a guy that she likes and vice versa but haven't told each other they like each other. They are going into their final year of uni and both do same degree at uni.

                        So I am aware parents will start to look for her after finishing uni, so she will be 22 by then, sister told me she wants it too happen next year, but parents don't know, my younger brother knew about all of this.

                        So if this was too happen, what will aunts/uncles etc say or think about me as a person, not married as being the oldest and my other younger siblings are married.

                        To me I don't have any issues but parents want me married off in next few years but who knows if it will ever happen.

                        Now parents want to do up the house next year but sister wants to get married so unsure how that will turn out to be.

                        That is my two cents.





                        what's wrong with getting your siblings married before you?
                        If that's the case you should have got married before them,you are concerned about what people will talk about you?
                        well guess what brother.....no matter what you do people WILL talk.Get them married asap,atleast they made it public and want to make it halal.
                        NO RACISM

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Wa'alaykumasalaam

                          Don't worry man, let the people talk. Maybe you can snipe some of their good deeds.

                          I get why it would worry you because most of us wouldn't like the community yapping behind our backs either. But allow it, it's something out of your control.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Just jahl

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Muslim-Guy View Post

                              I am not saying that, I am happy for when she gets married but questions from cousins, extended family will raise questions to my parents why I am not married and other younger siblings are married.

                              I am probably an embarrassment to my parents in all honesty (But that is for another day)
                              i know it can be hard to be surrounded with suspicion and criticism but try not to stress too much.

                              You don't want companionship so don't let others pressurise you.

                              Tell them you will marry when it is decreed for you.

                              You are not an embarassment to your family. Stop putting yourself down like that.

                              ​​​​​​You're doing all the work and you care about your parents so much that you are willing to marry for them.

                              Don't make that mistake though because it will end badly. Marriage is a blessing, and the best of you are those who are the best to their wives.

                              Also, your siblings should be serving their elderly parents too.

                              Your sister is able, she will definitely regret not serving them now. There is no point of crying for one's parents when they pass away if the child didn't even fulfil the obligation towards them when the parents were alive.

                              There are disabled children out there that would do anything to be in good shape in order to serve their parents.

                              It could be anything, big or small, cleaning the house, offering a glass of water, making tea, the list is endless.

                              Your other brother is a father now, he will understand what it is like to raise a child. It is not easy.

                              ​​​​​​Don't expect anything from your wife, especially when your own blood is too busy having fun with friends. SMH.

                              Marriage is about companionship. You must have the right intentions for it.

                              If you want a carer, you should hire one.

                              Or discuss this amongst your siblings and take up part time roles to look after your parents in Sha Allah.

                              'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                              So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X