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Would you re marry your ex husband / ex wife?

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  • Would you re marry your ex husband / ex wife?

    Assalamu alaykum

    if you got divorced due to incompatibility & had quite a toxic marriage but your ex partner wants to re marry you, would you go back knowing that they would never make you happy and youíd be miserable forever or would you stay single? Letís say you have had quite a few proposals after your divorce but youíve witnessed behaviour that doesnít want to make you re marry another person.

    the reason for saying that you would be miserable forever, is that the husband has said he will never change and this is the way he is. A lot of the marriage problems were due to his character

    the reason for contemplating going back to a Ďtoxicí marriage is having ZERO friends and family support, not having practising family etc so at least youíd get that practising family unit back.¬†

    any thoughts? 
    https://islamicgemsandpearls.wordpress.com

  • #2
    Originally posted by Layla_ View Post
    Assalamu alaykum

    if you got divorced due to incompatibility & had quite a toxic marriage but your ex partner wants to re marry you, would you go back knowing that they would never make you happy and youíd be miserable forever or would you stay single? Letís say you have had quite a few proposals after your divorce but youíve witnessed behaviour that doesnít want to make you re marry another person.

    the reason for saying that you would be miserable forever, is that the husband has said he will never change and this is the way he is. A lot of the marriage problems were due to his character

    the reason for contemplating going back to a Ďtoxicí marriage is having ZERO friends and family support, not having practising family etc so at least youíd get that practising family unit back.¬*

    any thoughts?¬*
    Walaikum Salam.
    If you are a 100 % sure that it is the least worse of the available options then our deen does teach taking the lesser of two evils. At some level, there is a concept of compromise, living with reality and pragmatism in Islam. If you were to read various tafaseer of


    وَإِنِ امْرَأَةٌ خَافَتْ مِن بَعْلِهَا نُشُوزًا أَوْ إِعْرَاضًا فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْهِمَا أَن يُصْلِحَا بَيْنَهُمَا صُلْحًا ۚ وَالصُّلْحُ خَيْرٌ ۗ وَأُحْضِرَتِ الْأَنفُسُ الشُّحَّ ۚ وَإِن تُحْسِنُوا وَتَتَّقُوا فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ خَبِيرًا (128)

    It means that a woman can settle for a compromising situation which is relatively better than divorce.

    Comment


    • #3
      Asalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatu

      You've described yourself as having two options. Be miserable forever or single and alone

      What about option 3 where you marry someone you just click with and are happy

      Dont give up in Allah's ability to provide. Keep making dua but also tie your camel and keep looking. Get involved with the sister groups at the masjid, approach the local imams etc. I dont know what options are in your community but put the word out.

      I dont think you should be giving up so easily that's all
      The sunnah is like the ark of Noah, whoever embarks upon it reaches salvation and whoever refuses is drowned.
      ~ Imam Malik (may Allah have mercy on him)

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by savo234 View Post
        Walaikum Salam.
        If you are a 100 % sure that it is the least worse of the available options then our deen does teach taking the lesser of two evils. At some level, there is a concept of compromise, living with reality and pragmatism in Islam. If you were to read various tafaseer of


        وَإِنِ امْرَأَةٌ خَافَتْ مِن بَعْلِهَا نُشُوزًا أَوْ إِعْرَاضًا فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْهِمَا أَن يُصْلِحَا بَيْنَهُمَا صُلْحًا ۚ وَالصُّلْحُ خَيْرٌ ۗ وَأُحْضِرَتِ الْأَنفُسُ الشُّحَّ ۚ وَإِن تُحْسِنُوا وَتَتَّقُوا فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ خَبِيرًا (128)

        It means that a woman can settle for a compromising situation which is relatively better than divorce.
        Subhanallah jazakallah khayr.
         
        https://islamicgemsandpearls.wordpress.com

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by eesa the kiwi View Post
          Asalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatu

          You've described yourself as having two options. Be miserable forever or single and alone

          What about option 3 where you marry someone you just click with and are happy

          Dont give up in Allah's ability to provide. Keep making dua but also tie your camel and keep looking. Get involved with the sister groups at the masjid, approach the local imams etc. I dont know what options are in your community but put the word out.

          I dont think you should be giving up so easily that's all
          Wa alaykum salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu

          i just feel that there are certain women out there who attract psychos and I am one of them. Iím not saying this to act funny or whatever authobillah, but itís something I truly believe so I just feel like it would be the worst thing ever if I was to re marry someone else and that marriage didnít work out either. The idea really scares me Subhanallah, so much so that Iíve completely written off this option..

          Youíre right though I should make dua Subhanallah¬†
          https://islamicgemsandpearls.wordpress.com

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Layla_ View Post

            Wa alaykum salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu

            i just feel that there are certain women out there who attract psychos and I am one of them. Iím not saying this to act funny or whatever authobillah, but itís something I truly believe so I just feel like it would be the worst thing ever if I was to re marry someone else and that marriage didnít work out either. The idea really scares me Subhanallah, so much so that Iíve completely written off this option..

            Youíre right though I should make dua Subhanallah¬*
            Could this be waswas from shaitaan?
            The sunnah is like the ark of Noah, whoever embarks upon it reaches salvation and whoever refuses is drowned.
            ~ Imam Malik (may Allah have mercy on him)

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Layla_ View Post

              Wa alaykum salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu

              i just feel that there are certain women out there who attract psychos and I am one of them. Iím not saying this to act funny or whatever authobillah, but itís something I truly believe so I just feel like it would be the worst thing ever if I was to re marry someone else and that marriage didnít work out either. The idea really scares me Subhanallah, so much so that Iíve completely written off this option..

              Youíre right though I should make dua Subhanallah¬*
              How are you going to go back, if you are already divorced? 

              If it is Islamically possible - and he has changed - and you want to provide a good, Islamic environment for your children with their father, then why not? 

              But if he is still the same, and you want to get back together because you are being impatient and the search is cumbersome - then wait. Don't go back to him because you have no other options. 

              Be patient In Sha Allaah. 

               

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Layla_ View Post

                Wa alaykum salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu

                i just feel that there are certain women out there who attract psychos and I am one of them. Iím not saying this to act funny or whatever authobillah, but itís something I truly believe so I just feel like it would be the worst thing ever if I was to re marry someone else and that marriage didnít work out either. The idea really scares me Subhanallah, so much so that Iíve completely written off this option..

                Youíre right though I should make dua Subhanallah¬*
                I gave earlier comment given that you are 100 pc sure. Ofcourse the first step would be to find someone better. Having said that, you can analyze the situation. For example, how easy is it in your society for a woman with your credentials to find a decent man. I know in desi community, a divorced woman with kids touching 30 or crossed 30s, its quite hard to find a decent proposal. This is because capable good men are already less and lack of genuinely practiced polygamy creates a shortage of decent men. Plus there is a stigma as well. 

                Thats why I have always argued that if good capable men dont do polygyny then it ends up harming women

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Indefinable View Post

                  How are you going to go back, if you are already divorced?¬*

                  If it is Islamically possible - and he has changed - and you want to provide a good, Islamic environment for your children with their father, then why not?¬*

                  But if he is still the same, and you want to get back together because you are being impatient and the search is cumbersome - then wait. Don't go back to him because you have no other options.¬*

                  Be patient In Sha Allaah.¬*

                  ¬*
                  It could be 1 divorce. I think the sister originally meant that the ex was practicing so going back will provide that environment for her and the kids. But he has some character issues that lead to the divorce and now after looking at the potential options, the sister thinks going back and being patient with that the ex is better.

                   

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Indefinable View Post

                    How are you going to go back, if you are already divorced?¬*

                    If it is Islamically possible - and he has changed - and you want to provide a good, Islamic environment for your children with their father, then why not?¬*

                    But if he is still the same, and you want to get back together because you are being impatient and the search is cumbersome - then wait. Don't go back to him because you have no other options.¬*

                    Be patient In Sha Allaah.¬*

                    ¬*
                    If only 1 or 2 talaaqs were given then you can go back within 3 cycles if its after 3 cycles then a new nikkah contract has to be written

                    if 3 talaaqs given then have to get married to someone else and the rest.....

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Layla_ View Post
                      Assalamu alaykum

                      if you got divorced due to incompatibility & had quite a toxic marriage but your ex partner wants to re marry you, would you go back knowing that they would never make you happy and youíd be miserable forever or would you stay single? Letís say you have had quite a few proposals after your divorce but youíve witnessed behaviour that doesnít want to make you re marry another person.

                      the reason for saying that you would be miserable forever, is that the husband has said he will never change and this is the way he is. A lot of the marriage problems were due to his character

                      the reason for contemplating going back to a Ďtoxicí marriage is having ZERO friends and family support, not having practising family etc so at least youíd get that practising family unit back.¬*

                      any thoughts?¬*
                      To be clear, there must be nothing wrong with the basic eeman and Islam of your husband. He must so not have really big problems like violence, cheating etc. Other than those very big things, if there were other character flaws that you couldnt handle back then and now you can then it seems a considerable option. But its hard to say without knowing the nature of his problems.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Okay ... someone explain the Fiqh of Talaaq to me please.

                        The husband can issue a divorce, the woman can seek other potentials, but then she can go back to her first husband if he hasn't issued more than one Talaaq? 

                        There must be a time frame for when all this take place. 

                        I'm confused as when someone says they are divorced - I assume, they have no contact with their ex and are seeking other potentials as the previous marriage has completely ended. 


                         

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by eesa the kiwi View Post

                          Could this be waswas from shaitaan?
                          It could be, Allah knows best. I didnít actually think it could be waswas but now that youíve mentioned it, perhaps it is¬†
                          https://islamicgemsandpearls.wordpress.com

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Layla_ View Post

                            It could be, Allah knows best. I didnít actually think it could be waswas but now that youíve mentioned it, perhaps it is¬*
                            May Allah make things easy for you sister and protect you from the shayateen
                            The sunnah is like the ark of Noah, whoever embarks upon it reaches salvation and whoever refuses is drowned.
                            ~ Imam Malik (may Allah have mercy on him)

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Indefinable View Post

                              How are you going to go back, if you are already divorced?¬*

                              If it is Islamically possible - and he has changed - and you want to provide a good, Islamic environment for your children with their father, then why not?¬*

                              But if he is still the same, and you want to get back together because you are being impatient and the search is cumbersome - then wait. Don't go back to him because you have no other options.¬*

                              Be patient In Sha Allaah.¬*

                              ¬*
                              I would go back to him with a new marriage contract. 

                              He is still the same as he says that’s his character & he will never change but I’m feeling like perhaps I should just bare with it
                              https://islamicgemsandpearls.wordpress.com

                              Comment

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